Growth Spurts and Madonna
The weeks came and went, Thanksgiving turning into December, the days turned from Hanukkah to Christmas, from Christmas to New Year's, from New Year's to the beginning of the new semester. And Puck and Kurt had barely seen each other at all.
Due to Quinn living in his house and the secret being out, Puck wasn't allowed to leave the house unless Quinn allowed it, according to Mae's rule. And while Quinn had said she'd be okay with Puck going to Kurt's and Kurt coming over, she ended up making Puck stay in to prove that he really wanted to be with just her, afraid he would go sex up another girl. When she was willing to let him leave, though, Mae was out of the house working and needed someone to babysit for her.
And Kurt wasn't able to come over as much that break because, well, Puck's joke about his hunger was true; he finally had another growth spurt. He sprouted up a few more inches but, most importantly to him, lost almost all his baby fat, finally starting to grow out of his milkmaid stage.
It was strange. It seemed that one day he went to bed, still a caterpillar, and then the next day he woke up a taller butterfly, the hem of his pajama pants showing off some calf and the waistband lose around his leaner frame. With his dad's permission, he managed to find some online deals on designer goods and slightly ruined productions that he could sew right up with his kit. He barely left the house except to buy more sewing material or to go to the after-Christmas sales at the mall. He had volunteered to take Quinn on these trips and Puck as well, but the day of the sales she had a particularly bad case of morning sickness and Puck needed to be there to hold her hair back. And Mercedes was out of town all break due to a family visit.
Shopping in big sales alone was easier anyways.
So when Puck walked into the choir room, his arm around Quinn—his girlfriend—smile on his face, excited to see his friends (especially Kurt) again, his jaw soon dropped at seeing his best friend's new body.
"Kurt?"
"Noah!" Kurt exclaimed brightly, giggling slightly as he ran over and attacked him with a hug. "I've missed you so much," he said in Puck's ear, now barely having to move his head at all to whisper in it. Several long moments later, after finally pulling away from Puck, he gave Quinn a hug, aww-ing over her cute maternity dress.
He turned back to Puck, a huge smile one his face when he noticed his best friend still starting at him. "Everything okay?" Kurt asked, looking down at his outfit as his face fell slightly. "It's not my favorite outfit but I'm still trying to put new ensembles together because of my growth spurt."
Puck shook his head out of his daze, "Yeah…yeah, sorry. It's just…when you told me you had a growth spurt I…I wasn't expecting this. At all. You finally look like you belong in high school."
"Kurt," Quinn said, "You look really great. Truly great."
Kurt smiled, "I know, right? I mean, I didn't grow that much, I'm still below average, but I finally lost some of that baby fat I'd been trying to lose for years now. I still have my hips, but my waist is smaller and my face is leaner…" He leaned in and whispered to the couple with a wink, "And maybe now I'll finally be able to get attention from guys because I don't look like a little kid anymore."
Puck was about to say that he was sure guys noticed him before when Mercedes and Tina called Kurt over to ask a question about a designer or some shit; Puck wasn't really focused on it. So Kurt excused himself from the couple's presence and went over to Tina and Mercedes, Puck's eyes watching his ass the whole time. With the weight loss it seemed smaller, but it definitely wasn't any less delicious than before.
Quinn, seeing her supposed boyfriend's eyes wander, turned his head with her hand to face her, raising an eyebrow. Puck gave a guilty half-smile before kissing her on the cheek and wrapping his arm around her waist to lead her to the chairs.
When they sat down, Mercedes looked from Kurt, who was absorbed in a conversation with Tina about what color hair extensions to put in her hair, to Puck with a slight frown. The two were still so completely oblivious to each other and now Puck was dating Quinn, leaving her boy with even less action than before. And the boy was even finer now, leaner figure and older look and all. She saw Puck's eyes earlier, how he was blown away by his growth spurt, why the hell wasn't he all up on that? Wasn't this the time of day they were more all over each other than normal because it was a safe place or something? The hell was this?
"You know, it truly is amazing how much you've grown," Mercedes remarked to Kurt. "I wonder if Mohawk could even carry you anymore." Her plan wasn't a great long term one and it wasn't even that clever, but it would do for now.
Kurt rolled his eyes as he stepped off the risers, "Please, 'Cedes, I didn't grow that much." He studied her for a moment, his eyes narrowing, "Is this supposed to be some comment on my weight? I know I still have more to go and my hips are a bit womanly—"
"'Cedes, you aren't questioning my badassness, are you? 'Cause I can totally still pick up Kurt and everything, what are you smoking?" Puck asked, his eyes narrowing as well.
