howdy

just a PSA by the time I've finished writing this monster, it's probably going to be about 200k

that being said, we are barely scraping the surface people, this thing is a journey and a half let me tell you...

message on tumblr at abrokefangirl for chats because sometimes i get stuck and seek guidance

thanks to ArcticFox, VampireGirl1797, and majamugel for reviewing, happy reading x


Mila kept smiling through the whole DADA class. Every time she caught Lupin's eye she became excited at the prospect of him being her guardian.

Transfiguration was less fun, only because McGonagall was the only one left who she suspected knew about her past. But she had learned her lesson, and this time she was simply going to ask.

She waited until the class ended and the rest of the students left. McGonagall didn't seem surprised when she saw Mila was staying back, and Mila didn't know if that was a good sign or not.

"Well, Miss Lovett, this is certainly a change. I thought you were avoiding me."

She wouldn't say she was avoiding McGonagall, but over the past few weeks she had stopped answering questions in class, and worked silently unless called upon. She had been a little cold, now that she thought about it.

Mila gave a sheepish smile, "I had some… concerns."

"Pray tell, what are they? They must be good, you haven't shown off in my class since the term started."

"I thought you didn't like it when I did that?" Mila asked.

"On the contrary, it's been a rather nice change, but one does notice the absence of your… spirited nature."

Mila shuffled her feet. "The last time I was here I asked you if you knew something I didn't. You said no. I know you wouldn't lie to me, Miss, not if there wasn't a good reason, but I'm either being overly dramatic again or there is something you're not telling me."

She didn't notice, but McGonagall had a look of panic in her eyes. Mila read it as concern, and kept going.

"I'm just going to come out and say it."

McGonagall pursed her lips and nodded.

"There doesn't happen to be a secret lineage you're not telling me about, does there?" Mila asked, a bit too lightheartedly. She did that when she was nervous.

McGonagall's eye's widened in true surprise. "What are you talking about?"

On any other day McGonagall seemed shocked, Mila would have thought the world was ending. Instead, it made her more happy than she could say.

"My parents. You don't know who they are?" she clarified.

"I don't know if you recall, Miss Lovett, but I found you in a muggle orphanage when you were eleven years old. You had no family to speak of. Has that fact escaped you, my dear?"

Mila sighed in relief. "No, Professor, I remember."

"Good. Now may I ask what brought this sudden interest about?"

Mila wasn't going to tell her about the locket yet. Not until she went to pick it up with Malfoy, otherwise McGonagall would ask why she didn't bring it to her immediately. And if the family she came from turned out to be really bad, she wasn't sure she wanted anyone to know.

So she made something up.

"Lupin offered to be my guardian, and it just got me thinking that maybe all the sympathy from other teachers was about who my father was. But you would tell me, Miss, wouldn't you? If you knew who he was."

McGonagall seemed to be teetering on the edge of anger. If another student had accused her of such a thing, she would have given them detention. But Mila was a special case, as she often was, and McGonagall softened.

"I promise you, Miss Lovett. I do not know who your father is, nor would I pretend otherwise if I did."

Mila smiled. "Well thank goodness for that. You were on the top of my suspect list you know!"

McGonagall did not look amused, "Oh really, Miss Lovett?"

Mila balked. "No. Absolutely not. There's no list. I don't have a piece of paper in my room with your name on it."

"I must say, Mila, you've never seemed to be curious about this before. I know it must be hard for you to be without a family, but you've always had one here at Hogwarts."

Mila smile turned a bit more uncertain. "I know I do. It's just nice to reassured that the people you look up to aren't actually plotting behind your back and keeping a huge secret from you." The joke didn't seem to go too well over McGonagall, but then again, none of Mila's jokes ever did.

"Next time, you will voice your concerns straight away. People don't seem to learn as well when you are in a bad mood, Miss Lovett," McGonagall said uncomfortably.

"Just tell me you missed me, Minerva," Mila jested, and McGonagall gave her a stern look.

