Kerrigan returned to Raynor's quarters to find he hadn't left. In fact he was sleeping peacefully in the bed. She smiled as she watched him from just inside the doorway, noting how peaceful he looked.
As she watched him sleep she realised she'd never make love to a man again. Part of her yearned to feel Raynor's strong muscles against her naked body, his big hands massaging her breasts and his large penis inside her. She shook those thoughts out of her mind. She was with Nova now. What Nova lacked in anatomy she made up for in creativity.
Kerrigan had never really considered her sexuality an issue before. She orientated towards men and she'd always seen herself as marrying a man in the future, but she had enjoyed sex with women. Now she loved a woman. She was in a lesbian relationship with a genuine woman. Two days ago she had been straight and now she was a lesbian. How could she hope to explain this to Jim when she didn't understand it herself?
She realised her and Jim had never gotten into any discussions on where they stood on same sex relationships. They'd never needed to. They both avoided their pasts and Kerrigan had never mentioned to him about her experiences with women. He'd never mentioned anything to her about experiences with men... although the only thoughts she got from him about sex always involved women and were nearly always about her. She'd let the thing with someone called Doctor Hanson he was keeping from her go since she was the Queen of Blades when it happened.
How would Jim react to knowing about her sexuality? Would he care the person she loved was male or female? She realised he'd probably only care about the fact she didn't want to be with him. Or rather, it wasn't that she didn't want to be with him, but she wanted to be with someone else more. If she could have them both she would; but that would be selfish and she couldn't see Raynor and Nova getting along with each other.
Raynor rolled over on the bed and opened his eyes to see Kerrigan standing against the wall by the door. He smiled and propped his head up on his elbow. "When did you get back?" he asked still slightly sleepy.
"Not long ago," she answered.
"Why don't you join me?" he lifted up the bed sheet to beckon her into the bed.
She wanted to but she shook her head. "We have to talk," she said quietly.
"Sounds serious," he added.
She nodded.
He hesitated for a moment before getting out of the bed. "Let me get dressed first," he added.
Kerrigan almost averted her eyes as she noticed he was wearing nothing but underwear but instead she took in the sight of his battle seasoned body. It would be the last time she'd get to see it. She watched him pull on his jeans over his large muscular thighs and hide away his hefty package within them. She mentally said goodbye to his chest and abs as he pulled a t-shirt over them.
"What is it, darlin'?" he said as he came to stand near her.
"Something happened on that other ship," she started, not knowing if it was the correct way to start the story.
Raynor simply listened.
Kerrigan looked into his eyes and said it slowly, "with Nova."
Raynor wondered what that blonde bitch had done to Kerrigan.
"Not like that," Kerrigan added she heard his thoughts. "I mean we," she took a breath, "we made love."
Raynor looked at Kerrigan and wondered if she was playing a joke on him but her expression made him worry.
Kerrigan felt a lump in her throat. "When I arrived I was heavily drugged. I couldn't use my psionic powers and the combination of drugs they gave me made me... aroused."
Raynor felt anger well up in the pit of his stomach; fearing that Kerrigan's captors, that Nova, had raped her.
Kerrigan forced a smile at Raynor, "they didn't rape me. I gladly welcomed Nova's advances." She paused and took a breath. "And she accepted mine."
Raynor gritted his teeth together, he was angry at Nova and at Kerrigan but he tried to hold back his anger as she was drugged when it happened.
"I didn't mean for it to happen," she said softly. "But we grew closer," a smile spread across her lips as she thought about Nova. "The drugs wore off and I realised..." she felt tears welling up in her eyes.
"You realised what?" he asked her coldly.
"I love her, Jim," she said boldly but remorsefully.
Raynor stared at her. "What does that mean?" She had told him earlier that she loved him and now she was saying she loves Nova...
"I..." she smiled then rephrased what she was saying. "Me and Nova are in love with each other," she was proud to say it despite the person she was telling.
He stared into her eyes and he could see it was true. He felt anger and jealousy and a myriad of emotions that all fought within him for dominance. He turned, unable to stare at the woman who earlier he'd felt nothing but love for.
"I don't want to hurt you, Jim," Kerrigan said softly. "I will always love you," she added. "But I want to be with her."
"You'd rather be with that traitorous bitch?" he asked her as he turned back to face her. "I gave up four years of my life waiting for you. I brought you back from hell," he yelled. "And you're throwing that all away after two days? Two days of drug fuelled sex?"
Kerrigan lowered her head. "It feels right when I'm with her," she said softly.
"Look," he said to her softly as he reached forward and gripped her shoulders gently, "I understand this must be confusing for you; having an affair with a woman, but it's just new and exciting."
"It's not new," she said as she looked at him. "I've had sex with women before."
