Once the excitement from John's outburst died down, I was ready for the party to be over. My wrist was throbbing, but Dylan was so excited for her cake I didn't have the heart to cut the party short. We sang her happy birthday, she wanted Bellamy to help her get the ones she missed. We watched her open her presents, everyone had been thinking Princesses thanks to Octavia. Apparently she decided since I was Bellamy's princess, Dylan was too. Dylan got fussy after presents. She had held out longer than I expected since there weren't any other kids for her to play with.
Raven and Octavia told me they would take care of cleaning up the yard. I offered to help, but I was still holding my wrist. Raven shook her head and told me to go get some ice for it. They could take care of the mess they made. Once I got inside I grabbed a bag of frozen peas, and listened to the voices coming from upstairs.
I walked slowly up the steps, thinking about how quick Bellamy always is to defend us. Never once did he care what happened to him, he stepped in front of me and Dylan. Even Lincoln had defended us. I didn't get a chance to thank him for that. Especially since he was the one who first hit John.
I stopped outside Bellamy's bedroom door, listening to him talk to Dylan. I smiled, looking at the spare room. Bellamy had been sleeping on the couch. There was a bed he could've been sleeping on, and yet he had put the blankets on the couch. I shook my head, realizing he had been protecting us even when we were sleeping. It was after the first time John came that he went to the couch. Sure our kiss had initiated it, but then again he didn't choose the bed. He stayed down here.
If John broke in he would be the first one to hear it. He would be able to protect us before he made it upstairs and found us in Bellamy's bed. I smiled again, shaking my head. Always the protector. Even if he thought he was being sneaky. I wanted to kick myself, why was I still afraid of myself and these feelings we both had for each other?
I stood in the door way looking at my two favorite people. Bellamy was sitting in his bed, holding Dylan between his legs. She was looking at the pictures, pointing and smiling as he read to her. She loved Goodnight Moon, she had me read it to her every single night for a while. Bellamy was even doing little voices for all the characters, I smiled at the scene in front of me.
Once again I was grateful for my best friend, even if he had made me mad earlier. He had gotten her away from the scene that exploded, he had made sure her birthday wasn't ruined by anyone.
I sighed and decided not to interrupt their moment together. I held my wrist in my hand and went back down to the kitchen, searching for something to help with. John had gotten pretty close to hurting me once again. I was at a loss as to what I could clean up with one wrist. It hurt pretty badly, every time I tried to twist it, the pain went up my arm. I was hoping it was just a sprain and nothing more.
Even with the scene John had made, Dylan's birthday had been better than the last two. There were more people to spoil her, more people to laugh with. It had been better mostly because Octavia had went all out. She really did love that little girl. Almost as much as her brother did.
I was glad we sort of worked out our problems. I knew I was blowing the Jasper thing out of proportion, but at the same time it hurt to hear him act like it was nothing. He had been the one telling our friends how he felt. He had been the one waiting for me while I was away. I didn't need him to declare his love for me in front of everyone. But I didn't want him to be afraid to say what he was feeling to anyone else but me either.
I knew I needed to apologize. I needed to tell him everything I was feeling. Watching him with Dylan, seeing him protect her the way he always protected me was how I knew there was no reason to be afraid of my feelings. Or his feelings for that matter. No matter what he said to everyone else, at the end of the day I knew exactly how he felt. Which was what should matter the most.
I crossed my arms over my chest and closed my eyes, the realization hitting me. I didn't love him because he was my best friend. He was my best friend because I was in love with him. It was like one came along with the other. I let go of my fears, my confusion, and I smiled. I loved him as a friend, as a person. I was in love with Bellamy Blake. He was it for me.
"She's out," I jumped as he hit the last step and joined me in the kitchen, "she fell asleep after telling me many times thank you."
I smiled, my daughter was adorable, "she's nothing if not polite. I taught her that early." I took in a deep breath, "thank you. You saved her from the chaos that seems to follow me around these days."
He leaned against the counter beside me and nodded. We were so close and yet so far away. I hadn't apologize to him since I told him to figure things out. I had stayed away, giving him space. Well it was more like I was giving myself space. The room was quiet and I knew I had to fix this. I wanted to fix this, because I couldn't lose what we had. No matter what chaos followed, Bellamy had always been the constant in my life.
"Bell I'm sorry. I know I was hard on you. I know it wasn't fair for me to put you on the spot with Roma. It's a lot to ask of someone to make a decision that fast. Between losing my dad and leaving John, I've lost all control over my life. I feel like I'm going crazy. It's been hard, and yet you've made it easier on me. You are the only constant Dylan and I have in our lives," I put my hand up so he knew I wasn't finished.
Bellamy closed his mouth as I sighed, "I've just been so scared and confused these past few days. You're my best friend and I love you. But I don't just love you. I'm in love with you. That scares the hell out of me, because I'm terrified of losing the foundation we have. I'm terrified of losing the only thing I have left that reminds me of who I was, who I want to be again."
A tear slipped down my cheek as he stood there staring at me. His lips were parted, surprise written all over his face. We had danced around the word earlier at the park, even though we both knew we loved each other. But our love had always been different, more of a friendship love. When I told him I loved him, it was like telling that to my mom or dad. Now that I was in love with him, there was a lot more at stake. It was deeper, there was more meaning to the word.
My heart was pounding, my mind racing with so much more. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him and the way he took Dylan under his wing. I wanted him to know that I was okay with him protecting her the way he had always protected me. I wanted us to be the family her father and I couldn't be.
