Disclaimer: If I was Milmar, I would probably have a lot of money and wouldn't need to write fanfic because I would be busy writing episodes


On the eve of her twenty-fifth birthday, he found her in her room, Ethan asleep in his bassinet next to her. She was pouring over pages and pages of a journal that she promptly shut when she realized he was in her room. The only light that illuminated the room, other than the moonlight, was a small booklight that lit her features somewhat. She tilted her head in his direction and though she didn't ask it, he found himself answering her question. "My night." He said, gesturing toward Ethan.

She wanted to argue with him, to tell him that she was fine with him. Rick had watched Ethan three days in a row last week when she'd come down with the flu and she knew eventually she would have to pick it up. However, before she could argue with him, he rounded the side of her bed and lifted the small child into his arms. Ethan looked so much smaller in his father's large arms and she smiled softly as she saw him begin to shift to the new position.

Kate stood and moved, pressing a kiss to the top of the babe's head as he adjusted finally and opened his eyes to pierce through the darkness. His short and soft brown curls and blue eyes warmed her eyes every time he stared up at her. "Goodnight, baby." She whispered, pressing a kiss to the back of his hand. It never got easier, pinning her son between these two worlds. Even though they were in the same home, it was like they were worlds away.

She shook her head of those thoughts and moved to sit back down on the side of her bed, fingering her watch off.

"Kate?" He asked as he moved to leave. She lifted her head in his direction, fingering over the embedded lettering on the front of the book. "Happy Birthday." He told her quietly and she offered him a slight smile. "You know, just in case Cosmo and I sleep through it."

Her eyes contorted into a nasty glare that he shied away from almost immediately. "Rick." She glowered, burning a hole into the side of his downturned head. "Stop calling him Cosmo. He's going to have personality issues."

"You call him 'baby', though." He shot back quickly, though he cowered under the still-heated glare she was giving him. "Okay, fine." He sighed, defeated. "No more Cosmo."

"Thank you." She told him softly. "For everything."

Smiling appreciatively in his direction, she leaned back in the pillows as she watched the two of them leave, a sad sigh rolling through her. She watched until he shut the door behind him and then opened up the book again, staring down at a portrait of her mother that she'd been hoarding forever. Though Johanna Beckett's murder had an end, it never made it easier. Each Christmas, Easter, Birthday… it got a little harder to navigate through.

Twisting her head, she saw the clock turn to twelve and covered her hand over her face. "Happy Birthday to me," she said into the darkness.


When she awoke the next day, the sun pierced through the window and she let out a soft groan, instinctively reaching for Ethan. When he wasn't there, she felt slightly panicked for a split second before she remembered where he was and who's taken him. Running a hand over her face, she slipped out of bed and began to get ready for the day.

It was her birthday, after all. New mom or not, she supposed she earned the right to look good.

After a shower, she dried and brushed her hair, leaving it in natural waves. She applied a thin coat of foundation and eye shadow, curled her eyelashes and applied a pale pink gloss to her lips. After dressing, she moved down the stairs to see Castle navigating through the kitchen with a mission. Ethan was tucked into the corner of his arm, staring out at the world.

Rick startled somewhat as he heard her move up behind him, pressing a palm flat against his chest as he realized it was her. "Hey," he breathed heavily, shaking his head somewhat. "I'm going to need to get you a bell."

"Buy me one and I'll shove it somewhere inexplicably located on your body." She promised as she reached out and took Ethan from his arms, laying him against her chest. He squirmed at the change, but settled down quickly, his mouth moving eagerly "Ah," she commented with a nod. "Someone's hungry."

Rick looked sheepish and he nodded his head. "I was trying to look for the bottle warmer but I couldn't find it anywhere. So I decided I'd boil some water and then I couldn't find a clean pot and well, then you came downstairs."

Kate laughed quietly to herself, moving out of the kitchen and toward the couch. Once she was seated comfortably, she unbuttoned her blouse and the nursing bra. She placed a hand underneath his head and helped him locate her breast until he latched and she sighed softly, brushing her thumb over the back of his head. "Castle," she murmured quietly. "Can you grab me a blanket to cover up?"

He walked around quickly, offering her one of the many baby sized throws that had located their way around his living room. He would have to clean up eventually, but unfortunately every time he got a chance to do that, Ethan was distracting them both. He settled down beside her, gently helping her cover up. He knew she was only doing it for courtesy, considering his mother and Alexis were home.

She continued to rub the back of his head, settled back into the couch and smiled down at him. "Did you keep Daddy up all night like you promised?" She asked teasingly, watching as Ethan's eyes moved shut while he suckled.

At her side, Rick rose an eyebrow at her. "You promised what?"

"Confidential mother-son conversation, mister." She teased back, her tongue pressing between her teeth as she grinned at him. The grin she gave him was almost impossible to not grin back at. She was magnificent. "How was he last night, though?"

He moved his hand over to drag it across their son's cheek. "He was good. Only woke up at four for a bottle. Which is when I mysteriously lost the bottle warmer. I'm thinking it's somewhere amongst my sheets."

