The sun shines through the hole in the ceiling of the Spring Breaker's Motel. We fade to Shirley lying on the mouldy mattress, her skintight clothes gone. She is covered up by a frilly pink dressing gown. Far from being a sleeping beauty, she is snoring noisily. The camera pans out to reveal that Randy is staring at her from the foot of the bed, his eyes the size of dinner plates and his horns standing on end. After a beat, he extends a hand as if he's about to lift up her gown to peek. Shirley abruptly sits up. She catches the herbivore.

Shirley: (Shrieks) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

Randy: (Screams) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

Shirley: (Shrieks) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

Randy: (Screams) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

Shirley: (Shrieks) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

Randy: (Bored) I think we've made the point.

Shirley: (Angrily) Like, what the heck are you DOING?!

Randy: (Nervously) I was...uh...I was…

Shirley goes red in the face from anger as she impatiently waits for an explanation.

Randy: (Clears his throat) It's strictly classified!

Shirley: (Angrily) Well, I've got news for you, tall, dark an' horny! What you were tryin' ta look at is mondo classified, too!

Randy: (Flustered) There's no need ta be so touchy about it.

Shirley: (Indignantly) Touchy is the word, or some junk!

Randy: (Annoyed) Okay, okay, just let it go!

Shirley: (Beat) I've totally gotta get outta here.

Randy: (Shocked) What? No, don't, I didn't mean to…

Shirley: (Irritated) It ain't that! The manager said we could only stay one night! I don't wanna get sued, or some junk.

Randy: (Knowingly) You wouldn't get sued for overstaying your reservation. The staff would simply evict you. You're more likely to get sued for indecent exposure.

Shirley: (Indignant) What is that supposed ta mean?!

Randy: (Awkwardly) Well, in case you haven't noticed… That uncomfortable attire was the only clothing you had. And I ripped them up. All you have is that dressing gown.

Shirley: (Dumbfounded) Say what?! B-But I have a suitcase full of…

We cut to Randy munching. The sleeve of a pink sweater is slowly disappearing into his mouth.

Randy: (Through a full mouth) Bethideth… You're too big for thothe clotheth now.

Shirley: (Demanding) Like, how'd ya know that? (Irritated) Oh, wait. Lemme guess. It's classified.

Randy: (Swallows) Yes. (Beat) You taste nice.

Shirley: (Suspicious) Did you say something?

Randy: (Shortly) No. (Mutters) Bit like peking…

Shirley: (Sighs) Like, c'mon. Let's get outta here. We've got a long day ahead of us if we're gonna get back ta Acme Acres.

She gets off the bed, suddenly clutching her stomach.

Shirley: (Groans) I don't feel so good all of a sudden...

THE PLUCKY DUCK SHOW

Episode 11

When Plucky met Cypress

Or

When Shirley met Randy

Or

When Hamton and Fifi met Cypress

Or

When Uncle Stinky met his mobile home

Act One

We fade to Plucky and Cypress caked in mud and squelching down the sidewalk which runs alongside the beach at Fort Lauderdale. Passers-by regard them with revulsion or cross to the other side of the road. The song "In the Summertime" by Mungo Jerry can be heard playing in the background.

Plucky: (Narrating) Spinoff Log: Entry 9. I've done it! I've ditched those jokers AND got myself a new girl...only she doesn't know it, yet. I just have to use my inherent charm ta entice her.

Yahoo suddenly teleports beside him.

Yahoo: (Condescendingly) You have charms, delusional Dum-Dum?

Plucky does a double take.

Plucky: (Dumbfounded) What the-?! Why're YOU still here?!

Yahoo: (Condescendingly) Well, to tell the truth, I did consider leaving after that supposed 'environmental special' but I remembered that I still have a job to do.

Plucky: (Smugly) Well, it looks like yer work here is done, Halley's half-pint. (Gesturing to Cypress) I got myself a girl duck!

Cypress: (Puzzled) Who're you talking to?

Plucky: (Confused, to Cypress) What? (Beat) Oh! Uh...just the little blue alien that only I can see.

Cypress: (Giggles) An imaginary friend… Cute.

Plucky: (Through gritted teeth, to Yahoo) Yeah, I'm imagining that he'll GO AWAY.

Yahoo: (Defensively) You may have met a female member of your species, but that's only the tip of the iceberg. You have to… you know…

Plucky: (Confused) Date?

Yahoo: (Curtly) No.

Plucky: (Confused) Share ice cream?

Yahoo: (Shortly) No.

Plucky: (Confused) Go for a walk along the beach?

Yahoo: (Irritably) No…

Plucky: (Confused) Go to the fair an' win her a stuffed animal?

Yahoo: (Annoyed) You're doing this deliberately, aren't you, Dum-Dum?

Plucky: (Confused) Doing what deliberately?

Yahoo: (Irritated) Trying to make me talk about...about… Mating.

Plucky: (In mock shock) Mating? Why didn't ya say?

Yahoo: (Annoyed) The sooner you mate with the elder female, Dum-Dum, the sooner I can leave. Now, get on with it!

Plucky: (Cheerfully) Yer speakin' my language, Mot! (To the camera) As long as no-one else shows up, I'm a happy duck!

Spittoon: (Offscreen) At last, I have found you, Green Daffy!

Plucky cringes as the camera cuts to the robot butler clanking towards them. However, just as he reaches them, a limousine roars past, and a huge magnet emerges from the trunk. Spittoon is abruptly yanked backwards, gets stuck to the magnet, and the limo's trunk closes over him.

Spittoon: (Droning) Help. Help. Help. Help. Help.

The fancy vehicle drives off into the distance, just as Plucky turns around, expecting to face the metal man. To his surprise, the robot is nowhere to be seen.

Plucky: (Puzzled) Huh? Where'd he go?

Cypress: Where'd who go?

Plucky: (Hastily) Nobody. (To the camera) Those losers are disappearin' almost as soon as they arrived. This really is gonna be a great day! (Beat) Cypress?

Cypress: (Sweetly) Yes, Plucky?

Plucky is digging his webbed toes into the pavement bashfully like Jimmy Stewart asking for a date.

Plucky: (Shyly) Since we, uh...saved the Everglades from bein' destroyed… How about we celebrate?

Cypress: (Jovially) That's a wonderful idea! We'll hand out flyers in order to convince people to save the last of the dodos from extinction!

Plucky: (Whiny) Noooo, that's boring! (Backpedaling) Uh, I mean...how about we go out ta eat...and then…

Cypress: (With a raised eyebrow) And then?

Plucky: (With mounting excitement) Then… (Ecstatic) WE CAN GO TA HAPPY WORLD LAND! (To the camera, snarky) And actually set foot in the park.

Cypress: (Uncertainly) Happy World Land?

Plucky: (Rattling) Yeah, it's not too far from here. It's the greatest theme park of all time an' it has rides for everybody: people with high blood pressures, pregnant women, the works! Well, there are only six rides, but it's still amazing!