His jaw dropped at her statement and wondered when that had happened. "You're a lesbian?" he asked her gently. He thought he'd known her but clearly not.
"No," she answered. "Yes. I don't know," her voice sounded slightly panicked. "I like men, but I like women, too."
"You're bisexual then?"
"Maybe," she answered. He was confusing things for her. "It doesn't matter what I am," she said. "This isn't about my sexuality."
"I guess not," he said coldly. "You having an affair is what it is," he removed his hands from her shoulders.
"Nova isn't an affair," she added.
"No?" he asked loudly. "One minute you're kissing me and the next you are hopping into bed with someone else. Maybe Nova isn't the affair. I am since you were kissing me back not even an hour ago. You clearly love Nova enough not to cheat on her while she's locked up in a cell all alone. Letting me kiss and touch..."
Kerrigan hadn't realised she'd slapped him until her hand had left his cheek. "Oh, god, I'm sorry, I didn't..." she trailed off as she realised what she'd done.
Raynor grabbed her by the wrists to stop her from hitting him again. He was the one who had been cheated on and now he was the one getting slapped by the cheat.
They stared at each other as they calmed down slightly. Their breathing slowed and their anger lessened.
"You know nothing about her," Raynor said softly.
"I know enough," she said. "I know she's a good person and she'd do anything for someone she loves. I know she's kind and sweet. I know she's strong but there's a part of her that isn't. I know what makes her smile and I know what makes her happy. I know she doesn't think she's that beautiful; but she is inside and out."
Raynor felt his heart crack as he heard her talk about Nova. He started to believe maybe she really did love Nova.
"She gave up everything for me and all she wanted in return was for me to love her back," she said with a smile.
"That's all I ever wanted," he said sadly.
Kerrigan realised it now too. Why were people willing to give up everything for her? She wasn't special; well maybe when she was the Queen of Blades she was a rather big deal, but Sarah Kerrigan wasn't special, was she? "I do love you," she simply said.
"You keep saying that," he surmised.
"I mean it," she tried.
He took two steps forward and pushed their bodies together. He moved one hand to her face and the other to her hip. "Tell me you don't want me right now," he said as he looked deeply into her eyes. He pushed her steadily hardening penis against her though their clothes.
She felt him against her and she closed her eyes. She did want him. "I want Nova," she said quietly.
"Tell me you don't want me," he repeated as he brought his face closer to hers. He began to kiss her cheek and then moved onto her neck.
"I..." she trailed off as she enjoyed his kisses on her neck. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and relaxed.
Raynor reached behind her and found the emergency release for her ghost suit. He activated it and as it dropped from her body to the floor he was thankful the designers had installed such a quick release and he was thankful Kerrigan had told him about it all those years ago.
Kerrigan wiggled her body slightly to allow the rest of her suit to drop to the floor and for a moment she was glad to be out of the tight suit. She closed her eyes as she felt Raynor's hands move to her breast and ass.
"Tell me to stop," he said as he moved his lips from her neck to her nipple.
She couldn't.
He bit at the fleshy nub and toyed with it in his mouth. He crouched down on his knees and kissed his way down towards her stomach before kissing around her pussy.
"Jim," she breathed as she ran her hand through his hair. She felt him dart his tongue between her legs and he made contact with her clit. He licked her a few times before stopping and standing to her disappointment.
"I'll make you remember what it was like to be with a man," he said proudly as he scooped her up into his arms and brought her to his bed. He laid her softly onto the sheets and quickly undressed.
Kerrigan knew this was wrong, but she it was right, too. She shouldn't be doing this, but she couldn't say no. Lust was over taking and her voice couldn't say stop. It would be the last time with him, her last time with a man. She could make her peace with her sexuality and welcome her newly discovered love as a lesbian. "Make love to me," she begged.
Raynor smiled, "anything you want, darlin'."
Soon he was on top of her and she felt the masculinity of his body against her. Her breasts weren't met with Nova's soft globes and her vagina wasn't met with Nova's damp pussy. Instead she felt muscles against her breasts and an erect penis against her vagina. As she thought about Nova Raynor entered her and she closed her eyes in shame.
Raynor groaned as he buried himself into her and began to thrust. He kissed Kerrigan's mouth softly as he moved against her.
She accepted his kiss and tried to focus on him. He was large and she was still tight, that and the fact she was thinking about another woman made the experience less pleasant for her. But still she welcomed him.
"Look at me," he said softly.
Kerrigan opened her eyes.
He smiled, "you are so beautiful."
Nova had told her that, too. She smiled at him and just stared into his eyes. It was Jim. She was making love to Jim. Jim was inside her. Jim Jim Jim.
He increased his speed as he stared back at her.
She felt both their orgasms approach.