Mila put her hands up in mock surrender, "Ok, ok. I'm leaving."

She laughed as she did so, happy to know that all her worries had been for nothing. She wished she had asked sooner, otherwise she wouldn't have had to be wary of Lupin and McGonagall this whole time.

Now it was certain. Malfoy and her were the only ones who were going to know the identity of her parents. No one was lying to her, and no one had been looking at her strangely. She felt rather childish for concocting this whole situation. Now all she needed to do was find out who they were and decide what to do from there.

She would tell her friends what she discovered, though she might leave Malfoy's involvement out of it. And she would tell McGonagall and Lupin, and the rest of the Order if it was necessary, but she didn't see why it would be. For now, the only secret she had to keep was the locket. And that seemed a lot easier than having to stop trusting the majority of people in her life.

Which reminded her, she needed to meet up with Malfoy soon about how they were getting to Hogsmeade. She figured she could just borrow the map and Harry's invisibility cloak and find a passage directly to Hogsmeade. Easy.


The second Mila walked out the door, McGonagall called a meeting with Dumbledore, Snape and Lupin. They met that night in Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore had allowed Sirius to apparate on the school grounds to join them. Students were already in bed when the meeting began.

"You have some concerns, Minerva?" Dumbledore asked gently.

Sirius was fidgeting, and McGonagall was about ready to snap at him, before remembering he wasn't one of her students anymore. She could tell he was nervous. It was an unusual thing for him to be allowed on school grounds.

"Miss Lovett came to me to voice some troubles. It concerned the reason she has been in an unusual mood."

"And?" Sirius asked, "Does she know?" His fingers twitched.

Lupin put a hand on Sirius' shoulder to calm him, but he didn't even notice. Snape sneered at the man, annoyed that he was acting so childish.

"No."

Sirius sank into his chair, both in relief and in disappointment.

"So what was it?" Lupin asked sensibly, "I'm assuming not the reason she told me."

"It was in part," McGonagall started, "She seems to be searching for the identity of her parents, her father in particular. She, understandably, accused me of keeping it from her. She's a smart girl, she suspects us of withholding information, but she has not figured out what it is."

"She's looking for her parents?" Sirius asked confusedly.

"What did you say to her?" Lupin asked McGonagall.

"I told her the truth. I do not know who her father is. She seemed content with my answer. She no longer believes us to be lying to her."

"But we are lying to her," Sirius said, "Just let me tell her. She's old enough now, she'll understand."

"No," Dumbledore said calmly, "I know how eager you are Sirius, but it is not yet necessary. Voldemort's attempt at revival during the Triwizard Tournament was unsuccessful. It is possible that she will never have to know."

"I never agreed to that. It was always the plan to tell her. Always," Sirius argued.

Lupin was still stuck on what McGonagall had told them. "She was never interested in her father before. Why now?"

"That remains to be seen. Though it could be chalked up to simple curiosity, she is a very inquisitive young lady," McGonagall answered.

Snape, who had been quiet the whole time, spoke up, "Maybe we should tell her."

Sirius looked at his shocked, both concerned and glad that Snape, of all people, was agreeing with him. He looked eagerly to Dumbledore, but the old man still shook his head.

"Not yet."

Sirius looked like he wanted to keep arguing, but Lupin practically had a death grip on his shoulder.

Dumbledore continued. "Things have the opportunity to calm down. She is satisfied in Minerva's testimony, and she now has a stable home."

Dumbledore eye's twinkled at Lupin, who gave a small smile.

Sirius frowned, "I still don't understand why it couldn't have been me. I have Harry, it would have been easier if I was made her guardian."

"You know why, Sirius. Remus will not let his emotions get the better of him, he will put her needs first. What she needs, and what she appears to want, is a family. Both you and Remus can be that for her, but she is not ready to know the truth yet."

"And when will she be ready?!" Sirius was trying very hard not to yell again, but his frustrations got the better of him, "When you lot finally decide that you want to be honest with her?"

