AN- I know it's been long but I was busy with Christmas and then New Years and then my dog decided to have her puppies and goodness there is wet dog smell everywhere. Anyways, Happy 2014 people, I hope you people get all the happiness in the world because god knows you deserve it for putting up with aspiring authors who don't know shit about writing and are temperamental and almost always late… I mean me.
So yeah… please read and review because that is literally the only thing that brings me happiness nowadays.
Onwards with Edward then!
Chapter-11 Now You Know
I sometimes feel like my life is a sitcom… where every situation is funny for others but painfully humiliating for me, so, previously on The Sucky Life of Edward fucking Cullen, I fell asleep on the couch and then humped Bella Swan's leg like a horny dog.
Yes my dignity is now officially dead, rest in peace dignity.
I didn't actually want to get out of my bed but my bladder was bursting and I really don't want to add 'bed-wetter' to my ever growing list of humiliations, so I get out of my bed and take a leak, and groan out loud as I hear the door bell ring. Perhaps I could pretend that I'm still asleep… and then what douche-wad? Gonna spend the rest of your life inside your bedroom? I mean I know about your snickers stash under the bed but that won't last forever.
It's 8 am anyway, there's no way that Bella is awake yet, I could just go to the gym and then go somewhere else and just roam around for a bit… oh yeah… then maybe you could change your name to Alejandro and move to Mexico!
Dude, I've been ignoring you for a while now, but you're kind of mean for an inner voice…
I was born this way!
Oh great! My conscience is a snarky gay dude…
Might as well go out and open that damned door…
Ah! Speaking of snarky gay dudes…
"Jacob!" I let him inside the door…
"Ginger!" he said, strutting down to the kitchen.
"Don't call me that!" I warned him as I followed him into MY kitchen
"Dye your hair then!" he replied… DO NOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO IN MY OWN HOUSE YOU… ASS!
"What do you want?" I grind out, through the fakest smile ever.
"The same thing you do!" He grins back.
"And what is that?" This'll be good.
"Be-lla" He says, in a sing song voice. Okay, not that good.
"I don't know what you're talking about…" That was literally the opposite of convincing…
"Oh no… don't try to pull that with me, I saw the way you look at her, that was some weird ass mushy-lusty looks you were shooting at her, you almost passed out when she hugged you and then you looked positively giddy when she sat next to you in the den…" He waggled his eyebrows at me.
"Dude, that is so creepy, were you just staring at me the whole night?!" I mean to be fair to him, I am very attractive.
"Okay ginger, cool down, I wasn't staring at you. But I was looking out for Bella. She's important to me, and I can see that you wanna' lay your moves on her. I'm not gonna' be here long because as soon as this weekend is done, I'm flying back to London. So let me just tell you this now, if you hurt her… I will shove an umbrella up your ass and then open it, while it's still in your ass." Ouch.
"You don't have anything to worry about, I'm not-"
"Jake!" Oh great Bella is here… Why can't I ever be dead when I want to be dead…?
"Good Morning sweetums!" Jacob was now ignoring me like he wasn't just threatening me with violent rectal trauma just seconds ago.
"You do realize that you look like a dick whenever you do the whole cutesy thing…" She grimaced; she hadn't looked at me yet… is she mad at me? She wasn't yesterday… but she could have changed her mind, maybe she's disgusted by me now, what if she wants to move out? I don't want her to leave… I mean, Alice will kill me! Pathetic.
But my worries were put to rest when she came up to stand beside me and then nudged me softly with her shoulders.
Its fine… she's fine. She'll stay! Doesn't make you any less pathetic.
"I'm trying to be more domestic… Felix keeps saying that he wants to adopt." Jacob shrugged.
"Oh my god! That's awesome Jake; I didn't know that you and Felix were getting that serious!" Yes… let's delve into this minor character's back-story, it's not like we have anything else important to do.
"Okay… I don't even know how, but one moment it was all sex and the next moment we're making future plans, I mean he's living with me for god's sake!" Okay, he's talking like Graham Norton now, time for me to leave.
But just as I was leaving, Bella grabbed my elbow and pulled me back, "Where do you think you're going?" She asked.
"Er… nothing, I was just gonna go to the gym, workout a little, you know?" I mumbled.
"No, I don't know. You can't go right now, this is like the best part of my birthday, and you're staying!" I'm scared to leave now, she's fierce.
"Umm… what is?" I asked and she got this excited look on her face that made her eyes shine, she turned to Jacob and asked him, "You're gonna tell me all about you and Felix, later, but first tell me what did I get?" She was squealing by the end of the sentence.
"How about I just show you?" Jacob raised an eyebrow and then he did nothing… sort of anti-climactic if you ask me.
"SHOW ME!" Bella shouted.
"Well, you'll have to come downstairs with me if you want to see it! I can't bring it up here…" He smiled and she squealed again.
Bella then bee lined for her room and came back dressed in record time, she was wearing a royal blue V necked blouse with full sleeves, which made her tits look like sin and tight black jeans… Woman wants to murder me… Imagine that, death by bangin' body. What a fucking way to go.
