It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word

What do I do to make you love me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I do when lightning strikes me
What have I got to do
What have I got to do
When sorry seems to be the hardest word

Ray Charles featuring Elton John


Sam had visualised the farm as just that – on old farmhouse with cows and pigs and chickens. This was nothing like that. "Welcome to Hart House – Bed and Breakfast" the wooden sign beside the main road said. A large house was full of turrets and bay windows, Queen Anne style Sam remembered from his Art and Architecture course, and sat on top of a hill. On either side of the big house, tucked back from the road, were two smaller houses. More like what he expected, farmhouses with wide porches. Sam parked the rental car and walked toward the house.

"Come round back!" the hand lettered sign said so he followed the buzz to the backyard.

If you didn't know better, you'd think they were having a Sunday picnic. The patio behind the big house was full of people and picnic tables. The overflow was sitting on quilts scattered around. Each of the smaller houses had a garden behind it, vegetables in one and flowers in the other. That's where Sam found Patrice, picking flowers with one of Joe's many brothers.

"Sam! You made it!"

Click! Sam turned to see Mercedes behind him, taking Patrice's picture. She waved the camera at him. "Working. Don't mind me."

"Joe's going to be so glad you got here in time!" she grabbed Sam's arm and pulled him along. "And Kurt, he's around here somewhere. Mercedes, have you seen Kurt lately?"

"Nope, I'm stalking you, waiting to see your bridezilla side. Maybe with Santana?"

"Jason, can you do me a huge favor? Do you remember my friend Kurt? Can you go find him? Thanks." The middle school aged boy walked off, evidently brother #6 – Jason, unless his t-shirt lied. "What time is it? Almost sunset? Damn, that was cutting it close Sam."

"I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time about it."

"I'm just glad you came." she whispered. "See, you saw her and the world didn't come to an end. Who knows, maybe you can even talk to her."

Mercedes had already gone to find Joe. As a wedding photographer it's her job to at least keep track of the bride and groom. She carefully framed the photo of Sam, Patrice and Joe. Whatever Patrice had felt for Sam was definitely over now. Mercedes could see it, she looked at Sam the same way she looked at Kurt. Joe, on the other hand, she adored. Mercedes remembered how young love felt. Damn she felt old. She looked at Sam through the camera lens. Sam was looking at her but she knew the camera was blocking his view of her face. Good.

"It's almost time, we should get changed." Patrice took Joe's hand. Click! "Mercedes, why don't you keep Sam company till the actual wedding starts?"

"No can do, this is the most important part, taking pictures of the bride getting ready."

"All I'm going to do is put on a dress." They were both wearing jeans and t-shirts. His said Joe – Groom. Hers said Patrice – Bride.

"No, really Patrice, it's part of my gift to you. Believe me, you'll want these pictures. How long are you staying. Sam?"

"I'm flying back tonight with Kurt."

"Oh," Did she sound disappointed? She put the camera back to her eye. "So, anyway, Patrice. Who's helping you get dressed?"

"I've been dressing myself for over 20 years now. It's not that difficult. Why don't you and Sam catch up?"

"I'm working. Sam knows how to reach me." She walked off towards the dressing room.

"You can't say I didn't try." Patrice muttered. "Listen, I've got to go change. Just grab a burger and sit anywhere. There's no bride's side, groom side. It's kind of upside down, there's so many children here we had the reception first so the kids don't have to stay up so late. After the wedding we'll have cake but she'll be done taking pictures soon. Talk to her! Please?"

At the Wedding

"So, Sam. We haven't seen much of you lately. What's up?" Santana looked off to where Gabe and Marti were playing with a pack of children.

"San!" He hugged his ex-girlfriend. "So how's Britt?"

"She's fine. Where have you been?"

"Working. I sold my show, of course you must know all about that. That's what prompted Jacob to write that article, rumors about the sale of the show. So as part of that deal I'm a "Creative Director" whatever that means, but it's a good salary for doing next to nothing. Patrice is the 'Musical Director" which means she gets paid to listen to music. Right now I have a lot of irons in the fire, as my dad says. I'm trying to select my next project, trying to decide where I'm moving..."

"Right, you live with her."

"No, Sam doesn't live with Patrice. He lives in totally separate apartment." Kurt explained.

"So you're moving?" Santana ignored Kurt. "Back to Lima?"

"No. Not Lima. Nashville. My family's there and finally I have enough money to buy them a house. That's been a goal of mine since high school, and now..."

"Oh." Since Sam wasn't moving to Lima Santana was no longer interested in what he was saying. First she needed to know if there's somebody in Nashville waiting for him. She'd weasel that out of Kurt later. If not, how to get him to move to Lima was her second problem. She needed time to come up with a plan. "Isn't that kid good?" She meant the pianist, one of Joe's brothers, and yes he was good.

