Disclaimer: I don't own The Penderwicks
#SuddenLateNightUpdate #MissingSleep #NoRegrets ;)
Chapter 11 (Skye's POV)
My old room actually looked exactly the same. Time hadn't changed it one bit. It was still a crisp shade of white, with wooden floors, three windows, and two beds. Honestly it seemed a little weird to be standing in it again. It was so unchanged I almost envied it. I knew that was crazy, but I still missed thinking I had everything figured out. Growing up meant I knew I didn't.
I sat my backpack down on one bed and went to sink into the other. Laying back I closed my eyes and tried to remember all the things I'd thought while laying here that first summer. Mrs. Tifton had been a looming figure then too. One main difference now though was I actually cared what she thought of me. She wasn't just some crabby adult I could leave behind once vacation was over.
Could dad be right…? Could she end up as family?
That thought would have made me laugh and scoff all at the same time way back then, but now I wasn't so sure of anything. Maybe most of all I was wondering if dad was right about something else too. Did I really already know what I wanted? What did my actions show?
I couldn't help but laugh a little ironically at that. I was here wasn't I? I was actually going to see Mrs. Tifton again. And on top of all that, I was trying to get her to like me! By my eleven year old standard, my actions showed that I had completely lost it. And maybe I had…?
But weighing it by being an adult and all that jazz… Well it did make it seem pretty obvious I guess… Is that what dad was talking about? If I'd put myself through all this for Jeffrey then didn't it show what I wanted? Didn't my actions prove that-
"Skye what are doing in the bed when there's Churchie's gingerbread to be had?!"
Groaning I snapped my eyes back open and leaned up to glare at Jane. "I was pondering my life actually…"
She waved her hand dismissively. "Oh Skye there's plenty of time to do that after you've had gingerbread. But if you ask me, you're just worrying yourself in circles over Mrs. Tifton."
I frowned dryly as a wave of desperation swept over me. "Well considering the woman hates me, and I'm in love with her son, yeah it's kinda distressing actually."
Jane grinned as her tone took on one that said she had a future in mental therapy. "It's so great how you're admitting your feelings now Skye!"
I moaned as I stuffed a pillow over my head. "Give me a break…" I grumbled through the padding.
The next thing I knew I felt Jane sit down next to me on the bed, and lift the pillow off. "Come on Skye you don't have any reason to being laying here in this state."
I frowned at her in frustration . "I thought I just covered my reasons? I'm gonna blow up again I just know it! If anyone can make me it's Mrs. Tifton! She'll say something out of the way, and then I won't be able to keep my big mouth closed! And then she'll probably start crying and sob about what a mistake Jeffrey's making! About how uncivil I am! " I reached for the pillow and stuffed it over my head again.
"It'll be a big scene! I just know it!"
Jane didn't say anything for a few moments, and I figured she was having a hard time arguing against my point. But she finally pulled the pillow away from me again.
"Skye…" She said softly. Then looking over at me she locked her brown eyes on my blue. "Are you worried that Jeffrey's feelings are going to change if his mother's does?"
I grimaced. "I'm not sure if her feelings for me could get much worse anyway..."
Jane smiled knowingly, just as I realized I'd talked myself into a hole with that statement.
"Well if it can't get any worse, than it must all be up from here right?"
I hesitated, before I decided to just close my eyes again.
"Besides Skye, remember what Jeffrey said you're here to meet Mrs. Tifton halfway. It's not all on you, she has to do her part to make peace too you know. And as long as you do your best, which is why you're here, Jeffrey is gonna love you just as much as always. In fact probably even more!"
I never had figured out why everything seemed simpler when Jane said it. She always made me want to believe her anyway. Slowly opening my eyes I sighed. "Dad… Dad says I should be careful because... she could be family someday…"
Jane's grin got a little bigger, and it was all I could do not to reach for the pillow again.
"Well he's right you know…" She tossed me a wink. Which I wanted to toss back… "She could be, and don't think she doesn't know it too Skye. That's probably why she wants to make amends. I mean family is important to everyone, even someone like Mrs. Tifton."
I focused up at the ceiling hoping two things. One, that Jane was right, and two, that my face didn't look nearly as red as it felt.
