AN: I will be lacing up my running shoes as you all read this, so that I may better dodge the pitchforks afterwards for this... *gulp* well you could call it a cliffhanger.

Huge thanks to Nance for the edits and goosing my muse in the right direction! IcarusLSU for the sounding board! And Aerist for the *cough* flames... and for encouraging... well this to happen!

Also to all those who silently read, and those who review... *air kisses*

So...warnings: Slash snogging, and lots and lots and lots of angst... and all that with a side of OMG did I just write that?


Cai stretched out near the fire and gazed up at the stars through the trees. The rushing sound of a nearby river provided a soothing melody for his weary soul. He allowed his thoughts to wander over the past. For the last three days, he and Leon had been riding through the different villages north of Camelot, searching for his brother. The latest one was only a few leagues from the citadel, as they followed the reports along towns in an arching pattern. The description was hard to mistake: a large one-handed man with dark hair, green eyes, and a bad attitude. It seemed that at least one man, who tried to get between Bedivere and his drink, sported a few new scars.

While they had not located Bedivere yet, Cai knew that they were at least going in the right direction. He was growing more disheartened by the reports they came across. If his brother kept up his current tirade, it would end up being much worse than anything he could imagine. Cai chided himself for not recognizing the growing darkness in his brother after he had returned through the gateway to Hell.* He was selfishly hopeful of finally seeing Leon again; his throughts were not on his family…as they should have been.

He closed his eyes, intent on trying to get some sleep when he felt something bounce off his forehead. Cai blinked, green eyes searching the branches above him for something that may have fallen. Seeing nothing, he readjusted himself; his hands clasped under the back of his head, elbows splayed out, and closed his eyes again.

No sooner had he begun to relax, when he felt something else hit him. His eyes shot open, intent on catching whatever it was, when he heard a stifled snigger from the other side of the fire. He grasped a twig and threw it back at Leon. "You are being annoying," he deadpanned.

"And you are thinking too loud." Leon grinned and brushed his curly blond hair behind his ear. "What's on your mind?"

Cai shrugged, "A lot of things. Nothing you need to concern yourself with."

"Cai," Leon said with a warning tone. "Don't shut me out…please. I don't think I could go another fifteen years without you talking to me."

The darker knight sighed, "You know, the last time I saw you, before all this, I was standing at the window…holding a newborn babe in my arms. I wanted so badly to rush to the door and see you."

"Even then, I would have gladly married your sister, if I knew…and thought it could help you."

"I know that now, but I was nineteen. For ten years already, I had been trying to take care of my family, since my mother died. My father was always gone to some war or other, at the behest of the king. He never got around to hiring a proper governesse to take care of us." His voice drifted off. "My only concern at that moment was the child I held. The boy was everything to me, from the moment I found out Lisa was pregnant."

Leon leaned back against a tree and watched the other man carefully. He was thankful to finally hear some of the story from Cai. It gave him a chance to try to understand more about the separation that had come between them…an opportunity to get to know the man he cared so much about.

"I failed my brother, Leon."

"Bollocks," Leon argued.

Cai chuckled sourly, "No, I did…I tried my damnedest, but it wasn't good enough."

"You were barely more than a child yourself! What could you have done?"

"Hell, Leon, you were there for Bedivere more than I was at times!" Cai snapped back.

"Then the fault should be on us both. It is not your guilt to carry alone, my friend. I would like to be there for him again, as well as for you."

The two men fell silent for a while. Leon was worried that the conversation had ended, so he stretched out his foot and nudged at Cai's elbow.

When Cai finally spoke, his voice was heavy with emotion. "We can't do this, Leon. We just…can't. What's between us, it needs to stop."

Leon's brow knitted into a frown. He pushed himself up from the tree and moved around the campfire towards his companion. Stretching out next to Cai, Leon put his hand on the other's shoulder. "Cai, don't say that. We have only just found each other again…"

Cai stiffened and refused to meet Leon's eyes. "On their journey, Bedivere said things to Loholt. I don't know how my brother found out."

"I sort of guessed he suspected, after the greeting I got from him in Camelot…but I don't understand why we should be expected to cater to his moods alone."

"Because he needs me," Cai answered. "What if he tells others?"

"Arthur knows, and other than sticking his foot in his mouth…in a very unkingly manner," Leon snickered at the memory. "He accepts it…and the arrangement we have made."

Cai shook his head in disbelief, uncertain as to how he felt about the king knowing. He then explained the conversation he and Loholt had to Leon. "I know Bedivere blames me for most of what has happened. If it was just him...I could deal with it, but what about my nephew? I couldn't bear the thought of Loholt looking at me like I was a monster. He doesn't believe what my brother said, but if he ever did find out the truth, what would happen?"

Leon sat up and pensively took a deep breath. "We'll just have to be extra careful."

