A/N: I hope you're enjoying the story. Here's the next chapter – Faithfully. I hope you like it, and thanks for reading! :)
With or Without You
Chapter 11: Faithfully
"Nice of you to finally join us," Archer joked, as Addison entered the room where everyone was having brunch.
But Addison ignored her brother; she was desperately scanning the room for Alex. When she didn't see him, she swallowed hard and walked over to Izzie. "Hey," she whispered, doing her best to keep her composure. "Can I talk to you for a second?"
"Sure," Izzie smiled, standing up. "Let's go out into the hallway, so we can talk in private."
Addison nodded, as the two women made their way into the hallway. "Where's Alex?" she asked.
"He came down here a little while ago and said something about needing to get back to Seattle right away – so he went to the airport to try to catch an earlier plane. He seemed really frazzled," Izzie explained. "Hey, are you okay?" Izzie asked in concern as she watched Addison begin to break down in front of her.
"I did something really, really terrible," Addison confessed tearfully. "I hurt Alex so badly
"Addison, whatever it is, I'm sure he'll forgive you. He's in love with you."
"It's not the type of thing a person forgives easily, and I don't deserve to be forgiven," Addison said sadly. "I don't know what's wrong with me. Alex is a great guy, and I care about him, and I know he cares about me a, truth be told, I think we could work, and I want us to work…but I messed it up. I messed everything up."
"I'm sure it's not as bad as you think it is," Izzie assured her sister-in-law.
"I slept with someone else last night, and Alex found out about it. He looked so crushed."
"Did it mean anything?"
"It doesn't matter. I slept with someone else. That's a relationship ender, trust me."
"You're relationship with Derek was over before you slept with Mark," Izzie said softly. "It wasn't the adultery that ended your marriage…at least, not really. And, yes, Alex is probably mad, and he has every right to be mad, but he's not Derek, and your relationship with Alex is different from your relationship with Derek. Give Alex a week to cool off, and then try talking to him. I mean, it can't hurt, right?"
Addison shrugged, unconvinced.
"Trust me, Addison; you and Alex…you're worth fighting for."
xxxxx
"Hey, Derek," Addison said, as she stepped off the elevator and onto the surgical floor of Seattle Grace Hospital a week later.
"Addison, what are you doing here?" Derek asked. "Did the chief call you out here for a case?"
"No, I came to talk to Alex."
"Good luck with that," Derek said. "You destroyed him. He's like a zombie. I tried to take him out for a drink…you know, because I could relate to what he's going through, and I started to talk about what you did to me and how I felt, and he started defending you…telling me that what you did to him is completely different from what you did to me. I mean, he hates you, but he doesn't think you slept with Sam to hurt him. I don't know why he thinks that, but I think he's just as messed up as you are. You guys are pretty perfect for each other in that sense."
"Thanks, Derek," Addison said, rolling her eyes. "Where is he?"
"On-call room; don't tell him I told you that, though. He may have defended you to me but, trust me, he does not want to see you.
"Right," Addison sighed, leaving Derek behind and walking towards the on-call room. "Hey," she said softly, trying to catch Alex's attention, as she opened the door.
Alex turned to look at her. "What do you want?" he asked angrily. "If you came here to sleep with Sloan, you're gonna have to wait. He's in surgery right now. But I think Hunt's free and, hey, that might even be better; you know, that way you can hurt even more people."
"I deserved that," Addison said quietly.
"Why are you here, Dr. Montgomery?" Alex asked coldly.
"So now I'm Dr. Montgomery to you?" Addison asked.
"It seems fair," Alex shot back. "You're Dr. Montgomery to me, and I was just sex to you."
"Alex, you know that's not true," Addison insisted.
"Really?" Alex retorted. "Because it didn't take you long to move on, Addison. You wasted no freakin' time before jumping into bed with Sam."
"Alex, that night with Sam – that was just sex. And I know that doesn't make what I did right in any way, but, Alex, I felt nothing, absolutely nothing, when I slept with him. That never happened with you. That could never happen with you."
Alex shrugged, unconvinced. "That's a nice speech, Addison, but it doesn't make this better.
"I know. Sleeping with Sam was stupid and unforgivable, and I would do anything to take it back but, if it means anything to you, me sleeping with Sam was the textbook definition of just sex."
"I hate you," Alex whispered.
"What?" Addison asked, eyes widening in astonishment.
"You heard me. I hate that you just picked up and moved to California when things got tough. I hate that you told me that you thought I'd make a good dad, because now all I can think about is having a baby with you. I hate that you slept with Sam, and I really hate that I know you didn't do it to hurt me…that it was your fucked up way of trying to protect me…because you're afraid you'll hurt me even worse if you can't have kids with me. I hate you, Addison."
Addison swallowed hard. "I hate you too," she choked out.
Alex stared back at her and shrugged indifferently.
"That's right," she said, taking a step towards him. "I hate that you weren't ready to commit to me back when I lived in Seattle, and I hate that you want me now. I hate that you want to have a baby with me because it makes not being able to have a child even more excruciatingly painful than it already is. I hate that I never got over you, and I hate the fact that I still look to you for comfort, even when you don't know it."
"Oh, please," Alex shot back, "you were over me before you even left for LA," Alex shot back.
"That's not true," Addison defended. "When we were sitting in church together, before Burke and Cristina's…well, whatever you want to call it…do you know how badly I was hoping you'd say that you didn't want Ava, and that you wanted me? Do you know how much it killed me when I came back to Seattle to operate on that baby, who had organs growing on the outside of his body, and saw you and Ava together? I did not get over you right away, Alex. I never fully got over you, and I am not over you now. I don't want to be over you."
"Only because you'd rather be under Sam," Alex retorted.
"Seriously, Alex?"
"What were you expecting, Addison? Did you think you could just come here and apologize and, just like that, things would be cool between us? I loved you, Addison, and you slept with someone else."
"Loved, as in past tense?" Addison choked out.
"Does it really matter?" Alex sighed.
"It does to me."
"Then yes, loved, as in past tense," Alex said. "You should probably go."
"No," Addison said quickly. "No, we've got to talk about this, Alex. We've got to talk about this."
"Addison, I have nothing to say to you."
"Fine," Addison said, tears welling in her eyes. "Then at least listen to me. I love you, Alex. And I'm sorry-"
"Why are you apologizing?" Alex asked. "It's not like we were together. It doesn't matter."
"It does matter," Addison insisted. "It matters because I love you. I love you – present tense. I miss being with you, I miss talking to you everyday, I miss you, Alex."
"I can't do this," Alex sighed. "I'm sorry."
"Alex," Addison pleaded.
"Have a safe trip back, Addison," Alex said, swallowing hard. "I'll see you around and, hey, maybe the next time you're in Seattle, we can work on a case together."
