Part Eleven: What You See

"I saved them, every single one of them…I thought one day you might want them. You might actually want to see what you meant to others."

When the order came in to clean out DiNozzo's desk there was only one person that was allowed to do it, he would have shot anyone else who wanted to risk it. The first few drawers went as planned: a little black book or two (or seven), a few miscellaneous pads of paper with notes and numbers written on them, the usual office supplies, and daily Tony necessities (spare shirts, razor, deodorant, and even a pair of pants). But when Gibbs found the locked drawer, the only one in the whole desk, he was more than surprised to what he found.

His eyes fell on medals, awards, certificates…that he'd earned throughout his career since Tony started at NCIS. Shaky fingers found the first one, his most recent award for bravery or what not. Opening the box, tracing the medal, he lowered into Tony's chair. There was a considering gesture as he tossed the medal onto the desk. Tony had kept all of them, everyone, probably accepted them to but why?

McGee watched him, it wasn't hard to notice after all from where he was sitting, "Boss?"

"Why? I don't understand…"

"He knew Boss."

"Knew what?"

"That one day, for some reason, you'd find them and you'd want to hold onto them."

"How could he know that? How could he know any of these things?"

"You made the difference in his life, in all of our lives. He knew that one day, when you needed to know yourself the most, you'd find them. You'd need them."

"You may not understand it at first, but they are waiting for you when you need it the most. It's the best way I can help you now, it's the best way that I can connect to you…keep them or don't keep them. You'll know what you need Boss."

He smiled; it was the first time in days that he'd even cracked something close to one. McGee joined him, and for a brief moment it was like there was life back in the bullpen. They heard the hum of voices, the buzz of lights, the ring of phones, and the soft tone of the elevator beep. But of all the things they heard, they didn't hear the sad voice of Tony or the quietness of their own sadness. For the first time in weeks, they only heard life, unhindered and uninterrupted.

Hope sprung into their hearts of the two men, but in the grand scheme of things two small smiles didn't mean a whole lot. But for that moment, in that place, those smiles meant something far greater than most could imagine.

"When you all are ready, you'll be expected to move on. You'll be expected to grow and get better. To bring to light the last pieces of life you have in you, don't worry. It is natural, we all have to pick up the pieces, we all have to move on at some point. Don't be afraid to, don't wish you won't move one because if you don't…you'll break and I can't handle that on my spirit or conscious or whatever you want to call it. Don't forget, but please move on, find someone to replace me in your life; not in your hearts, but in your life. Find the laugh, the smile, the things you'll lose when you find out I'm gone. We've all lost so much in the last few years You'd think we'd be martyrs by now."

Laughter. Laughter caught the attention of those in the bullpen. Laughter had seemed outlawed, or dead since the word of DiNozzo's death had found them. But as true, laughter, rung out over the bullpen most people stopped and looked back on the half empty office space of Gibbs' team. Jenny had been talking to someone on the stairs, but as the merry laughter hit her she turned to look down at the two men. Her face was pale; everyone had been affected by this but to hear laughter? It was a shock. When she saw them, she couldn't help but smile. Weak and unused muscles were pulled into action; her hands gripping the railing like the three of them were gripping that tape recorder. It was the last thing they had of him, but it provided so much for them to hold onto.

"You'll learn to smile again; slowly yeah I'd hope I meant more to you all than a passing grin or two. You'll learn to laugh again. That will come first; it is easier to laugh at nonsense than to really smile at something. You'll stop one day, and just roll with laughter. A saying, a quirk, something will brighten your day and that will be the legacy I leave behind. Asher is just a piece of my life, he'll never really remember who I was or what I did. But you guys, you'll remember me as the person that lightened up some part of your life."