He pushed his face into her neck as he came inside her. He felt her muscles tightened around him signally she was coming too.
"Nova," she said painfully as she came. She closed her eyes and began to cry.
Raynor raised his head and looked at her angrily. She had said another woman's name... He pulled out of her and quickly sat up, unable to look at her or comfort her.
She grabbed the blanket and pulled it over her and curled up into a ball. She felt awful; she hadn't wanted to hurt Raynor or Nova but now she'd gone and hurt them both. She let the tears fall from her eyes. She'd wanted to enjoy one final time with Raynor, with a man, but she didn't want to cheat on Nova.
Raynor left the bed and headed straight for the shower without looking back at Kerrigan. He tried to wash away any trace of her from his skin and waited long enough in the hopes that she would have gone by the time he got out. She hadn't. She was still curled up in a ball. Raynor got dressed and looked at her curled up shape. "You need to go," he told her.
She took a breath and turned to look at him through teary eyes.
He felt her tugging at his heart strings and looked at her sympathetically. "Go be with Nova," he told her.
She sat up slowly, holding the blanket tightly against her and looked to her suit on the floor.
"I kept some of your things," he told her as he pulled out a box from one of the storage cupboards. He dumped it on the bed beside her. "Just in case you came back..." he said gravely.
"I did come back," she said. She only heard the reply in his mind, 'not to me'.
"I meant to give it to you before..." he didn't finish his sentence and returned to the storage cupboard and busied himself with moving junk around in there.
Kerrigan opened the box and found some old clothes. She found the green dress that she'd worn on her and Raynor's first date; oops, that was borrowed. She pushed it aside and found a few tops and trousers. She smiled as she found some lingerie. Then she realised it wasn't hers. "Jim, this isn't mine," she said as she pulled it out of the box.
He turned to look at her and frowned, "it is. Or rather it would have been. I bought it for you four years ago," he sighed as he turned around again.
She looked at the lacy red bra and panties set and realised how new they looked. She realised there wasn't any other underwear inside the box so they'd have to do. She put the bra on and picked up a white shirt from the box. She scooted out of the bed and quickly put the underwear on and a pair of trousers over them. She pulled a pair of boots from the box and put them on. She looked at Raynor's back and felt a knot in her stomach. She couldn't leave things like this. "Jim," she tried.
He looked at her.
"I'm so sorry," she said sadly.
He said nothing.
She looked down. She wanted to explain things to him but it was hard.
He felt bad for her and came to sit beside her, leaving a good deal of space between them.
"I never expected," she paused, "to fall in love with a woman."
He looked at her waiting for more.
"I just..." she stopped. "She makes everything seem right."
"Being with men felt wrong?" he asked.
"No," she quickly added. She looked at him and forced a smile, "nothing felt wrong with you."
"Until now," he added.
She said nothing but Raynor knew that she agreed. She looked away from him and stared ahead. "I think I must be," she paused before she said it, "gay." Her voice was barely louder than a whisper.
"You don't have to be ashamed," he told her as he realised she was uncomfortable to say it.
"I'm not," she added. "It's just; the first time I've said it out loud."
He looked at her, "for what it's worth, I don't think you are."
She looked at him in confusion.
"How you made love to me in the past; you're bisexual but you certainly aren't not interested in men." He remembered how passionately she'd made love to him in the past and she was certainly skilled when it came to the male anatomy.
Kerrigan smiled at his thoughts. She let it pass then she frowned. "How can I go from that to wanting to bury my face in Nova's va..." she stopped herself as she realised she was telling him too much.
"Is it other women you want or just Nova?" he asked.
"I only want to be with Nova," she added.
"But are you sexually attracted to other men and women, too?"
She thought, "yes, but... it's different."
Raynor looked at her understandingly. "You're bisexual," he told her. He looked sad as he spoke again, "you just fell in love with someone who happens to be a woman."
Kerrigan could accept that. "Thank you," she said softly as she placed her hand on his.
He pulled his hand away and stood up. "What am I doing?" he asked himself. "I'm talking to you like you're my friend."
"Can't we still be friends?" she asked hopefully.
"No," he said coldly.
"Jim," she tried.
"You know what? I can't be here. I can't be here and look at you," he headed for the door and quickly exited.
The doors had barely closed behind him when Kerrigan heard it in his mind, 'I'll make Nova pay'.
So clearly Kerrigan is bisexual in this fic (although she has never admitted it to herself). I tried in this chapter to show how confused she is with her sexuality, especially when Raynor is around. Hopefully that came across.
As for the ghost suit's 'emergency release'… I just needed a quick way for her to get naked lol. But maybe it would make sense to have one? If a ghost is injured the doctors would need a quick way to get that suit off, right?
