I completely apologize if you're not fans of either Pat Benatar or Heart, but a lot of their songs seem to work for the NCIS gang. Thanks for everyone who favorited/subscribed/reviewed this story. It means a lot.

Song: "Sex As A Weapon" by Pat Benatar


Chapter Eleven: Sex As A Weapon

At least five minutes later, Tony was off on one of his usual pursuits. Ziva noticed, and she began fingering her weapon of choice lovingly as her eyes homed in on the potential aiming spot. Jeanne couldn't help but smile slightly as she relished the Mossad liaison officer's irritation.

Director Shepard was having a similar problem with Gibbs, only they were debating on how she handled the La Grenuoille issue. Finally, the redhead's temper—which was almost as fiery as her hair—exploded. "You really have to be the tough one, don't you, Jethro?"

Oh, no, CJ thought. Sensing another spontaneous outburst of singing coming on, she hurried to set everything up. She was ready when both Jenny and Ziva cried, "Hit it!"

Frantic rock music filled the room as Jen paced in front of the team leader.

"Is this from The Legend of Billie Jean?" Tony wondered.

"Nope," Ziva told him, popping up between her partner and his latest object of fascination. "It sounds similar at first, though."

Their director taunting Gibbs broke into their conversation:

"You really do know how to strut that stuff (strut that stuff)
You really do know how to act tough (act tough)"

Smiling evilly, Ziva told Tony:

"Your body's just like a centerfold (centerfold)
A fantasy (a fantasy) anyone would want to hold

(He shrugged, as if to say, "Well . . .")

Stop using sex as a weapon
Stop using sex as a weapon
You know you're already my obsession"

Jen added from where she was having a staring contest with Jethro:

"Stop (stop) using sex as a weapon
Love is more than a one way reflection
Stop (stop) using sex as a weapon"

Tony's amused expression morphed to terror as Ziva continued:

"With looks that kill and a mind that's twisted (twisted)
I don't know why I can't resist it (resist it)
I tell myself to look the other way (other way)
When you want me to (when you want me to)
I, I already stay"

The redheaded director joined in with the Mossad liaison officer on the chorus:

"Stop using sex as a weapon
Stop using sex as a weapon
You know you're already my obsession
Stop (stop) using sex as a weapon
Love is more than a one way reflection
Stop (stop) using sex as a weapon"

Ziva reprimanded Tony (who was looking increasingly uncomfortable):

"You play with desire like it was a toy (toy)
How much affection can you destroy

(Jeanne grinned in revenge)

You wrap my heart around your little finger
Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex as a weapon"

Abby, after a brief break, suddenly put in:

"Stop using sex as a weapon
Stop using sex"

The lady director of NCIS took over:

"Stop using sex as a weapon
Stop using sex as a weapon
You know you're already my obsession
Stop (stop) using sex as a weapon"

Ziva's voice twined with Director Shepard's as they harmonized:

"Love is more than a one way reflection"

Jenny continued her solo:

"Stop (stop) using sex as a weapon"

Together the two women warned each of their respective partners:

"Stop (stop) using sex as a weapon
Stop using sex as a weapon
Stop using sex
Stop using sex as a weapon
Stop using sex (stop using sex, stop using sex)
Sex as a weapon, as a weapon"

Gibbs looked completely baffled, as though he wasn't quite sure why or how this related to him. Jeanne had the look of a cat who swallowed the canary, and DiNozzo looked terrified (Ziva had her knife at his throat). The rest of the team, as well as the other federal employee patrons, grinned wolfishly.

"I am never going to let them forget this," said McGee gleefully. His favorite forensic scientist nodded agreement, as did Agent Lee, who had appeared with Jimmy Palmer at the beginning of the song. Said Autopsy Gremlin looked horror-struck, glancing uneasily at Lee as if thinking she was going to start in on him.

Ducky broke the ice by asking, "Anyone want another drink?"

"Uh, guys? I need a little help over here," came Tony's voice from a corner. Ziva's knife was sheathed, but the Italian playboy was now surrounded by women glaring daggers at him, Jeanne among them. Ziva herself was at her partner's side, warning them to stay away with eyes like slits.

"I think you have it under control," Gibbs told his deputy, lips twitching. The silver-haired fox turned to Ducky. "Sure, I'll have another bourbon."

DiNozzo gulped, thinking the words that were the last of almost every Star Wars character: I have a very bad feeling about this.