A/N: this is going to be one of the last chapters. I've decided on the pairing (at last, I hear you cry!) and by the end I think it's obvious who it is (unless I change my mind again). Sorry if you don't like the pairing, but personally I think it's pretty awesome.
'Just remember the plan an' you'll be fine. And remember, if you don't wanna sleep with him, just say no. And if he does try it, then scream real loud and I'll come in an' save you.'
'Kay.'
Renji took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
'Come in.'
Renji gave one last look at Shuuei, who nodded encouragingly. Then he opened the door and went inside.
The office was, surprise surprise, immaculate. In his absence, it looked like Kuchiki had done all of his lieutenant's paper work as well as his own.
Workaholic.
Byakuya was stood with his back to Renji, staring out of the window. This was handy as it meant Renji had a few seconds to do some breathing exercises and attempt to look calm.
He can't force you to do anything, Renji thought to himself. It's illegal, and he's not going to break the law. He's a Kuchiki, remember?
Byakuya turned slowly and stared at him with those deep blue eyes. Renji noticed, possibly for the first time, just how good looking his captain was.
Shuuei's just outside. He said he'll save me.
But Kuchiki's a captain, isn't he? Me and Shuuei combined wouldn't be able to beat him.
'Renji?'
In terms of actually fighting I bet I could take him. No swords, just fists. I bet he's never punched anything in his life.
I cant hit him! He's my captain!
If he tries to rape me then I'll hit him as hard as I want! I'm not his bitch!
'Renji?'
Technically, if he gives me an order I don't have a choice…
Shut up! I'm scaring me, dammit!
'Renji!'
'Eh?' Renji snapped out of the mental argument he was having with himself.
Kuchiki was staring at him as though he was crazy.
Ahhh, but I was just having a conversation with my own mind. He has every right to think I'm crazy…
'Renji, I think that you and I need to talk.' Kuchiki sat down at his desk. Rikichi was right. He looked really pissed.
'Oh…' Renji tried to sound casual, 'what about?'
Byakuya looked at him.
'I would have thought you knew.'
'Errr…'
Oh god, he was staring at him. Quick, remember The Plan!
Renji looked away, trying to look like he was frowning, but not in an insolent way. It was a lot harder than it sounds. He cursed himself for not practising beforehand.
'Would you please lock the door, Renji? I would prefer if this conversation were not interrupted. Or overheard.'
Crap, crap, crap! No, I won't lock the door. Then Shuuei won't be able to get in if I need him to rescue me from your clutches, you sick attractive pervert!
'Yes sir.' Renji remembered The Plan and sighed.
'I would appreciate it if you didn't sigh next time I give you an order Renji. Even if you do find it tiresome, try and contain yourself.'
'Sorry sir.' Damn. So far The Plan was failing miserably. Renji got up and locked the door.
The room was silent for several minutes. The only noise was the ticking of the clock. God it was loud. Renji made a mental note to throw the stupid thing out and buy a nice quiet digital clock first chance he got. Kuchiki sat tapping his pen on the desk and glaring at the wall as though it had been rude to him.
'Is, erm, somethin' wrong, taichou?' Renji ventured after a few minutes, when the lack of noise reached unbearable on the Awkward Silence scale.
'Yes, there certainly is.' Byakuya snapped, still glaring at the offending spot on the office wall.
Renji was now more than a bit scared. The captain's usually impassive face was contorted with barely suppressed rage. And just now had to be the first time in the history of Soul Society that the Kuchiki heir's voice had sounded anything other than monotonous. What the hell was wrong?
It hit Renji then that maybe, in his drunken state, he might have done something to the captain…
Oh my God! That would explain everything! No wonder he was so angry! Renji was pretty sure that raping your captain, even under the influence of alcohol, was a foolproof way to guarantee permanent exile from Soul Society.
'It's the Kurosaki boy.'
Renji, who had been trying to remember where all the nunneries were as it now looked like he wouldn't have a choice about living in one, looked up.
'Ichigo?' he wasn't sure he'd heard right, 'what about him?'
'I would like to know what is going on between my sister and him,' Byakuya stood up, scowling, 'I asked him to come here last night to resolve the issue in person and he did not.'
He looked at Renji, who rather unfortunately had his mouth wide open in shock and didn't mange to close it quickly enough, momentarily giving him the appearance of a wide mouthed tree-frog.
'You- you want to know about Rukia and Ichigo?' Renji stammered.
'Isn't that what I've just been explaining in some detail?' the nobleman asked frostily, 'yes Renji, as I've just specified, I would like you to tell me. I know full well that you are friends with both of them.'
