A Year and A Day chapter 11
Disclaimer - looked everywhere but still can't find the receipt so I guess I still don't own them.
A/N Sorry for the delay but at this time of year my RL get's all busy and dictates my writing time - cheek of it!
A/N 2 Sam is probably at his worst in this chapter but it's a turning point for him, albeit a slow turn. And there's a bit of bad language near the end…nothing too horrendous but necessary to the scene I think.
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Dean had left them all to talk among themselves while he walked Georgia. He figured that if he was there he would be in labour before he managed to get a word in edge-wise. He had, of course, told them as little as possible, and right about now he was pretty certain that they would be deep in discussion over what he had meant by 'new developments' But he couldn't put it off forever and there were only so many cats in the neighbourhood for Georgia to try and chase.
As he walked back to the house he wondered how they would respond to his news. Only Missouri, Bobby and Caleb knew the details of his sexual experience so it was by no means certain that he would get support from the others who would probably assume, like Sam had, that the act was consensual and therefore the pregnancy was due to his own drunken stupidity. And even those closest to him might not appreciate the decisions he had reached. He shrugged off the thought; it wasn't fair to pre-judge them when he was hoping not to be judged in turn.
Of course how they would take the news was out of his control, but how to deliver the news was, unfortunately, completely down to him. Just how in hell did you tell your family that you were pregnant, but probably not for long unless fate was the bitch that he had always thought her to be.
'Hey guys, guess what - all my girl parts are in full working order, I know because I took them for a test drive, problem is now I've got a passenger on board….no, probably not; they already look at me funny for the way I treat the Impala without using car analogies to talk about sex.'
'Or how about…Hey guys, Sam took me for a night out but some guy ended up having a night in….definitely not…ladies present' He snorted at the idea of Jo as a lady - please she knew more dirty jokes than he did.
'Hey guys, and ladies, I tried my best but I screwed up and got screwed big time. No doubt they'd believe that, after all it's what Dean Winchester does best' Dean thought morosely earning himself a reproving huff from the pup.
As his possible explanations deteriorated to the level of self abuse, littered with admissions of being a slut and a whore, just as Sam had accused, both in words and in scathing looks, Dean decided to do what he usually did and go with the flow. Wasn't as though he could turn back the clock or run away….not with Ruby on the scene, just waiting for him to be out of the picture so she could get her claws into his brother. Asshole or not Sam was still his brother and it was still his job to protect him, whether from demonic bitches or his own ego. Dean chuckled; shouldn't be surprised that the idiot had an ego the size of Texas, it was just in proportion to the rest of him. And the knowledge that, although it was pretty well hidden at the moment, he also had a heart the size of a small country would see him through what he suspected would be a very unpleasant confrontation.
"C'mon Georgia girl, let's go face the music…and remember what we discussed; no eating or mauling of family members, okay?"
Georgia whined but then gave an acknowledging yip. Humans were no fun at all.
SpNSpNSpN
Just as they had done nearly eight months ago Bobby, Missouri, Ellen, Jo, Caleb, and Jim mingled while they waited, only this time they were at Missouri's home instead of Bobby's and Sam was with them. It had surprised several of them that Sam seemed to know as little as the rest of them about why Dean had summoned them. They knew that there had been friction between the brothers but those who had only had minimal contact since the deal was broken hadn't realised that things had gotten so bad.
Missouri and Bobby exchanged worried glances. There had been no new developments with things that either of them had seen and…both turned towards the door as it opened and Dean and Georgia entered. Dean making sure that he didn't catch anyone's eye as he let the hound off the leash for her to investigate the visitors. Soon bored that there was no-one she was allowed to tear to pieces she wandered off and Dean ran out of excuses to avoid his 'family talk'.
"About time."
Dean ignored Sam's rebuke but didn't ignore his next comment.
"And I don't see why Ruby couldn't come to this meeting; if it's about business then she deserves to know."
"It's family business Sam and whether you like it or not she will never be family…not now, not ever." Dean's tone was hard and uncompromising and whilst the higher pitched female voice didn't pack the same level of menace that Dean's own could, the intent was unmistakeable.
"Yeah Dean? Well don't forget that just because she isn't part of your family doesn't mean that I can't start my own family, a family of two!"
There were several gasps around the room and Dean felt something in his heart break at the threat but he couldn't give in to his fear of abandonment, not now. So he resorted to his standby response when faced with something that he couldn't deal with. He ignored it.
Sam scowled as Dean didn't reply to his challenge but before he could make another observation Dean was taking centre stage.
Dean faced the semi circle of his closest friends and family, some seated and some standing and swallowed his fear, his pride and, he suspected, his tongue, from the way it suddenly felt reluctant to form the words he needed to say.
"Um…."
"Good start."
