A.N.: Aren't we glad Anno lets us play in his backyard?

Chapter 10 – Housewarming

"Well I'm glad we got you two unpacked before I have to leave," Misato started with a gleeful smile. "Now we can enjoy dinner."

Empty boxes laid strewn about the common area in Misato's large apartment. She helped Shinji and Asuka unpack their main belongings into their new home. Most of the item's that belonged to Asuka's mother sat in a rented storage space until she decided what to do with them. Both Asuka's and Shinji's attitudes offset Misato's while they sat at the table.

"Miss Misato," Shinji stated, "this is just reheated ramen noodles."

"Are you saying you don't like it?" she asked.

"Well it's a little disappointing, don't you think?" Asuka snorted. "I mean come on, we only had like the worst day of our lives here and all have to give us ramen noodles?"

Misato sighed as she scooped some of her noodles into her mouth and swallowed. "I know it's not much, and I know that you two have been put through a lot today. For that, I'm sorry." She took a long swig from her Yebissu beer can. "I'm not much of a cook anyways."

Shinji had an idea. "Misato, I'm a fairly good cook, if you want, I can make dinner from now on."

"Uhh…," she looked at him confused.

"Yeah," Asuka piped up. "Shinji is a great cook; you should try some of his fried rice some time."

Misato gave Shinji a worried look.

"Don't worry about it Misato," Shinji reassured her. "I don't mind doing it."

She smiled at him and said, "Ok then, I look forward to trying some of your food. Excuse me please." She stood up and retired to her room leaving Shinji and Asuka at the table.

Asuka sat at the table idly playing with her ramen noodles. "Shiste, this sucks," she spat.

Shinji set the glass down that he had drank from and swallowed. "You're mother, she raised you since you were a baby, right?"

The redhead twirled her fork in the Styrofoam container. "Yeah," she sighed as she began. "I barely knew my father. I was only five when my mother took me from Berlin to live here in Tokyo-3." She closed her eyes and smiled slightly as she struggled to remember her father. "For a long time, my mother, she never told me why she left him. I always assumed that it was because of her work for the NERV Third Branch. I later found out it was because of an affair she had with an American scientist, named Langley. I don't even think my father knows my middle name."

Shinji looked at her with sorrowful eyes. "You mean, your mother…?"

"Yeah," she finished. "She gave me the name Langley because she loved him more than my father." Asuka sighed and looked out the window into the evening sky. "I guess she just wanted to protect her little girl."

A wall of emotions broke down and the girl began to sob tremendously. She pushed the cup of noodles towards the center as she buries her head in her arms. Her sudden breakdown startled Shinji. Never in his life had he seen her so vulnerable. She was always the headstrong one vying for perfection in every aspect of her life. Now, it seemed she wanted it all to go away. All he could do was stare at her as she continued to cry.

"Asuka…," he started.

She did not look at him, rather she kept her head buried in her arms. "You… you're weak… pathetic." She began to inadvertently think aloud. Mother, you left your daughter here. Why, mother? Why…"why… why won't you… hold me…" mother, why won't you hold your daughter?

"Asuka…," he gasped.

She continued to sob onto the table. He reached out and placed his left hand on her head, slowly stroking it. Everyone is gone, she thought. Everyone, but him…

Shinji's actions did little to quell the sobs, however, she was not soothed by his actions. "I'm sorry, Asuka," he told her.

"For wh… what, idiote?"

"I'm sorry you have to go through this. I'm here for you, just like I've always been." He sighed as he continued to stroke her hair. "I know what you are going through."

"Know?" she questioned. "Know… what? You don't know what I'm having to deal with." She rose from her seat and Shinji followed suit. She advanced on him, her sorrowful eyes beginning to burn with resent. "Just how do you think you can relate to me!?"

"Asuka… I," he tripped and fell back onto Misato's sofa.

She walked up and placed her foot right in-between his legs. "How can you even think to live when you know there is no one left to love you? Until you understand that, you will never understand me." She stormed off to her room and slammed the divider shut. "Verpiss dich!"

"Asuka, wait!" he cried. "Why do you have to be a bitch even now," he added to himself.

Misato came out of her room fully dressed in her NERV service uniform. Despite not hearing the entire exchange, she could tell that, from the shouting and behavior of her two new charges, things were not going well for Shinji and Asuka.