But then I noticed that she was looking at me like I had just kicked a puppy, "Why aren't you changed yet?!" She asked, eyes wide and everything… goodness.
"I didn't know I was supposed to?" I shrugged.
"GO CHANGE!" I was on the move before she had finished speaking.
XXX
I hadn't even started buttoning up my shirt when an impatient Bella stormed into my room and dragged me out, we were riding down the elevator as I finished getting dressed, Bella had a 'mad scientist' look on her face, it seemed like the only thing missing was the rubbing together of the palms and an evil laugh.
"What exactly is happening here?" I asked.
"Around the time of Bella's birthday, both her fathers get into a pissing match about who gets her a better birthday present, you're about to witness the showing ceremony!" Jacob told me as the elevator dinged, indicating our arrival at the lobby.
"Both her fathers?"
"Oh yeah… my step dad, Phil and my actual dad, Charlie." Bella nodded and then motioned for Jacob to lead the way.
Outside the apartment building across the street was a brand new steel grey Range Rover sport.
"Oh My God! Tell me that's mine Jake!" Bella had grabbed my arm and her fingers were digging in to the flesh quite painfully. "Say it. Out loud. Say it."
"That's yours!" Jacob exclaimed gleefully, Bella screamed and grabbed the key that Jacob was dangling in front of her face and then ran towards her new car.
"So, which one gave her the car?" I asked Jacob while watching Bella tinker in her new car.
" Oh Charlie lost this round dude, seems like he was busy or something, he made a bank deposit of fifteen grand. This one is from Renee's very rich, very British and very young husband, Phil. He's loaded because he's like a big-shot cricket player, always wanted a daughter but never really wanted kids… you know what I mean?" He asked me.
And I obviously shook my head; I mean seriously what the hell does that mean?
"It's like, according to Phil, being a good dad means spending shit load amounts of money on the kid." He shrugged. Oh...
"HEY GUYS! LET'S GO FOR A DRIVE!" Bella called out.
Sounded like a plan, so I and Jacob headed towards the rather beautiful machine, and that asshole obviously pushed me back and then hurriedly got into the passenger seat, as If I wanted to sit near Bella. So, you DON'T want to sit near Bella? Of course I do, but I'm not over last night yet.
"Babe, as much I'd love to stay and ride this baby all over the town, I've got some important meetings tomorrow and I haven't prepared for shit, so, could you drop me at the hotel?" Jacob asked Bella… Great! It seems like awkwardness is on the menu for today after all.
Bella agreed to drop Jacob off at his hotel and we set off, after some general conversation about Jacob's love life, he said something that gathered my attention.
"You know… Dad said that Charlie was hoping that you'd visit him now that you're in the states." He said.
"Yeah and I was hoping that by now I'd be married to Robert Pattinson and have twin daughters but as you can see that's obviously not happening, so, you can tell your dad to tell Charlie that we don't always get what we hope for in life... Oh don't look at me like that man… I'm not being a thankless bitch or anything; I email Charlie… like once a month… and we're fine that way!"
"Bells if you guys were fine that way, then he won't be moping about it to my dad! I get it okay, parents can be rather ridiculous, I mean my father is a worthless piece of homophobic shit but I STILL VISIT HIM ON ALL THE HOLIDAYS!"
I could practically feel the atmosphere inside the car getting more and more tense. Bella was now gripping the steering wheel so tight that her knuckles had turned white.
"Drop it Jake… you don't know what you're talking about." She said in an eerily calm voice.
The giant took a hint and didn't say much for the rest of the journey, when we arrived at the hotel where he was staying at, they exchanged a few strained farewells and he shot me a look before strutting into the building.
"Ahem!" Bella was looking at me pointedly in the rear view mirror.
"What?" I asked.
"I'm not your bloody driver!" She said, pointing at the passenger seat. I obviously scurried out the back and got into the seat that Jacob the giant had just vacated.
Awkward silence…
"We've been jobless for some time now…" She said.
"Hmm… I suppose we could start writing again from Monday… this is your birthday weekend after all." I felt like an idiot, shooting furtive glances at her, trying to figure out exactly what was going on in that mind of hers.
"Cool…"
"Hmm…"
"So…" Uh oh, here it comes, "Do you want to talk about last night?" She asked, she was trying to sound casual.
"I really don't! I'm just so sorry that it happened, it was so inappropriate, and I apologize, sincerely. But I really don't want to talk about it." There was no pretending anymore, I was literally pleading.
"Okay…" She actually sounded a bit disappointed but didn't say anything else.
After some moments of silence Bella turned up the radio and we were momentarily distracted by the fact that Lady Gaga lives for the applause, when I had a moment of… curiosity.
"Can I ask you something? And it's totally okay if you don't want to answer me, just tell me to fuck off." I said.
"What is it?" she asked.
"What's the deal with you and your dad?"
"Aaaa-I… What indeed is the deal with me and my dad…" it was like she was testing how the words tasted in her mouth.
"Well, it's not just my dad really; I mean I'm not particularly close to either of my parents… Let's just say that, I dunno', things changed a little too much and I couldn't- I couldn't… cope.
