Chapter 10:A/N: Hey guys! Oh my gosh it's been so long since I've updated! So, so, sorry. I've been having some medical issues so I haven't been able to write. If this isn't the last one, then there won't be many more. Thank you guys so much for all the support and for the reviews! I love them so much! 3 I hope you enjoy!


Sam's POV:

I sleep curled up next to Jules, trying to console her through her sleepless night. I can hardly comprehend that she misses me so much. I guess I would have to say I would've acted the same if I had lost her, maybe beat myself up a little more. Thankfully she knows it's not her fault and there was nothing she could've done to prevent it. The next morning I awake rather early, 5:30, to rock Amber back to sleep. I hold my little daughter in my arms, kissing her little forehead before she falls asleep and I place her gently back in her bed. Matthew, who resides in the same room, pushes himself up onto his knees, holding the short railing we have on his bed, still not wanting to fully remove it.

I thought I heard a noise, like one of them was talking but I write it off. No one knows I'm still here, no one can see me, hear me, or touch me; so I thought. I hear it again. It sounds like a child. It couldn't be. Again, again, sounding like words.

"Dad-da," I hear over and over again. What's happening to me?! "Daddy." I look towards Matt.

His hand is reaching out, reaching and reaching, reaching for me. I slowly walk over to him, picking him up. His little arms wrap around my neck, his legs around my waist. He buries his head in my chest.

"Daddy," he whispers, touching my cheek with his small hand.

I break into tears. My little son, my little Mattie, recognizes me. He knows who I am! Am I even dead? How could I be if he recognizes me? If he's touching me? If he's seeing me? But why wouldn't anyone else? Am I still here? What if I'm not dead at all? What if it was a mistake? No! It couldn't be! I saw how badly injured I was. The heart monitor flat lined. It never spiked again. They shocked me! I must be dead. But Mattie, how could he –

"Matthew?" I hear my wife's voice waft through the hall. "Matt I'm coming sweetie."

I gently set him on the floor, ready to give my wife a humongous hug and kiss. She enters the dark room, turning the lights up a bit, brushing her hair out of her eyes.

"Julianna? Is everything okay?" Zac's soft voice sounds, drawing near.

I step forward embracing her fully but before I could kiss her, she walks right past me.

"Matthew!" She scolds in dismay upon finding her son sitting in the floor near his bed.

Zac enters as she is scooping him up, checking for injuries.

"Is he alright?" he asks.

"Yes, he looks fine. I don't how he got out of bed. I guess I have to take the railing off before he falls and hurts himself."

Zac nods his head thoughtfully while Matt squirms in his mother's arms. He tries getting down.

"Dad-da. Dad-da! Daddy!" he persists, pointing at me.

Jules holds him back from running off making him even more agitated.

"Daddy! Daddy! Dad-da!" he yells.

"Matthew! What has gotten into you?! Your sisters are trying to sleep! Please be quiet!" She scolds and he hushes. In a softer tone she answers, "Daddy's not coming home, Matt. Not tonight and not ever again, sweetie. I'm so, so sorry." Her tears soaking into the back of Matt's pajama shirt as she embraces him.

Zac rubs her back, not knowing how else to console her. She wipes her tears and looks into our young son's slightly confused face.

"Wha' 'appened?" he asks quietly.

"Some very bad men hurt him very, very badly. Remember Daddy's best friend that he told you about? The very brave young man you were named after?" she continues after he nods. "Daddy's gone to a place we call Heaven where he and his best friend Mattie are resting. Your Daddy was a very brave man, you know that Matthew?" Jules states with a sad wet smile, tears leaking from her eyes.

"But Daddy's right there." Matt points again to where I sit against the wall sobbing. All the pain I've caused my family is unbearable.

"I know, sweetheart. It seems like he's just going to walk in any second, but he's in – a much better place where he can finally rest now."

"Dad-da's still here, Mommy." My small son tries articulate my steadily-fading presence.

"Of course he is sweetie. He's always going to be with you, with all of us, right here." She states, placing Matt's tiny hand on his own heart. "Can you try to go back to sleep, honey? It's still really early." She picks Mattie up, placing him back in bed but not before giving him a long hug and a kiss.

She and Zac leave soon after, going back to their respective bedrooms. I give him a long kiss on the forehead, hugging him tightly but gentle. As I am about to go sleep with Jules again, I feel my chest tightening, my heart races and the world spins, blackening. I collapse to the carpeted floor, what's left of my body convulsing as my eyes roll back in my head. The seizure ends after a few minutes leaving me sucking for air, lying nearly unconscious. Shivers race through me, my eyes threatening to close for the final time any minute. My wife, my children, my family! Granted, I'm already gone, but Mattie knows I'm here! He can see me, he can feel me. Even if he's the only one, I can still be here for him. It's near noon when I can finally pick myself off the floor. I'm so cold and stiff. I grab onto the door frames and furniture to steady myself while trying to make it to the couch. I collapse entirely exhausted, struggling to pull the blanket over myself, falling asleep as soon as my head touches the pillow. I awake cold, tired, and distant feeling. I'm slipping away. Jules and Zac are already getting ready for bed. I check on our children and muster up enough strength to stumble back to the couch. A wave of pain washes over me as my heart aches. Sleep comes quickly and welcomed. I want this to be over. I have caused everyone too much grief. Everyone is suffering because of me. I'm tired of being cold and in pain but the last thing I want to do is leave Jules, Sadie, Matt and Amber. I hardly know what I want anymore. I guess, I just want all this to go away. I wish this had never happened.


A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review!