"I want her to know too, Sirius, but we have to be sensible about this," Lupin reasoned.

"You want her to know? That's a surprise, its never seemed like you care very much." Sirius knew it wasn't true, but his frustration was increasing.

Lupin's hands went white as he gripped Sirius' shoulder. "Of course I do."

Though Lupin took great care to restrain himself, Sirius' comment hurt him, and he knew it too.

"There's also another matter," Lupin said, loosening his grip and stepping away from Sirius.

"Go on, Remus," Dumbledore nodded.

"Harry says she is making some progress on her patronus."

"Well that's easily fixed. Minerva? I believe it works best when you perform the blocking charm.

She nodded. "I'll cast it after our next class together."

"Very well. Is there anything else that needs attending to?" Dumbledore asked the group.

"Yeah, tell Snivellus not to give her detention so much," Sirius said bitterly, "Moony's told me he's keeping her later than other students. Even Harry said something to me at Christmas."

"It is not my fault she chooses to act in an insubordinate manner. She was always rather like you in that way," Snape snarled.

"Enough," Dumbledore chided, "It is my belief that Mila is a very headstrong young lady, the detentions, while long, are deserved. I have already spoken to Lupin on this matter."

"I disagree Albus, she is kept rather late," Minerva said.

"Even still, Dumbledore, given the history, I don't think he should be allowed-" Sirius began.

"Worried she might prefer my company to yours, Black? We do spend rather a lot of time together," Snape taunted.

Sirius stood out of his chair and pulled out his wand, "If you say another word-"

To everyone's surprise, Lupin cast an expelliarmus charm on Sirius before he could even finish his sentence. But it wasn't Sirius to whom he spoke next.

"If I so much as catch you alone with her any later than dinner I'll have something to do about it Severus," Lupin warned.

Dumbledore watched the two curiously. "It seems I was mistaken. Severus, you will give Miss Lovett less detentions. NEWTs are coming up anyway, she will wish to study with her friends."

"When has she ever attempted to open a textbook," Snape muttered. After being told off, he was just looking for anything to argue about.

"Regardless, if she earns another detention, you will send her to Minerva. Understood?"

Snape merely nodded. His pride would not allow him to stay any longer, and he promptly left the office, leaving only the other four behind.

"Stupid git," Sirius muttered.

"Try to be more understanding, Sirius. He is under the same pressure that we all are. This is a delicate matter," Albus said gently.

"I know," Sirius said, "I just want it to be over already."

"I do too, Sirius," Lupin sighed, silently forgiving him for his earlier comment.

"It's just… sometimes," Sirius said, "Sometimes I feel like we waited too long."

Lupin didn't want to admit it, but sometimes he felt that way too.


Mila spent the next few nights frustratingly unable to make any progress on her patronus. In fact, it seemed she had gone backwards. She was back to the barely-there whips of white, no sign of legs at all.

She conjured up a chair in the Room of Requirement and threw herself into it. Harry did the same.

"I don't understand! I thought I was getting better," she huffed.

"I thought so to," Harry said, and turned mischievously, "Maybe you're a squib."

She smacked him. "Shut up, Harry."

He chuckled. "Sorry. It's just nice to be better than you at something for once."

"Well I hope you and your patronus are very happy together." She stood up and began to walk away dramatically, but he laughed and grabbed her arm.

"I hate it when you do this," he grinned, still laughing.

She didn't look him in the eye as he used his hand to turn her back to him. "Do what? Feel the cold sting of betrayal?"

"Mila," he warned amusedly.

"Wonder what it all meant? If you ever truely cared?"

"Mila."

"I tell you, Harry. It's nice to finally see your true colours," she said indignantly.

She finally looked a him, and saw the amusement in his eyes. Since she had a tendency to be over-dramatic, she always jokingly blew things out of proportion when one of her friends teased her. It delighted Harry to no end, and she only did it to make him laugh.