"I'm just joking," Mercedes said with an eye roll at their over dramatics.
"I guess the one way to prove to her that I'm still small enough and you're still badass enough is for you to lift me and prove it," Kurt said in a matter-of-fact tone.
"I guess it is," Puck said right back. Before anyone could say anything else on the matter, Puck stood and Kurt strode over in three long steps, Puck picking him up in a bridal carry as they both laughed. They soon collapsed into Puck's chair, Kurt instantly relaxing into the hold as he sat on his best friend's lap.
"See?" Kurt said, soon laughing as Puck whispered something in his ear. He turned so his legs were hanging off of Puck's side as his arms draped over Puck's neck and started asking Puck about more specifics of his break, the texting between them definitely not enough.
Artie watched Mercedes' smug smile—knowing he'd have to tell her to be careful because of his own experiences with Puck and his love for Kurt—Tina's raised eyebrows and open mouth in realization—he had the most beautiful girlfriend, even when she was shocked—and, most importantly, Quinn's glare and tense jaw. They'd have to be careful around her that was for sure.
"I do love you, you know," Puck said at the end of class.
"I love you, too," Kurt said immediately, Quinn walking behind them with a frown on her face.
—
"So how long have you known?" Artie asked into his cell as Tina wheeled him down the hall with one hand, her other holding her own cell phone.
"How long have I known about what?" Mercedes asked, pulling out her econ book.
"About a certain gay kid and badass duo wanting to be in each other's pants and wedding vows even though they don't know it," Artie replied.
Mercedes froze for a second before closing her locker. "You mean you guys know?" She thought it over, "I don't know, a few months now? Right around when we had that ballad project. It all sort of…clicked. What about you guys?"
"Well, I didn't even know until today," Tina said. "I can't believe how stupid I was to not see it, but the way Puck ignored Quinn for Kurt, the guy on his lap? Yeah, pretty much a dead giveaway. I had suspicions but I figured if I had grown up next to either of them and had that history with them I'd act the same, but…"
"But best friends don't look at each other like that," Mercedes supplied.
"Or at each other's asses like that," Artie added. "I knew since Puck dated Rachel that something was up, and it was all confirmed when I thought he was talking about liking Kurt and he freaked out and made that phone call to Mr. Hummel. If you deny something that much, you're just in denial yourself."
"You were there for that?" Mercedes asked, it all starting to make sense. Without waiting for an answer, she continued, "So what are we going to do about it? I need to get my boy some action."
"What can we do?" Tina asked. "I mean, if they're so oblivious now, how are we going to get them to see it?"
"We can't," Artie sighed. "I tried talking to Puck about it before and he cracked and made that derogatory phone call to Mr. Hummel; he loves Quinn, too, and is in complete denial that his attraction to his best friend's ass is more than lust."
"Yeah, and Kurt's convinced that he can win Finn over," Mercedes responded.
"So there really isn't anything we can do," Tina said hopelessly.
"Gotta let their stuff run its course," Artie shrugged.
"That's depressing," Tina said. "Who else do you think knows?"
"Most everyone else is trapped in their own world, like Finn and Rachel and Santana and Brittany, so I doubt too many others realize. Maybe Matt or Mike. But Quinn definitely suspects something and she is not pleased by it."
"That is so stupid that she's upset," Mercedes blurted out. "She's just with him because she can't be with Finn anymore and she wants to be with a guy. But you don't need a guy to make you complete. She's preventing Puck from being with someone who loves him like that back because she's afraid to be alone and she wants to give him something because she's living with him."
Tina and Artie paused in thought. "I don't know, I think she likes him," Tina reasoned. "But, yeah, I think she's mainly with him because of a feeling of obligation."
"Whatever, I gotta get to class," Mercedes said, "See ya."
They all muttered their goodbyes and turned off their phones, putting the drama out of their minds.
—
It took the fifth Glee club practice of Kurt sitting on Puck's lap, both boys not paying attention to anyone else, when Quinn finally snapped.
"Shouldn't your girlfriend be the one on your lap, not your best friend?"
The club turned to look at her and the two friends, looks of shock and bemusement and worry lining their faces. "What?" Puck asked.
"You heard me," Quinn said, her jaw set in a line. "If we're supposedly going out, why are you holding onto a guy in your lap instead of me?"
Puck and Kurt looked at each other for a few moments, both shrugging at her words before turning back to face her. "You're pregnant. I can't really hold you in my lap because you'll sit all funny and hurt the baby, right?" Puck asked, his brow furrowing in confusion.