Bellamy pushed himself off the counter before I could say anything else. He stood in front of me, my breath catching in my throat. He uncrossed his arms, putting his hands on either side of my face. He didn't say anything, he just leaned in, pressing his lips to mine once more. I closed my eyes, smiling as his lips moved with mine. This was all I needed to know he felt the same way. No matter how or why we had found our way back into each other's lives.
"I've been in love with you Clarke ever since you cried on my shoulder the morning of your wedding," he smiled as he pulled away from me. His brown eyes were beautiful in the dim light, "I've wanted to tell you the moment I opened that door and found you on my porch. It's always been you, it will always be you. All the others were just complications. None of it mattered without you."
Bellamy wiped away a tear that fell down my cheek, "last night when I cried, I was scared you wouldn't feel the same way. He's broken more than my spirit, Bell. I have a hard time believing people when they say they love me."
He shook his head, kissing me quickly once more, "well then I guess I have to help you build it all back up. Trust me, I've wanted to tell you for a while now. I thought Octavia was pretty obvious for me. I just thought you needed some time to process everything. I didn't want to pressure you."
I kissed him this time, his hands still holding my face close to his. I moved into him, my chest pressed against his as his arms wrapped around my waist. Another tear fell as I pulled away.
I pressed my forehead against his, "I love how you love my daughter like she's your own. I love how no matter how hard I've tried to stop you, you still beat people up for me. But mostly I love how I can remember every single moment of my life and you're right there beside me."
Bellamy's eyes were closed as we stood there together. His breathing matched mine, "that little girl is beautiful. She's everything to you and you're everything to me," he opened his eyes and I could see all the things he was trying to say. He held me tighter as his sister opened the back door, "stay with me Clarke. Don't find somewhere else to go. Don't worry about anything. You and Dylan deserve a home. I want that home to be here with me."
I smiled, running my hand down his chest, "wow I didn't even get a first date and already he's asking me to move in?"
His sister laughed, standing there watching us with big eyes, "please you two have had twenty years of first dates. About time you finally get together for real."
"Octavia," his voice was low, he was annoyed. I giggled, his eyes closing slowly as he sighed and tried to wish his sister away from us. She didn't ruin this moment for me, she made it even better. He didn't pull away from me, he didn't dismiss our relationship this time. Instead he held me closer, his lips finding mine.
"I think what she means to say is yes, I'll stay here with you. I don't think there's anywhere else I'd rather be."
Bellamy hugged me, his arms around my waist as he picked me up and spun me around. My feet were in the air, my laugh loud as he laughed with me. I looked at him when he stopped, pressing my hand against his cheek, "you're my home. I didn't know it until I was forced to choose."
I kissed him softly, Octavia pulling me away before he could make it deeper. She wrapped her arms around me, squealing loudly as we all stood in the kitchen together. I tried to quiet her down, I didn't want to wake Dylan up, "this means you're so my maid of honor now, Clarke. Dylan will be the cutest little flower girl ever."
I laughed, shaking my head as she held my hands in hers and squeezed them. I sighed, knowing there was no way out of that wedding if I tried. I was happy that his sister loved me as much as she did. Family approval was important to Bellamy.
"Hey," he came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I don't think I could ever get tired of that move if I tried to. I pressed myself into his chest, "hands off my girls, O. I just got them, I don't want to share."
I smiled as he pressed his nose into my neck, his lips grazing over my skin. I closed my eyes, listening to Octavia go outside to call Lincoln, "don't worry Bell. It's you and me, it's always been you and me against the world."
I didn't think my heart could handle anymore love than I had in that very moment. Standing there with Bellamy in what was our official home, I knew there was no way I would ever leave again. I couldn't remember why I left in the first place. I turned around in his arms, his eyes full of surprise as I smiled up at him.
"Now that we officially live here, we have to get Dylan to sleep in her own bed," I whispered, running my finger down his chest, "because last night was not enough for me."
He laughed, that deep laugh filled with actual humor in it, "we'll tell her it's all hers tomorrow. She can do whatever she wants with it. I've waited four years to have you in my bed, I can wait another night."
I pressed my lips against his neck, hearing him take in a startled breath, "or we can always use the guest bedroom one last time."
He swallowed loudly, his hands shaking as he gripped my hips. I laughed, knowing I had caused him to react the way he did. I pulled back, waiting for his answer. He opened his mouth, and my heart pulled as a tiny voice called from upstairs.
"Momma! Bellmy!"
I closed my eyes, exhaustion filled my bones. Bellamy squeezed my hips and then I felt him press a kiss against my forehead, "don't worry, I've got this."
I smiled, watching as he went back up the stairs to Dylan. I wasn't in this alone anymore. I had a partner, a friend to share the duty of being mom with me. I had my best friend, who loved my daughter just as much as I did. I felt a little bit of weight lift off my shoulders as I stood there watching his back.
I shook my head, wondering how I had gotten so lucky. Guys like Bellamy were rare to find, even more rare to have been standing there beside you all along. I ran my hand through my hair, listening to him start reading to her again. He was chasing away the monsters, and she giggled at his funny story. As I listened to them I knew she wasn't just my daughter, she was our daughter. She had been ever since I found my way to his door at two in the morning.
We were in this together now, no matter what happened I had Bellamy to hold my hand and promise me it would be alright. He might not be able to fix the world around us, but together we would try. He was my rock, my safe haven. I wouldn't let him be the one that got away.
