April 15

Weight: 9st 6lb (shagging has its benefits!)

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: 1000 (good)

Study: 2 hours (a start)

Hours spent secretly glaring at Sirius in class: 3 (v. bad)


10am- Right. Today, I am going to study. I've had a bit of an off period what with the near-drowning and all, but it's time I got back on the horse.

.

10.10am- I've never been horse-riding before. I wonder what it's like?

.

10.15am- I asked Lily, equestrian queen of her town, and she says it's easier than riding a broomstick. (I'd hope so for her sake!)

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10.20am- Hm. Just remembered it's been a while since I last rode a broomstick. Should look into it. Apparently Daniel is quite good at riding.

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10.21am- …. And not just broomsticks har har har….

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10.25am- Right. Going to give myself 5 mins to get any ridiculous or procrastinatory thoughts out of my head, and then will start studying right away as soon as the clock hits 10.30am.

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10.26am- I feel like a shower. Maybe I should have one now?

Then again. There's no way I'd be able to have one in 4 mins…

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10.27am- But am really quite disgusting. After strenuous shagging of yesterday, I really ought to shower. Can't very well show up to Transfiguration like this…

.

10.28am- Study, or shower? Will do a Pros & Cons:

STUDY: PROS:

-Will become smarter, and all graceful women are smart.

-Will catch up on homework. No graceful woman is late (unless pregnant with a beautiful child)

- Will be better-equipped for upcoming NEWTs

.

STUDY: CONS:

-Boring

-Many models are beautiful, yet dumb

-Nerdy

-Have never really studied before and therefore may be dangerous for me to venture into the practise now. Not sure if my constitution will be able to handle it

.

SHOWER: PROS:

-Clealiness is paramount

-Cleanliness is next to godliness

-Turning up to class in this state will have me branded a disgusting slob

-Grace Kelly would never be seen in public with greasy hair

-Will ensure that I'm not institutionalised with a recurring case of 'the hippies'.

.

SHOWER: CONS

-No study

.

I think that settles it- shower it is.

.

5pm- Probably should have studied instead of showered. Or, at least not showered for quite so long. Minnie made a proper spectacle of me in Transfiguration. Sodding bitch.

I mean, what kind of idiot doesn't know the meaning of 'I don't know'?

'Miss Jones,' she said, in her authoritatian professorzilla voice, 'What is the incantation to transform this mouse to a snuff box?'

I vaguely remembered something about snuff boxes in second year… but couldn't remember the incantation to save my life.

'I don't know,' I said, glaring at Sirius whose lips were twitching, the conniving wanker.

'And why don't you know?' Minnie continued, glaring at me.

'Because I don't,' I said through gritted teeth.

She started walking around the room, her eyes still fixed on me like some virgin serpent.

'Miss Jones,' she said. 'It is imperative that you know this!'

And then my big mouth went blurting again-

'Well, with all due respect, Professor,' I said. 'I can't imagine any situation where I would possibly want to be transforming mice into snuff boxes. I mean, snuff hasn't been used for ages! It's all spliff and cocaine these days… and heroin if you're into harder stuff.'

I've never seen Minnie's face turn such a bright shade of red. Not even when Sirius flirted with her in our very first transfiguration class.

'Miss Jones!' she screeched. 'Ten points from Gryffindor for cheek, and detention this Friday!'

She then went on to grill Peter, who knew even less than me (if that's even possible).

So now, not only have I been humiliated in front of my class (nothing new, really), but I have detention on Friday.

Lovely.


April 17

Weight: 9st 6lb

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: 2000 (bad)

Study: 0 (too exhausted post-detention, therefore understandable)

Hours spent secretly glaring at Sirius in class: 2 (improving)

Detention: 1

Apologies: Many

Accepted apologies: None


9am- Grrrr. Today, at breakfast, I found out that Sirius also has detention with me. Don't want to be stuck in a room with that twat.

.

9.01am- Wonder how many detentions I would get for murdering Sirius Black?

.

9.05am- To be quite honest, I think I'd receive an award for 'Services to the School' if I murdered him. Hmmm

.

9.06am- Harumph. Mary just saw my 9.01am entry. Apparently I'm on 'Sirius murder watch'. I have such ridiculous friends.