As he finished, Kate lifted Ethan away and handed him to Rick as she began to redo the bra, rearranging the nursing pad against her breast. Rick grabbed the blanket and tossed it over his shoulder, laying Ethan there as he began to try and help him burp.

Just as Kate finished with her blouse, the baby let out a loud one that made her gasp and turn her head toward him. "Oh, wow." She told him, grinning. "That was a good one, baby." She said and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

Rick beamed with excitement as he adjusted Ethan in his arms. It was only then that she took in what her son was wearing and she began to laugh softly. He turned his head over at her and caught the teasing look she was giving him, his face contorting with question.

"Really, Castle?" She asked, placing her hand on her baby's tummy. "A TARDIS onesie?"


That night, Castle made her dinner and the four of them, Alexis included, sat around the table. She'd told him that it was nonsense and that she didn't ever celebrate her birthday, but he'd basically given her no choice. She ended up enjoying herself.

After dinner she moved to sit on the couch, Alexis at her heels. She was used to the little girl following her around. Alexis slipped on the couch beside her and held her hand out to her brother, who grabbed one of her fingers in his chubby hands. Although her son wasn't aware of the world around him yet, the pure joy he got from being around his sister warmed her heart.

"You're such a great sister," Kate told her honestly and Alexis lifted her eyes with a soft grin. "He loves you."

And it was true; other than Rick and Kate, Ethan hadn't really responded well to other people. He wasn't used to new faces. However, Alexis was someone he'd gotten used to almost immediately. From the very first day they'd met, only hours after his birth, he'd been incredibly fond of her.

Alexis kissed his fingertips and continued to grin. "I love him too."

Sometimes Kate wondered how longer she'd watched other kids around her with siblings and how long she'd wanted one for herself. Without much adjusting, Alexis had slipped into the role as a big sister quite easily. She knew what he wanted most of the time, whether it be a diaper change or milk, and knew how to change him if needed. It was refreshing to know they had an extra set of hands. Most of the time they didn't even have to warn her to be careful with him. She knew already.

After casting a glance back at Castle who was still cleaning up from dinner, she turned her head back to Alexis. "Can you hold him while I use the bathroom?" She asked softly.

Alexis nodded immediately, holding out her arms and accepting her baby brother into them. He squirmed somewhat, but when his eyes landed on hers, he stilled softly. Kate would never understand the sibling bond, but it warmed her heart every time she saw it.

As she stood and moved toward the guest bathroom, she glanced over at her shoulder at the life that she and Castle co-existed in. While there were still many questions that she was left with, most of them involving the status of her relationship with Castle, she was left indefinitely with the fact that no matter what her family would remain untouched.

Her son would always have the family she dreamed of as a child.


Two weeks later, the funeral for a uniformed officer stabbed to death outside of a crime scene she, Kevin and Javier had been working on was held. She wasn't sure who the man was really, had only spoken to him a handful of times. However, Officer Jones had helped them a lot during the years and she knew that it wouldn't be right to not attend his funeral.

It just became a pain when no one she knew could watch Ethan. It was almost too cold to bring him, but when she'd heard where the funeral was being held, she felt a slight inclination to bring her baby anyway. Whether it be for her own sanity or else wise.

The procession was beautiful, speeches from his fellow coworkers and his partner, Davis. She was a young thing, barely over 23, but she had worked with Jones for years. Her speech had been touching to say the least. When he was lowered in the ground, she pulled back the blanket on Ethan's car seat and sighed softly when she noticed he was still asleep. For every death, there was a life to be celebrated. He was hers.

The crowd dissipated slowly, leaving just a few officers and Detectives. Rick, who'd offered to come when she said she was bringing Ethan, hovered around her quietly. She glanced up at him and covered the car seat with the blanket again. Surprisingly, it wasn't that bad for November. It was kind of warm, actually. But that didn't mean her son wasn't completely bundled up.

With a sigh, Kate detached from the group and picked up Ethan's car seat from the ground. "If you'll excuse me… there's something I have to do." She briefly met Rick's glance in her direction but she pushed it off as she began walking up the quiet path of the graveyard.

She hadn't been here in months. Not since the anniversary when her father had brought her up there and they'd sat and talked for hours with the woman she wasn't sure could hear them any longer. But even so, she knew the path like nothing else. Even if she was a bit slowed down with the weight of the car seat and her child, she moved there as though she were in a trance, barely catching on to where she was going.

When she finally arrived, she let out of a soft sigh and curled to the ground. The November frost painted the ground white and she felt the tears brim her eyes. It hadn't been that long ago that she and her father had been her to lay her to rest. Six years this January and so much had changed.

"Hi, Mom." She said quietly, staring down at the gravestone. "I have someone I think you should meet." She added and moved to pull back the sheet that had draped over the car seat. When she pulled it back, baby blue eyes stared up at her. "Hi, baby." She said softly, reached in and placed his pacifier back in his mouth. "This is your Grandma."