Jacob, brother #5, according to his t-shirt, started playing Pachelbel's Canon. Sam didn't know that was the name of it but he'd heard it before. Kurt and Blaine used it at their wedding with a flute, harp and cello when they walked down the aisle together. Quinn's mother had a 16 piece chamber orchestra play it as Quinn walked her down the aisle. It was a fairly traditional pick for a wedding march so everybody turned towards the house, expecting to see Patrice make her entrance. The brother finished and still no Patrice. Then he played the next song. It took a while for Sam to recognize it – Fields of Gold. Everybody turned to look out over the field adjourning the house – not barley but sunflowers – miles of sunflowers blazing in the setting sun. and in the middle of the field Joe and Patrice were holding hands, walking towards the house, just a couple in love out for a walk.

Even with all he's been though, maybe because of it, Sam's a sap for romance. Patrice barely knows Joe but so what? What has all these years of knowing Mercedes gotten him? He looked over at her, working. Fast, efficient, a blur in her purple sundress. God that was a pretty dress. No! Years of knowing her brought nothing but heartache.

"Doesn't she look beautiful, dress blowing in the breeze?" Kurt whispered. meaning Patrice. "God, I love weddings. Nice fake-out playing Canon. I've got to compliment her on that."

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Kahlil Gibran on Marriage

She's so beautiful, Sam thought. Correction, this wedding is so beautiful. The sunset, the lights twinkling in the trees, the scent of the flowers in the garden, the sound of the children laughing, the poetry they're reading to each other. The brothers wrapping Joe and Patrice in the quilt they made, the wives of Joe's married brothers handing Patrice a necklace that says "Ma Soeur". Sister. Joe's mother saying how great it is to get a daughter without going through labor. You'd have to have a heart of stone not to be moved, Mercedes Jones had nothing to do with the tears he's choking back.


"What was Mercedes' wedding like?"

"Mercedes?" Kurt looked away from the east coast twinkling below the plane window. "It was nice. Small, very informal. Just family and a few friends in the pastor's office."

"I always thought she'd have a big deal wedding."

"It started out that way. Her dress was beautiful. One of those strapless sparkly ball-gown numbers? I helped her pick it out." Kurt frowned. That dress was the first clue, the fact that she let Kurt pick it out, no questions asked. Like she didn't really care. "Catered dinner, live music, over-the-top wedding cake, the whole deal."

"Then what happened, that it ended up the way it did?"

"It was the cake. Well, it wasn't the cake but that's where the blow-up happened. I guess melt-down is more like it. We were at the cake tasting, me, Shane, her mom, Shane's mom. I was looking at pictures of cakes and they were going round on the subject of carrot cake or red velvet. The moms wanted red velvet cause who ever heard of carrot cake at a wedding. So we're sitting there, tasting cake, and all of a sudden she starts hyperventilating."

"Really?"

"She's taking these big gasping breaths and looking around like she's caught in a trap. Baby, are you okay? Her mom asked. And she didn't say anything. The hyperventilation stopped as suddenly as it started and she just wandered off like she was in a trance. Shane looked totally confused and followed her out. The cake lady, she just started cleaning up, She told the moms they'd better start calling the relatives cause she'd bet the wedding's being cancelled, Sure enough, when they came back in twenty minutes later she's leaning on him like she can barely walk and he's announcing the wedding was postponed. Indefinitely. I remember telling you about that."

"What was I supposed to do about it?"

"Okay, it might have been awkward if you suddenly showed up out of the blue." Kurt conceded. "So anyway she disappeared for a bit, it took me a while track her down."

"Lake house?"

"How did you know that?" Sam shrugged as Kurt continued. "It took me a couple of days to figure it out. But there she was, hanging out with Ben and Jerry. Then just as suddenly she decided to get married, like the next day she was getting married, cause the marriage license was going to expire and she didn't want to waste the money. I'll give you $50 for another license I said but she was determined. Shane wanted to get married before she changed her mind again so that's what they did. Pastor's office and dinner at a restaurant for friends and family."

"She got married to save $50?"

"That's her story."

"That's crazy."

"I mentioned that at the time."

"That's crazy" Sam repeated.

Kurt stared out the plane window. Of course she didn't get married to save $50, that would have been insane. She was waiting for Sam to come back. Apparently Joe wasn't the only person in Lima with a no-sex-till-the-wedding policy but Sam didn't need to know all that. She stalled, hoping that Sam would came back for her, that Shane would get frustrated and move on. That particular piece of information only slipped out when Jack Daniels replaced Ben and Jerry as the pain-killer of choice and was something they both pretended to forget she'd said out loud once the fog of alcohol lifted. Sober the next morning Kurt tried to tell her Sam riding to the rescue was unrelated to whether or not she should marry Shane but she didn't want to hear that. The next day she saw a picture of Sam and Quinn at a movie premier – "Local Girl Hits the Big Time!" the headline blared. Two days later she was married.