"Maybe. But why is he always sitting there?"
"He always sits here," Puck responded, confused as to what the big deal was. Kurt nodded in agreement. Quinn looked between the two of them, confusion and innocence on their faces, before screaming in frustration and storming out of the choir room.
"What's her problem?" Kurt asked, not rudely, just with concern.
Puck shrugged, "Pregnancy hormones, I guess."
"I'm so glad I never have to deal with that," Kurt muttered as the lesson went back to normal.
"No surrogate pregnancies in your future?"
Kurt snorted, "Trust me, adoption is more my forte; I don't trust myself to stay sane around a pregnant woman."
"Too bad I trust you," Puck quipped.
"I guess I trust you, too," Kurt replied with a smile as the two started focusing back on the class.
—
"Hey, where's your dad?" Puck asked as they cooked some popcorn in preparation for their movie.
Kurt smiled as he chopped up some peppers and cucumber to snack on (hey, just because he was hungry all the time because he finally seemed to be in that stage of puberty didn't' mean he had to just eat popcorn). "He has a date," he answered.
Puck smiled widely. "No kidding? Man, I've been waiting for this day for, like, ever. I'm glad he's finally ready." Stealing a slice of cucumber, he asked with a full mouth, "Who is it?"
Kurt froze for a split second before carrying on with his snack making, moving onto the Granny Smith's with an apple slicer. "Carole."
"Carole who? Not that old racist lady who lives off of Vine and yells about Obama being the antichrist, right?"
"No, of course not," Kurt frowned. "Carole Hudson…"
Puck stared at him for a long time until he finally managed to string together a thought. "Finn's mom?"
Kurt did his best to act surprised, "Oh, that is his mom, isn't it? Wow, I can't believe I didn't realize that, that is so weird."
"Kurt," Puck said with a raised eyebrow, "You're setting up your dad with his mom so you can get closer to Finn?"
Kurt turned back to Puck, ignoring the timer going off on the microwave. "I just introduced them at that back to school night and they hit it off." Puck continued to raise his eyebrow and Kurt sighed, "Okay, I did it in hopes that they would move in so Finn and I would share a room, but it's not my fault that Carole and Dad hit it off so well!"
"That's really creepy, Kurt," Puck said honestly. "Like, I know you care about him, but you're putting yourselves on a path to being related just so you can see him naked and possibly convince him to sleep with you or some shit?"
"What? No! How could you think that about me?" Kurt asked indignantly. "I don't want…sex," he whispered the word as if it were a swear word, blushing wildly. "I want him to get to know me and I want to get to know him. It would just happen easier this way. And maybe we could kiss or something but not that, especially not so soon." He turned to the microwave and grabbed the popcorn. Going over to the cabinet to grab a bowl, he opened the bag and poured the food in while Puck continued to watch.
Why was Kurt so hesitant and nervous and embarrassed to talk about sex? They talked about it all the time! Well, Puck always talked about it…when Kurt chimed in, it was a sarcastic comment about Santana, not a real comment on sex at all…huh.
"Dude, why are you freaking out about this? You can't even say sex without blushing like, well, a blushing virgin," Puck asked, watching as Kurt tensed up. "You jerk off, right? I've told you about the importance of jerking off, I know I have."
"…Yeah, I do," Kurt said quietly, "And I like it, it's just…sex freaks me out. It's intimate and personal and scary and kind of disgusting and weird—"
"And awesome and orgasmic and totally worth it," Puck added as Kurt turned back to face him.
"Maybe for you, but it'll probably hurt for me," Kurt said with a huff, looking off to the side in embarrassment.
Puck studied him, "First off, who says you'll be the bottom? I've been reading a lot of stuff since my sexuality still confuses me and most people switch it up apparently. Second of all, from my limited experience with anal, I know enough preparation and stuff that it won't hurt too bad and will get better every time. And aren't you the kid who told me what the prostate was?"
"Just because I know what it is doesn't mean I plan on using it, at least not now," Kurt said slowly, trying to soak up everything Puck just said. "And all I know is that I want my first time to be special with someone special. That's not wrong."
"Of course you should wait for someone who you love, I'm not saying that you shouldn't," Puck responded. "But, c'mon, you know your first time won't be perfect, right? No matter how romantic you want it, something will go wrong. And going to college a virgin? Do you really want that? The people who go to college as virgins are lonely girls with cats, Trekkies, and your Christian freaks. Do you really want to be associated with them?" Kurt shrugged as Puck stared at him, hoping for an answer. After a moment of silence, Puck finally asked what he knew Kurt would want to talk about, "So what's this perfect person like? Past, y'know, being Finn."
