I leaned on the windowsill. I never really thought I'd be longingly looking out like this.
It was dark and I was waiting for Jaiden. He hadn't been back this week at all. I had a horrible feeling about it.
Kitala crawled up next to my legs, her ears flattened as if she could feel my inner turmoil.
"It's ok," I whispered, leaning down to scoop her up. I brought her back to my bed and gently placed her down. I sat down and she curled next to me.
After that night, I'd managed to finally clean all the blood away. I'd cleaned away all evidence that he'd been hurt there on my carpet, but the memory f what I'd done still stayed with me.
I'd cut him. I'd cut him bad with my own sword, the one I always kept next to me in order to protect myself.
I drew it out and stared at it. I'd cut him with this. The very thing I held in my hands right now was the very thing I'd injured him with.
It was dark already. I couldn't sleep even if I wanted to. This week, I'd found myself tossing and turning with thoughts. None of them were good, yet they kept me awake.
I was tired, but I couldn't sleep properly. It was worse than ever.
Was I really becoming attached to Jaiden now? Or was the mere thought that I'd hurt him be enough to throw me?
He hadn't been back since. Was it because I'd injured him that he hadn't come back? Did he hate me for it? Maybe he was regrouping. Would someone else come after me instead? Would I see him ever again?
What if the wound had done more damage? What if he'd bled too much before he got back? What if he'd passed out in the middle of nowhere? What if he'd lost so much blood, unconscious in a place where no one would find him that…He didn't make it?
I felt sick. I felt repulsed by myself. I didn't want him to die. I never wanted to kill him, but now there was I chance I might've. It made me want to vomit.
I gasped sharply as the blade of my sword cut my finger. I dropped the sword and lifted my hand, watching the blood drizzle down my hand for a moment.
I wanted to vomit. I felt so intensely nauseous that I might've been sick enough to throw up.
I covered my mouth with my hand and ran out of my room, heading to the bathroom. I locked the door quickly and bent over the toilet.
Nothing happened; only blood was dripping into the bowl. Why couldn't I vomit? Even to be slightly sick might make me feel better. It might relieve me of these feelings.
Small tears gathered in my eyes and spilled over my cheeks. These nights hadn't been easy. Every night, I just wanted to throw up. I was so repulsed.
I had no one to talk to. Drew was out fighting with the rest of the guard. May wasn't available either. She was busy with preparation for my birthday and she couldn't come see me. Of course I wasn't selfish enough to keep her from her work, but I did want to see her. However I was stopped at the door every time I went to the kitchen. I wasn't allowed in there.
Not even Helen had come to finish measuring my dress or anything. My uncle hadn't called me either.
I was completely alone. Only Kitala and myself, but there was only so much Kitala could do. She was an excellent listener, but she could never offer quite the same comfort as a human.
"Stop crying," I reprimanded myself, "You did this yourself, now deal with it."
I pulled myself up and wiped the blood from the toilet and flushed all evidence of blood away. I washed my hands in the sink, being careful around my cut. I dried my hands and then carefully wrapped some tissues around my fingers. I didn't know where all the medical stuff was. I couldn't wake anyone up this late either. I'd have to find someone to help me tomorrow.
I cleaned off my face and walked back out and to my room.
Kitala ran to me as soon as I entered and I bent down to pick her up again. I cuddled her, feeling my eyes stinging again. I backed up until I hit the bed and fell backwards onto it. Kitala yelped and ran to the end of my bed, not appreciating the fall.
I turned and sobbed into the pillow, big, ugly, snotty sobs.
I stopped as I heard a light thud. My heart started beating faster with hope as I slowly sat up.
"Hey princess, I'm back," he said, "Did you miss me? Hey, are you crying?"
I grinned and fresh tears clouded my vision as I looked upon his face. Right now, he looked slightly concerned, but I was so happy to see him.
Kitala jumped from my bed and ran to him. She tugged on the end oh his pants. Jaiden bent down and patted her head, but his eyes stayed trained on me.
"Jaiden," I said, my voice almost cracking.
I licked my dry lips.
"Is everything alright?" he asked.
I shook my head. I couldn't stop crying now. I was just so relieved.
"Hey, don't cry," he said quickly.
He walked over and sat down beside me.
