Naruto-Puberty and Ninja Stuff II
A Naruto Fanfic
A humorous version of the future
Involving lots of pubic stuff
By Niko SiMamu
Rated M (ooh)
Sequel Time!
Chapter 11: Marvel Geek Uchiha
"Been a while, Naruto" the man in the shadows said, stepping out from the dark.
"Kabuto Yakushi," Naruto muttered, "or are you Orochimaru now?"
"Both" Kabuto/Orochimaru replied.
Kabuto still had his grey hair but it now flowed down his neck like Orochimaru's back in the day. Kabuto's skin was a very pale Caucasian. Kabuto had Orochimaru's purple wrapped eye sockets but his eyes were slightly wider but still had the slit golden pupil. He wore a dark opened gown that showed him to be wearing a white vest and dark trousers. His snake toil coiled around his body, as it stuck out the back of his robe.
"Now, it's a shame this little encounter has to be cut short but I'm afraid I will only face a real meeting with you if Sasuke is here as I have some real catching up to do with him. Ta ta for now, dear chum" Kabuto said and he and all the bodies in the room disappeared. Where he stood only a small piece of paper was left with writing on it.
Tsume picked it up and read it:
"'Meet me here tomorrow, ALL OF YOU"" it read.
"K.k." Naruto said.
Sasuke sat down at a stool at a bar and remained silent. He pulled out one of his candy cigarettes and lit it with his finger; he'd keep it in his mouth until it burns his mouth.
"You can't smoke in here, sir" the bartender informed him.
"I'm not smoking, this is just a candy cigarette on fire" Sasuke retorted.
"Well, if you want to stay in this bar you'd better order a drink or I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave" the bartender replied.
Sasuke sighed, "very well, I shall order."
"A beer I presume?" the bartender asked.
"No; water, please, I'm underage" Sasuke replied.
"Okay" the bartender said and started to fill a cup with tap water. "Do you want ice?"
"Sure, I suppose I do need some cooling down" Sasuke replied.
The bartender plopped some ice cubes in the water and passed the drink to him. "That'll be ¥258 (£2/$3.20)" the bartender told him.
Sasuke poured the water into his open mouth, glugging down his throat. He put the empty cup on the table and sighed and then looked up to the bartender. He placed the money on the table and got up to leave.
"See ya, around" he said unmeaninfully.
Sasuke turned a corner down an alleyway with his head down, he heard screaming and yelping further ahead. He strolled down to see what was causing all the commotion. He looked up to see a group of men cornering a young woman.
"For f**k's sake, get some dignity you stupid whore and stop shouting like a damsel in distress" he said and walked past.
"You wanna join this little gang bang, friend?" one of them said.
"Nah, I'm good, but I'm afraid I can't allow rape on my watch as a senior member of the ANBU" Sasuke said and pulled out his chokutō.
"Dude" one of them said.
"Dude, get away from that screaming bitch" Sasuke replied.
They started to pull out their shankers (urban dictionary define: ordinary tool turned into a weapon, an Urban English term), much to Sasuke's annoyance. "You know we've all got shankers in our pockets" Sasuke said, "just mine aren't in my pockets, there attached to my coat and I have ten of them with paper on them that explodes."
Sasuke put his chokutō back in its sheath by his side and opened his coat up wide to expose to them his 'shankers'. He pulled out six and slotted three in each hand between his knuckles.
"Look at me everyone, I'm Wolverine!" Sasuke shouted and charged at them.
They raced at him to do combat, with Sasuke's Sharingan he read their every move and countered it with each hand. As one came marauding at him he flipped over him and kicked the wannabee gangster in the back, knocking the wannabee to the floor. Sasuke landed on his hands in a handstand with his 'shankers' still between his fingers, finishing the move off by landing back on his feet comfortably.
"At this rate I may need an energy drink," Sasuke remarked, "and I was wrong; I'm not Wolverine, I'm more like Deadpool with Wolverine's claws as Wolverine tends to not make jokes while fighting."
"Comic geek" one of them remarked as he came at Sasuke.
Sasuke jumped over him and placed a 'shanker' inside his hoodie, scraping his finger along the note attached to signify it was time to blow up.
The 'shanker' blew up and knocked the man out.
"And that move I dedicate to good old Gambit, parce que c'était une très bonne" Sasuke said, looking around for his next opponent but he'd dealt with all of them.
"Well, that was boring; I didn't even break a sweat" Sasuke remarked.
The young women that the 'gangsters' had attempted to rape strolled over to Sasuke, waving her hips in the way that sexy women supposedly do but she did it to the extent that it looked like she had a hip problem. She had long way blonde hair and blue eyes, she was wearing a polka dot bikini top that was wet and made her nipples stick out; complementing this with an incredibly short mini skirt and high heels.