When Jane laughed I knew I was wrong about at least one of them. "Oh Skye you're as red as a beet!" She smirked. "I guess that means you've made up your mind if Jeffrey pops the question huh?"
This time I tossed one pillow at her, and buried my shame underneath the other. She just kept laughing, while I just kept wondering why I wasn't denying it. But then what was the point, my actions had me trying to get Mrs. Tifton to like me after all. What hope was there in explaining that? What hope was there period?
"Well good, I'm happy to hear it." Jane said finally catching her breath. "Now," she said with a pat on the pillow over my face. "Let's go get some gingerbread, then you can ponder your life all you want."
I admit it took a lot to pry myself out of that bed, and even more to make the walk over to Arundel Hall. Normally I would have been running to get even a crumb of Churchie's Gingerbread, but now I felt too full on nerves and embarrassment. Was there anything being an adult didn't mess up?
But it also only took a few bites before I remembered how long it had actually been since breakfast. And for at least a few blissful mouths full of warm gingerbread, I wasn't thinking about marriage, or Mrs. Tifton. Which was funny considering I was sitting in her kitchen stuffing my face… And it was also ironic that my face was stuffed when I heard a sudden voice fill the foyer. Yep you guessed it, it was her, Mrs. Tifton. Reach for my glass of milk in panic, I gagged down my mouth full and glanced over at Jane.
She just shot me a quick thumbs up right before Mrs. Tifton came briskly into the kitchen. "Churchie I-"
But she stopped mid step and sentence, when she saw two Penderwicks sitting at her counter. I was pretty sure all activity on earth halted in that split second. I don't even care how many physics laws said it was impossible. Because I was there to see it happen. She looked from me to Jane and then back to me. And this time her eyes stayed on me. It was like she was scanning every inch of my face, while hers kept this mostly blank/surprised expression.
Should I be the first one to speak?
I wasn't sure but I figured the best thing I could do was probably keep my mouth shut until spoken too. Which happened next anyway. "Skye and Jane Penderwick I presume?" Her tone was a little odd, forced maybe, but she did try to smile afterward. "How are you young ladies today...?"
"Oh we're good! Great even!" Jane beamed way too eagerly. "Isn't that right Skye?!"
Mrs. Tifton looked a little taken back by Jane's "enthusiasm" which is one thing we actually had in common right then. "Um y-yes...ma'am…" I was completely on the other end of the scale, and already kicking myself before I'd said five words.
I saw Mrs. Tifton take in a deep breath before she widened her hesitant smile. "Yes… Well that's very good girls, I hope you enjoy your time here. I'd like to ask that you both join Jeffrey and I for dinner tonight." She then looked slowly back at me as her face took on a serious, though maybe humble, look. "There is something I would like to discuss with you Skye…"
"Y-Yes ma'am…" I choked out with a nod.
"Alright then, dinner it is." She said with another weak smile before she left the room.
I was just glad it had been gingerbread, because otherwise I might have been queasy by now.
"Well that went okay." Jane whispered with a positive smile.
I just frowned and held my head before whispering back. "Yeah...but we don't know what she wants to 'discuss' yet…" I knew it was the glass half empty way to see it, but I could fill in that blank with a lot of awful things she could want to discuss. Me ruining her son's life being at the beginning of the list. And what would I say to that anyway? Would she expect me to get all gushy and assure her that I cared about Jeffrey? Or would it even be enough for her if I did? What if-
"Skye?" Jane said snapping her fingers to get my attention again. "You're imagining a lot of horrible scenarios right now aren't you?"
Laying my head on the table I moaned quietly. "Yes... yes I am…"
One fancy dress, and a few hours later, I was absentmindedly toying with three peas on my dinner plate. I was doing my best to say just enough to not seem strange, and yet not enough to be particularly noticed. Jeffrey was rambling about musical theory (clearly a nervous as I was) while the rest of us tried to act like we understood what he was talking about. I was just waiting for the shoe to drop. The evening was almost over, she could only stall for so long. Was she stalling? Did that mean she was as scared as I was?