Cypress: (Beat) Well… if it'll make you happy.

Plucky: (With childlike glee) YAY! (Sings) Happy World Land, Happy World Land, where all your dreams come true!

Cypress teasingly ruffles his feathers as they continue walking along the sea front.

Act Two

We fade to Shirley in the Spring Breaker's Motel. She is panicking, her eyes bloodshot with stress. Randy is in the background, looking notably disturbed by the loon's behaviour.

Shirley: (Frightened) Oh, no… This totally can't be happening. My friends hate me...I'm stuck in this gaudy makeover, I'm stuck with a lusty lawyer who ate my clothes… (Screams) ALL I WANNA DO IS GO HOME!

Randy: (Unsettled) Ms. Loon… control yourself!

Shirley rounds on him.

Shirley: (Demonic) I'M HAVING A BAD DAY! YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND SO SHUT YER…

She suddenly stops as she feels a twinging pain.

Shirley: (Whispers) No...not now.

Randy: (Unsettled) Wh-What's the matter?

Shirley: (Testily) Mind yer own business! I'm totally fiiIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNE!

She falls down on her knees, clutching her stomach with both hands. Pimples begin to appear on her face and bill spontaneously like popcorn being cooked. Her breathing becomes heavy and jagged. Randy scuttles back against one of the walls. He pulls his horns off his head and uses them as a crucifix. The camera pans back to the loon as she shakily gets to her feet, bending over as if she's about to be sick.

Shirley: (Wailing) No! NOT NOW! (Moans) It's comin' out! It's totally comin' out!

We cut to Randy who averts his gaze.

Randy: (Disgusted) Go to the bathroom, I don't wanna see it!

There is a pop, followed closely by a loud CLANK! The camera cuts to an egg the size of a football sitting on the floor. Shirley stands above it, panting and gasping.

Randy: (Dumbfounded) All that for an egg?

Shirley recovers and slowly turns around to face her freshly laid egg. She bursts into tears.

Randy: (Puzzled) What's the matter, it's only an egg.

Shirley: (Sobs) Like, it's my egg! It's a reminder that I'm growing up, or some junk!

Randy moves cautiously up to her.

Randy: (Chuckles) You're gettin' worked up by the fact that you're growin' up? I think you're pretty mature already…at least your body is.

Shirley lunges furiously at him. The ram retreats in fear.

Shirley: (Lividly) THIS IS SERIOUS! GROWING UP TOTALLY DISRUPTS MY CENTRE!

She begins to cry once more, touching the ugly blemishes on her face.

Shirley: (Sniffles) And, like, I'm ugly!

Randy: (Thinking) You got that right. (To Shirley) Look…

Shirley fires a lightning bolt from her hands.

Shirley: (Furiously) SHUT UP!

Randy dives out of the way and the lightning bolt hits the wall behind him, taking a chunk out of it.

Randy: (Attempting to save face) There's nothing wrong with eggs. Th-They're a sign of new life...especially in waterfo…

He trails off as an awful thought comes to him. Shirley notices this.

Shirley: (Worried) What? What's the matter?

Randy: (Unnerved) Y-You laid an egg…

Shirley: (Irritably) Of COURSE I laid an egg, or some junk!

Randy: (Faltering) Babies come...out...of...bird eggs…

All of the colour drains from the ram's body, leaving him white as a ghost and looking like he's just seen one. He wheels round, taking out a book and frantically leafing through it. Shirley puts a hand to her bill, realisation dawning.

Shirley: (Softly) Randy...what have you done?

Randy: (Desperately) Nothing, I…

Shirley: (Screams) WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!

Randy: (Bellows) THERE'S BEEN A TERRIBLE MISUNDERSTANDING!

Shirley stares at the egg in horror.

Shirley: (Tearfully) Your kid is, like, in this egg!

Randy: (Madly) No, he isn't!

Shirley: (Outraged) How d'you know it ain't a she, or some junk?!

Randy: (Desperately) That's not the point. I have nothin' ta do with that egg! It's part of your growin' up, ya said so yourself!

Shirley: (Angrily) Well, how'd you explain all yer ogling an' this egg comin' outta my…

Randy: (Hyperventilating) Oh, my gosh… I have…

Shirley: (Wailing) This can't be happening! I'm too young ta be a parent!

Randy: (Frustrated) Quit yer blubberin'! I'm gonna get eight ta nine years for this! I'll lose my job!

Shirley: (Demonic) STOP THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF, OR SOME JUNK! (Sobbing) I wanna go hoooome!

Randy: (Bargaining) Okay, okay, listen! If I help ya get back to Acme Acres without anyone seein' ya naked, you hafta keep quiet about this egg. Deal?

Shirley: (Infuriated) Yer a terrible father! GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE, OR SOME JUNK!

Randy: (Frantically) Ms. Loon, please!

Bolts of lightning fly at the herbivore, and he runs for his life out of the room, slamming the door behind him. The camera cuts to the motel corridor, where Randy is catching his breath. Rodney Dangerfield walks up to him.

Rodney: (Deadpan, to Randy) You think your life's awful? Last year, I was a dog.

Randy stares at the comedian, completely dumbfounded, before giving the camera a distressed look.

Act Three

We fade to the main entrance to Happy World Land. The theme park's famous theme song begins to play.

Chorus: (Singing) Happy World Land, Happy World Land, where the fun doesn't stop at 80 bucks a pop, in beautiful Happy World Land!

We fade to the Tooth Ferry, where Fifi and Hamton are spooning. The monorail is completely empty, so they can show their affection in peace.

Hamton: (Happily) What a great way ta celebrate our second anniversary, on the Monorail at Happy World Land!

Fifi: (Grinning) Oui, et Oncle Stinky 'as, how-you-say, booked out ze park's theatre so zat we can 'old auditions!

Hamton: (Chuckles) Yeah! (Musing) I wonder how he managed it?

We abruptly cut to the Theatre. In the background, we can see a poster which reads "Baloney: Live!" The staff look terrified as Uncle Stinky aims a rifle at them. Baloney the Dinosaur has his hands in the air. One member of staff frantically pastes a poster on the wall which reads: "Auditions for Mystery Show: Today!" We abruptly cut back to Fifi and Hamton.

Fifi: (Shrugs) Ah do not know, mais who eez complaining, no? (Flirtatiously) Before we can decide who can work on our show zat we don't know will be about, we can celebrate deux ans together avec ze style…

Hamton: (Eagerly) Yeah! We can go on all the rides!

Fifi: (Sultry) Oui, mais, we can also…

The rest of her words are drowned out by the monorail's PA System. We do not hear what she is saying, but Hamton's eyes widen and his cheeks redden, before he smiles.

PA System: (Monotone) Okay, Happy World Landers, it's the end of the line. In more ways than one. We hope you enjoy your visit here and we especially hope you can afford it.

