Chapter 11 - No Rest for the Wicked
"What the hell are you doing!?"
downtownpresbrown finally killed YOU
"Can you hear me?" 'Doctor, will he make-'
"Hikio, this isn't really working. What's wrong with your mic?"
"Are you sure it's my mic?" 'I'm sorry, ma'am, we… we did everything we could, it's just…'
"You sound like a robot, just type."
'the cord was just too frayed…'
Goddamnit, Kamakura.
Cats are mysterious creatures. People, primarily non-cat owners, frequently have this romantic notion that cats are these distant but caring creatures that brighten up the lives of those around them. Nothing could be further from the truth. In reality, they thrive on naps and occasional chin scratches. Nothing bothers a cat more than doting on its every move. Independent and proud, a proper feline would never subject itself to feelings like 'obligation' or 'remorse'. Cat owners can spend their entire lives housing, feeding, and loving their pets, but the moment that dinner fails to appear, so will the cat. In short: expect nothing but the worst from cats. They are useless, thankless furballs.
In my case, Kamakura, the cat whose life I risked my own for, took it upon himself to chew on my headset cord while I was at school. When I discovered the gruesome scene, he made no effort to present himself in a regretful or apologetic manner. Not even a dead bird or mouse to show he cared. Rather, he went about his usual greeting of meowing and asking for a snack: tail arched, eyes bright, and conscience clear. His admittedly cute eyes and mews of hunger almost projected a sense of guilt, but years of cat experience had taught me better. With a heavy hand and heart of stone, I removed him from my room and locked the door. It was my hope that hunger would serve as his teacher.
Initially, the plan was to let him starve for a few weeks, maybe a month, and see if he had learned his lesson. After running the plan by Komachi, though, she promptly gave him a double portion of food and hasn't talked to me since. I'm pretty sure the loud purr he emitted while stuffing his face was the cat equivalent of a big middle finger, while Komachi scratched his back and ignored my presence entirely. I should've let him become a GMW Katzekuchen. A 'catcake,' that was pretty funny, me!
I really liked that headset, too. It was pretty old and not very good to begin with, but it fit my head like a glass slipper. No knife necessary. The thought of replacing it brought me great anxiety, as they didn't make the exact model anymore, and ¥5.000 was a lot of money. I saved so many weeks' worth of allowance just to buy that thing.
N0rmieh8tr Today at 22:34
my stupid cat messed up my headset cord
"Wait, you have a cat? Send me a pic. I wanna see it!"
N0rmieh8tr Today at 22:35
cant
my sister wont let me near him
"Why not?"
N0rmieh8tr Today at 22:35
you dont want to know
"... Hikio... I know, like, girls won't talk to you... but-"
N0rmieh8tr Today at 22:35
fuck off
i just wanted him to understand what he did was wrong
"You were totally gonna do something stupid, weren't you?"
N0rmieh8tr Today at 22:36
is anyone going to take my side in this?
"Of course not, you're being stupid! It's a cat, it doesn't know any better!"
N0rmieh8tr Today at 22:36
i guess not
Deep down, I knew I was being childish. Just like I had left the front door open when he escaped, I left my room open during school and Kamakura took advantage. He was a little shit, no doubt, but trying to get revenge was pointless... to an extent that Komachi and Mom didn't have to know about. I was still going to poke him during his naps until I felt ¥5.000 worth of justice. 'No rest for the wicked' after all.
Now, despite my grumbling and complaining, I technically had a backup headset. The nice man who drove 2000 kilograms worth of steel into my leg was really distraught and felt rather bad about the ordeal, even though it was all my fault to begin with. He asked if I played video games, and dropped it off one day while I was still at the hospital. I accepted it reluctantly, because he threatened to come back with something nicer if it 'wasn't enough,' but I never really paid it much attention. It was still in the box and plastic bag he brought it in, as using it would be like acknowledging that he held some amount of sin in my accident. My principles wouldn't allow that.
N0rmieh8tr Today at 22:37
do you have any suggestions for a good headset?
"Mmm... I've used this one for a couple years. It's kinda 'meh,' but I'm too lazy to replace it. Plus, it's super cute!"
'Expensive! Headphones! Fighting! Nicesu!'
Advertisers were getting lazy with their descriptions.
