Thanks for your reviews! Keeps me in check! Y'all are so involved, it inflates my ego… haha


It was about noon when Deidara and Hinata found their way back to the Akatsuki. They walked into the building, laughing and chatting until they saw Pein standing before them on the counter, arms crossed.

"Where have you two been?" he demanded.

"J… Just… hanging out, hm," Deidara stammered, hands up in the air defensively. Hinata stood her ground. Pein observed this and said, "Hinata Hyuga and Deidara, I assign you to cleaning duty."

What he meant, of course, was that everyone was cleaning today, since the store was getting dusty, especially after their return from the beach – what with people trailing sand everywhere with little regard to cleanliness. As usual, the annoying jobs were given to Deidara and Hinata as punishment. It was okay, though, since the two had become used to getting each other into trouble.

As they were sweeping the floor around the staircase, Hinata walked to Deidara and said, "Hey… thanks for cheering me up earlier." Deidara looked at her and smiled. "It was fun, hm. Just keep smiling, okay?" He reached out and ruffled her hair, making her laugh, and then they went back to work.

Sasori was glancing at them periodically as he wiped down the counters. He couldn't stop thinking about this whole "feelings" concept that he and Kakuzu were talking about earlier. He didn't want to admit that he was obsessed with it, but he kind of was. It was like he was bored his entire puppet life before now. Like he was sitting in an empty room for a while until someone threw a toy at him. He had no idea where to begin.

When he was done wiping the counters, Sasori sat in a chair. He spun around to look at Kakuzu, who wasn't doing any cleaning, but was of course sorting through paperwork. "Hey, Kakuzu," Sasori began. Kakuzu grunted for him to continue, not looking away from his work. "What's it like? Y'know, to, uh… feel… things…" Kakuzu turned from his work for a moment to give Sasori a look. "That's a bit vague, don't you think?" he said, the smallest hint of irritation in his voice. He had little patience for nonsense, it seemed.

After a moment to phrase his question, Sasori asked, "Well, I've been thinking a lot about… about, like, feelings. And people. Like, how do you know what emotion you're feeling? How do you know if you're in love, Kakuzu?" He looked at the banker, who paused his work to think. Sasori felt a bit self-conscious of his curiosity, so he rambled on about how he was a puppet, y'know, and how some sensations were lost in translation and whatnot.

"I knew it," Kakuzu said, a smirk in his voice, "You have a thing for her after all. I didn't know you had it in you." Sasori would have blushed if he were able. He began to feel irritated, which always seemed to be his fallback emotion, the one he understood and therefore chose to feel most of the time. He also felt a bit embarrassed, though it was difficult to admit. How could Sasori, the intelligent, calm and composed, not know a thing about emotions? Why would he even admit to not knowing something like this?

Kakuzu leaned back in his chair, making it squeak – it was the only sound between them for a bit. "I was in love once, too. A long, long time ago." Sasori leaned back in his chair too, emitting the same squeaking noise, and listened closely to Kakuzu. He seemed to have a faraway look in his eyes as he was remembering his past.

"Yeah, there was a time before Akatsuki – before money, even – that captured my attention," Kakuzu began. "I've long since forgotten her name, but the way I was around her – you wouldn't recognize me at all."

Kakuzu told Sasori that he met the girl when he was very young – in his early twenties. She was beautiful and elegant, so much more than he was. At the time, he had his own little textile shop, and the first time they met was when she walked in as a customer. He was immediately infatuated with her, and of course he did everything he could to get to know her. He'd make dresses for her and she looked beautiful in all of them.

"Okay, but how did you feel?" Sasori asked. Kakuzu thought for a moment. "With her, I felt… Gosh, what did I feel? I felt light. Like I could fly. It's crazy, all that love shit," he chuckled. It was rare to see Kakuzu so… so normal. He looked happy to remember such a time in his life, even though it seemed like it didn't last.