Ethan fussed slightly from his spot in the car seat and she began to rock it slowly. "I bet you weren't expecting this," she laughed quietly. "Trust me, neither was I."

As her son quieted down, but didn't close his eyes she kept her eyes on him. He was still the biggest surprise of her life, but the more time she spent being his mother, the more she realized she couldn't have any regrets about his conception. He was the most important person in her life.

"It's not Josh's." She told the gravestone, turning her head back. The last time she had been there, she had been on a break from him and she'd confessed to her mother then that she hadn't anymore feelings for him at all. "Actually, you know who his father is. You would probably laugh at me if you were here." She said, choking on her words softly. "I miss you so much, Mom."

She heard the crunch of footsteps behind her and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand as the tears brimmed. Without turning around, she smiled. "See, I told you that you would laugh."

Rick moved beside her and she tilted her head, gesturing him to sit down beside her. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and she leaned her head into the crook of his neck as she closed her eyes. "I didn't know that..." He started to say, but she patted his chest softly to silence him.

Kate nodded her head slowly. "It was six years ago." She said softly, licking her lips. "My mom tried to stop a fight and she got clipped. She didn't think it was bad, came home and bandaged it up herself. But she bled to death later that night. The injury had been on a major artery." She choked up, closing her eyes as the tears ran down her cheeks. "She wouldn't let us take her to a hospital. Said it was no use. They'd do the same thing and send her home. But it didn't stop bleeding..." Her voice trailed off as she let out another crippling sob. The fact that it could have been prevented stuck with her every day.

He rubbed her shoulder gently as she began to calm down. Her hand grabbed onto his jacket and clung for dear life. His hand lowered to her back as Ethan began to fuss again. Kate quickly sat up and wiped her eyes again, reaching in to see what was wrong. The moment she turned her attention back to him, the baby stopped fussing and his mouth moved eagerly.

"Oh no." She shook her head quietly, her voice still raw with her earlier confession. "It's cold out, baby. Momma's not whipping out her hoohas until we're in an enclosed area."

Behind her, Rick laughed and she laughed with him, turning to the gravestone. "To answer your question," she said softly. "Yeah, I'm happy."


That night, after Ethan was tucked into bed, she moved downstairs with a baby monitor tucked in her hand. She yawned softly, moving toward the kitchen as quietly as was possible. She knew that Castle was a light sleeper at best and would move to wake at the slightest crash, assuming the worst.

She finally entered the kitchen and opened the door to grab a bottle of water. She opened the cap and wrapped her mouth around it, taking a slow sip of it. Placing the cap back on it a moment later, she closed the door and jumped up as she saw Rick behind it. "Shit." She held her hand against his chest. "You know, killing the mother of your child is very Henry VII, right?"

He laughed softly and shook his head. "Pay back from earlier." He grinned at her and she just rolled her eyes, placing the bottle of water on the counter. "Except I was holding our son, so I think you're still worse." She nudged his shoulder and moved to sit down on one of the island chairs. He hovered by the fridge, staring at her.

Everything she'd ever wanted to say was suddenly on the tip of her tongue and she couldn't even remember her own name. Her thoughts since Ethan had been born had always circulated, bringing up memories of moments she held close to her heart and memories she wanted to forget. Since Ethan was conceived, she'd begun to see Rick in a different light. He wasn't the man who the media portrayed as a playboy. No, he was so much more than that. He was a loving father, a caring man and somewhere along the line, she'd fallen madly in love with him. And yet, even still, she was so afraid to give her heart to him.

She took another sip of her water as she let out a sigh. If she told him how she felt, would he reach into her chest and rip her heart out, or would he take it and take care of it? The more she thought about it, the more her head began to swim.

"Well, I'm off to bed." He decided softly. "You should go get some sleep yourself before Cos-Ethan wakes up." He placed a kiss to her temple as he passed by, walking quietly back to his bedroom.

As he began to pull away from her, she felt the distance between them. Every step he took pushed him further away and she opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. She pushed, though, gripping the bottle tightly in her hand as the flimsy plastic curled in her fist.

"Rick." She breathed softly, causing him to turn around. At her sudden finding of her voice, she stilled her movements, dipping her head. She didn't turn to meet his eyes. "Where are we going?"

The words, though they were intended to be innocent, had so much depth to them. When he turned back and stared at her, it felt like he was analyzing everything they'd ever done together. She wanted to cower, to tell him that she hadn't meant to bring anything up but she felt so light now that she had.

Where were they going? He held her like a lover, took care of her like a friend and unknowingly to her, loved her like she was the only human on the planet.

"You know what?" He said softly, licking his lips. She closed her eyes, bracing herself mentally for the worst. "I think that's something we should talk about."


A/N: I know. Hate me, please. I hate myself. But ultimately, I wanted to give 'the talk' its own chapter. So chapter 12 will be when they all lay it out on the line for one another. I hope that you guys don't murder me so I can actually write it. LOL.

Thank you so much for all the support, as always. I love it and you!

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