"So, what did Sam have to say?" Tina asked the next morning.

"Nothing." Tina frowned at her friend. "As in I didn't get a chance to talk to him. I think he really just came to see Patrice get married. She was as surprised as I was. I have to show you the pictures. Joe's mother got all weepy when she saw Patrice wearing her old wedding dress. Evidently Joe's parents were hippies back in the day and that dress is back in style. They got married at sunset in a field of sunflowers. Fields of Gold was playing, they both wore white and were barefoot. It was beautiful. Not quite sunset with the Golden Gate Bridge in the background but stunning in a retro/country way. Anyway, as soon as Marti remembered who Sam was she got a stomach ache. San took the kids home while I finished taking pictures. It's didn't really matter because he had a flight booked right after the wedding."

"How did he seem?"

"Like he always is. An idiot. A smoking hot idiot."

"So you gonna call the idiot?"

"No. He knows how to reach me. Anyway, Marti doesn't like him."

"So?"

"So that's a problem." Didn't Tina see the problem in that?

"And you changed your mind on the puppy? You gonna get her one?"

"No, I'm not getting her a puppy. What's that got to do with anything?"

"So when it comes to a puppy you're in charge, but Marti gets to veto Sam?" Didn't Mercedes see the problem in that?

"She's my daughter!"

"She's a child."

"But she's had such a hard life!"

"Mercy! She's well provided for and surrounded by people who love her. Sam could be one more. Why you don't think you deserve to be happy, that's the question."


three months later

Sam opened the door to the house his family was renting. Everybody was gone, off to the birthday brunch his mother had arranged as a diversion. He wished he could have seen the look on the twins faces when they saw the sweet 16 birthday present he'd gotten for them. Two Honda Civics, one red and one blue. He wondered how they choose. The blue one was still in the driveway, they must have taken the red one to the restaurant. While he waited he looked around the rental. It was a nice house but it wasn't home. They hadn't had a home since Sam was 15, a lifetime ago. Soon. Soon they'd go shopping for a home, a home for all of them.

Sam headed to Stevie's room, 2nd door on the left his mom said.

"Surprise!" His whole family jumped out from behind the bed in the room.

"Jeeze, you almost gave me a heart attack!"

"Almost don't count!" Stacey hugged her older brother.

"I'm supposed to be surprising you!"

"That's the beauty of the plan." Stevie squeezed in for a hug. "When you least expect it, expect it!"

"Welcome home, son. It's so good to have us all in one place again."

"Thanks dad! Mom! Hey, if everybody's here where's the other car?"

"Returned it!" Stevie announced proudly.

"Why? I wanted you to have it!"

"Stevie and I can share a car. I get it Friday, Saturday, Sunday and holidays." she winked at her twin. "And he gets it the rest of the time."

"In your dreams!"

"You didn't like the car?" Sam asked, sitting on the bed, trying to hid his disappointment.

"Yes, but we traded it for something better."


another three months pass

"Tina! You're late. You're getting slow in your old age." Mercedes had been just about to go back home, Tina was so late for their morning run.

"Still young enough to outrun you." Tina propped her foot against a wall and stretched. "Hannah bit me this morning. That's it for her, once they start biting the milk bar shuts down."

"More for Artie."

"Artie! Every time he looks in my direction I get pregnant."

"Three kids? I think he's doing something other than looking."

"Yeah, well, maybe you should..." They were interrupted by the roar of a motorcycle riding down the street. The rider parked in front of the bookstore on the corner and looked around. Then he turned off the engine and dismounted. "See, that's what I'm talking about." Tina murmured under her breath.

Mercedes didn't recognise the bike, or the riding gear. The rider's face was hidden by a full visor, but that walk. She'd seen that walk in so many dreams. When he walks, he's like a samba. He swings so cool and sways so gently. Get a grip, she told herself. He's just a man. He reached up to talk of the helmet. She braced herself to see that familiar lopsided grin, those dazzling green eyes, that mop of blonde hair. The helmet came off.

"What the hell happened to your hair?" she asked in shock.

"Hello Tina, Mercedes. Nice to see you too."

Tina gave Sam a hug and tousled his hair. "So it really was brown all along. And don't mind her, you should be used to her anti-social ways by now."

"Thanks Tina, I forgot how bad her manners are."

"As if!" Mercedes tore her eyes away from his lips and focused on his eyes. Did they always shine like that? "And I was just about to invite you in for coffee."

"And I was just about to invite you out for a ride."

"On that? Motorcycles are crazy dangerous you know."

"Not if you're trained. I mean, I made it all the way here from Nashville."

"I don't have a helmet." She wished he'd stop smiling like that.

"He's got an extra helmet." Tina pushed her toward him. "Have fun for once in your life, old lady!"


When he walks, he's like a samba. - that's from "The Boy from Ipanema"

Coming up - final Chapter - James Taylor and pie!