"Shut up Sam! Those pearly whites don't have to be a permanent fixture y'know" Caleb growled at Sam's interruption.
"Guys!" Both men quietened at Bobby's plea and Dean nodded his gratitude. This was going to go FUBAR, he could tell.
"See, the thing is" he tried again, "boys and girls are raised differently as a rule. Y'know, boys have toy trucks while girls have dolls. Boys are taught to pee standing up and girls are taught that….well I don't know what girls were taught and that's kinda the problem."
Seeing the general bafflement he decided that the slow, down home style wasn't working. Hell he'd never been the one for diplomacy.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm a girl but I never learned those things every girl knows; all those things that girls should and shouldn't do. But in my mind I'm still a guy, which means I don't possess any common sense."
The laughter, and nods of agreement from the women, died as the next statement sunk in.
"And not having any sense I sort of got myself kinda pregnant."
Dean watched as his news sunk in.
Bobby, Missouri and Caleb's faces reflected both their shock and, with their extra knowledge, their sorrow.
Ellen and Jo held twin expressions of shock but no immediate display of anger.
Pastor Jim, as befitted his calling, positively oozed support and understanding and had moved a little closer to the isolated, in more ways than one, hunter; knowing that the touch shy Winchester would understand the gesture as an offer of comfort.
Finally Dean's eyes settled on his brother.
So many emotions on that tight lipped face; the anger seeming to just about hold sway over it's fellow expressions of disgust, disappointment and hurt.
Dean turned away from the condemnation in his brother's eyes. He knew that an admission of his rape ordeal would wipe it away, at least he hoped it would; but then he would have to face the guilty look as Sam blamed himself for not being there in the club to protect him. As always Dean chose the hatred directed at him rather than the hatred that Sam would otherwise direct at himself.
After the silence of shock came the questions - all at the same time.
"How" seemed to be the most popular query and a quirked eyebrow was the only answer he would give.
"You know what we mean Dean Winchester!" Ellen's voice was sympathetic but he could tell that she wouldn't be put off.
Others nodded their agreement with her statement while Missouri and Bobby moved closer, one either side of him, in a show of support. He wondered if they would still be so unconditional in that support when he dropped the other bombshell.
Caleb also stood nearby but his eyes were on Sam, who hadn't moved or said anything further yet. But both he and Dean knew it was coming. He could feel the air in the room starting to become dense and charged, like just before a storm.
Sam couldn't speak; he couldn't process what his brother had just confessed. Instead Jo was the next to speak her piece, getting straight to what most considered to be the point.
"Dean! Just how dumb a blond are you, you moron? How could you be stupid enough to have unprotected sex? Even as a guy you wouldn't do something so irresponsible!"
With what she thought she knew Dean could understand the accusation in her tone but it hurt nonetheless.
"Dean honey?" Missouri's voice held no anger, just puzzlement. She remembered the conversation she had tried to have with the young hunter after the rape. "Why didn't you take the morning after pill I spoke to you about, or ask Jo's advice like you told me you were going to?"
Several glances of surprise were sent Missouri's way as she revealed the depth of her knowledge over Dean's love life but Jo once again dove in before anyone could express their interest.
"Hell yeah!" said Jo emphatically. "I'd have had that pill down your throat faster than the advil you took for the hangover you must have had. Because you must certainly have been drunk out of your mind to have been so stupid in the first place."
"He was."
Dean winced at the hardness, uncompromising and bitter, in his brother's voice.
"I didn't…." Whatever Dean was going to say was lost as Sam exercised his new found voice.
"None of this matters anyway" he declared with finality, moving to stand over his brother, using his extra height to it's full intimidating advantage.
Whether done on purpose or not it raised Caleb's hackles to see Dean flinch away from his own flesh and blood, the man he was prepared to go to hell for. Jim gave him a strange look and he realised he had probably done the growling thing again. The look he gave back said that he was prepared to do a damn sight more than that, and pretty soon too, he thought, as Sam's next words registered on his brain.
"He'll be getting an abortion as soon as possible."
Not for the first time that day Dean watched reactions and felt like a viewer in his own private version of The Truman Show.
Ellen and Jo looked relieved. That was a blow. He had been hoping for some female backup, other than Missouri, who had already done enough for him; and besides, her knowledge would probably lead her to think abortion as being the best thing for him in the circumstances.
Dean absently noted that, like their father, Sam had that innate ability to give his personal opinions all the power of an outright command. Dad says jump, we all jump, even if we're standing on the cliff edge. Sam says abort so they nod their heads like well trained troops. He, himself, had been no different when faced with their Father's authority; but Sam wasn't Dad and he wasn't the law…and as Dean looked into Caleb's eyes, filled with disappointment and fire and realised that the emotions were not aimed at him but at Sam Dean also realised that, for one person in the room at least, whatever Dean's reply the support he had been hoping for would be there - and it would be unconditional.