Which was another thing that puzzled Sasori a lot. How could something so large and profound, so insanely beautiful be so… so fleeting? How could it not last forever?

Sasori walked around the shop a bit to clear his head. He decided to look through the library section, to see if there were any books that could explain it to him. He took out a book and flipped through it lazily, not really interested. Love didn't seem like a concept that could be taught in books.

"Whatchu got there, 'sori?" Hidan asked, visible through the place where the book was. Sasori shrugged. "Nothing, really. Just a book." With Hidan's extensive knowledge on the bookshelves, he knew exactly what book Sasori was looking at. If Sasori bothered to pay attention to the book, he'd find that it's a large handwritten tome of love stories, true love stories that end in a million different ways. There was no title on the book, but there was an illustration of a human heart on it. Hidan looked at Sasori curiously.

"You wanna know what love is, Sasori?" Hidan asked. Sasori just looked at him. "Love is sacrifice. It's painful and scarring and the best thing you'll ever feel in your life – next to sex, that is –" at this, Hidan laughed, "It's me stabbing myself in the gut every day, grateful that I get to live another day by the divine graces of Jashin." Hidan took a moment to kiss the pendant around his neck. "You love Jashin?" Sasori asked. Hidan smiled – genuinely smiled, instead of his usual smirk. "Jashin loves me, my man. Jashin wants me to be the best I can be and I reciprocate His love the only way I can –" For a moment, Hidan's skin turned black with white markings, but then turned back.

Sasori nodded to him, processing what he said. They parted silently, Sasori putting the book back in its place. Love sounded painful, according to Hidan. Why would you want pain to be eternal? Or to be repeated?

He walked around the shop and found Itachi at the coffee place under the stairs. Itachi saw him approaching and offered him the seat across from him. "What's up, Sasori? You look lost," he commented, sipping his coffee. Sasori sighed and rested his head on his propped up arm. "I'm confused," he said softly. "Well that's a first. What's confusing to the great Sasori?" Itachi chuckled softly. "Feelings. Emotions… Love," Sasori heaved another sigh, closing his eyes. Itachi stayed silent.

"Love… huh?" There was a pause for the two to think. "It's not like you to inquire about these sort of things, Sasori," Itachi said softly. Sasori grumbled, dropping his forehead on the table. "Well, do you want to hear what I have to say about it?" Itachi offered, taking Sasori's muffled grumble as a yes.

He took a deep breath, a familiar fondness in his eyes that he saw in Kakuzu and probably Hidan, if you looked past the manic look in his eyes. Itachi smiled and began, "Love is… It's like coming home after a long time of being away. It's being forgiven…" Sasori was so preoccupied by the look in Itachi's face. He supposed that this definition of love made sense, because it sounded like he loved his family a lot, and they loved him as well. It must have been an eventful homecoming for him.

"Why do you stay here with us if you have a family that loves and accepts you at home?" he asked. Itachi smiled. "Because I have a family that loves and accepts me here, too," he said. He took another sip of tea, and Sasori got up to leave. He thanked Itachi for the insight and wandered back to the registers. He sat down and sighed. He looked at Hinata and Deidara again, who were now at the front of the store, scrubbing the windows. They looked like they were having a contest on who could get them cleaner, and Hinata seemed to be winning, to Deidara's dismay. Perhaps that kind of stuff just came naturally to them.

"How's your soul searching?" Kakuzu asked in a bored tone. Sasori sighed, and then got up to walk to his section of the store. He absently ran his hand over the many dolls and puppets that he's made and sighed. He hated that he was having such a crisis with all this love mumbo jumbo. Sasori dragged himself to his bed and lay there, closing his eyes. He was never really one for sleep, but he knew he could do it if he tried. He closed his eyes for a moment, focusing on slowing his breathing to a pace appropriate for sleep. Eventually he did fall asleep, with great effort.