Kurt snorted slightly. "Well, the love of my life would be great, but if not him…someone I love and who loves me, someone I can trust, someone I've known for a while, someone romantic."
"Someone related to you by marriage," Puck added, laughing as Kurt hit him on the arm.
Smirking slightly, Kurt said, "And what's wrong if that person's related by marriage, huh? Do you look down on Cher Horowitz now, too?"
Laughing, Puck picked up the vegetable tray as Kurt grabbed the popcorn, "C'mon, even I know that Alicia Silverstone was Paul Rudd's ex-stepsister."
—
"So I'm going to be a Cheerio," Kurt said into his phone, voice breathless with excitement as he looked at his uniformed body in the mirror.
Puck raised an eyebrow, "As in a cheerleader for the evil that is Coach Sylvester?"
"Well, a singer for the cheerleaders, with 'Cedes," Kurt corrected, looking over his shoulder in his full-length mirror. His ass looked hot in the red and white material.
"So do you have to wear a skirt or something?" Puck asked, his voice cracking slightly as he remembered that dream. Oh God, "Please tell me you don't have to wear a skirt."
"No, you jerk," Kurt scoffed, Puck sighing in relief. "I have a uniform of pants and a short sleeved shirt. I'm going to miss my Calvin's and Guess jeans and my beautiful McQueen, but at least my ass looks hot in this get up."
"I bet," Puck muttered.
"What was that?" Kurt asked, not really listening too much as he inspected his best angles.
"I said…I get why you want to be popular and stuff, but won't being a Cheerio and in Glee suck for you?" Puck said quickly.
"Maybe," Kurt shrugged, turning to face himself head on in the mirror, "But I never get challenged in Glee. I have had literally no solos and no chances to shine since I blew the high F. And before you go into your spiral of guilt over that, I'm moving on to say that with this male version of Rachel, Jesse St. Elsewhere or whatever, at school I'll have even less chances at solos. And I just want to have a chance to sing for everyone, it's what I love to do.
"So will you be at the pep assembly tomorrow to watch me and 'Cedes do our thang?"
"Only if you never say thang again," Puck said with a laugh. "And seriously, come on, how long have we known each other? I believe we've been best friends for fifty years."
"I guess you could say we've known each other for a long time," Kurt said with a laugh.
"Exactly. And have I ever missed anything important in your life?"
"…I don't remember you being there when I was born," Kurt finally responded, both boys chuckling.
"NOOOOAHHH!" a voice called out.
Puck rolled his eyes, "That would be Sara calling for me, probably wants some dinner since I doubt Quinn is sharing any of hers. Gotta go."
"Tell sis I say hi," Kurt requested.
"Of course. Talk to you later, Kurt."
"Bye, love you."
"You, too. And break a leg tomorrow!"
—
One thought plagued Puck's mind during all of "4 Minutes": How did Kurt get so hot?
Kurt was never ugly, but he definitely seemed so much younger before his growth spurt. And even after the growth spurt he was fine and hot, but now…
Puck didn't know if he should thank Coach Sylvester for putting him in that Cheerio's outfit or beg at her feet to get him off the team. Seeing Kurt up there, happy and confident and rocking it was awesome, but on the other hand, not being able to stop watching your best friend's body with your girlfriend right next to you was a bit unnerving.
"So, how was it?" Kurt asked, breathless with excitement as he greeted Puck with a hug.
"Amazing," Puck responded, trying not to undress him with his eyes as he pulled away from the hug.
"And I totally have star potential, right?" Kurt asked, his hands by his chest as he waited for a reply.
"Couldn't take my eyes off of you."
—
Puck looked at his dining room table with a smile. Oh yeah, he totally rocked this romantic shit: dimmed lights, candles, a frilly tablecloth, and, of course, Quinn's current favorite pregnancy food (chicken fingers and French fries with Ranch dressing, all with chicken ramen as well). Quinn would totally love it and him (and totally open her legs again).
"Puck? What is all of this?"
Turning to the doorway, Puck smiled at a confused looking Quinn. "Quinn! Come, sit down," Puck said, ushering her in and pulling out her chair. "Sparkling apple cider?" he asked, holding out the bottle.
"Um, sure," Quinn said. Continuing to smile, Puck poured the drink into the champagne glasses he had set out. Sitting down, he lifted his glass.
"Cheers," he said brightly.