The link Yumi sent bothered me for a couple of reasons. First, and most importantly, the headset was ¥28.000, on sale from ¥32.000. Was she rich? I'd never buy one that expensive even if I won the lottery. Unless the sound penetrated your brain in four dimensions, how was it worth it? Second, there were these pink antenna-shaped things that came out top. What function they served was lost on me, but someone unfortunate enough to be caught wearing this headset could be easily mistaken for a pink-haired psychic. Perhaps that was the driving force behind the excessive cost; it granted you the power to destroy the planet in three days!
I had to be a little careful with my wording. Due to the lack of verbal communication on my end, my usual subtle inflections weren't there to contextualize my thoughts. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but I also had to make it clear that I was looking for something aesthetically and economically different. I had the perfect approach:
N0rmieh8tr Today at 22:38
do you know of one that looks less stupid?
"Eh!? Anything's gonna look stupid on you, Hikio! Don't blame it on the headset."
... but of course, it didn't work. Yumi wasn't exactly the type to mix her words, so I thought the direct approach made the most sense. Miura may have been right when she said I didn't understand girls...
N0rmieh8tr Today at 22:38
i meant less stupidly expensive
My correction wasn't a complete lie, but pink balls on black hair was a fashion faux pas even I hoped to avoid.
"Oh, uh... Like, not really...? I have a couple others here, but I think they're all at least ¥15.000. My dad works for an electronics company, so I get a big discount. It totally kicks ass!"
Was 'vomiting with envy' an accepted idiom? I really wanted to throw up when I heard that.
"I'll ask my dad about headsets later. What's your budget?"
N0rmieh8tr Today at 22:39
5000 give or take
"... We're talking about headsets, Hikio, not candy."
N0rmieh8tr Today at 22:39
sorry but my daddy doesnt work for an electronics company
you can get a good one for 5000
"Yeah, but they're all plain looking! You can't find any cute ones under, like, ¥10.000."
N0rmieh8tr Today at 22:39
who cares?
i dont want to spend any more than that
"Whatever, I'll ask him about ugly headsets when he gets home, just for you."
N0rmieh8tr Today at 22:40
thanks
should we keep playing?
i have another headset i can use but id really prefer not to
"Huh!? Why don't you want to use it?"
N0rmieh8tr Today at 22:40
its a long story
"Just use it! We got fucked last game, because I was stuck with 'Hikibot!'"
... I mean, I already accepted the gift anyway, right? It would've been rude not to use it, and it's not like the guy had bad intentions... I wasn't going to donate it to charity or something. If anything, it would've stayed inside the box and eventually been put inside a bigger box for storage. Like that movie, with boxes instead of dreams.
N0rmieh8tr Today at 22:40
one sec
After grabbing the bag and pulling out the dream, I noticed that he wrapped it very skillfully. All the corners were tight and the end folds were parallel and perpendicular. I felt pretty bad for not recognizing his efforts until now, but on the other hand, it was exciting opening a gift in September.
Unfortunately, he was the kind of wrapper to put tape on everything. The seams were impenetrable, and the paper was too taught to simply tear.
While walking to the kitchen to get a pair of scissors, I noticed Komachi and Kamakura resting on the couch. He was enjoying a torso massage, or 'tummy rub' for the nauseating cat apologists, and Komachi was reading a fashion magazine. I almost wanted to apologize to her, but the look on his smug, fat face as she scratched all the right places prevented me from doing so. 'Enjoy it while you can,' I thought, because he wasn't getting naps while I was still around.
The scissors made quick work of the wrapping paper, and as I peeled back the top, I couldn't help but notice the flashy words and graphics:
'Expensive! Headphones! Fighting! Nicesu!'
"..."
N0rmieh8tr Today at 22:45
k i opened the stupid box
drivers are downloading
"Well, how is it? Try saying something."
"Something."
"..."
"My bad-"
"Say something longer."
"Uh... the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog."
"..."
"What?"
"Nothing, it's just... you're a lot clearer now... That's all. You're last headset was kinda bad."
"Yeah, I guess. This one's pretty comfortable... If only it didn't look so weird."
"You totally deserve it for being a cheapskate! How much was it, ¥1000?"
"Yeah, yeah. Let's just play. You owe me for playing so badly last game."
"WHAT!?"
I didn't tell her I had the same idiotic headset as her, because I knew she'd say something like 'OMG, Hikio, we, like, HAVE to swap selfies in our headsets!' I also didn't tell her that, with the greatly improved, 4D, brain-piercing sound quality, her voice reminded of the biggest bitch at school.