.

9.10am- Maybe Black and I will be allocated different rooms for detention? It's possible. There. Mustn't get prematurely worked up over what isn't.

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5pm- Gahhhhhhh. Have detention in the same room with him. What to do? What to do? At least he's not here yet. Can always hope he won't turn up….

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5.01pm- Well, apparently 'mop up without magic' is what I have to do. Fucking hate Minnie. Bitch. She and Sirius really are perfect for each other.

.

8pm- Back from detention. It was one of the more unpleasant experiences of my life.

Sirius turned up, the bastard. I had already mopped up half of the trophy room by the time he arrived.

He was very pale when he came in. I ignored him. He had probably been shagging some underage girl and there wasn't enough blood to perfuse his brain and his little self at the once.

Anyway. He walzed in and stammered-

'Sorry I'm late.'

I sniffed affectedly and said nothing. I'm still quite impressed that I managed to keep my cool so well.

'Where should I start?'

'Now?' I snapped. 'Now that I've only mopped half the area?'

'Okay,' he said quickly. 'I'll do the rest. You just… well, you have to stay here, but you can just sit and do whatever.'

I crossed my arms. I was very suspicious of him. He was up to something.

Nonetheless, I wasn't about to keep mopping when he was willing to do the rest. I marched over to a table and sat on it. He looked at me and blushed.

'Jones,' he said. 'I know I should've apologised a long time ago, but I was just so…'

'Save it,' I snapped. 'I don't need it now.'

His face fell. Why on earth was such a terrible person graced with such a gorgeous face? It hardly seems fair.

'But… can't I just explain?' he stammered. 'I just… I felt so terrible and sick with myself that just seeing you made me feel physically sick.'

'Great,' I muttered. 'Way to make a girl feel special.'

His eyes widened.

'Not in that way,' he said. 'I meant, with myself. That's why I very wrongly avoided apologising to you. Trust me, I tried many times, but then chickened out- like that time you caught me snogging Kylie.'

I snorted.

'Okay, so you've realised that drowning someone is wrong,' I snapped. 'It doesn't change the fact that you're a terrible person and that I want nothing further to do with you.'

He opened his mouth to reply, but then closed it. He nodded, looking quite sad and defeated (all a clever act, I'm sure), and carried on mopping.

The rest of the hour dragged on, but I occupied myself by lying on the table, concentrating on growing taller. He looked at me a few times and looked as though he wanted to say something, but said nothing.

The walk back to the common room was even worse. Who knew silence could be so loud?

Eventually, when we were close to the Fat Lady, he spoke-

'Jones,' he said softly. 'I'll do anything you want to make it up to you. You name it.'

I crossed my arms.

'I don't need anything from you, thanks,' I said tartly (it was very hard to keep my composure and remember what he'd done to Daniel, when his gorgeous grey eyes were looking at me so 'honestly').

'Well please consider it,' he sighed. 'You and I were good friends and… and I think it'd be a pity for us to lose that because I was stupid enough to…'

'Try to kill me?'

He shuddered.

'Save it for your teeny worshippers,' I said, pushing past him. 'Your looks don't fool me. I know what you're capable of.'

'What?' he said, looking confused.

I snorted.

'Stealing the girl someone loves is the lowest of low, Sirius,' I said. 'You disgust me.'

And, with that, I marched off, ignoring his calls of- 'what are you talking about?'

The sickening thing is that he's trying to do it to Daniel, yet again, with me. Though this time it's probably unwittingly, because no one knows that I'm with Daniel.


April 20

Weight: 9st 6lb

Height: 5 ft 5 (detention had no positive outcomes whatsoever. Hmph)

Calories: 2500 (study induces snacking)

Study: 3 (a good start)

Hours spent secretly glaring at Sirius in class: 2.5 (worsening)

Detention: 0 (good)

Drinks: 1 (excellent)


Lily, Mary and I decided to form a study group today. It was actually marvellous fun- we had lots of food and I learnt heaps. Basically, I just listened to Lily yap on about Goblin Rebellions which was a win-win situation, because she got to solidify her knowledge by teaching, and I got to learn it all by listening. She's actually an excellent teacher.