However, his slumber was short-lived, for suddenly his bed jerked itself up, then tilted to the side, dumping Sasori into a trap door. He didn't scream, but he was surprised. Then he felt irritated again, because it took so much to fall asleep, only to have it interrupted by –

"Sleeping on the job, Sasori!?" Pein's voice boomed from all directions as Sasori landed very sloppily on an armchair. He wondered if Hinata landed this gracefully whenever Pein did this to her. Pein's usual dramatics ensued, and Sasori righted himself on the chair to look at him. "I see you've been doing a bit of soul searching, Sasori," Pein said, leaning forward at his illuminated desk. Sasori rolled his eyes. Of course Pein heard about it.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't throw me around like a ragdoll, Leader," Sasori grumbled. Pein ignored his comment and said, "What's all the fuss? Why so glum, Sasori? It's very rare that you fall asleep."

If you know it's a rare thing, why did you interrupt it without hesitation? Sasori thought bitterly.

"Why am I here, Pein?" Sasori asked in a bored tone.

Pein looked delightfully surprised when Sasori used his name for once. "You tell me, my dearest Sasori," he said, staying silent to allow conversation. Sasori shook his head, looking down at the ground, which didn't seem to be there since it was so dark. After a few minutes of internal debate, Sasori decided to just ask.

"Leader… everyone seems to have a different definition of love. It's been a while since I've been able to feel things, so I don't know what to believe."

Pein smiled a little. "Well, Sasori, everyone is different. So is love." He stretched and leaned forward. "You and I aren't all that different when it comes to love, Sasori." Sasori didn't say anything. He studied Pein's face to see if he was being facetious, but he found that he was being genuine. "The others… they've found love in other ways. The two of us, Sasori – we've found love in a person. Not a group of people, not in a deity, not in someone from long ago. But a person that's here, right now, in front of us."

Sasori looked at him, expressionless, but curious. Pein continued, "No matter what bullshit this stupid organization throws at me, all I have to do is look at her, and everything makes sense. No matter what evil I see in the world, whatever hatred and sadness I see in the world, seeing her reminds me of everything that's good." The ever-present faraway look that Sasori observed in so many others was in Pein's eyes. "What do you see when you see her, Sasori?"

After a moment's pause, the chair Sasori was sitting in suddenly ejected him out of the room. Sasori was sent flying, and then thrown into a sort of tube that spiraled him towards a bright light. When he exited the tube, he found that he was on the ground right outside the Akatsuki shop. Tobi and Zetsu gave him a strange look at first, but they helped him up anyway.

"Are you okay, Sasori?" Tobi asked, concerned. Sasori dusted himself off and looked at him. He looked around at the bright and sunny day, until his eyes rested on Hinata, who was watering the plants just inside. She looked out at them and made eye contact with Sasori and then smiled, waving at him. Sasori waved back.

Without turning away from her, Sasori asked, "Tobi, do you know what love is?"

Tobi looked at him, and then followed his gaze to look at Hinata. He smiled under his mask.

"No, I suppose I don't know what love is," he answered after a minute. Zetsu popped out of one of the plants above them. "I think love is like the sun warming you up after a long winter. It's cold for a while but then it gets really, really warm." Tobi nodded, then looked at Sasori.

"Love isn't really about knowing, I think," Tobi said. "It's just something that… Something that helps you grow. Something that makes you… more you."

Sasori continued to stare at Hinata, and all his worries about love began to melt away. Nothing about love made sense, but it did when she was there.


"It's like you become more you, but now it's okay.
Because that person chose to take that all on.
All that weird stuff, whatever's wrong or bad or hiding in you.
Suddenly, it's all right.
You don't feel like such a freak anymore."
-Suzanne Warren, Orange is the New Black


TWA

((coughs)) I love OITNB

Yeah, love love love. I felt so cheesy writing this chapter. I got a lot of stuff from this chapter looking through my love tag on my blog, so. Yeah, sorry if it's kinda… weh. Cheesy, lame, whatever.

We could all do a bit of soul searching.