Act Four

Plucky and Cypress, both inexplicably clean, enter a local Weenie Burgers, the smaller green duck swaggering in as Yahoo teleports by his side.

Yahoo: (Condescendingly) This is your idea of mating, Dum-Dum? I thought the eatery would be more impressive.

Plucky: (Scoffs) What planet are ya from? Nothin' screams romance like a fast-food joint! One time, some guy proposed ta his girlfriend with an onion ring! He got rejected, but he got comfort food on the house!

Cypress: (To Plucky) Talking to your imaginary friend again? (Sniffs) Ron would be proud.

They reach the counter. Plucky can't see over the top.

Cashier: (To Cypress) What'll it be, ma'am?

Cypress looks at the menu.

Cypress: (To Cashier) Do you have anything that wasn't slaughtered?

The Cashier gives her a tray with some lettuce and tomatoes on it.

Cashier: (Gesturing to Plucky) Does yer kid want a Happy Baby Puppy Face Meal?

Plucky: (Indignantly) Hey! She's my girlfriend!

Cashier: (Beat) Okay, Oedipus.

Cypress: (To Cashier) No, he's right. I'm a girl and I'm his friend.

Plucky folds his arms and grins triumphantly. The camera fades to him sitting at a booth looking annoyed. A Happy Baby Puppy Face Meal sits on the table in front of him.

Plucky: (Moping) I could finish an ultra burger if I wanted to!

Yahoo teleports by his side.

Yahoo: (Condescendingly) Bet you couldn't, Dum-Dum. Should I start taking notes on how your breed mates now?

Plucky: (Annoyed) Don't bother. At this rate, the meal will be over.

The camera cuts to Cypress on the other side of the table, preparing to tuck into her 'salad'.

Plucky: (Out of the corner of his mouth, to Yahoo) Okay, check this out, Spaceman Spiff. Here's the first stage of how ducks get together. A simple game of footsie.

The camera cuts to a view under the table. Plucky's shorter legs try to reach Cypress's. It's obvious that he can't reach her feet. He slouches down slightly, but while his webbed feet go further forward, he's not even close. Finally, he slides under the table and puts his two feet directly on the older duck's.

Cypress gasps in shock and brings her foot down with a crunch. After a beat, Plucky emerges from under his side of the table, his head pushed into his vest, making him look like he's been decapitated.

Cypress: (Baffled, to Plucky) What were you doing?

Plucky pulls his head out of his vest. Stars are circling it. He shakes his head to clear it.

Plucky: (Groggily) One of my Friendly Frilly Funny Fun Fries fell on the floor. (To the camera) Try sayin' that ten times faster.

Cypress: (Chuckles) Don't wanna waste any food, huh? A big boy's gotta eat. Speaking of which…

She picks up some salty lettuce and pops it into her mouth. We can hear the faint crunching sounds as she munches on it. After a few minutes, she begins to react.

Cypress: (Sensuous) Oh… Oh, god… Oh…

Plucky: (Concerned) You okay?

Cypress: (Sensuous) Oh… Oh, god… Oh… (Gasps) Oh… Oh… God…

Plucky looks around, embarrassed, as the other patrons begin to notice the older duck's peculiar behaviour. Everyone is now silent. Cypress throws her head back for a few seconds.

Cypress: (Breathless) OH! Oh… Oh, God! Oh… YES! YES! YES!

She begins pounding her hands on the table, shocking Plucky. The food flies in the air each time Cypress hits the table.

Cypress: (Lustily) YES! AH! OH! OH, YES! YES! YES! OH! YES! YES! YES! OH! (Pants) Oh… Oh, God… Oh…

She finally calms down, slouching slightly. As soon as she subsides, everyone else gets back to what they were doing.

Granny: (To Cashier) I'll have what she's having.

Yahoo stares at Cypress, his mouth agape. After a beat, he finally finds his voice.

Yahoo: (Dumbfounded) That was...interesting. Do female ducks usually react to having their feet touched like that?

Plucky: (Surprised, to Yahoo) What? (Realising, with false bravado) Oh, yeah! That was me. (Dismissively) Okay, ya saw how we mate, now go away.

Yahoo: (Condescendingly) My assignment is far from over, Dum-Dum. I have to observe EVERY phase which builds up to the mating of a male and female duck.

Before Plucky can say any more, Cypress speaks. She has calmed down from her episode.

Cypress: (Mellow) Man, that was one tasty slice of lettuce!

Plucky: (To the camera) Wait until she tries the tomato!

He picks up his Happy Baby Puppy Face Meal and opens his mouth, ready to take a bite, when all of the contents fall out and spill onto the table. He rests his chin in his hand for a beat. Then, he looks over at Cypress and smirks at the camera.

Plucky: (To the camera) If my feet didn't impress her, then my hands sure will!

He extends his right hand over and places it on Cypress's just as she's about to eat the tomato slice. She instantly recoils at Plucky's touch.

Cypress: (In revulsion) Your hand is all slimy!

Plucky: (Surprised) What the?

He looks at his right hand and the camera cuts to an extreme close-up of it. We can see that it's covered in tomato ketchup.

Cypress: (Sternly) That's disgusting, Plucky. Go and wash your hands!

Plucky: (Shocked) What?! But you hippies like bein' dirty!

Cypress: (Indignantly) What's that supposed to mean?

Yahoo teleports next to Plucky, writing something down on a notepad.

Yahoo: (Condescendingly) How predictable that you'd mess this up, Dum-Dum.

Plucky: (Through gritted teeth, to Yahoo) Shut up…

Cypress: (Indignantly) What?!

Plucky: (Sheepishly) I was talking to my imaginary friend? (Chuckles nervously)

He awkwardly stands up.

Plucky: (Sheepishly) I'll, uh, go and wash my...slimy hands…

He scuttles offscreen. Cypress wipes her own hands with the napkin, before popping the tomato into her mouth.

Act Five

Randy looks nervously from side to side as he plods slowly along the sea front. Shirley is right behind him, covering herself with the dressing gown and holding firmly onto it so that it doesn't get blown away by the wind which is coming from the sea. We can see that the ram is carrying her egg.

Randy: (Nervously) Okay, listen. There's a good chance that there's nothin' in this egg. I, uh, I mean, we could be in the clear.

Shirley: (Nonchalantly) Like, yeah, I guess so.

Randy: (Tentatively) You seem...better. H-Have ya calmed down?

Shirley: (Placidly) Like, I feel fiiiiiiine...or some junk.

Randy holds the egg over his head, preparing to smash it on the pavement. All of a sudden, an unseen force yanks it out of his grasp. The camera cuts to Shirley, who is suddenly wide-eyed and raving.

Shirley: (Horrified) MURDERER!

She throws her hands in the air to catch the egg. As she does so, the dressing gown falls down. Just as it falls, a lorry carrying a billboard which has a picture of the Adults Against Funny Cartoons Chairperson on it drives past. As soon as the vehicle disappears from the shot, the loon has the gown back on. She is cradling the egg in her arms.