Though I must admit her Authoritarian Bitch side came out a little. Mary went to open a bottle of champagne at the start of our session (to ease us into it), but Lily forbade all alcohol until our study was done. Hmph.

But it was after the study session that things became fun. We took the bottle of champagne with us and traipsed down to the Head Girls' bathroom.

Can I just say- Merlin's saggy balls, Lily has the best baths on a daily basis.

It was the most amazing room, with high ceilings and all this marble and paintings. It was positively palatial.

Mary and I scolded Lily for not taking us to her bathroom earlier. She rightly apologised and promised to give us the password so we can use it too (YESSSSSSS!)

Anyway, so we spent the rest of the evening drinking and trying out the hundreds of bubble bath scents.

Overall, a top evening. On that note, I'm off to sleep.


April 22

Weight: 9st 6lb

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: 1800 (better)

Study: 1 (not good)

Hours spent secretly glaring at Sirius in class: 3 (why is he bad? It was so much more fun when he was good)

Daniel: 0 (v. depressing)

Letters from parents: 1 (an improvement).


11am- Today, I thought I'd surprise Daniel at morning tea. It really annoys me that I can only visit him when he invites me, and that's once a week- tops. He was busy giving advice to Esther Goldmeyer on her essay. Had to make up some old excuse about needing help before running off. Was v. embarrassing.

.

11.01am- Oh dear, Esther's really pretty. He's not having it off with her, is he?

.

11.02am- I don't think he is. Daniel's sweet, caring and wouldn't do that to me- especially after what Sirius did to him.

.

11.03am- Hm, just remembered that Helen cheated on Sirius. Well, he deserved it. What goes around comes around.

.

11.05am- Daniel really is very sweet. He sent me a note apologising for not seeing me, and asked me to see him tomorrow evening. V. excited at having such a wonderful… teacher? Boyfriend? What on earth is he to me?

Hmph. Hate this situation. Can't wait till am out of school and we can do whatever we like without worrying about getting caught.

.

8pm- FINALLY, got a letter back from dad-

.

Dear Anna,

I hope you're well and recovered from your near-drowning. I was so worried, but you seemed to be improving the last I heard from you.

I see your mother got to you about Shirley. It is early stages, but we've become quite close friends over the past few weeks. I don't want any fuss, so please respect our privacy at this early stage of our relationship.

I hope you don't see this as my replacing your mother. It's just that it's been very lonely over the past few months and there comes a time when one must accept that some things just aren't meant to be.

Stay well.

.

Lots of love,

Dad

.

About fucking time he replied. I'm not sure about this Shirley character. I can't remember her, though, so that's probably a good sign because it means there isn't anything outrageous about her.

Oh well, at least dad seems happy. If she turns out to be a good one, I think I may adopt her as my real mother. Or tell everyone she is, anyway… Ahhhh, to have a normal mother…


April 23

Weight: 9st 6lb

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: 1000 (V. v. good. Excellent!)

Study: 2 (not bad, but mainly homework)

Sirius chats: 1 (bad)

Daniel time: Glorious!


3pm- Hmph. Sirius caught me alone today (how does he do it? He always seems to find my exact whereabouts!). I was sitting under a tree, writing my essay, when he happened upon me.

'Jones,' he said, sitting down next to me. 'Are you still furious with me?'

I tried to ignore him at first, but he's a persistent bugger-

'Jones,' he coaxed, 'Come on, Jones. Don't be like that. We used to have so much fun together! Listen, all the others are having dates on Friday night. What say- you and I hang out? You know- like the old times?'

'Sirius,' I snapped. 'It was one time. It was a mistake.'

'Mistake?' he frowned. 'How can you call having a beer a mistake?'

'Because,' I said haughtily while gathering my books, 'it was a mistake for me to waste any of my time with you at all!'

I expected a smart comment, but he just sat there, looking sad. Ha! A great act on his behalf, I'm sure.

'I'm really sorry, Jones,' he said again. 'I had no idea that stupid prank would get so out of hand. I can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like.'

'No,' I snapped. 'You can't. But this extends far beyond just that prank.'

'What?'

