I stirred slightly, and blinked, opening my eyes to the harsh rays of sun streaming through my bedroom window. I felt Brett stir beside me, but he didn't wake, just tightened his grip around my waist.

I laid back against his chest and thought about last night.

After we had fixed things out in the kitchen we made our way upstairs to my bedroom and made up the way we always do after a fight.

It was ten thirty on a Sunday morning, I was with Brett, and we were back together. Life is looking up.

So why do I still feel so sad? Damn hormones.

I turned in his arms so I was facing him. I kissed his cheek and placed my head in the crook of his neck.

A smile crept onto my face as his arms squeezed me tighter and he started placing sweet kisses across my neck, his eyes never opening.

I moaned as he pushed me onto my back and slowly moved to hover over me, his lips neck leaving my neck. His lips moved to my jaw, his tongue leading a trail to my ear. He nibbled on my ear before taking the lobe into his mouth, and a whimper escaped my lips.

He kissed my cheek before pulling back and whispering in my ear, "Morning, baby."

"Mmmm morning." I moaned, pulling his mouth down to mine. Our lips moved together, silently reminding the other of how much we loved them and how we both wished we could put the day before behind us for good.

But I knew that wouldn't be able to happen.

I pulled back ad rested my forehead on his. His hand brushed the hair that had fallen in my face behind my ear and kissed my nose. He rolled so we were both lying on our side.

"You okay, baby?" he asked after a few minutes of silence. I snapped my eyes to his, after realizing I was blanking out and staring into space.

"Yeah," I nodded, my eyes wide, just like they always are when I'm lying and I know he can see through it. "Mhmmm, course everything's okay."

"Lucy…." He trailed off, his lips kissing my jaw.

"Fine." I sighed, no point lying to him if he is gonna know I'm lying. "We need to talk, Brett."

His lips left my jaw and his head fell back on the pillow. "What's wrong, Luce?"

I rolled onto my back knowing this will be easier if I'm not looking him in the eye.

"I know I said we were cool last night Brett, but…" I trailed off hoping he would say something.

He didn't.

So I took a deep breath and continued. "Brett you really hurt me yesterday, and that isn't something I can just forget."

"You don't want to be together?" he asked, and so he doesn't guilt me into anything, I'm gonna pretend I don't hear the hurt in his voice.

"No! I do, I just," I through my hand over my eyes and sighed. Why was this so hard? "I don't know if I do." I finished quietly.

"I'll go with whatever you want Lucy," he whispered. "Whatever keeps you healthy." He added, almost inaudibly.

He can never make anything easy.

"But that's the thing. You make me happy, but…" I shook my head trying to deny what I was about to say. "You're the only one that makes me throw up." I whispered, afraid of his reaction.

"Lucy, I am so, so sorry. I never meant for this to happen. Don't throw up, baby. You're beautiful. Please, I am so sorry." He pleaded, and I turned my head so I was facing him and instantly regretted it. His eyes were full of love and concern and how can I deal with this when he cares so much?

I interrupted his rant with a kiss, not sure if it would be the last for a long time. "Brett, stop. I'm not blaming you. Okay?"

"But Luce, if you're not-"

"Look, I don't wanna be this girl anymore okay? I don't wanna be the pathetic girl who has to go throw up because she has no self-esteem. I need to get through this, Brett. I'm sorry, but-"

I took a deep breath and blinked back tears, why was this so damn hard?

"I need to get over this, but I can't be with you until I'm stable." I looked back at his eyes and saw the pain he masked so well. "I'm sorry, but I need to-"

"Don't apologize, Luce. I'll do whatever makes you safe." He answered, brushing the hair out of my face, and damn I'm gonna miss that.

"Okay, thank you. Not just for this, but for everything." I murmured, not sure how much longer I could blink back the tears, they were coming and I didn't need him to see them.

"No problem, babe." He smiled.