Shirley: (Outraged, to Randy) Like, there's a livin' thing in this egg!

Randy: (Annoyed) There MIGHT be somethin' in that egg.

Shirley: (Tearfully) Like, how can you willingly try ta murder whatever's in this egg, or some junk?

Randy: (Irritated) But ya said it was okay for me ta smash it!

Shirley: (Furious) It was a moment of weakness!

Randy looks as if he's about to yell at her. He goes red in the face and his nostrils flare…but then he exhales in defeat.

Randy: (Exasperated) Let's get you home. Then, we can forget all about this…crazy trip!

Shirley: (Puzzled) What? But, like, what about us?

Randy: (Dumbfounded) Whadda ya mean?

Shirley: (Hurt) Y-Ya promised that you'd h-help me back home.

Randy: (Annoyed) That's what I'm doin'!

Shirley: (Upset) What happened to you, Randy? You were a mondo supportive ram, and now…

Randy: (Angrily interrupting) What's happened ta me?! What happened ta YOU?! When I found ya bawling at that motel, you were actin' all aloof an' whiny an' had NO interest in me, and now because of this stupid egg, ya suddenly wanna be with me?!

Shirley backs off as if the ram is carrying a deadly disease.

Shirley: (Tearfully) I thought you were better than Pl-ucky, but yer totally worse!

Randy: (Puzzled) Who's Plucky?

Shirley: (Tearfully) Green Daffy!

Randy: (Frustrated) Don't compare me to that loser! At least I have an excuse for bein' a jerk! I'm a lawyer!

Shirley: (Defensively) Like, Pl-ucky may be a jerk, but even HE would take this egg mondo seriously! Especially if it was HIS egg, or some junk.

Randy: (Frustrated) I don't care about the egg, I care about the charges!

Shirley: (Sobbing) Like, please don't leave me! Yer totally the only person in my life right now who cares about me!

Randy: (Scoffs) If ya wanted some sap ta throw his life away so he could be with ya, that's Hamton's job.

Shirley: (Angrily) Like, I don't know you anymore! At least I was able ta tell what Pl-ucky was plannin'! At least I could trust him sometimes!

Randy: Then go back ta him! See if I care!

The ram turns on his heel and storms offscreen. Shirley dries her tears and, after a beat, she puts her ear to the egg, listening for sounds of life within.

Shirley: (To the camera) Like, what do ya know? There's nothin' in the egg, after all!

Act Six

We cut to the Happy-Go-Pukey at Happy World Land. The ride has ended and the patrons are woozily disembarking from the capsules they were in. One of them is being sick into a nearby trash can. As the Attendant is about to reset the ride, a purple and pink streak rushes past. This is completely unnoticed. The Attendant suddenly stops what he's doing and sniffs the air.

Attendant: (Nonplussed) What the…?

He continues to find the source of the suspicious smell as the camera slowly pans over to the rocket that the streak had raced out of. A dubious odour is emitting from it. The Attendant walks over to the rockets, and doubles up.

Attendant: Oh, God! (Coughs) That's not natural!

Suddenly, his radio goes off.

Attendant #2: (On the radio) Hey, what's the hold up, we got people waitin' ta ride!

Attendant: (Speaking into his radio) Somethin' stinks in one of the rockets! (Hacks)

Attendant #2: (On the radio) It's a scary ride, one of the customers probably had gas, now reset it!

For some reason, the Attendant has completely recovered from the bad smell and is removing his belt from his trousers.

Attendant: (Flustered, into the radio) The Happy-Go-Pukey is now closed.

He clambers into the stinking rocket and slams the door behind him.

Attendant #2: (On the radio, dumbfounded) What?! We got hordes 'o' people wantin' ta…

Attendant: (Bellows into the radio) I SAID THE HAPPY-GO-PUKEY IS CLOSED!

We cut to the Stairway to Heaven, where the customers are fleeing from it in revulsion, whilst some are embracing and kissing. The same effect is happening on all of the other rides, and the pink and purple streak darts to each one. The camera abruptly cuts to a meeting being held by the staff. For some reason, the room is noticeably empty, with only the Manager, his Assistant and the Attendant of the Happy-Go-Pukey present.

Manager: (Baffled) I don't understand it! Why does my park stink?!

Assistant: Well, it only has six rides, and…

Manager: (Interrupting) It's either scaring people off or they're acting in a manner which should never be shown in a kid's show!

Attendant: (Defensively) Well, nobody saw me!

Manager: (Scratching his head) There've been reports of something pink and purple going to each ride and causing the stink, but what could it be?!

Suddenly, the park's mascot, Happy Pill, rushes in. He's carrying a photograph. Happy speaks in a manner similar to Ed Wynn.

Happy: (Frantically) Mr Manager! Mr Manager! We found this ride photo on the Happy Centrifuge, don't ya know!

He hands it to the Manager. We don't see the photo, but the Manager's eyes pop in shock.

Manager: (Horrified) Oh, my goodness! They're…

Everyone tilts their head to one side.

Attendant: (Beat) At least they smiled for the camera.

Manager: (Suddenly flustered) I'll consult this photo alone…in the men's room. This meeting is over!

He darts offscreen.

Happy: (Calling after him) Can I consult it after you, Mr Manager?!

We fade to the park's entrance and see Plucky and Cypress walking towards it. The green duck leaps around excitedly.

Plucky: (Ecstatic) Oh, boy! I can't wait ta go on the Happy-Go-Pukey, an' then the Gargle…or maybe we'll go on the Gargle an' THEN the Happy-Go-Pukey!

Yahoo teleports beside him.

Yahoo: (Condescendingly) Aren't we forgetting the mission, Dum-Dum? How is going to a shamelessly overpriced tourist attraction going to demonstrate how ducks breed?

Plucky: (Smugly) It's simple. Happy World Land is home ta some 'o' the scariest rides anywhere. Cypress is gonna be terrified when she goes on the Happy Centrifuge…an' the guy who'll be there ta comfort her is right here!

Yahoo: I assume he was unwell.

Cypress: (To Plucky) As a reward for helping me save the Everglades, as well as finishing your burger AND washing your hands…we can go to this theme park.

Plucky: (Dumbfounded) THIS theme park? This isn't any old funfair, this is HAPPY WORLD LAND! The greatest theme park in Warner Bros history!

Cypress: (Placidly) I'm glad you like it. I'm not really a theme park toon. You go on all the rides an' I'll wait for you here.

Plucky: (Shocked) What? No, no, no! Ya gotta go on 'em with me!

Cypress: (Cryptically) I don't wanna know where they keep the bodies… (Sweetly) But thank you for thinking of me.

As Yahoo smirks, Plucky desperately thinks of something.

Plucky: (Frantically) How about I…I…win a prize for ya?

Cypress: (Aghast) They have shooting galleries?!

Plucky: (Backpedalling) There might be a snack bar!