'I don't want to talk about it,' I said, swinging my satchel over my shoulder. 'In any case, I'm sure you'll deny it anyway.'

He stood up.

'Deny what, Jones?'

'I already told you- I don't want to talk about it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go.'

Yay for my having the strength to walk away! I think I might actually be developing into a poised sex goddess… Hurrah!

On that note, I'm off to visit Daniel to further exercise my feminine wiles. V. excited to see him!


April 25

Weight: 9st 6lb (why no change! Dieted perfectly yesterday! Even had exercise through shagging! Hmph)

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: 2000 (Too depressed. Dieting obviously has no effect on weight whatsoever)

Study: 0 (Slughorn needed a double session today)

Hours spent secretly glaring at Sirius in class: 1 (improving. Not helped by the fact that he keeps chucking notes at me)

Notes ignored from Sirius: All (V. Good!)

Drinks: 3 (Slughorn needed them and couldn't very well allow the man to drink alone…)


11am- Fuck! What time is this? I've slept through Charms. Oh bugger…

.

11.10am- Was furious at Mary and Lily for letting me sleep through Charms, only to discover that they too slept through charms. How did this happen?

.

11.11am- 11.11am- lucky time! Must make a wish…

.

11.12am- Right. Back to the matter at hand of having missed double charms (no point showing up now). We are all confused as to why and how this happened. Three alarm clocks deciding not to work on the same morning seems very fishy.

.

11.13am- Mmm very fishy indeed. Our first thoughts, are obviously to blame the Marauders.

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11.14am- Yes, must've been them. We are now planning our revenge.

.

11.20am- Lily just had a brilliant idea (who would've suspected she had this in her?) We are going to pour Wizagra on their pillows. Tomorrow will be a very glorious morning for them indeed…

.

11.30am- Hehe we've done it. I can't wait.

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11.40am- Hmm, problem may arise in that they may become so horny from the Wizagra that they'll find us and force themselves upon us. Mary just stated she is curious to try sex with Remus on Wizagra

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11.45am- At least Lily is adamant to remain a virgin. Good girl.

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11.50am- We are off to lunch now. Are going to remain silent about the whole matter. Best to let them think we intentionally slept through our alarms- that way won't give them the satisfaction of a successful prank.

.

12.30pm- Oh dear, that concept's out of the bag. Lily flew at James as soon as she saw him and screeched about how she wants to win the Charms prize, and how we can't afford to miss class with our looming NEWTs. Fucking Lily always has to remind us about those stupid NEWTs.

.

12.45pm- Bugger. Sluggers just reminded me that we have a counselling session at 1pm. Bugger, bugger, bugger. Was going to catch up on some study then. Now I have to sit there and listen to the pathetic issues of the Slug of Slytherin. Honestly, I'm not a good student as it is. I don't think I should be taking on counselling amongst everything else I have to do.

.

12.55pm- Oh well, there's nothing for it. Might as well get this over and done with. To be quite honest, I don't mind these sessions. I like telling people how to fix their lives. So much easier than fixing my own!

.

8pm- Oh lordy, he was in his element today! I had barely knocked on the door once before it flew open.

'Come in! Come in!' he boomed before slithering across the floor and flopping down on his couch like a child, mid-tantrum.

'Horace,' I said testily. 'What's wrong?'

'She won't answer any of my letters,' he wailed. 'I sent her flowers, iced pineapple…'

'That's because you broke up,' I sighed, sinking into an armchair. 'It's over, Horace.'

'But… but I loved her!' he said. 'It's not fair.'

'Of course it's not,' I said expertly. 'But we can't force others to love us. If she doesn't want to see you anymore, then you must accept that and concentrate your efforts on someone who might return your affections.'

He pouted as he considered this statement.

'That's easier said than done,' he said sulkily.

'Of course,' I said easily. 'But it doesn't make my advice any less correct.'

He was silent for a moment, before reaching for a new packet of iced pineapples.

'Horace, don't you think you've had enough of those?' I said carefully. 'Wizard Watchers only allows one packet of iced pineapple a week, and you've had quite a few today already, by the looks of it.'

'What's the point,' he sulked. 'I lost weight and got chucked anyway.'

'There's plenty of point!' I cried.

