Author's note: I know I am repeating myself but thank you very much for all the reviews, it is a pleasure to read them.
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Chapter ten
"Are you looking for Maura?"
Jane stopped immediately as Leonore pronounced her friend's name and – breathless for having run so much – she quietly nodded. The woman smirked, motioned with her head at a hill on their left.
"Years pass by but things don't change. Mau' the Wacko is back to her shelter by the river... Obviously alone."
Something flickered in Jane's gaze as Leonore's words hit the air – a deep, dark feeling – and before any of them had a chance to realize what was happening, the Italian had grabbed Maura's classmate rather violently by the collar of her cashmere sweater.
"What is your fucking problem? Are you jealous because of that ridiculous fling she had with your husband?"
Not the slightest bit intimidated by Jane's sudden gesture, Leonore released herself from the grip and snorted; rolled her eyes. With a cold self-confidence, she crossed her arms against her chest, stared at the detective as if she had lost her mind.
"Oh please. Men aren't Maura's field. Don't tell me these are news to you. I would have a hard time believing that."
She didn't have time to lose with Leonore. Not now. Never. Casting a glance at the hill that went down to the river, Jane sighed loudly and turned on her heels.
"You wouldn't even make it to her list."
Leonore gasped but Jane didn't pay attention to it and left the path – crossed the hill – to run down to the river. She didn't care about anything – anyone – but Maura. It had always been like that and not a single thing would ever change that.
Her adrenalin didn't slow down as she spotted her friend sat on the grass. On the contrary. The pace of her heartbeats sped up in a contrast with her steps.
She stopped running – remained still for a moment – before finally daring to approach the blonde. Silently. Twisting her hands nervously, she settled next to her friend and let the seconds fly away as she observed the water running a couple of feet below.
Things had taken an unexpected turn – suddenly, without any warning – and truth to be told, Jane felt lost.
Uncomfortable.
She wasn't good at giving advices, at listening to people's pain and help them to go through it. She was too brutal, not subtle enough. Maura broke the silence for her hightest relief.
"I told you that this school was stressful. Too much for Elizabeth. She left a letter. She wasn't happy... They cut down the tree. As if it could delete everything!"
Disarmed, Jane looked at her lap. As much as she was fighting for words, she didn't know what to say. Maura's confession had taken her aback – completely – and the last thing she wanted was to be judged wrongly; to be mistaken for a vocabulary mishap. Her friend was in pain, for a thousand reasons that a hug would never soothe properly.
"It wasn't your fault."
The honey blonde laughed away the remark and shook her head before staring at a cloud up in the sky. The weather was getting stormy like in an odd echo of her soul. She bit her lower lip, shrugged.
"If there is one person who should have felt it come, it had to be me. We... Wasn't my status supposed to make of me the closest one in her life? It didn't, though. I failed, as usual."
Maura's choice of words troubled Jane. Why did she keep on abusing of synonyms? As if a veil of shame still embraced her feelings, whatever she had lived when she was seventeen.
"I slept with a woman, once."
Carried on by the surprise of such comment, the scientist abandoned the contemplation of the river to focus on Jane; or at least on the tiny patch of grass that separated their knees. Of er face didn't betray any feeling, the flame in her eyes showed the exact opposite. She swallowed hard, rose an eyebrow.
"Did you like it?"
Jane shrugged. Had the roles been reversed, without any warning? This was a detail of her life that the brunette had meticulously kept for her; something she had locked in a corner of her mind then moved on as if nothing had happened. She didn't even know why she had just confessed it, what had pushed her to do so.
Blushing, she passed a hand through her hair and avoided Maura's gaze on her.
"I don't know. It was... I don't even know if it was out of curiosity, or a fling. Or something more."
The medical examiner rose a confused eyebrow. Subconsciously enough, she had begun to play with the grass and kept on passing her fingers through the cool ribbon of green; locking it tight to whiten her knuckles until it broke in a small, abrupt sound.
"You regret it?"
The memory had turned blurry through the years, exactly as she had wanted it to be. It had happened and then the first thing Jane had tried to had turned to be doing her best to forget it; for whatever reason. It should have never made it back to the surface. She should have never talked about it. They were here for Maura, not for her.
"It wasn't the right person. That's the only thing I know."
The honey blonde nodded and as if a surge of courage – a new breath of life coming with vitality to go and nourish her breathing – had wrapped her up, she locked her eyes with Jane's and let the words slide on her pale lips.
"Elizabeth counted. I liked it. As a matter of fact, I like it. I... It isn't curiosity, for me. It is just the way I am. I like men, I am attracted to them. I date them but..."
Jane's hoarse voice covered hers, stole her words with a fairness Maura had never shared.
"But it's different with women."
The scientist nodded before apologizing in a shrug. She hadn't been sincere with her friend, after all. A lot of things – a large part of her life – had remained in the dark, involuntarily at first and then by cowardice. The ridiculous fear to ruin everything, a whole relation she had never imagined to live.
Jane didn't know it but their friendship was her everything.
"I am sorry to make you miss the rugby game."
The brunette burst out laughing. Bringing lightness to a moment that weighed heavily; unsteadily on them. Letting her fingers run on her friend's shoulder – leaning her head on top of Maura's as the blonde settled in the crook of her neck – a serene smile played on her lips. She shrugged it all away.
"I couldn't care less about rugby. I've never understood the rules, too complicated... I didn't come here for it, besides, but for you. So wherever you go, I want to follow you."