"Shinji," she started softly as she walked to the door. "I know you both have had rough days." She paused facing the door, ready to exit. "I know that all hell has broken loose, especially for you," she sighed. "But try to see it from Asuka's point of view too." A small smile crept across Misato's visage. "I'm sure she will calm down given a few days. It would be best if you both could work this out. After all, you are going to be living here."

Shinji leaned back onto the couch and sighed, "I know, Misato. But I've never truly seen here… broken." He closed his eyes and let the memories surface. "I've seen her proud, seen her happy, seen her apprehensive, and… always angry. But this is different; it's like it's all rolled into one. I've never seen her seen her sad, angry, afraid, and hateful all at once." He leaned forward and looked at the floor. The beige carpeting softened by the glowing floor lamp to his right. "She's almost like a completely different person, and it scares me."

"I know, Shinji," she replied softly. "I was almost the same way when my father died. Just give her some time. She'll come around." She turned her head and looked at the pensive boy. "You care about her, don't you." She watched him nod ever so slightly. "That's good," she added. She turned back to the door and resumed her militaryesque posture and tone. "Anyway, I need to head out to my shift. Today was an emergency, so now I must begin my normal shift. I should be back by early morning. Take care of yourselves until then and enjoy your Friday night." She pushed the open button on the door and it slid open with a hiss. After she exited the threshold, it closed with another hiss and clicked the lock.

Silence filled the living room. He hated it. It made him feel alone. It made him feel afraid. Misato had left, Asuka was ignoring him, his mother was dead, and he dared not approach his father. Silence. He was alone.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out an old DAT Walkman. He shoved the buds into his ears, plugging them. Instantly, soft classical music pumped through the earpieces and drowned out the overpowering silence.

A.N.: Start Kanon

He was in the middle of an orchestra, sitting in the strings; cellos to his left, violas to his right. Pachabel moved his wand back and forth slowly as the musicians played Kanon to his lead. Shinji closed his eyes and swayed with the instrumentalists as they made their staccato and legato notes. He opened them and saw the cello leaning on his chair. Without thinking, he positioned the body-sized instrument in front of him and grabbed the bow. Soft low notes reverberated from the deep instrument as he played his part; his left fingers gripping the strings while he rocked the bow over the arch.

Something bigger, he thought. I'm part of something bigger.

The cello was an extension of his body. The music was his body. Each instrument part of his body; each instrumentalist in control. The conductor at the top controlled all the instrumentalists; making sure the song was played correctly. Kanon became Shinji.

He looked out passed the conductor and into the seats of the hall. It was empty. A sorrowful, mournful tune played for nobody. He closed his eyes and pushed more of his soul into the music.

Please, he thought. Please someone, hear me. Hear this song.

He opened his eyes and looked back out into the orchestra hall. An audience; a single person sat in the mid row in the bottom section. He could not tell if it was a woman or a man because he could hardly see. The lights from the rafters shined brightly on the orchestra obscuring his vision. Knowing now that he had an audience, he played more of his soul.

A.N.: Start Discussion

Who are you? he thought.

Who do you want me to be?

What?

I am your creation.

But how can that be? I don't have that power.

In your mind you do. I can be anyone.

Who are you?

I am the one who will listen.

Are you listening?

Yes. I am listening to your soul.

What?

Yes. Your soul is beautiful.

But, this is just a song written by someone else. I'm just playing it.

Are you playing it for me?

I guess.

Why not can the song be you?

Because it's not original.

Does it have to be?

Yes.

Do I have to be original?

What?

I can be whomever you like. Alternatively, you can make me an original.

Like the song?

The song is you; ergo, I would be you. Is that it? Do you take comfort in yourself?

I don't know.

It is a simple question; you either take comfort in yourself or someone like you.

Someone like me?

Do you love someone?

…Yes.

Then can I be the one you love?

No, you can't be her.

Why not? I can be anyone.

It wouldn't be the same.

How so. You are pouring your soul out to me? Do you love me?

What?

You are pouring your soul out to me. Therefore, you must love me. If you love someone else, why can't she be me? That way, you could play your soul to her.

But I wouldn't be, I would just think that I was.

Is that better than ignoring her and not playing your soul?

What?

It seems as though you desire to love her. You desire to play your soul to her. Are you afraid.

Are you afraid?

Are you afraid?

Are you afraid?

Are you afraid… Shinji?

YES!

What are you afraid of?

You.

Why?

Because you are reading me.

I am hearing your soul.

But why? Why am I playing for you?

Because you desire to love me.

No.

Then you desire to love the one who you wish to play for.

