A/N: Wow, it feels like it's been centuries since anything remotely spoilery inspired me enough to write a fic about it, but here we are! I have one more coming after this that relates a lot more to SDCC content and the promo that was released then. It'll be longer than this one, but this was just an idea I had after seeing those original filming pics. Enjoy!
*Many thanks to sendtherain for beta'ing. :D
*I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.
Inspiration: Early filming pics of season 5 where Barry is wearing his season 1 suit. This chap is about how Iris is affected by the change in suit and why the red emblem is used instead of the white one.
Iris tried not to stare when Barry returned from the robbery he'd interrupted. Amidst all the confusion and uncertainty of their daughter coming from the future for a visit and being stuck in their time, there were still lesser-scale problems to be addressed in the city. Burglaries, kidnappings, bomb threats, speeding cars even. And they were a welcome distraction to the issue at hand.
There was just one problem with addressing them.
"Go!" Cisco had said as soon as his alert had gone off.
And Barry was about to go. In fact, he got a full block away before returning. Cisco was about to demand an explanation when Barry standing before them gesturing to his torn-up suit answered any question he might have asked.
"Oh, right." Cisco deflated. "Well-"
"My old suit," Barry said, lighting up at the brilliant suggestion. "Do we still have it?"
"Do we still have it," Cisco repeated. Iris could feel the irritation growing in him. As if he would ever throw away one of Barry's suits, especially when it was still fully functioning.
"It's in the speed lab," she answered for her husband, since Cisco clearly had forgotten there was a robbery in progress that allowed for no delay.
"Great!" Barry said and then he was gone, his ripped suit on the mannequin in the cortex and the other one no doubt on his person as he fled the building to save the day.
He returned minutes later of course, the burglar in custody at CCPD where he belonged, and while the suit was still on him, after some brief conversation, recapping what had gone down, Barry changed back into regular clothes in a flash and eventually made his way out. He had a day job again, and he'd come to use it as a distraction for dealing with Nora. He called out a goodbye to the rest of them and was gone. Eventually everyone else left too, no criminals or pressing problems for the day. Nora headed out too, no doubt to track her father down as she'd done on previous days. Unlike those instances, though, Iris made no attempt to stop her and try once again to reconnect.
She was still too busy thinking about the old suit Barry had gone out in. Swallowing hard, she made her way down to the speed lab where it had been haphazardly tossed aside – Cisco won't like that, she mused. She straightened it out, placed it on its own stand and looked at it.
She stared at it for what felt like hours, her heart pounding loudly in her chest.
It's just a suit, Iris. Pull yourself together.
But she couldn't. For two years Barry had worn that suit. He'd had many victories in that suit. He'd beaten two villains in that suit, three if the white emblem was replaced with the red one.
But all she could think about was those six, long months it had hung in the cortex when Barry was in the speed force. She'd see it every day when she came in. It was a constant reminder that Barry was gone, and that there was a good chance he was never coming back. The memories would flood through her. She couldn't help thinking it would've been better if he had walked into the speed force with it on, so she wouldn't have to think about it every time she looked in that direction.
Of course, she'd thought of him anyway, of what had happened, what couldn't be undone, that the love of her life was lost in time and space, away from her. So far away from her she lost her faith and hardened herself so she wouldn't feel. The loss of him was so devastating after a while, drowning herself in it became too much. She had to make it stop.
And she had.
Then he came back. He wore a new suit that signified new beginnings, and she could finally breathe again.
But now here he was wearing it again. He might be wearing it for a while until Cisco created a new one.
Could she really live with this reminder every day again? Of how awful it had been for six full months until he returned to her? When she saw it hanging there without him inside it, even if he was standing right in front of her alive, healthy, breathing, sane…would it drive her crazy?
Footsteps sounded behind her, but there was no jolt from her, no pulling her from her racing thoughts.
"Hey, Iris, do you think maybe…" But his voice stopped.
She became aware of him as he slowed down and walked up behind her. She nearly jumped out of her skin when he placed his hands on her arms.
"Hey, are you okay?" he asked, concern flooding his voice.
She shook her head. She couldn't lie to him. And when he came around to look at her face and saw the tears soaking her skin, his grip tightened on her arms as he lowered himself to look her in the eyes.
"Iris, what's wrong? Talk to me. Tell me what's going on. Did something happen?" he asked frantically.
That made her cry harder, and she fell into his arms, sobbing into his shirt. How many times during those six months had she wished Barry had been there to hold her, to tell her it would be okay, that he was right there beside her and they were going to get through this.
"Iris…" His voice broke as he held her close, rubbing her back.
He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, and a warmth flowered inside her.
"Tell me what's wrong. Please," he added softly.
She sighed shakily, the tears finally subsiding.
"It's just…" She pulled back and wiped away at her tears. He caught the new ones trickling down. "It's a reminder." She sniffled. "Of when you were gone."
"What is?" His brows furrowed. Then he turned around to look at what she'd been staring at when he'd walked in. He looked back at her, eyes wide. "The suit?"
She nodded.
"That suit hung in the cortex every day you were in the speed force, Barry." She looked up at him, eyes red from crying. "Every day I had to see it and be reminded that you were gone, that you weren't here, and you might never be again." Her voice cracked.
"Oh, Iris." He pulled her into his arms again, holding her tighter than before, and rocking her slightly. "I'm right here."
"I know." She nodded against him. "And I know you wore that suit for two years, so six measly months of you not wearing it shouldn't bother me but-"
"No." He pulled back and fixed his eyes on her again. "Iris, look at me."
Reluctantly, she met his gaze.
"When I went to the future, and I saw myself in a future where you died?" He shook his head. "My future self was a mess. And you know what he was fixated on?" She shook her head. "That picture of you and me that you had facedown in a frame in our loft while I was gone."
She gasped quietly.
"So, I get it, Iris," he said reassuringly. "I get how…hard it must be to look at."
Her shoulders slumped, relief coursing through her.
"Thanks, Barry."
He nodded, then turned around.
"To anyone else, it's just a suit, but to you, it's a painful memory."
She swallowed hard. "Yeah…" fell past her ruby libs, an almost silent whisper.
"So why don't we do something about that?" he asked, looking back at her.
Her brows furrowed, and she frowned. "Like what?"
"Like…" He walked over to the suit and twisted the emblem so it came off.
"Barry, what-"
He dropped the emblem in a nearby box, then dug around until he found what he was apparently looking for.
Iris watched, curiosity getting the better of her, as he placed a new emblem on the suit.
When he stepped back, she saw what it was and felt a peace washing over her. It was so simple and yet so perfect. It soothed her in so many ways, reminded her of good things, of the beginning.
"Your first emblem," she whispered.
He nodded, returning to her.
"Mhmm," he agreed. "It's red, not white, which doesn't make it that much different, but I figure-"
"It's perfect," she said, wrapping her hands around his arm and turning him to her till he looked down at her. "Thank you, Barry." She tilted her head up for his kiss, which he readily granted.
"I love you, Iris," he said, cupping her face with his other hand. "And I'm not going anywhere. Never again. You hear me?"
She nodded, closing her eyes as his fingers threaded through her hair and he pulled her in for another kiss.
"I love you, Barry," she breathed into a kiss.
His lips moved against hers, soft like velvet, warm and encouraging and eager. She moaned into him, pressed herself against him and pulled him to her so they were touching as much as they could be while standing, while fully clothed.
They kissed for a long while. No one interrupted them. And when Iris finally opened her eyes to see the red emblem on the old suit, she didn't cry. She breathed.