I leaned over and put my head on his shoulder. He was here again. He was really here. I hadn't killed him. He still wanted to see me.
"I missed you," I whispered.
I felt him tense at the contact, but I didn't want to pull back. I didn't want to lean away again, not when I could feel him really next to me.
"I missed you too," he said slowly, putting his arm over my back, "But Solidad would't let me out of bed this week. I had to sneak out."
"Is that because of me?" I asked quietly.
"It was a pretty nasty wound," Jaiden said, "Solidad was really worried about it."
I sniffed slightly, telling myself I wasn't going to cry again.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, "I didn't want to hurt you."
He chuckled slightly.
"It's ok," he said, "It wasn't going to kill me. I've had worse before. I told her not to worry, but Solidad's like a sister to me and she'll worry anyway."
"Who's Solidad?" I asked.
"She's my mentor and a little like an older sister to me," Jaiden said.
I nodded slightly. In my mind, I was debating whether or not I should say something to him about how I felt.
"Jaiden, I don't want to fight you tonight," I said, "I've been lonely and I just want you to stay with me for a bit. Can you do that?"
He was silent and I feared the worst.
"I guess I can make an exception for one night," he said, "But only for tonight. Why are you lonely?"
"Drew and May have been too busy," I said, "Drew's been out fighting and May has been working."
"Are Drew and May the only people you see in the day?" Jaiden asked.
"That's who I usually see," I said.
Jaiden shook his head.
"I can't believe they would do this to you," he muttered.
He pulled me closer and I felt myself blushing as my head moved positions, my ear resting against his chest. I could hear his steady heartbeat. It was comforting.
"If you came with me, you'd never be lonely," he said, "Everyday, someone would make sure to come and see you all the time. You would never be alone ever."
That sounded nice. Did Jaiden live at a nice place? I didn't like being lonely. If I went with Jaiden, I could see him all I wanted. I wouldn't have to worry about fighting him or hurting him anymore.
No, that was silly. I didn't know what he wanted me for. I might not actually see him. What if he was just trying to make it seem nice?
"No," I said, "I'm not going with you."
He sighed heavily.
I yawned.
"Are you tired princess?" he asked.
"I am," I said, "I haven't slept well."
"You should sleep," he said.
"I'm not going to sleep while you're here," I said, "You'll take me away."
My eyes fluttered. I was finding it difficult to stay awake now.
"I promise I won't take you away," Jaiden said.
Do I trust him? Could I trust him?
"I promise," he repeated.
Was it worth it? His heart beat really was soothing. So calming…So soft…So steady…
"What are you doing in here? What have you done to Mina?"
I woke up to May's voice. I yawned.
"I didn't do anything, she went to sleep."
Jaiden?
I opened my eyes and took in my surroundings. I was still resting against Jaiden's chest. Had I fallen asleep?
"You're awake princess?" Jaiden asked.
I looked at him.
"You stayed here?" I asked.
He chuckled awkwardly.
"I didn't know how to move you without waking you up again," he admitted, "I just stayed the whole night."
My eyes widened. He actually hadn't tried to take me. He'd kept his promise, but now he was here in the broad daylight.
"Go!" I exclaimed, pulling away from him and almost falling down in the process, "You'll be spotted. What if someone else had come in?"
Jaiden stood up and stretched.
"If it was someone else, I would've left," Jaiden said.
I stood up and pushed him to the window.
"Get out," I said, "Who knows if anyone will come in and see you."
Jaiden chuckled.
"You're trying to get rid of me already?" he asked.
I shook my head.
"I don't want you to get in trouble. You helped me, now I'm helping you," I said.
He ruffled my hair.
"Alright, I'll see you later tonight princess," he said.
He waved to May and then jumped out the window.
I turned around and looked at May. She had a strange look on her face.
"What?" I asked.
"What happened while I was gone?" she asked.
Me: Well, there you have it. I may or may not have been bawling my eyes out again...I really felt Mina's sorrow. I'm pretty sure I would feel pretty sick if something like that happened too.
Jaiden: You did this chapter backwards
Me: yes, I know I switched it around a little in the order of events, but it was a little different in terms of what was happening.
One more chpapie of Mina's side! Are you ready for this?