When school ended, swarms of loud, disorderly students flooded every square inch of the property, like water bursting from a dam. I usually waited for everyone else to leave before departing. Dealing with the random idiots talking in the hallway or by the lockers was a pain in the ass, especially when they formed clusters. Didn't they realize they were acting like tumors? The thought of them getting irradiated amused me more than it should've.
Today, however, an extra stop had to be made. I drank the last can of iced coffee yesterday evening, and caffeine withdrawal wasn't something I was ready to tackle yet: or ever for that matter. The headaches, nausea, the unrelenting sense of death: I was too young for a drug habit!
After rounding the corner to the vending machines, I noticed a girl leaning against the wall checking her phone. That wasn't an issue, in and of itself, but the girl also happened to have eyes that could make a blind person green with envy. Her eyes were also green... bright green.
I hadn't seen or spoken to Miura since the 'incident.' Fortunately, she didn't look too pissed off, though I wasn't sure if she had ever smiled either. If her face was upside down, she'd be the happiest girl in the world. The corners of my mouth couldn't help but twitch at the thought.
"Wipe that stupid grin off your face. You look more like a fish than usual."
"Relax, I'm just here for a drink."
"..."
"W-What?"
"... Nothing."
"Okay...-"
"... You didn't tell anyone about last Friday, did you?"
"You mean when I rode up on horseback, slayed the dragon, and-"
"I'm serious!"
"Of course not."
"... Good. My life would be over if anyone found out. I don't know what I was thinking."
Was she asking me to blackmail her or something? Please, don't say such misleading, erotic things to a boy my age. It was seriously dangerous for me!
Despite the relatively normal manner in which we talked, the mood was unbearably awkward. I tried to come up with a joke to cut the tension, as it was doubtful she would just let me walk away.
"Really? I think it's quite the honor getting to kiss someone of my caliber-"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
Ground, where was the ground!? I made a mistake!
Miura had me pinned against the wall by my collar with a vile snarl emanating from her throat. Her face was practically radiating danger: a true harbinger of death!
"YOU FUCKING, CREEP! YOU MADE ME DO IT! IT WAS YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU!"
How were girls this strong!? I had doubts a larger boy our age could do what she was doing, as she continuously slammed me into the wall for emphasis.
"M-Miura, please, l-let me go!"
"NO, YOU FUCKING IDIOT! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"
As Miura drew back her fist, no doubt an effort to induce amnesia, I closed my eyes in anticipation.
After what felt like a millennium, Miura finally made her move; though, instead of a fist, I felt my feet touch the ground and two hands on my cheeks.
"..."
That sensation again... It was as brief and chaste as the first one... but this time...
As her hands slowly pulled away and the slight pressure left my lips, I didn't dare open my eyes. Miura just tried to paint the wall with my guts; I was scared for my life! But, even more than fear, I wanted to prolong that feeling, that moment we just shared, a little longer, because I knew I couldn't ask for more. The dream would certainly end if I tried, and I didn't want to wake up yet...
"It's all your fault..."
When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was her trembling figure as she weakly grasped my blazer. Dealing with emotional issues was never a strong suit of mine, but her unusually feeble behavior beckoned something strange from within me. I was pretty sure I knew what had to be done, though a large part of me wished I was too afraid to do it.
"Yeah... you're kind of stupid."
When her head snapped up, angry, beautiful eyes immediately locked paths with mine. As they dared me to continue speaking, I thought the mascara stains that lined her cheeks looked inexplicably beautiful. Maybe I just liked her face...
"Liking a guy like me... I mean, that's no good... Are you retarded? You don't even like the idea..."
Her grip intensified as her expression grew fiercer. Reinforcements of tears threatened to escape her eyes and join their fallen comrades on her face.
"Besides, you're way too bitchy and annoying for my ta-"
I'd never get used to how hard girls could hit. The slap across my face left my vision blurry and my ears ringing, but the message was clear: I lost.
Perfect.
As Miura tried to retreat, our roles as captor and captive swapped. Held in place by my hands, I steeled my nerves and readied myself for the final act. It was a fun while it lasted, and definitely more than a person like me deserved.
"So...
It was all over.
"Try hating me instead."
I brought my lips to hers, and prepared to wake up.