Son of a… after all the worrying and panicking and the hastily constructed Plan, Kuchiki wanted to talk bout his sister's love life?
Renji was so relieved that for the second time today he burst out laughing, right in his captain's face.
'I'm glad you find this amusing Renji.' Byakuya practically snarled at him.
'I'm sorry taichou…' Renji giggled, not even caring about the danger he was putting himself in by doing so, 'it's just… I thought that you were gonna say somethin' about… well, me and you.'
He cringed slightly.
Kuchiki frowned.
'Why on earth would I want to talk about us Renji? Aside from the fact we are captain and lieutenant, we have little in common.'
He added something under his breath, which to Renji sounded like; 'mercifully'.
'I know, I just…' he paused, wondering if it would seem inappropriate to talk about his problem with the captain, 'never mind. It doesn't matter.'
Byakuya raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment. He sighed and leaned back in his chair, rubbing his temples.
'What is going on between those two?' he asked, more to himself than Renji.
'Nothin' captain. At least, they haven't told me if there is, but I would've noticed, I'm sure.'
'But all she talks about is that damn strawberry!' Byakuya burst out.
Renji grinned in delight. He'd never imagined the captain hated Ichigo so much.
'Strawberry…' Renji sniggered.
Byakuya smiled slightly. Wow, that made two facial expressions. Two different facial expressions! And in just one day! Was the captain taking part in some kind of bet?
'Perhaps I was a little rude in calling him that…'
'No, no captain, it was funny!' Renji laughed ecstatically.
Byakuya sighed and turned away.
'I only just got her back,' he whispered to the wall, 'I don't want to lose her again.'
Renji was amazed. He was also really touched. Who knew that Kuchiki cared for Rukia so much?
'There's nothin' goin' on captain,' he reassured his superior, 'I'm sure of it.'
'Really?' Byakuya looked at Renji almost... pleadingly.
'Really.' Renji stated confidently.
Byakuya's faced seemed to light up. For about a second. Then it returned to its usual iciness.
'Very well,' he stood up, cold expression back in place, 'you may have noticed, Renji, that I did your paperwork for you.'
'Er, yeah. Thanks for that.'
'I am not doing it again, understand?'
'Yes sir.'
'Good. You can go.'
It was over. The whole nightmarish experience, which actually hadn't been so bad, was done. And Renji was still alive. And he hadn't been molested. Or exiled. Not a bad captain-lieutenant meeting, all in all.
'Oh, Renji?'
Renji turned, hand still on the door handle.
'Taichou?'
'I'm assuming you thought I wanted to talk to you about your, shall we say, incident last night, correct?'
Renji was completely dumbfounded. Nothing could have prepared him for that, not in a million years.
'From your expression, I would assume I'm right.' Byakuya smirked slightly.
'How… h-how did you…' Renji stuttered, still in a state of blank shock.
Byakuya looked supremely disdainful.
'Captains talk too, Renji,' he declared, 'I heard a very interesting tale from the captains of Squads Eight and Thirteen, regarding you.'
Kyouraku and Ukitake. Why the hell hadn't he asked them? They would have told him in an instant. It wasn't Ukitake's style to leave him hanging, and Kyouraku's alcohol tolerance was insanely high. They were there. They would have seen.
So the two captains knew… and Momo had even put them on her list! Why the hell hadn't he gone to see one of them?
'Sorry captain!' he yelled and sprinted towards the door, 'but I gotta go!'
'Renji, you could just ask me.'
He froze, mid run.
'You… know?'
'Of course,' Byakuya answered, 'as, I'm afraid, do most people in Seireitei. You would think they had better things to talk about…'
He sighed at the childishness and idiocity of the general population.
'So…' Renji looked at the captain in painful anticipation, 'who is it?'
This was it. The moment. He was finally, finally going to find out who he'd slept with.
And I did it with out anyone's help! He laughed to Zabimaru.
Not entirely true, the voice in his head countered, you had help from Shuuei, remember?
Oh yeah. Well, okay, but apart from him… I did it all on my own.
Except for Momo and Iba and Ikkaku and Captain Zaraki and Rangiku and Captain Kuchiki. Oh, and Yumichika and Toushiro and Yachiru.
Well, fine, and all of them.
'Who is it?' Captain Kuchiki raised an eyebrow, 'if you really want to know, I suggest you ask your 'friend' outside the door.'
He made little quotation marks with his fingers around the word friend.
'What friend?' Renji asked blankly, then;
'Shuuei?'
Dum dum duuuuuumm! (that was a dramatic ending drum roll, by the way)
Please review, and feel free to complain if you hate where I'm taking this.
xxxxx