'Have you got a boyfriend?' he interjected.

I hestitated.

'I'm not sure if we can call him that.'

'Really,' he said snidely. 'So what would you call him?'

I considered it, and then decided that it was time that I accepted that Daniel was indeed my boyfriend. It was a very lovely feeling.

'No, I think I'd call him my boyfriend. He's my boyfriend.'

'And yet you haven't lost any weight since we started counselling,' he said. (EVIL MAN!)

'I think you'll find my weight fluctuates,' I said icily. 'Now, Horace, you aren't paying the Wizard Watchers program to eat iced pineapple. Focus on your goals, Horace- you want to lose weight for yourself, and for your health. Remember?'

'Oh psh!' he said. 'Who loses weight for 'health' and for their own 'wellbeing'. Let's face it, we're all getting thinner because that's the only way to attract anyone decent- or anyone at all, really- of the opposite sex.'

I hate to admit that the Slug had a point. I mean, would I go through all this calorie-counting rubbish if I knew men liked fat girls? Somehow, I highly doubt it. Why oh why was I born in an era where it's chic to be a stick-insect?

Eventually, I allowed Slughorn to open a bottle of wine and the rest is a rather hazy memory of Madam Rosmerta's finest mead…


April 26

Weight: 9st 7lb (anticipatory need for extra weight to deal with today's dinner)

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: 2500 (blame stress of dinner)

Study: 0 (too stressed about dinner)

Hours spent secretly glaring at Sirius: All of dinner, and not too secretly either…

Detention: 0 (excellent).

Drinks: Thousands (Understandable)

.

12 noon- Awww fuck! Why does this always happen to me? Why am I, Anna Jones, always dragged into the most impossible and disgusting situations?

Just received the following from mother-

.

Anna,

Your father and I, and our respective significant others, are going out to dinner this evening at 7pm, sharp. You are to come.

Mother.

.

I'm not going. I'm going to pretend I never received the letter. What could be worse than being the fifth wheel? Not to mention the fifth wheel surrounded by my own parents!

No. I'm not going. I refuse.

.

12.30pm- Hmph. Just received a letter from father-

.

Anna, darling-

I understand your mother just invited you to tonight's horrific dinner. Understand it wasn't my idea, but she went to Shirley and invited us through her and Shirley said yes, so I had no choice but to accept.

Please come. I'm going to need moral support.

.

Fuck. No. Why does this shit happen to me? All the sodding time…

.

12.35pm- But dad's such a sweetie. Awww fuck, I have to go.

.

3pm- Trying to study, but impossible. All I can think about is mother shagging Julio on the dinner table, for all to see. Ugh! Yuck, yuck, yuck!

.

4pm- Hmm, wish I could bring Daniel for moral support. Unfortunately, that would put his job in jeopardy.

.

5pm- Am considering taking Mary or Lily…

.

5.10pm- Hmph. Neither Mary nor Lily will touch the thing. They cruelly refused, the both of them, to do their jobs as my friends and offer me the support I need.

Bitches.

.

5.30pm- It's times like these when I wish to Merlin that Sirius didn't turn out to be such a prat. He would now how to shut mother up.

.

5.40pm- Arsehole.

.

5.50pm- Maybe I should take Remus?

.

6pm- Remus won't go on account of his going out with Mary tonight. Same deal with James.

.

6.10pm- Against all odds, even Peter Sodding Pettigrew has a date. Don't know if Black is available, and don't care.

.

6.30pm- Am wandering around my dorm like a useless tit. I can't do anything. I'm just too furious about the fact that I'm going to this stupid dinner in the first place. Hmph. Maybe I should catch a horrible infection, rendering me unable to attend?

.

6.45pm- Mmm too late. It seems I'll have to attend this horror feast after all…


April 27

Weight: 9st 8lb (whyyyy?)

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: 2500 (post traumatic stress disorder)

Study: 10 (0 effective, hence pointless exercise)

Hours spent plotting Sirius' untimely demise: 10

Drinks: 0. Never drinking again. I mean it this time.


10am- I am furious. I woke up this morning, not in my bed as I should have, but on the floor of the sodding common room, spooning Sirius, and surrounded by the ogling students of Gryffindor (perverts).