Cypress ponders this proposal for a beat. Beads of sweat trickle down Plucky's forehead.

Cypress: (Perkily) I suppose I could have some more lettuce…perhaps even a whole salad!

Plucky: (Ecstatic) Yeah! Then we can show my imaginary friend how ducks breed!

Cypress: (Astounded) WHAT?!

Plucky: (Beat) I said…we can show my imaginary friend how ducks eat bread?

Cypress: (Chuckles) You sure have a vivid imagination, Plucky.

Plucky: (Relieved) Yeah, I sure do! Now, c'mon, let's go!

He grabs her by the hand and pulls her through the entrance. The green duck's eyes dart from side to side in search of a snack bar. After a few more minutes of running, he realises that the park is pretty much a ghost town. He abruptly screeches to a halt and Cypress nearly flies over his head.

Plucky: (Baffled) Huh? Wh-Where is everybody? This is Happy World Land! It should be swarmin' with people with money ta throw away!

Cypress: (Looking around) Maybe it's closed… (Sniffs, then gags) Has a sewage pipe burst?

Raising an eyebrow, Plucky sniffs the air as well and all of the colours drain from his body.

Plucky: (Hacking) What in the name of Chuck Jones is that smell?!

Cypress: (Plugging her nostrils) Maybe that's why nobody's here.

Just as Plucky is about to reply, we hear moaning sounds offscreen. The camera cuts to one of the cars on the Tooth Ferry. The green duck is about to investigate, when the older duck grabs his shoulder.

Cypress: (Admonishing) Now, where d'you think you're going?

Plucky: (Nonplussed) I'm gonna see what's moanin' in the Monorail!

Cypress: (Shaking her head) No you're not. You shouldn't talk ta strangers. (Pointing to herself) I'm the adult here, I'll go. You stay here where it's safe!

She walks offscreen, leaving Plucky indignant and confused. Yahoo teleports beside his head.

Yahoo: (Condescendingly) Chivalry really is dead.

We cut to Cypress as she walks cautiously towards the stationary monorail and is surprised to see that the windows are steamed up on each one. Squinting her eyes, she wipes the window of the car which the moaning is coming from and peers through it. We do not see what she does, but she looks at the camera with shrunken pupils and a vacant expression.

Male Voice: (Offscreen) We don't know why we're doing this, son, but it's perfectly natural!

Female Voice: (Offscreen) Don't look! Just avert your gaze!

Still bearing the thousand-yard stare, Cypress plods away from the attraction.

Plucky: (Running up) Cypress, what did ya see?

Cypress grabs him by the wrist.

Cypress: (Screams, to Plucky) GET AWAY FROM THAT MONORAIL!

She drags Plucky away from it.

Plucky: (Puzzled) What? What's in there? Is it causing the stink?

Cypress: (Flustered) You'll find out when you're older!

Abruptly, the pink and purple streak zooms past them. Cypress takes Plucky in her arms and lifts him off the ground in shock. The green duck's face is in her chest.

Cypress: (Horrified) What was that?!

Plucky: (Muffled) Fear not, my nature loving beauty, I'll protect you!

Cypress: (To Plucky) I don't know what it was, but don't worry. I won't let it get you! (Desperately) I know ya wanted to come here, but this theme park is not only haunted but it's inappropriate! We're getting outta here!

With Plucky still in her arms, she begins to sprint back towards the entrance. Plucky pulls his face out of her chest. Yahoo is reclining in mid-air a few inches from his bill.

Yahoo: (Condescendingly) You know something, Dum-Dum. I have doubts that you will mate with this female duck. She acts like you're a big baby, which is rather understandable.

Plucky: (To Yahoo) No! No way! You haven't won yet! There has ta be somewhere we can kiss or something! Then you can go back to whatever rock in space ya came from!

He pulls himself free from Cypress's hold and leaps into the air. The female mallard stops running.

Plucky: (To Cypress) We're not goin' anywhere until we find out where that stink is comin' from AND after I go on all the rides!

Cypress: (Exasperated) Don't be silly, Plucky. I know you're disappointed but I'm tryin' to protect you! Now, come on!

She stoops down to pick him up again, but Plucky deftly dodges and runs offscreen.

Plucky: (Offscreen, to Cypress) You'll hafta catch me first!

Cypress: (Angrily) Come back here, young man! PLUCKY! (Sighs)

The camera cuts to Plucky sprinting through the park.

Plucky: (To the camera) I got girls chasin' me! At this rate, I'll start kissin' females other than my mom!

Cypress: (Shouting after him) PLUCKY! Don't run off by yourself! You'll only get yourself lost!

Plucky: (Chuckles, to the camera) Me? Get lost? I know Happy World Land like the back 'o' my feathered hand! (Looking around) Now, where am I?

He stops running and realises that he's in an unfamiliar part of the park. And all alone.

Plucky: (Nonchalantly) Okay, I'm on my own. I don't know this part of the park and Cypress has no idea where I am. Nothing to worry about.

He looks around, sweat trickling down his forehead. Finally, he can bear it no longer…and bursts into tears.

Plucky: (Bawling) I'M SCARED! SHIRLEY! CYPRESS! MOMMY!

Yahoo teleports beside him, holding an umbrella.

Yahoo: (Condescendingly) Get a hold of yourself, Dum-Dum. Crying does not breed.

Plucky: (Snivels) But I'm lost! There's no-one else around!

Yahoo: (Condescendingly) I'm here.

Plucky: (Bawling) WAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

Yahoo: (Frustrated) Cease your mewling and listen! If you're pining for the company of others, there are some people at the theatre.

Plucky: (Stops crying, surprised) Happy World Land has a theatre?

Yahoo: (Condescendingly) And I thought you knew this place like the back of your feathered hand, Pretentious Dum-Dum. (Points to the left) It's over there.

Act Seven

We fade to the theatre. Uncle Stinky is still holding the staff up with the rifle. A crowd of toons are lining up to go inside.

Male Staffmember: (To Uncle Stinky) You've been pointing that gun at us for four hours. Just fire it so I won't feel as scared.

Uncle Stinky: (There is no terror in the bang, only in the anticipation of it.)

Baloney: (Nervously) Why are you cancelling my show? Why're you holding us up? That's not very nice!

Uncle Stinky: (My nephew and his companion shall be here soon. They have been touring the park as part of their anniversary, and judging by the pungent odour and the frisky behaviour displayed by some of the customers, they've been hormonal as well.)

As if on cue, the pink and purple streak rushes up and stops, revealing it to be Fifi and Hamton. The purple skunkette's fur is frizzy and the pig's overalls are dishevelled with one strap undone. They both look exhausted, but satisfied.

Hamton: (Content) We went on EVERY ride!

Fifi: (Serenely) Dans more ways zan one!

Uncle Stinky: (Ah, dearest nephew, dearest companion. I am happy that you have enjoyed your celebration and toured the happiest place in Warner Bros history. It seems that you have candidates ready to audition for your mystery show.)