"Yes that's lovely Jeffrey…" Mrs. Tifton began as she gestured toward the piano in the next room. "Why don't you play something for Ms. Jane. I have something I'd like to talk to Skye about."
Jeffrey almost swallowed his tongue before mumbling in agreement. His eyes looked as worried as if he were leaving me alone in a room filled with tigers. I felt like he was, but I gave him a tough look and gestured for him to leave. Reluctantly he and Jane did. And now I was alone. Alone with Mrs. Tifton…
After a moment or two in silence she stood and motion me toward the balcony doors. "The night is lovely, would you care to step out?"
Standing I nodded and followed her out.
It was night by now, and all the stars were out. I admit seeing them gave me a little courage. We both just stood there at the railing for awhile not saying anything. I figured it was her place to start, so I just kept my mouth shut, even though my heart was pounding.
Not taking her eyes off the sky above us she finally spoke."Jeffrey tells me you're fond of the stars, correct?"
"Y-Yes ma'am…" I wanted to keep my answers as direct as possible, but the more I thought about it, I worried that being too direct might be as bad as saying too much. So I thought quick and added something else in. "I work at a planetarium actually…"
"Oh? Well it must be rewarding to do something you love, yes?"
I nodded. "I think so, yeah."
She smirked a little bitter-sweetly. "You've very much like Jeffrey in that way I think. He feels the same about his music. And he is very good…" She turned to me as a frown suddenly lined her face. "Yes I admit I was wrong about that Ms. Penderwick." I didn't say or do anything, I just waited until her face softened again.
Looking back up to the sky she let go of a slight sigh. "You're something else that my son loves." She chuckled a bit woefully. "Something else that my son loves in spite of my opinion."
I felt a frown come to my face as I tried not to focus on that frank jab.
"But don't take that to heart, I admit I was wrong before, I can be again." Then turning to me she stared so hard I thought her eyes might just go through me. "Was I wrong about you Ms. Penderwick?"
I didn't know what to say. And so far my emotions were a mix of anger and hurt already.
"I… I don't understand what you mean?" I finally said, with a probably too gruff tone.
She rubbed her cheek lightly in thought. "I mean do you truly love my son? The way he does you? Because if I haven't understood anything else about him, I've always known of his obvious affection for you. I thought it was just a childish phase when he was younger, but he isn't a child any longer, and I have to learn to respect his wishes. And so I ask you again, are you truly in love with my son?"
I only had less than a split second to process everything I was feeling, because I knew now wasn't the time to hesitate the way I usually would. The way I wanted to. Not because of uncertainty, but just because it was so hard to say what was inside of me.
"Yes." I'd said clear, and proudly before I even knew what I was doing. "And I mean that." I felt something clench in my chest as I turned and stared her straight in the face. With all my courage and honesty.
"I know you don't like me ma'am, but I love your son very much."
She didn't say anything at first, but then she shut her eyes and turned back to the sky, almost like she was a bit ashamed. Finally she spoke. "I didn't say I didn't like you. But I do think our relationship got off to a very poor start. I suppose we each can take a share in that."
I nodded, willing to accept my part in all this. I was meeting her halfway just like Jeffrey would have wanted…
"Good…" She said finally. "Then perhaps we can move past all of that. I think Jeffrey wants that for us."
I nodded again. "Yes, I agree."
Mrs. Tifton did the same, all while never dropping her air of dignity. It was like there was a cold distance between her and the rest of the world. Surprisingly I wondered if it was lonely to live with that sort of distance. Maybe it was a different form of the kind of distance I still struggled with...
Then with a loud sigh all that dignity wavered, almost vanishing altogether. Looking over at me she seemed almost weary. Extending her hand she frowned. But it wasn't condescending, it was just...sad…
"You've been very gracious, and I thank you for that. In fact I would like to...well apologize."
Reaching to shake her hand I nodded with a slight smile. I wasn't sure if she'd really understand what I said or not, but… But maybe it was what she needed to hear most anyway...
"Family… It's more important than anything else Mrs. Tifton."
She smiled weakly, though sincerely, as she gazed back out into the night.
"Yes… I suspect you are right my dear girl… I suspect you are right…"
Thanks for reading and hanging in there with me throughout this story. You're all awesome! More to come soon!
