Author's Notes: Apologies for the crappy Jana faction acronym. I couldn't think of anything! I don't ship Jana! ACK!

A SHORT RE-CAP

The Skater Faction – Has decided to also brainwash/hypnotize Sawyer, despite it clashing with Jater-ish plans. They want it done before dusk!

Sayid – Meanwhile, has awakened to find himself in the Medusa Holding Station with Jack!

Jack – Escapes the holding station when the door inexplicable opens, and he stumbles upon a room filled with surveillance monitors—one on which Skate sex is being had! NOES! Jack is horrified and leaves the room, only to find—

Ana – Who's been minding her own business in a cell just down the hall. Jack finds her, and...JANA MOMENT!

Chapter 11: Oh No, You Di'int—and—Say What Naw??

Juliet woke up to a sunny Saturday morning with lots to look forward to. She had planned to bake some cookies for the Relation-Shipper event going on down at the beach, a busy affair featuring lots of food, fun and fandom and then after the ensuing faction specific parties, she was going to update the Jana fan site with the latest news coming in from the Hydra. Today was an especially great day to be Janateer!

It was a plan that had been in production for a long time, since that first day Jack and Ana-Lucia had shared together on the beach, fulfilling a promised plane meeting that was sadly never to be. Something had just clicked for a lot of people right there. It was a ship that promised not to disappoint. Jana, (tentatively mottoed: "Fixing Me Fixing You"), provided things Jate simply couldn't provide for some people anymore, due to complications posed by the female of that ship that could only be fixed by either the resident Polar Bear, or some devastating humiliation that ostracized her for life.

Basically, Jana was a surefire hit for a small but intelligent group of islanders, who took advantage of the fact that not a lot of people noticed them, or were simply too busy making their own big important plans to notice the serious weaknesses in their strategy. Little moments of self-absorbed giddiness, such as that which the Sana people possessed, were perfect moments to strike fast and deadly, just like the Janateers had done three nights ago when the Sanateer's Hypno-Reels had come in.

It was a fiendishly simple plan and rather simple to execute, despite heavy Sana faction security. Really, it was kind of ridiculous, people needed a pass card and I.D for every damn thing. Anyway, an operative, armed with forged admission papers and I.D's, had slipped into the reel room, replaced the clips that were intended to forge a deeper Sana connection with clips that instead glorified Dr. Jack Shephard, slipped out, and then the faction had merely to stand back and witness Jana magic.

Juliet couldn't help but smile as she removed the first batch of Pecan Chocolate Cluster cookies from her oven. It was today, she knew, that in the underground Medusa Station, Sana operatives would be about due to discover the disastrous error with their hypno-reels. Humming, Juliet sashayed over to the marble counter where she began to arrange the steaming cookies in red and orange colored paper. She imagined how her shipping rivals would discover the error, and fantasized the order of events, with surprising accuracy.

The two operatives--most likely girls since this really wasn't a job you could rely on a guy to undertake--who worked Saturday's shift from morning until graveyard, would wake up that morning, check their IM's and the action on their various forums. They would then get dressed, outfit themselves with their various I.D's and semi-lethal ordnance and embark on the morning submarine en route for the Hydra Station. Once there, they would grab their call sheets for the individual duties they would be assigned to that day--but nothing would be done before they did their standard reel check in the Sana sector.

The door to the reel room would open, and an operative would unlock the reel box, first checking the negatives, and then the final reel that would be sent down for post-production examination. The first operative would stare at the reels initially with confusion, then in horror, and exclaim: "HEY! These aren't the Sawyer clips Megan ordered! These are..."

"Jack!" the other operative would exclaim with disgust. The two girls would look at each other, and simultaneously overcome by the same infuriated thought exclaim: "Jana!"


Sawyer had gone through a lot for the past two days. His navigator, the intrepid Hoodie kid whose name he still didn't know, had led him safely out of the facility he had been trapped in, and now had seen fit to drag him around the island, all the while promising answers and escape. Oddly, she hadn't told him anything about "those other two gals", other than "they'll be awright."

Today, the Hoodie girl took him to a cabin in a remote part of the island. Patiently enduring Sawyer's stream of cracks about hidden GAP departments and various other shopping outlets on Mystery Island, the Hooded Girl led the trek up a steep stone path into the inconspicuously built structure. It was small and stuffy and pretty heavily protected. Hoodie had quite an arsenal here, too. Mostly WWII materials, but a good deal less rusty than they should have been. What surprised Sawyer most, though, was Hoodie's possession of a Dell XPS laptop and an HP officejet all-in-one.

"Well hell, looks like I done crashed on the wrong damn side of the island." said Sawyer, folding his arms incredulously. "A little to the left and I could have been having internet access all this month." Hoodie didn't say anything, she just sat at the table, pounding away at the laptop and concentrating hard on the screen.

"Wouldn't happen to have a 60 inch and a couple of Thundercats copies 'round here, would you? Maybe some Hawaii Five-O? V.I.P.?"

Beeping and whirring came from the HP officejet all-in-one. Sawyer and Hoodie eagerly crowded around the machine as the paper bamped out. When the fax was complete, Hoodie snatched it out.

Sawyer peered over Hoodie's shoulder as she hunched, rapidly skimming the sheet. To his disappointment, the writing on the paper was in another language. Russian.

"What the hell's that, we in commie country now?!"

"It's a message from a military base several miles out of the island, we've been in contact for several months now. They won't be able to get a rescue fleet out here until next week. Bad weather. Damn! That's gonna be a problem."

"No, really? See, I thought we'd just about reached our quota of problems and bad weather. "

"Damnit, they've been having weather problems all month! It's those damn shippers, I just know it. They're probably jamming our signals, or messing with the environment gearbox. Those idiots don't even know what they're doing!" Hoodie clenched her fists.

Instead of asking what an "environment gearbox" was like he wanted to, Sawyer sighed and said, "When I have problems, I love blaming the corporations too sweetie, but look, you really gotta focus on the bigger picture here: tellin' me what the freakin' hell's goin' on!"

Hoodie flailed a dismissive hand in Sawyer's direction.

"Look James, if I told you, you wouldn't understand."

"Hey, don't underestimate this pretty face now, us bumpkins do try and get us some learnin' down south."

Hoodie stared. "It's complicated."

"So's the Iraq war, everyone and his mama's got an explanation for that one, now get crackin'!"

"FYI Mr. Bumpkin, it's Ee-raq, not Eye-rack."

Sawyer stared incredulously.

"Well thanks so much, Hoodie McWordperfect. For your info, I'm gonna say it however the hell I want to, girlie!"

Hoodie rolled her eyes, shrugged and took a deep breath. Before Sawyer knew it, he was bombarded with tales that would put Hitchcock's drawers in a twist. Shippers?? Sana??? Jate???? Skate?????? WHAAAAT????????????

Hoodie told the tale with seriousness and composure. Even at times when Sawyer thought he would implode from suppressed laughter, she breezed right on through the acronyms and ridiculousness with not so much as a snicker. When she wrapped the story up, she crossed her arms and said solemnly:

"My name's Alex. I'm a Special Operator and Goodwill Ambassador of the Anti-Shipper League, and I'm here to get you off this island."


TO BE CONTINUED...