Fifi: (Excitedly) We do?! (Embracing Uncle Stinky) Oh, merci, merci!

Hamton: (Ecstatic, surveying the queue) Oh, boy! We're gonna make a show!

Fifi: (Happily) Zat we are, mon cher! Now, let us finish our anniversaire on ze, how-you-say, low note et finally make our spinoff!

The camera abruptly cuts to the interior of the theatre. Fifi and Hamton are sat at a table. They look much tidier, now and are both wearing sunglasses. On the table are two polystyrene cups of water, a notepad and a mysterious red button. The stage is empty.

Fifi: (Reading from the notepad) Auditioning: Mervin…

Hamton: (Gently correcting her) Merlin…

Fifi: (Calling) Merlin la souris magique!

The stage is completely empty. Fifi looks confused. After a beat, she speaks again.

Fifi: (Calling) Merlin la souris magique! Eet eez your turn to audition!

There is no reply. Fifi lowers her sunglasses and looks at the notepad with confusion.

Hamton: (Clearing his throat) Auditioning: Merlin the Magic Mouse!

Suddenly, there is a puff of red smoke on the proscenium and Merlin stumbles onto the stage from the left wing, choking and spluttering. Second Banana scuttles behind him.

Merlin: (To H&F) It is I! Merlin the Magic Mouse: auditioning to join your show!

Fifi: (Business-like) Vat are vous going to do pour us today?

Merlin: (Matter-of-factly) My assistant, Second Banana, and I are going to perform a death-defying magic act!

Hamton: (Intrigued) What's that gonna be?

Second Banana pulls a crossbow out of his pocket.

Merlin: (Ballyhooing) Second Banana is going to fire an arrow at me. But with a wave of my wand, I shall transform it into a harmless daisy! (Threateningly) If it doesn't work, then Second Banana is being sold into slavery!

Fifi writes some notes, whilst Hamton swallows hard in response to hearing Merlin's audition trick. The camera cuts to Merlin standing with his wand at the ready whilst Second Banana clumsily aims the crossbow at him. The camera abruptly cuts to Fifi and Hamton watching with mingled interest and dread. We hear a TWANG! This is followed by a soft squelch. Fifi clutches at Hamton in horror.

Merlin: (Offscreen, screaming) AAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHH! I'M BLIND! I'M BLIND! OH, LOVY, I'M BLIND! GET IT OUTTA MY BRAIN!

We cut to another candidate on the stage. It's Katie KaBoom. She's singing (or at least trying) a song.

Katie: (Screeches) OOOOOOOH, WE'RE HALFWAY THERE! WHOOOOA! (Voice cracks) LIVIN' ON A PRAYER! (Coughs) TAKE MY HAN…

Fifi: (Curtly) Zat eez enough, Mademoiselle Caribou…

Hamton: (Gently correcting) Miss KaBoom.

Fifi: (Bluntly) Mademoiselle KaBoom, vous 'ave no singing talent at all. Vous are not what Hamtone et moi are looking for.

Hamton: (Nervously) Yeah…nothing personal…

Katie: (Tearfully) That wasn't nice.

She suddenly loses her temper, transforming into a green T-Rex that towers over the pig and skunk. Her voice is distorted into a roaring growl.

Katie: (Demonically) WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MUSIC?! YOU'RE JUST A PAIR OF DUMB ANIMALS! MY MOM SAYS I SING LIKE A BANSHEE! DON'T YOU, MOM!

The camera cuts to the wings. Mr and Mrs KaBoom are both cowering there. Their hair has gone white with stress.

Mrs. KaBoom: (Sobbing, to H&F) Please, just let her on your show!

Katie bears down on Hamton and Fifi and looks like she's about to swallow them whole, when a tranquiliser dart is fired into her behind. The female teenager turns back into a girl and passes out.

Hamton: (Relieved) Thanks, Uncle Stinky!

As Katie's prone form is dragged offstage by Mr KaBoom, a little girl with blonde hair, a red t-shirt and blue jeans wanders on.

Fifi: (To ?) Bonjour. Vat eez your name?

?: (Tearfully) My name is Robyn Starling.

Fifi and Hamton look at each other, and then at the notepad.

Hamton: (To Robyn) Y-You're not on the list.

Robyn: (Tearfully) I'm an orphan. My mother died when I was a baby.

Fifi: (Uneasily, to Robyn) Vat are vous going to show us?

Robyn: (Tearfully) I live with my Aunt Figg and her dog Ferdinand. But I know my daddy's still alive. (To H&F) You could help me find him!

Fifi presses the red button and Robyn falls through a trap door on the stage.

Hamton: (To Fifi) They'll say anything ta be famous.

Act Eight

We cut to the exterior of the theatre, where Plucky walks up to the entrance and sees a queue of toons waiting to enter.

Plucky: (Bemused) So that's the theatre. Huh. Never saw it in the brochure… I wonder what's on.

Uncle Stinky: (You have a lot of nerve coming here after all you've done.)

Plucky freezes as he hears this familiar grunting. He turns to see Uncle Stinky looking down coldly at him.

Plucky: (To Uncle Stinky, happily) For the first time in my life, I'm glad ta see you! Where are Feef an' Hammy?

Uncle Stinky: (They want nothing more to do with you. Don't even try to talk to them.)

Plucky: (Desperately) No, no, no, ya don't understand, I wanna say I'm sorry! I've been a jerk, I know I have!

Uncle Stinky: (They're holding auditions in the theatre for a new show. I'll allow you to see them, but if you try anything…)

Plucky: (Genuinely thankful) No, no, I'll just say I'm sorry, I promise!

He races offscreen into the theatre. We see Cypress wandering up to the crowd in the distance. We fade to the stage. The Goodfeathers are rolling around in a ball of flying fists and feet.

Pesto: (Yelling) YA BLEW IT, YA STUPID BOIDBRAIN! WE WAS GONNA HIT DA BIG TIME!

Squit: All I did was tell them about our experience in that movie with Kim Basinger!

Pesto: (Screams) SHADDAP!

The camera pans over to Fifi and Hamton, who look tired and fed up. None of the candidates have impressed them.

Fifi: (Despondent) Sacré bleu… We do not even 'ave un idea vat our show eez about mais none of zese people 'ave given us any ideas!

Hamton: (Comforting her) It's okay, Feef. Things could be worse!

Plucky sprints in from the wings and kicks the Goodfeathers away.

Hamton: (Deadpan) That'll teach me ta tempt fate.

Fifi stands up, pointing at the green duck.

Fifi: (Shouts, to Plucky) Get out! Get out of zis theatre tout suite!

Plucky: (Hurriedly) Oh, guys, I finally found you!

Hamton: (Bitterly, to Plucky) Yeah! Now, get lost!

Plucky: (Frantically) Wait, I wanna…!