You desire to love her.

Yes.

Then play for her.

But she won't listen.

Have you tried?

I'm afraid.

Then practice.

How?

With me.

What?

I can be her, if you desire, and you can play for me as you would for her.

For her?

Yes. I wish to become her, for you. I wish for you to practice on me as you would wish to play for her. Let me become her.

Yes….

Let me become her so you can know what it's like to play your soul.

But what if I find that I'm afraid of playing for you?

Then you are afraid of playing for her.

But I'm more afraid of her rejection.

Then you will have to take that risk. Playing it safe is not an option. You must be brave Shinji. You must be brave. You must be brave to play for her.

But what if I fail?

Then you don't truly love her.

What?

You cannot fail if you truly love her because you will try to rectify your mistake and make it better. Therefore, if you truly love her, you will never fail. You will keep fighting.

What if she rejects me?

Do you really think she will?

Yes.

Even after you play your soul for her?

Even if she first rejects you, you really think it will last? If only she could see how beautiful your soul was, she would be foolish enough to think that?

Who are you?

The one your heart desires.

A.N.: End Kanon, End Dicussion

He finished the song and closed his eyes. When he opened them, he was back in Misato's living room on the couch a soft piano and guitar duet signaled the start of the next song. The soft music soothed him and he slouched down from the couch to the floor. The music lulled him to the first calm sleep he had had in days.


She slammed the divider shut and trudged over to her freshly made bed.

"Idiot!" she blasted. "How does he even think to understand me."

The sheets on the bed were cleanly folded with no visible wrinkles. It was too clean for her. She reach down and ripped the bedspread back, tossing the pillows from their place at the headboard. She leaned over and struck the pillows with her fist.

Punch. "Leck." Punch. "Mich." Punch. "Am." Punch. "Arsch." Punch. "Shinji."

After the final punch, she collapsed on the messy bed, burying her face into the freshly made indentation in the pillow. Tears flowed freely from her eyes soaking the pillow. She gasped in air from each sob, muffled by the pillow. "Mama…."

A.N.: Start Jesus bleibet meine Freude

A lifting sensation flowed through her body as she shut her eyes. A falling sensation flowed through her body as she opened her eyes. The cut woodchips rushed to her face. She did not flinch; instead the falling sensation turned to a lifting one as the sky rushed to her view. She gripped the chains in her hands as she fell back on the swing. At the apex of her back flow, she felt two soft hands gently push her to swing faster.

A.N.: Start Discussion

Mama, why did you leave me?

Why, mama? Why?

You left me here… with him…

MAMA?!?!

Asuka…

Mama?

I'm sorry Asuka.

Why mama?

It was inevitable. I was destined to leave you one day. Now you are free to start your own life.

No, mama, I want to be with you.

Don't you want to be with your little girl?

I do, Asuka, more than anything. I love you.

But if you love me, why didn't you stay.

I didn't have a choice.

It was Ikari, wasn't it.

No.

IT WAS! And you know it.

He was the one who killed you; the one who forced you to leave.

No. It was my choice to move forward. I knew the risks. I did this for you.

Liar.

I did this for you. I would have died anyways, and someday, you would have been alone.

I don't want you to leave, I love you.

I know

Now I don't love anyone.

Do you?

Do you?

Do you?

Do you love, no one?

...No.

That's good. You have someone to replace me.

No mama, no one can replace you.

What of the one you love?

What of the one you love?

I… hate him.

But you love him.

I HATE HIM!

Why?

Because… because he's… just like me.

Is that so bad? To have someone who is similar and who can relate to you?

But I think he hates me to.

Are you certain?

I don't know.

Why don't you find out?

If he hates me, then I will just hate him even more. I don't think I could live with myself if that happened.

It doesn't help if you don't try. You will simply stand still if you do nothing. You will never move ahead.

Just like me. I wished to move ahead. That's what life is about. If you stand still, then you will never have the experiences.

He tried to relate to me… about you, mama.

And?

I… I told… I said I hated him!

I didn't know what to do.

That's why I can't approach him now.

Well… what if he came to you?

Ha, like that would ever happen.

Would it?

He's afraid. He's afraid of everything now because his mama died.

Does that give you the right to ignore him?

Is he not…

The one your heart desires?

A.N.: End Jesus bleibet meine Freude, End Discussion

She closed her eyes and let the darkness drown out vision of the swing in the playground. She opened them and stared into the soaking pillow. A hand reached up and dried the caked salt water from her cheeks as she sniffled hard. She turned and faced the sliding closet door.