"Thank you so much, for that I think you deserve a present. Wanna f*k?" she said with a devious flirtatious smile, leaning on his shoulder.
"No, I don't f**k whores voluntarily ('I do on the other hand get raped by f**king whores' Sasuke thought to himself while speaking)" Sasuke replied.
"Um, how am I a whore if I just rejected sex from those rapists?" she demanded.
"Well firstly, women dress for what they want to be and judging by what you wear you're dressing to become a whore with that incredibly short mini skirt and bikini top that you've thrown water on to make your nipples stick out;" Sasuke replied, "and secondly, you don't just say thank you for someone helping you but instead you offer them sex."
The young women stood shocked in silence as Sasuke walked away, placing a newly lit candy cigarette in his mouth before his old one had fallen out his mouth while fighting.
"Oi, Uchiha-c**t" someone said from behind Sasuke.
Sasuke swiftly turned around to face Naruto with a raised eyebrow, "what do you want? I quit the team and am now going by as a lone agent" Sasuke told him.
"Well, I'm afraid leaving the team isn't going to be that easy, chum" Naruto replied.
"I see; what do you want me to do?" Sasuke asked.
"It turns out Orochimaru/Kabuto are responsible for the kidnapping" Naruto said.
"Are they trying to find a new host body for Orochimaru?" Sasuke asked.
"No, that's what they want you for" Naruto replied.
"Of course" Sasuke remarked.
"We found them but they disappeared and left a note saying they'd meet with us but only if our whole team came, mostly wanting you. I don't know what research they're doing but I'm sure we'll find out during the meeting" Naruto informed him.
"I see, I guess leaving the team isn't going to be that easy then" Sasuke replied.
Naruto smiled.
They met at the bus stop where the girls had been kidnapped and then walked to where Naruto, Tsume and Ruusu had met Orochimaru/Kabuto last time. There were five of them for the mission: Sasuke, Naruto, Tsume, Suigetsu and Sakura.
Sasuke pulled out a candy cigarette and lit it as they entered the Orochimaru complex. Before them was no longer rows of houses but one massive building that spelled doom all over it.
"Oh, f**k my life" Sasuke murmured.
Tsume walked up to the door and knocked on it, the door opening as he knocked it – nobody was on the other side.
Tsume turned to them with a raised eyebrow but Sasuke pushed him in to the house, Sasuke following behind him. The others lagged behind unsure what to do.
"Come on" Sasuke said and they did so.
As they attempted to look around they could see nothing, Naruto reached around for a light switch and found one. Before the lights turned on there was a low grumbling sound coming from above and all around them, Sakura thought she saw something run past on all ours but decided she was imagining things in fear.
As the light flickered on they saw they were surrounded from head to toe by freaky creatures with red eyes, dusty fur, crouched down and drool hanging from their lips. There was something oddly human about them yet they couldn't think why.
"Oh, f**k my f**king life!" Sasuke murmured.
Sasuke made some hand signs and attempted to conjure up the hands signs for a chidori but nothing appeared. As Sasuke attempted to conjure one up over and over again with no results a voice rang through the building in a slivery tone.
"Oh and you'll be interested to know that while you're here your ninjutsu and genjutsu won't work. Also you'll be facing what I've been experimenting on over these past few weeks, do you like my work?" the voice said. It was Orochimaru/Kabuto.
"I've seen better" Suigetsu replied.
"Really?" the voice asked.
"Well some of your earlier work was much better than this, this is child's play for someone of your calibre, Orochimaru-san" Suigetsu responded.
"Well, I'm sorry to hear that but I disagree" the voice said.
"Each to their own" Suigetsu replied.
"I suppose," the voice murmured, "oh and TTFN, Ta ta for now, lads."
And the voice ceased to speak again.
"It appears we've encountered a problem" Sasuke said, throwing his cigarette on the floor.
"I think a problem is an understatement" Suigetsu replied.
"I don't know about that" Sasuke responded.
"Dude" Suigetsu murmured.
"Anyone got any gasoline?" Sasuke asked.
"Why would we have any gasoline?" Tsume said.
"Ah, well, it appears Suigetsu was right for once. We definitely have more than a problem" Sasuke said.
"We could just run away through the door" Naruto suggested, pulling at the door handles and door but it would not open. Naruto then decided he shouldn't be pulling but pushing and so did so with the same results. "F**k, it appears we're locked in" Naruto informed them.
"F**k" Suigetsu said.
"F**k this s**t" Sakura said angrily and punched the door but even with her super strength it didn't work.
"Oh, f**k" Tsume whined.
Sasuke took a deep breath and sighed, "F**k… my… Life!" he shouted.
The creatures lunged with an almighty snarl, growl and grumble. Screams could be heard all through the building but no one outside could hear.