"So… I'm gonna go take a shower. I'll see you later?" wasn't the best excuse, but it'll do.

"Sure." He replied, grabbing his phone and car keys. "I'll talk to you later, Luce." He said, coming over and giving me one last hug. "Please eat something." He begged, after pulling away.

"I will," I reassured, making my way into the bathroom. I gave him one last smile and shut the door and locked it.

I went towards the shower and turned the knob until the water was scalding. I began peeling off my clothes, before groaning when I realized I was wearing one of Brett's old football jerseys.

Great.

I made my way into the shower, but before I could do anything productive, the tears began to fall. One by one, the salty liquid covered my face, as my chest heaved in need of more oxygen.

My back hit the shower wall and I slid down, holding my knees to my chest.

Why did it have to be this way? What I said was true, I'm sick of the rumors and the gossip and having everyone label me as 'the one with bulimia.' I was more than that, and I wanted people to finally see it.

But Brett was the love of my life, how could I say goodbye to that?

But he's the one who makes you throw up.

The voice in my head taunted. It is true; the only time I have ever slipped is when something happened between me and Brett.

So maybe this is a good thing, I'll become more stable and we'll be together after this whole mess is over with.

I wiped the tears from my face and gave up on showering, I stepped out and grabbed towel, wincing as the fabric rubbed against my now red skin from the hot water.

I squeezed my hair out in the sink and walked back into my room, searching for my phone.

1 new text message: Brett

Once again, great.

Curiosity got the best of me as it often does and I opened up the message.

hey luce. hope ur ok. please eat. love you.

For the umpteenth time, great.

How am I supposed to respond to that?

I don't know, so I didn't.

Oh yeah, ex-girlfriend of the year right here.

I knew I had to tell my girls what happened, but I really didn't feel like calling all of them, so I just texted Charlotte.

tell every1 2 meet at mall in 1 hour

Yeah, that'll get to them.

Charlotte was like a god at texting. Her fingers were super speedy, like legit, it's intense.

I quickly got dressed not really paying attention to what I wear; well paying more attention than Patrice cause c'mon I mean have you seen what she wears?

Some of it is downright scary. Ah, poor Evan. I bet she threatens him, and that's why they're together.

I started blow drying my hair but then I heard a ringing and realized Charlotte was calling me.

I grabbed my phone and pressed send. "Hello?"

"Mission accomplished, Lucy." She beamed, and I could tell she was proud of herself. "Everyone knows and will be at the mall in an hour."

I laughed. "I knew I could count on you, babe."

"Of course, you always can." I could practically hear her smile. "But I do have one question though…"

"And I probably have an answer, unless it's about Patrice's hair. I really don't know what's up with that, like is it even real?"

"Omg I know right? Like sometimes it looks straw and then- ok off topic!" I laughed, she was almost as out of it as Kendra. "Why are we all spontaneously heading to the mall? And so early? Usually you're still asleep at this time."

"What? I can't shop with my friends without being questioned?"

"Lucy, what's going on?" she asked, her tone lighter.

I sighed, might as well tell her, I'm gonna tell her later anyway. "Brett came by last night, and I need to talk to the four of you."

"Ohmygod what happened? Are you two…?" she trailed off.

"It's a long story, and I'll tell you everything later, I promise." And this promise I actually intend on keeping.

"Well, okay." She sounded unsure, "Are you okay?"

"No, but I think I will be." I know I will be, just not anytime soon.

"Well that's the spirit! Good attitude Lucy! Just think positive!"

And people wonder why she's our best cheerleader.

I laughed. "Okay Charlotte, will do. I gotta go, I'll see you later?"

"Yes, you will." She giggled. "Later, girl."

"Later." I smiled and put down the phone.

Leave it to Charlotte to brighten my shitty day.

A/N: this is a brett/lucy story so they will be getting back together in the future, I promise.

So please don't flood my inbox in an angry protest like last time.

Please review!

-LoveLikeYou'reNotBroken