"Ok fine. I forgive you. Can we go get some food now?" she said hurriedly, as she realised how hungry she was.

Harry let go of her arm and nodded, his smile still wide. They'd skipped dinner, and the only thing to do was sneak to the kitchens.

It wasn't curfew yet, so they didn't have to hide, but they just had to be careful about which corridor they were seen going down. Mila couldn't be bothered going back to their dorm to get the map and cloak, she just figured they'd be fine if they were careful enough.

The corridors had a few students scattered around. Mila noted a few couples, seemingly trying to get some alone time outside of their dorm, and smirked when she saw them.

Harry, on the other hand, didn't seem to find it funny at all, and avoiding looking at them at all cost.

Mila noticed. "You are such a prude, Potter."

He scoffed defensively. "Just because I don't like watching people make out, doesn't make me a prude."

Her laughter rang through the hall as they continued walking. She thought absentmindedly about what food she would ask for, when they turned a corner and ran straight into Malfoy.

"Do you ever watch where you're going?" he sneered.

Before, Mila would have sniped back straight away, but with everything going on she held her tongue. She hoped Harry wouldn't give Malfoy a hard time. Since becoming friends, Malfoy had baited him less and less, and she hoped that hadn't changed.

"Great, it's you. Just when I was beginning to have a nice night too," Harry answered.

Mila hoped she and Harry could just keep walking, without having to have a big confrontation, and she began pulling him away. She thought Malfoy would be glad about that too, but that didn't seem to be the idea he had.

"Don't you ever get tired of that short leash, Potter?" Malfoy mocked.

Mila frowned quickly, wondering what Malfoy was doing. They'd gotten in a nice rhythm of staying out of each other's way in public, and though she hadn't seen him since Hogsmeade, she didn't think that had changed. Actually, if anything, he'd been avoiding her more in the last few days.

Harry's hand flew to his wand in his back pocket, but he didn't pull it out. "Do you ever get tired of being an absolute prat, Malfoy?"

Mila put a hand on his arm and said his name, but he ignored her as Malfoy made another jab.

"Bit of a sore point is it, Potter? What's the matter? You putting in the hard work without reaping the benefits?"

Mila was appalled at what Malfoy had said. It seemed he definitely wasn't playing nice anymore, which meant she wasn't staying silent.

"Malfoy, what are you doing?" she found herself asking. Hopefully Harry wouldn't read too much into the question.

Malfoy's looked of disgust turned to her. "Oh I'm sorry, did I hurt the golden boy's feelings? Guess that means his little girlfriend is here to defend him."

She tried to search his face, to read where this was coming from. But he just gave her the look of contempt she had grown used to over the years. One, she realised, she hadn't seen in a while.

As she frowned at him, he felt himself go cold. Truthfully, he didn't know what he was doing, but seeing her and Potter together made him angry. Especially after the other day in the Great Hall. The way she was looking at him, made him even more defensive however, and he kept up with the insults.

He held his hands up and left his chest wide open. "Come on, Lovett, give it your best shot."

He needed it. He needed her to hex him. It would validate his anger. He would feel better, knowing she had hit back.

She continued her frown, but stepped back and shook her head. "No."

"What are you afraid of?" he sneered.

Harry was watching the two of them in confusion. Malfoy had always been a prick, but never like this. The blonde boy and Mila seemed to be looking at each other in a way he didn't understand.

Mila continue shaking her head, and walked over to Harry and gently took his arm. "Let's go," she said simply.

Malfoy watched as they walked away, and lowered the arms he had raised. His anger was still pumping and he took some deep breaths. She hadn't hit him, she hadn't even yelled at him, even after he made those comments about her relationship with Potter that he knew she always hated.

He felt disgusting.

He turned in the opposite direction, and stalked down the hall. He'd tried to avoid her the last few days, but she hadn't even noticed. He was nothing to her, not even worth hexing.

He felt like he was eleven years old again.


draco omg so dramatic