Fifi: (Vehemently, to Plucky) Vous do realise zat vous are violating your restraining order! Including when vous ruined our work dans musicals!

Plucky: (Tearfully) PLEASE! Just hear me out!

Cypress: (Offscreen) Leave him alone!

The pig and skunkette look taken aback as Cypress marches up to Plucky from the wings.

Plucky: (Sniffs) C-Cypress?

Cypress: (Sternly, to H&F) You two should be ashamed of yourselves. What's Plucky ever done to you?

Hamton: (Nervously, to Cypress) I d-don't mean ta be rude, but…who are you?

Plucky: (To H&F) She's Cypress! My new girlfriend!

Cypress looks down at him in shock. Fifi and Hamton gape at them, their jaws hitting the table.

Cypress: (To Plucky) Your new…girlfriend?

There is a long, awkward silence, which is broken by Fifi and Hamton as they burst out laughing.

Hamton: (Laughing) Okay, P-Plucky, I'll give you that! That's a gasser!

Fifi: (Giggling) 'Ow can she be your petite amie? She eez old enough to be your soeur!

They both laugh until they cry. The camera cuts to Plucky as he goes red in the face. Cypress has been silent for a while. She finally finds her voice.

Cypress: (To H&F, sternly) Play nice, you two! (To Plucky) Listen, Plucky. I'm not…

Plucky: (Shouting, at H&F) YEAH! GO AHEAD AN' LAUGH AT ME! If that's how I'll make it up to ya, I'll do it. I'll do anything!

Cypress: (Warningly) No, Plucky, you don't have to do this.

To her surprise, Plucky ignores her. The laughing couple calm down.

H&F: (Slyly) Anything?

Plucky: (Confidently) Yeah! It's my way 'o' sayin' sorry for everything I've said an' done!

Fifi and Hamton share a devilish look.

Fifi: (To Plucky, sweetly) Punch yourself.

Plucky socks himself in the eye.

Hamton: (To Plucky, pleasantly) Give yourself a wedgie.

Plucky puts on a pair of pants and pulls them up too tight.

Fifi: (To Plucky, sweetly) Eat escargot.

Plucky puts a snail in his mouth and swallows it.

Hamton: (To Plucky, pleasantly) Sit on a cactus.

Fifi: (To Plucky, sweetly) Whilst riding un unicycle.

Plucky wheels around on a unicycle, his bottom impaled on a potted cactus sitting on the seat.

Fifi: (To Plucky, sweetly) Play ze bagpipes.

Plucky marches on the spot, blowing some bagpipes. Hamton abruptly snatches them off him and tears them to shreds.

Hamton: (To Plucky, pleasantly) Mango juice.

A mast falls down and flattens Plucky. We are suddenly given a montage of Plucky doing random things. First, he pulls his bill off and uses it as a hand puppet. Then, he does a tap dance on hot coals. Then, he hammers his thumb with a sledgehammer. Then, he pulls his wisdom tooth out with a wrench. This goes on and on until the montage ends. Plucky, now a bruised and mangled heap, lies pitifully on the stage.

Plucky: (Groggily) Okay…I did EVERYTHING ya wanted me ta do. Am I forgiven, yet?

Fifi and Hamton shake their heads.

H&F: (To Plucky, sternly) Now, admit to your mistakes.

Plucky winces. Slowly he gets up to his feet and clears his throat.

Plucky: (Feebly, yet sincerely) Hamton… Fifi… I owe the both of you an apology. I have been a jerk to you ever since we set off ta Wisconsin. All I cared about was gettin' my own show. So much that I took you for granted. The reason I stopped you guys from performin' at the circus was because I was scared you'd be better than me. And you are. You two do everything together. Ya play music, ya go watch movies, ya probably do loads of other stuff, but I never knew. Because I was too busy thinkin' about myself. I wanted the two of you ta break up. Because I was jealous of you and angry because you were thinking of making another show instead of mine. You were happier together than I ever was with Shirley. I blew it with her, just as she blew it with you. It's most likely that I'll never see her again…but at least there's a possibility that I'll see you guys…just so I can let you know that…I don't care about makin' a show anymore. I just want ta be friends again. But if you say no, I'll understand. Who wants ta be with a selfish, pathetic second-rater like me?

He turns and begins to walk away. As he does so, Fifi and Hamton rush up onto the stage and embrace him.

Hamton: (Tearfully) You've learned the one thing D.D never did.

Fifi: (Tearfully) Apology accepted, vous deuxième banane.

With tears in his eyes, Plucky returns their hug. The camera pans over to Cypress, who watches the trio hold each other.

Cypress: (Sniffs) He's growing up.

The heart warming moment comes to a sudden end as Randy suddenly crashes through the wall behind them. Plucky, Fifi and Hamton relinquish their embrace in shock!

Randy: (Furiously, to Plucky) Green Daffy. You are in violation of your restraining order placed upon you by Ms. La Fume and Mr. Pig. It is my duty ta report you to the authorities.

Hamton: (Shocked) Randy?! H-How did ya know Plucky was here?

Randy: (Grimly) Lawyers know everything, Mr. Pig. Now, let me take this dork off your hands!

Fifi: (Hurriedly) Randy, vous do not understand! Plucky 'as apologised to us! 'Is restraining order 'as expired!

Randy: (Irritated) Don't make things any more difficult, Ms. La Fume! I know Green Daffy well. He'll go back on his word as soon as he earns yer trust! Leavin' him alone was the best decision I ever made!

Plucky: (Outraged, to Randy) Wait a minute! You were supposed ta stay with me an' Shirl even when Hammy an' Feef were gone! When Shirl ditched me, so did you!

Randy: (Scathingly) Oh, yeah? Prove it!

Plucky takes out a tape recorder and presses the play button. We hear Randy's voice coming from it.

Randy: (On the recording) I was assigned to keep an eye on you, Green Daffy, and make sure that you do not make any contact with my clients whatsoever.

Plucky: (Accusingly) When Shirl ditched me, so did you!

Randy: (Defensively) I can't watch over the both of you at the same time! I was making sure that Ms. Loon didn't violate her restraining order!

Shirley: (Offscreen, calling) Oh, Raaaaaaandy? Where are you, or some junk?!

Everybody does a double take and the camera abruptly cuts to the hole in the back of the stage which Randy created. Shirley suddenly wanders through it, carrying her egg.

Randy: (Shocked) Shirley!

Shirley: (Shocked) Randy!

Plucky: (Shocked) Shirley!

Shirley: (Shocked) Plucky!

Fifi: (Shocked) Shirley?!

Hamton: (Shocked) Shirley?!

Shirley: (Shocked) Fifi?!

Fifi: (Shocked) Randy!

Shirley: (Shocked) Hamton?!

Hamton: (Shocked) Randy!

Baloney: (Joyful) BALONEY!

The orange dinosaur is yanked offscreen by a cane.

Shirley: (Flabbergasted) Like, Randy? What is goin' on here?