"And what if you and Lisa have children? What would we do then?"

The blond man laughed, "We'll deal with that when it happens. You worry too damn much. You know that, right? Growing up, you were so…moody at times; always more concerned about others than yourself, especially when it came to your family. Truthfully, that is one of the greatest things about you, Cai…but, it's also really annoying at times."

"Shut up," Cai grumbled and shoved the other man's shoulder.

Leon gave his companion a flirtatious grin filled with a challenge and a promise. "Make me."

Cai's hand shot up and wrapped around the back of Leon's neck. He pulled the other man down and mashed their lips together.

Leon groaned and fell into the kiss, his mouth opening against his lover's as his tongue sought entrance. Rolling on top of Cai, he slid his knee in between Cai's legs and lowered himself onto the other man. Cai groaned when Leon's mouth left his, leaving a trail of hot kisses down his neck. His own hands were threading through the wondrously soft curls on Leon's head.

The blonde's fingers trailed gently under Cai's shirt and pushed it up. Cai released his lover's hair and assisted in removing the clothing. A light breeze danced through the forest and sent a chill through Cai. His skin erupted in goose bumps from the duel sensations of hot and cold.

Leon chuckled and licked his way down Cai's chest. His hands deftly loosening the drawstring of Cai's pants. Leon's palm slid downward past the waistband and into their depths. He was rewarded with a moan of pleasure. For so many years, he had dreamt of having Cai underneath him like this, completely at his mercy. He sucked on the brunette's neck and had to rein himself in, lest he left any signs of their lovemaking. As much as he wanted to leave his mark on his lover, he knew it would do neither of them any good if they were found out. He rubbed his short beard against the dark stubble of growth along Cai's jawline, while Cai's hands grasped his lover's backside, encouraging him.

Leon took notice when Cai's hands released and stretched outward. Cai lifted his head and whispered into Leon's ear. Schooling himself to keep up the pretense of lovemaking, Leon cautiously removed his hand from his love's breeches and pulled the drawstring tight. He saw the angle of Cai's fingers stretch, as Cai reached towards the hilt of the his sword. Leon glanced over at his own, still resting against a tree on the other side of the fire.

He was ready when Cai suddenly sprang into action, allowing himself to be pushed away from Cai . He felt a momentary flash of panic, as a sword came down into the bedroll they had just vacated, and Cai rolled into the glowing coals of their campfire.

Springing up onto his feet, he catapulted towards their assailant, knocking him back. In a second, he recognized Bedivere's sword coming towards him, then suddenly stopped by Cai's blade...but he didn't see the club-like arm as pain coursed through his skull.

(*~*~*~*)

"I failed my brother…" Those four words rang such truth in his ears. It cemented what Bedivere already believed. Cai had known exactly what he was doing and how it would affect his family. His brother may have well just admitted his guilt for killing their father outright. In the hidden depths of Bedivere's mind, the little boy who lay stowed away under the rough exterior created after years of tragedy, might not have agreed. Any semblance of that child was quashed under the growing waves of pain and rage.

He held his breath and stayed as silent as he could, although it sickened him to watch the way the two men acted with one another. At first, he had nearly convinced himself that Leon was the one responsible for corrupting his brother…but hearing Cai's words, Bedivere realized that was not the case. It was the other way around.

He wanted to wait until they were close to sleep before he made his move. Then he noticed the blond stand up and make his way around the fire. Unfortunately, this put Leon between Bedivere and the man who disgraced him. Bedivere's eyes narrowed. He wondered if his father would be proud or not of what he planned to do. Inside, he was being eaten away by the conflict. Sir Ector died as a brave knight of King Uther's Camelot…what Bedivere planned to do, was not worthy of those knights. He knew it, but the way his father's ghost berated him and ordered him to 'fix' the problem lay heavily on the man.

Bedivere felt his stomach turn as the two men at the camp ceased their talking and moved onto something much more vulgar than flirtatious words. He turned his back. He couldn't bear to witness the lewd display of affection between the two men. Bedivere gripped his sword and clenched his jaw. As quietly as he could, he steeled himself and turned to move forward. If their bodies were ever to be found, he would make sure that the dishonor of their positions would seal them in unmarked graves as due for the abominations that they were.

(*~*)

Not long after Cai's shirt had come off, something caught his attention off to the side. He pushed himself up and breathed into Leon's ear, "Be on guard." Lying back, he stretched out his arms, a smile on his face. The tips of his fingers seeming to brush casually against the hilt of his sword. Blue eyes followed the movement and Leon turned his head to the side, noting that his own sword was on the opposite side of the fire. Cai could see Leon mentally cursing himself for his carelessness.

Cai hoped it was simply his imagination, or just an animal out in the forest, but his instincts told him otherwise. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end when a large shadowy form appeared from the darkness. He managed to shove Leon off him and roll to the side. He felt the coals in the fire as they scorched his bare back, just as Bedivere drove his sword into the recently vacated bedroll.