"Okay, so, mom and I used to live together, and I used to visit Charlie for summers, but then mom started dating this guy and they were good together, so I thought I'd give them some space and I moved in with Charlie, figured I'll finish my schooling in forks… and then things were fine for a while, but then… I… started changing, and I could barely cope with that when I had a traumatic experience, don't ask!" She shot me a look "And I was just recovering when Charlie got engaged to Sue Clearwater and then BAM! School was over and everyone was moving on and some people, who I genuinely cared about, just, didn't seem to care about me at all, so I moved to London. I figured I'll get some space and everything will be fine," She paused and pressed her lips together and exhaled loudly through her nose.
"But?" I urged her to continue…
"But, as I said earlier, you don't always get what you for in life, one semester in, and my harebrained, freshly broken mother was in London, and I was actually fucking happy about it, figured we'd go back to the way things were, because I LIKED the way things were, I didn't hold a grudge over the fact that I had divorced parents and a rather unorthodox childhood… I liked my life. But life didn't like me back Edward! Damn that sounded so awesome… write that down!"
"What happened?" I'm getting invested in this story.
"What happened? Renee happened! Phil Dwyer happened, I'm out there looking for an apartment for me and mom when she calls me up and she's "met someone" now you'd ask, why are you upset about that Bella? I mean hey! Mom's happy! Sure! You know what, who cares that I was looking forward to living with my mom, after so long… whatever, it's been like a month and they fucking get married, in Vegas, like what the actual fuck! She didn't even invite me to the wedding but who gives a shit, right? That's mom! I was fine!"
Everything she said sounded strained by the burden of trying to make it sound like she didn't care, but it was evident that she did… Her eyes which were now welling up made that clear.
"Were you?" I asked which made her glare at me… that was a pretty dumb move man.
"Of course I wasn't" Something had changed… she didn't sound angry anymore, she sounded resigned. "This will make me sound like a total bitch but I kept thinking that she'd end it… but didn't she's been with him for like four years now… that longer than all of the relations she's ever been in put together… You Sue Clearwater, my dad's wife, she doesn't like me… I wanted her to, I asked her what I was doing wrong and you know what she said? She said that I was too much like my mother for her taste... I mean can you believe that, who does that?!"
I didn't have an answer for her… who could be so mean to her, she's perfect.
"Well… she sounds like a bitch." I said… and I want to punch her for hurting you.
"That's the thing Edward! She's not… you should see how she is with my dad, it's like she thinks he farts rainbows and something, and you should see how her kids are with me, it's like they think I'm like a goddess or something, I mean I'll show you some of the emails Leah and Seth have sent me, they make me seem like wonder-woman." Wait… what?
"I don't understand…" I really didn't, do we hate the step-monster or do we not?
"It's not that complicated, Sue had a problem with my attitude and she made that clear, otherwise, she seems perfect! She said I was too much like my mother; I didn't really have a problem with that, even though I'm not, I mean yeah I'm a free spirited independent woman, but I keep my commitments and I take responsibilities… I realize that everything in life is not fun and games… Whatever! But you know what the worst part is?! My mom's not like my mom anymore, she used to be this hippie person who genuinely didn't give a shit about the rest of the world. I mean for the sake of shit, she gave me a fucking vibrator for my 14th birthday! But now, she's married and living in Hertfordshire and playing Martha Stewart and having TEA-FUCKING-PARTIES!"
And I thought I had issues… It's like you both were made for each other. Oh hush!
I'm pretty sure I had a frown on my face when Bella looked away from the road at me, she chuckled, but it's didn't sound genuine.
"I know I sound crazy Edward… But you see, Jake doesn't get the fact that both my parents have built lives for themselves that don't include me… and I don't want to hurt myself trying to fit in a place where I don't belong…" she sighed.
Damn that just sucks… I've never seen her like this and it feels horrible seeing her upset… I want my laughing and joking Bella back.
My Bella? YEAH FUCK YOU!
"Hey if it's any consolation… my parents are dead! So…" Did you just fucking say that? What's wrong with you?!
Bella's eyes widened and let out a low whistle "Okay… so you're horrible at emo talk." And then she started laughing… thank fuck!
"Hey! Don't laugh! I JUST TOLD YOU THAT MY PARENTS ARE DEAD!"
"And how is that any consolation for the fact that my parents are shit?! What the hell is wrong with you?!" She chuckled.
"Way too many things to keep count…" I smiled at her.
"Hey can I ask you something?"
"What's that?"
"Dude please believe me I'm not trying to be mean or anything, I'm just curious but who were you dreaming about last night?" She asked.
"Oh God No! Bella! I told you I don't wanna' talk about it… please doesn't!" I groaned.
"Edward please it's my birthday! Just tell me, I promise I won't make fun of you!" She was giving me the puppy dog eyes… Dammit all to hell.
Just tell her some celebrities name and get it over with!
" I…"
"Go on…"
"I was… dreaming about…. You."
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEECH….!
AN- this was pretty heavy with Bella's back story, Edward is as awkward as ever and Jacob is almost leaving. The rest of the gang will be back in the next chapter…
Until next time then!
Lots of love! Do leave a review and DFTBA
xx