"Yeah, cheers," Quinn said, puzzlement all over her face as she clinked her glass against his. "Listen, Puck, I—"
"I made your favorites," Puck said, gesturing to the food. "Well, I made the Ramen. Kurt made his own Ranch dressing and made the chicken and fries using the oven, he really only lets me cook when it's omelets. I make some mean omelets," he admitted as he placed some chicken on her plate and his.
Quinn's eyes closed and her jaw clenched at the mention of Kurt. He was why she couldn't enjoy the night. Kurt was sweet, amazing, funny, helpful…and totally making her feel inadequate in her relationship with Puck. She had no idea what was up with those two, but she definitely couldn't handle having to compete with that type of intimacy. "Listen, Puck, I need to say something."
Puck looked up from his plate, "Okay, what's up?"
"Now don't interrupt me, okay?" Quinn asked of him. Puck nodded. Taking a deep breath, Quinn started, "This whole week, with the whole 'power of Madonna' thing going on, I've realized…I don't need to be with a guy to be happy or strong or just to have a baby. And I don't want to sleep with you, and I know you miss sex. And I know…I know that you love me, but maybe we should…should make this relationship more open. That way I don't have to deal with the pressure of being in a full blown relationship, you can get some action, and…and I think we'll all be happier."
Puck felt his heart sink into his stomach. Yeah, he totally missed sex, but he could live without it. But he needed Quinn with him; he didn't need girls or sex or anything, he just needed Quinn and their daughter.
But as Quinn looked at him hopefully with her big, beautiful, brown eyes, Puck painted on a smile. "That sounds awesome, Q. I think it'll work out best for all of us." Quinn smiled at him and started digging into her meal. Puck watched the candles as they slowly melted away, suddenly not hungry anymore.
—
"I did fucking everything right, so fucking romantic, y'know? Candles and lace and her favorite foods and all that shit. And what does she do? Break my heart," Puck ranted, collapsing onto Kurt's bed.
Kurt slowly walked over from his vanity and sat down next to him. "I'm sorry, Noah. I've known you for the longest time, and I don't think you've ever loved someone, except for me, as much as you love Quinn. And the fact that she can't see that, that's horrible."
"Yeah…but how do I fix this?"
Sighing, Kurt admitted, "I have no idea. I guess just be there for her, earn her trust. I mean she hasn't known you as long as I do, she can't trust you like I do. I can trust that you'll tell me the truth and be honest with me because I know you, but she can't. Just give her time and be with her and love her and support her. Maybe when she's not clouded by pregnancy hormones she'll be ready for you two to live happily ever after."
Puck groaned, rubbing his hands over his eyes. "You're right…as per usual, you, my friend, are right."
Kurt smiled, "Of course I am, I'm always right, remember?"
"Oh yes, of course," Puck replied with a slight laugh.
"Yes, yes, yes," Kurt replied. "Now come on," he said, patting his leg, "let's go make some snacks and watch the movie, okay?"
"Fine, fine," Puck grumbled, getting out of the bed and starting the walk upstairs. "You coming?" he asked, turning back to Kurt, who had stopped at the bottom of the stairs.
"Um, yeah, just a minute, I want to go check my voicemail real quick," Kurt said, pulling his phone out of his pajama pocket. Shrugging, Puck went upstairs, calling out that he'd start the popcorn.
Kurt watched him go up, his mouth pursed in thought. Someone he loved who loved him, someone he trusted, someone he'd known for a while, someone romantic: they were all things he wanted in the person he spent the rest of his life in, the person he wanted to lose his virginity to.
The person who just so happened to be his best friend.
No. No way. He may be attractive, but Noah Puckerman was not the person he was meant to spend the rest of his life with; he was not the person he was supposed to lose his virginity to.
But maybe if he was still a virgin a year or so down the road he could lose it to him. It would be a surefire way to lose it to someone special, and then he wouldn't have to worry about being an inexperienced loser in college. It could totally work out for him perfectly.
"Hey, you coming up?"
"Yeah, just a minute!" Shaking his head, Kurt went upstairs, joining Puck in making snacks. But as they went about the kitchen, he couldn't help but think about how Puck just might be the perfect person to make him a man, so to speak.
He'd see how he felt in a year.
—
A/N: Just finished my first week of my sophomore year of college and it's so busy this year. Hopefully I can get a chapter in at least every two weeks, but the most amount of free time I have is on the weekends, and I'm normally busy with friends during that time.
Anyways, I hope the chapter was at least passable for you guys. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you liked it!
Love,
xLessxThanx3x