How the fuck did I get there?

Well. I turned up to dinner at 7pm exactly, as mother had requested. To my annoyance, neither mother, father, nor their significant others were there.

So there I sat, at an empty table, furious at my parents for putting my in such a situation.

Five minutes passed, still no sign of anyone.

At ten minutes, I was tapped on the shoulder.

'About fucking ti-'

I stopped to see that it was none other than Sirius 'The Turd' Black himself.

'What are you doing here?' I snapped.

'I work here,' he said easily.

I almost spat out my wine (yes, I had ordered a bottle. I wasn't going to sit around with an empty glass, now, was I?)

'You? Work?'

'Yep,' he said. 'I mean, my uncle left me a house and some gold but… that doesn't exactly go very far. I wait tables upstairs every Saturday lunch-afternoon.'

'Oh,' was my very intelligent response.

'Anyway, I just got of. What are you doing here, alone? Having a date with your elusive man of questionable existence?' he grinned.

I crossed my arms.

'No,' I said primly. 'And he does exist.'

I sighed glumly.

'I'm having dinner with my parents, and their significant others.'

Sirius snorted, and pulled out a chair and poured himself a glass of wine.

'Hey!' I protested.

'Sounds like a riot,' he said, ignoring my glare.

At that point, my parents decided to show up. Twenty minutes late.

'You're late!' Mother accused Dad.

'Nice to see you too, Pamela,' he muttered. 'I might also point out that you yourself are twenty minutes late.'

She ignored this, her eyes fixed on Sirius.

'Oh goodness! Anna, you've brought Mr Black!'

'No,' I began. 'I haven't brought…'

'Nice to see you again, Mrs Jones,' Sirius interrupted leaning over me and kissing Mother's hand (slippery bastard).

'Anna, who is this?' my father demanded.

I suddenly felt a little nervous at the thought of dad meeting Sirius. I'm not even sure why.

'Um, dad, this is Sirius,' I said nervously.

He looked at Sirius with scrutinising eyes.

'So are you the chap Anna's seeing?' he said disapprovingly.

I shook my head, but Le Git nodded.

'Sure!' he said, shaking dad's hand. 'I see her all the time. We're both in Gryffindor, you see.'

'Hm,' dad said, still uncertain of Sirius.

'Dad,' I interrupted emphatically. 'He isn't my boyfriend. He's just a classmate. We're not even friends!'

'Course we are!' Sirius interrupted cheerfully. 'Ah, Mr Jones, please allow me to thank you for raising such a hilarious daughter. No one has ever been able to make me laugh as much as she does. She's brilliant.'

And, somehow, that's how Sirius Le Git Black won over my father. I'm a bit offended that's all it took. I'd have liked a bit more of a struggle, to be perfectly honest.

What followed was a horrific dinner where Sirius sat in between my two parents, who both forgot their respective partners- who were sitting on either of myself.

Basically, Julio, Shirley and I watched on as my parents fought over each other for Sirius' attention. Naturally, I downed numerous bottles of wine in a bid to distract myself from the spectacle that was unfolding before me. Eventually, I was so drunk that my vision blurred, my speech slurred and my memory became blank. It's rare that I'm grateful for these side effects of alcohol but, trust me, they were very welcome last night.

Due to my alcohol-induced amnesia, I have absolutely no recollection of how I ended up on the common room floor or, indeed, why I was on the floor with him at all. Of all the couches around the common room, one would think that we could have slept on separate couches on opposite sides of the room.

I was too embarrassed to ask Sirius what happened. I quite picked my sodding self up off the floor and made a wild dash for the Girls' Staircase. At present, I am hiding under my sheets, hoping that the cruel gossiping students of this world will all magically forget what they saw this morning.

Judging by the way Lily just shouted my name, I highly doubt it. Oh fuck…


April 29

Weight: 9st 9lb (sod it. I give up. No more weighing in May)

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: 2000 (mostly alcohol)

Study: 2 (but then distracted- Lily's fault, so ok)

Hours spent wondering if anything happened between Sirius & I: 2 (not bad given circumstances)

Detention: 0 (excellent).