Fifi: (Amazed, to Shirley) V-Vous are not Shirley! She eez not as…

Hamton: (Stunned)…Curvaceous.

Randy: (Bitterly, to Plucky) She probably came lookin' for you. Although I can't understand why, you can have her! She's gone crazy.

Shirley: (Tearfully, to Randy) Randy, don't walk out on me an' yer kid. He or she won't know who the father is!

Plucky: (Deadly calm, to Randy) Father? What's Shirl talkin' about?

He suddenly notices the egg the loon is carrying. So do Fifi and Hamton. The three of them all turn to face Randy.

Fifi: (Angrily) Randy…vat 'ave vous done?!

Randy: (Defensively) Nothing! It's part of her growing up…

Hamton: (With disbelief)We were Pig Scouts together! We earned all our badges together! A Pig Scout would never do what you've done!

Randy: (Snarky) Yeah, well, a Pig Scout would never go all the way with a girl either. (Gesturing to Fifi) Makes me wish I'd got with her.

Plucky turns red in the face and steam billows out of his ears.

Plucky: (Deadly calm, to Randy) You really are a lawyer, aren't ya?

Randy: (Snarky, to Plucky) Y'know, before she stopped bein' hot, Shirley was happier with me than she ever was with you.

This comment gets to Plucky, and he rushes towards the ram with murderous intent.

Cypress: (Shouts) No, Plucky!

The much larger ram throws a punch that hits Plucky directly in the gut. Plucky goes flying into the stalls from the impact. Cypress leaps down from the stage and rushes to his side, whilst Hamton stares Randy down, snorting angrily.

Hamton: (Furiously) HEY! NO-ONE DOES THAT TA MY FRIEND!

He begins to grapple with his former friend. Randy looks undaunted by this attack and holds his ground without any trouble.

Randy: (Smugly) Remember the time ya brought Fifi to camp? I peeked!

Hamton: (Angrily) If the Scoutmaster could hear ya now!

Randy: (Smugly) Ah, who cares? I only became a Pig Scout so it'd look good on my résumé.

Hamton angrily kicks him in the shin. Randy's eyes water but he carries on.

Randy: (Mockingly) I wish Fifi had dumped ya, y'know. She's got a better body than Shirley. Shame that she stinks.

A green musk cloud suddenly rushes past Hamton and hits Randy like a tidal wave. The muscular ram is incapacitated by it. He stops wrestling with Hamton and covers his eyes. Fifi tackles him as soon as he does so. With seemingly no effort whatsoever, she pins him down on the floor.

Fifi: (Angrily, to Randy) Peeked, did vous?! Stink, do ah?!

Randy: (Frantically) Get off of me! You're breakin' my everything!

Fifi: (Dangerously) Ah 'ave un good mind to break your 'orn! Ah will teach vous to take advantage of Shirley like zat!

Randy: (Desperately) I have nothin' ta do with that EGG!

Fifi: (Angrily) Never ze less! (Suddenly smugly) By ze way…Hamtone did go all ze way avec moi…et 'e likes my stink. Can vous take eet?

Before Randy can reply, she suddenly wraps her tail around his face and smothers him. The ram struggles for a few moments as Fifi releases her musk until he passes out. Fifi gets off of the prone ram, just in time to see him being lifted into the air by an unseen force and suddenly launched upwards, crashing through the ceiling and out of sight.

Shirley: (To F&H, nonchalantly) Like, I'm flattered that you guys took care of that creep for me, but he was tellin' the truth. This egg is empty.

Fifi: (Shocked) Quoi? Mais, eggs are how fowls give…

Shirley: (Nonchalantly interrupting) This particular egg is part of growing up, if ya get my drift.

Hamton: (Beat) Well…that jerk was goin' against everything the Pig Scouts stand for!

Fifi: (With spirit) Oui!

Shirley: (Suddenly concerned) Like, how's Pl-ucky doin'?

The camera cuts to the stalls. Plucky is being bandaged up by Cypress, who kisses his bruise better.

Shirley: (Coldly) Like, who is that duck?

Before either Fifi or Hamton can answer, a mob of police officers charge into the theatre. The Bulldog is among them.

Bulldog: (Shouts) T'ere they are!

Plucky, upon recognising the cops, clutches Cypress in fear.

Plucky: (Horrified) No, no, NO! I said sorry to them! The restraining order's expired! Don't throw me in jail!

Bulldog: (To H&F) T'both of you are going to the stony lonesome!

Hamton: (Horrified) WHAT?! Fifi an' I didn't do anything!

Bulldog: (With a raised eyebrow) Oh no?

He shows them the photograph that the Manager was given. Fifi and Hamton both turn red with embarrassment. Cypress covers Plucky's eyes.

Fifi: (Giggles nervously) Eet was our second anniversaire. We are young et foolish…

Bulldog: (Darkly) Tell it t' the judge. You're both comin' wit' us.

Plucky takes Cypress's hands away from his eyes.

Plucky: (Innocently) Can I see the photograph?

Cypress: (Reproachfully) Plucky!

To her surprise, the Bulldog walks over and hands it to him. Plucky wastes no time in scribbling over it with a green crayon.

Plucky: (Shouting) Hey, YAHOO!

Everybody stares at him oddly, but the blue alien teleports beside the green duck's head.

Yahoo: (Condescendingly) Yes, Dum-Dum?

Plucky shoves the photograph into his face.

Plucky: (Hurriedly) Here ya go, a photograph of two ducks breeding, study it well an' get outta here!

Before Yahoo can reply, Plucky seizes him, pulls him back on a slingshot and fires him offscreen.

Yahoo: (Screaming as he flies away) These aren't duuuuuuuuucks…!

Plucky: (Whooping) YES! I'm free at last!

Bulldog: (Shocked) What happened t' the evidence?

Plucky: (To the camera) Not yet. (To the others) LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!

Seizing Cypress's hand, he sprints out of the theatre, followed closely by Shirley, Fifi and Hamton. The camera cuts to the five toons running out of Happy World Land, with the police in hot pursuit.

Uncle Stinky pulls up in the mobile home and they all dive aboard. The vehicle roars off into the sunset.

TO BE CONTINUED

CREDITS

Written by: Redtop95

Creative Consultant: Pepe-K

Cypress Duck is owned by: Smallj85

We see nothing but blackness. All of a sudden, we hear white noise and we see what looks like an old television being turned on. A blurry image of Montana Max appears. He is glaring balefully down at the camera.

Monty: (Angrily) What is your problem?! I gave you one job: JUST ONE JOB! Mess up that loser's chances of making a spinoff, and you can't even do that! (Shaking his head) I don't have a place for failures like you. But I'll find a use for you: ONE WAY OR ANOTHER!

He moves out of the camera's focus, to reveal a huge anvil dangling above it. The anvil falls down, getting closer and closer to the camera until we hear a sickening metallic crunch, and the camera goes dead.