Leon stood quickly and shoved hard into Bedivere, knocking him back from the camp. Bedivere managed to maintain the grip on his sword and brought it, swinging down, on the blond knight. It hit steel as Cai's blade intercepted it, but he followed through quickly with the bone and hardened scar tissue at the end of his disfigured arm. It slammed into the side of Leon's head; successfully knocking the blond knight to the ground.

"Bedivere, what the hell are you doing?" Cai all but screamed at his brother.

"What I should have done years ago, but I was too cowardly to," Bedivere growled.

Cai advanced on him and asked, his voice quiet, "How long have you known?"

"Since just before Father died. The gods took him as punishment for your…filthy ways. They took my hand because I was too scared to tell anyone what I saw."

"That's not true Bedivere! You lost your hand because you lost your temper and Arthur was a better swordsman."

Bedivere bore down on his brother in his rage. "And Father? How do you explain that?"

"He was a knight, following his king's command!" For every strike Bedivere offered, Cai deflected as he tried to get through to his younger sibling. "It is a risk we all acknowledge when we give our oaths."

"Well see, I never had a chance to learn that, did I? Thanks to you. I only made the oath to Arthur so I could be rid of you."

Cai was wary of the insanity in his brother's voice. "But why this way, Bedivere? You could have spoken to me about this. I have always tried to be there, and listen to you; to cater to your needs and make sure you still had a roof over your head and food in your belly. I have done the best I could to take care of you. I left everything I wanted behind to take care of you and Lisanor, and then Loholt. I did what I did for you, brother! Bran told me about what you all went through in that hell. I would have spoken to you about it, if I had known."

The snarl on Bedivere's face was enough to tell Cai that his brother was beyond reason. He felt his arms growing weak under the constant assault of Bedivere's blade. Bedivere shoved into him and knocked Cai into a tree. The burns on Cai's back had begun to blister and they broke open against the rough bark, causing the man to cry out at the unexpected pain.

The younger brother's breath was hot and stank of ale as he encroached into Cai space. "You did nothing but screw up my life. You were supposed to take care of us. Well, I won't let you poison Loholt with your filth." He leaned in, his short arm across Cai's throat and his sword poised to strike.

A blade appeared under Bedivere's chin. "Hold your sword, Bedivere. It doesn't have to be like this," Leon said with an authoritative calm. "You need to sober up and get a grip on yourself, my friend. If not for me or your brother…do it for your sister, and her son. Loholt cares for you, but he is afraid to see you like this."

The mention of the boy finally seemed to break through the toughened exterior and Leon saw him relax slightly. He too, eased his stance and then all hell broke loose.

Bedivere struck out with a howl of primal rage.

Leon barely managed to bring his sword back up.

Cai attempted to move to the side. He cried out in agony as his brother's blade bit into his upper arm; severing the muscle of his right bicep.

His brother's blood, more than anything else in the past weeks, finally cracked the psychosis. Bedivere looked to his older brother…his eyes begging for guidance out of the hell he suffered. The eyes of a child...that is what Cai saw. A child who had suffered greatly and wished only for a mother or father to take his hand, and tell him everything was going to be all right. As before, in the past years, Cai knew that job fell to him.

Leon was furious at the ruse, and missed the millisecond of peace that came between the brothers. His sword swung across, and caught Bedivere's blade, sending it wide.

Instinct snapped back to the one-handed man and he brought up his defenses.

Cai grasped his bleeding arm and stumbled away from the tree, attempting to reach them. He tried to call out, but his voice was weak, and went unheard over the clashing of steel. He stared at the two men, pleading for them to stop.

The blond knight continued his flurry of blows, pushing Bedivere back. Step by step, until the younger man, running out of energy, stumbled. His foot slipped on the loose stones strewn on an overhang above the river gorge…and he began to fall.

Cai finally manage to shoulder Leon out of the way and lunged to grasp his brother's hand. His dominant arm was now useless, and his weaker left arm was coated in blood.

He gritted his teeth, his upper body straining with Bedivere's weight. The stones underneath his torso scraping against the bare skin as they struggled, each with only a single hand to hang onto one another.

After realizing what had happened, Leon tossed his sword to the side and rushed to try to assist; helping to anchor Cai from sliding forward on the ledge.

Time seemed to slow. Bedivere and Cai's eyes met and they knew it was for the last time.

Bedivere would never agree with his brother's choice, but he had known about it for years and never said a word. In his right mind, he never would have gone this far…he knew that now...they both did.

Their hands began to slip. The blood and sweat coating them made it impossible to maintain their grip…

Cai screamed his brother's name, as his fingers and his brother's began to separate. Bedivere fell into the raging river below.


*Reference to previous fic Into Hell