Drinks: Many (Again, Lily's fault)


12 midnight- Oh Merlin, am absolutely knackered and really too drunk to be writing but oh well. I'm exhausted, but not sleepy. I know it sounds strange. Even I'm confused, but it's true. I find this usually happens to me when I'm drunk.

Yes, I'm drunk. Again. Don't look at me like that. Well, you're not looking at me like anything, because you're a sodding diary and diaries can't look or speak or do anything other than be a non-judgmental book in which to record all my stupid thoughts. I think my original plan in getting you was so that I'd spew out all the crap that I thought in here, so that I didn't say it aloud.

Needless to say, that plan has failed rather spectacularly.

And, even though you are an inanimate object, I still feel as though you are judging me.

Well, I don't care. I'm going to tell you anyway and, because you are an inanimate object- Ha! Ha! Ha!- you can do nothing but suffer it! If you could see me, I'm sticking my tongue out at you RIGHT NOW! Hehe

Right. Tonight. Well, let's backtrack to yesterday. I'm still so confused as to what happened between that Black Bastard and I. I've been to embarrassed to confront him about it and- even then- I'm not sure I want to know what actually happened.

Ignorance is bliss, right?

Well, I tried telling that to Lily. We had another study session this evening. Well, it was supposed to be a study session, but it was quite unsuccessful because Lily was convinced that James, the Potterhead, was cheating on her.

Yeah, I know. Least likely thing ever- right?

Well. It turns out that James has been seeing quite a bit of a 'tall, slender woman with shiny black hair'. Lily had spotted them a few times in Madam Teapot's. When Mary and I asked her what this girl looked like, Lily maintained she had never seen the woman's face- only the back of her head.

Naturally, we were all very suspicious about this and, a few bottles of champagne later, we decided that the only proper thing to do was to confront the Potterhead, once and for all.

And that's just what we did. The three of us- drunk as nutters- barged into the boys' dorm. They had, to our surprise, yoghurt face masks on.

'What the hell?' I cried, shocked.

'Oh my sweet Circe!' Mary gasped. 'That's her!'

'Oh my God!' Lily shouted. 'You're hiding her in here! How dare you!'

Tears streaming down her cheeks, Lily lunged at James and started hitting him all over.

'Lily!' he shouted. 'What? What are you?'

'It's here!' Lily cried. 'You're cheating on me with her… and you, Remus and Peter, are both helping him do it!'

Peter and Remus looked very confused as Mary and I clicked our tongues disapprovingly.

'What about Sirius?' Mary said. 'Where's he in all of this?'

'Probably off shagging someone's girlfriend,' I muttered.

'Or boyfriend, as you're all suggesting,' the girl said drily.

We all looked to each other, confused, and the other woman got up and went to the bathroom.

'I knew you were in on it! You bastard!' Lily cried, as Sirius emerged from the bathroom. 'Where is she? I'll kill her!'

'Lily,' Sirius snapped, looking very pissed off. 'I am she. I have no idea what the three of you are on- alcohol, it seems- but James is not cheating on you and I am a man, thank you very much.'

'I dunno,' Mary said, squinting. 'He looks like a she from here…'

'Mary,' Sirius growled. 'I'm a man. Now get out, the three of you, before I hex you into believing it!'

We all squealed as Sirius Le Sexy Woman Git chucked us out of his dormitory. Confused, we all traipsed back to our own dormitory where Mary and Lily proceeded to cry about cheating boyfriends before passing out on Lily's bed.

I had a bit of a vomit (hah, you have to listen to all the gory details!), and then found I've sobered up a bit. Now I'm feeling a bit down. I'm drunk, and by my sodding self. Usually, when I'm this drunk, I'm snogging the face off some random man at Witchy Business.

But I can't do that. I wish Daniel was here. I'd shag him silly.

I'm tired. I don't know what I'm saying. I think I'll sleep now. Nite nite.


Nite nite is something I should've said a while ago as it seems I'm going to get less than 5 hours sleep tonight... but I wanted to update for you all. Say you love me :)

Next chapter-

'Darling, I was so impressed with Mr Black at dinner the other night that I've spoken to Walburga of the possibilites of marriage between the two of you, and am pleased to say that she is in favour!'

Please review!

Love, Anya