Dean took a deep breath and stepped off of the proverbial cliff with the irrational thought that if asked at this moment if he were a man or a mouse he wouldn't hesitate in admitting himself to being a lemming.
"I….I'm keeping the baby. No abortion."
SpNSpNSpN
The reaction was almost universal; only the reasons behind the dismay and disbelief varied.
Both Bobby and Missouri's hearts broke at the determination and hopelessness in Dean's voice and his stance…so small and vulnerable despite his larger than life personality. They knew as well as he did that the chances of carrying a baby to term were almost nil and they didn't want him to suffer the pain and joy of the next few months of pregnancy only to have it end in an inevitable miscarriage, albeit a magical one. Plus, there was the torment of carrying the child of a rapist to deal with. It could tear the young hunter apart.
Neither Jo nor Ellen thought that they could be any more shocked than they already had been. There was no way that he could be thinking straight and they had to help him see that abortion was the only way.
Jim could have cried. Just how much was this small family destined to suffer? Yet he also understood, believing, as he did, in the sanctity of human life. Yet never at the expense of the 'mother' Dean needed to understand that God would not judge him harshly, or the soul he occupied, for putting his own life before that of a being that in a normal situation would never have existed.
Caleb said nothing. He watched and waited; a little disappointed in the calls for Dean to see sense yet recognizing that they only did it out of caring. He did wonder, however, just how little they seemed to actually know the man who stood before them, girl's body notwithstanding. Did they actually think for one minute that the man who put family, and the lives of others, before everything would have come to any other decision? Yet for all the cajoling and advising that was going on around him Caleb knew that there was only one opinion that mattered and he was getting a really bad feeling about what that opinion would be.
Sam had backed away from his brother after his ultimatum but he now moved back into his personal space. Enough was enough! Dragging the idiot's ass out of hell itself would have caused less grief!
"You selfish bastard! What the fuck gives you the right to decide to play the martyr?….again!"
Dean would have preferred it if Sam were shouting at him but the quiet, venomous, words, clearly heard in the now silent room were sharper and louder to his heart than any number of decibels. Very much on the defensive he replied,
"It's my body…that gives me the right…"
"It gives you fuck all rights!" Sam snapped, ignoring Missouri's disapproving glance at both his use of language and his reasoning. He was appalled at the words coming from his mouth too but he couldn't stop them, months of frustration and feelings of inadequacy finding their outlet at last. "It isn't your body, remember? You sold your body when you traded your soul, and probably not for the first time given the number of times you've come back to a motel with money in towns with no pool halls. That body you're in, the one you've already dirtied by being the slut that you always were, belongs to me. YOU belong to ME! And you will damn well do as you are told! I didn't go through all this only for you to throw it all away on a drunken fuck and it's result."
Dean stood and stared up at a man he didn't know. A man he wasn't sure he wanted to know. The tears ran freely down his fine boned cheeks though he didn't, couldn't, make a sound. He hadn't thought that anything could be worse than that day Sam had walked away to go to college…but at least then there had been pride mixed with the sorrow and pain. Pride too when Sam had been strong for him after their Dad had died. But this? There was no pride in this kind of strength…this travesty of brotherhood. As much as he had pushed his 'big brother' status he had never tried to rob Sam of his individuality, his very right to be himself.
The occupants of the room waited with baited breath; aware that whatever their own reactions to the sickening diatribe it was Dean's call. The only sounds in the room were the scrabbling of claws on the closed kitchen door where Bobby had shut Georgia away from making mincemeat out of Sam, and the grinding of teeth from Caleb's direction. Bobby couldn't look into those eyes for long without shivering.
Sam was so close to his brother that he could see where his vitriolic words had flung spittle into the pale and shocked face. As if his words had lanced an infected wound his fevered brain registered what he had said and his thought of 'Oh God! What have I done?!' came at the exact same moment as his body exploded in a technicolor riot of pain and he fell to the floor in a curled ball.
Dean couldn't raise an argument against his brother's comments. Truth be told he didn't even want to. He was done playing Mary, fucking, Poppins! So, with all the power at his somewhat diminished disposal he slammed his knee straight up between his brother's long legs to the place that no man would dare to attack another and watched as a flash of something too fleeting to be placed crossed the normally gentle face before pain twisted the features out of all recognition. Making sure that he stepped forcefully on the writhing torso Dean walked out the door.
He may be a girl but he was still the bad-ass member of the Winchester family. He just prayed as he dashed across the car yard that he still had a family to be the bad-ass of.
TBC
A/N Hopefully Sam has begun to see the light - well he's seeing some kind of lights, that's for sure. LOL Wonder how Ruby will deal with this new development!