A full length mirror made the room seem larger. A red eyed, red haired, girl stared back at Asuka. Both girls rose from their beds and approached one another. They both reached out and touched the other's hand. Asuka looked upon the stranger in her room with a sense of pity.

"So," she whispered, "this is who I truly am. Not a front anymore I see."

The girls stepped closer to one another and embraced.

"I never knew…."

Their arms dragged across the mirrored surface as their embrace melted from each other to themselves.

"I guess I should apologize…."

"…Yes, I should."

She wiped her face clean with her sleeve and turned to face the divider. Her hand slid it open and her feet carried her into the hallway. She turned the corner to the living room and saw him slouched on the floor against the couch. His headphones jammed in his ears and his rhythmic breathing indicated he was in a cycle of deep slumber.

She smiled as she walked towards the couch. Her hands reached behind her and straiten her skirt as she sat down on his right. The sounds of an orchestra flowed from his headphones while the DAT player remained gripped in his hands.

"You always were soothed by works of the greats," she spoke aloud. "Pachabel, Bach, Beethoven, and Brahms; just to name a few."

He breathed in. She breathed in.

"I," she started, "came out here to tell you… I'm sorry."

Silence.

"I'm sorry I blew up at you like that. …I didn't mean it. I was… just so confused."

Silence.

"But now," she continued, "I think I know why I did it."

Silence.

"I think I did it because… I care about you, more than I thought I did."

Silence.

"I think I truly wanted you, but she… mama… she's gone now… from both our worlds."

Silence.

She sighs and looks at the sleeping child.

"Why am I even talking to you? It's not as if you can hear me."

He shifted in his sleep and his head fell onto Asuka's shoulder. Her body tensed has he brought his weight down her. This was unexpected for her; she did not know how to react. She could hear the soft music coming from his headphones; a piano, violas, and a cello. His chest rose and sank with each breath he took.

She grew accustomed to him as he leaned on her. "You big dummy," she smiled. "Who ever knew you were so peaceful when you slept."

Her hand rose and began stroking his hair, just as he had done to her just minutes ago. Somehow, it felt better now that she stroked his hair then when he did it to her. A quick glance at the clock under the television told her it was almost midnight.

"I guess you need your sleep, especially after what happened today."

She reached up and pulled down a pillow from the sofa. Slowly, she maneuvered herself away from Shinji and laid him horizontally on the floor with his head on the pillow.

"I suppose I'll keep you company then."

She walked over to the closet across from the sofa and removed a futon and two blankets. With the first blanket, she wrapped the pensive boy to keep him warm. The futon unfurled itself on the floor next to the boy and she draped the second blanket over it for herself. She crawled under the blanket and rested on her left side.

"Gute nacht, flachwichser," she whispered to him and closed her eyes, letting sleep overcome her.

A.N.: Ok, little document editor is really starting to piss me off. First it would not allow me to insert my greater-than/less-than signs as parentheses (or any other symbol for that matter), then it would not input lists correctly, now it will not display tabs or extra spaces/lines even if I go into the source editor. So for the heart discussion sequences, they will alternate on paragraphs between the character, then the heart. Again, this is one of those things where I say, "Read the fucking draft edits." At least those are formatted correctly.

Well, It's finally here, after how long? Jesus, it sure has been a while. I'm sorry it took me so long. I ended up rewriting this whole chapter cause the first draft did not feel right. I debated making it a lemon, but decided against it. Sorry about that, but fan service will come later, lol. Instead, I decided to take a page out of Anno's book and make the scenes very introspective. I even synced the heart discussion scenes to music. Shinji's is synced to Shiro Sagisu - Kanon D-dur (Quartet) from Evangelion - Death Soundtrack (4:59); Asuka's is synced to Shiro Sagisu - Jesus bleibet meine Freude from Evangelion - S2 Works Disc 7 (3:47). Read these passages aloud to the songs to get the effect.

CrazyKidDeath - lol, thanks man. i did try to make him a bit more evil and machiavellian than usual. as for where im going with it, you will just have to keep reading. to be honest, im doing this kinda like anno did; im making it up as i go on now that my posts have finally caught up with me.

Next Time: The boy and girl have made up against their own beliefs. The new days of the children will be filled with sorrow and joy. Meanwhile, Gendo must deal with a new development for NERV. Soon on NGE:InEVA - Move Forward.