-Tates POV-
I slammed my bedroom door behind me and I was welcomed with a big scent of musk and heavy hearted light. I didn't bother turning the light on, nah. My fucking window slits are all the light I need. I threw my bag across the room with such strength it knocked my lamp over. Not that I gave a shit- It hadn't had a lightbulb in it for 4 fucking years.
I haven't seen Violet for the rest of the day. Fuck! The last thing I needed was for Violet to leave.. to leave me. I needed her. She was my fucking light in this goddamn horror show. Girlfriend?! I don't have a fucking girlfriend. What could possibly make her have that shitty idea about me. I haven't had a girlfriend since 5th grade and even then I wouldn't count Alicia May as a girlfriend. I want a girlfriend, I want Violet to be my girlfriend. I haven't had these fucking feelings before and now I can't show them. Now I can't express them. Now I can't lay Violet down on the bed and make her purr like a little kitten.
Ugh! I'm going insane. The voices.. the voices won't stop. 'Kill yourself' 'Kill her' They need to stop!
I hit my head with frustration- my blonde locks flying all over the place. I needed Violet, she stopped this bullshit from happening. She stopped me going insane.
I know I wasn't a very happy person- no. I was numb, I was always numb. This shit ass fucking sport I do? Track is just a distraction. I like running.. I like knowing I can run from all this bullshit if it ever gets too crazy, I like to think of myself as a bird. I like birds.. they can fly away when shit gets crazy.. I like that. But what does that make me? a coward? no fucking way. I'm no coward. I don't run from this hellhole because I'm considerate. I can't leave Addy and Beau to put up with Constance's constant neglect.. I had to be there to look after them.. I had to. But who the fuck was going to look after me? I fucking need her! Then I realised. I know what she fucking saw.. I know what made Violet mad at me.. Chloe. I read the text from Chloe just before I got home, How the fuck didn't I realise? I don't like Chloe. I just.. I bury my fucking sorrows in her tiny little pussy. I want to shoot her in the fucking head. I know that makes me an asshole but I don't care. I was numb, I never cared... until she moved in next door.
I screamed to the top of my lungs and before I could stop myself... BAM. There was a new hole in my wall. I looked down at my knuckles and they were cut and bleeding.. good. I deserved to be hurt. I deserve to be hurt a million times over for hurting Violet even once.
I have to sort this out, once and for all. I have to go to Violets.
I swung open my bedroom door to see Addy stood timidly by the stairs- she must have heard the bang.
'Addy, I'm okay' I gritted through my teeth, hoping my anger wouldn't resurface. I know that scares Addy, I never want to scare Addy.
'No you're not' She sulked, before looking down at her feet and walking slowly down the stairs.
Shit. Shit Shit Shit. I have to get out of here before Constance practically verbally beats the information out of Addy.. If she knew I had punched another fucking hole in the wall- thats it. I get hounded for weeks.
I sprinted down the stairs and swung open my front door- out into fresh air. I was way to fast for Constance to start screaming at me, she knew I wouldn't listen. I made it to the Harmon's door and banged on it with my recently raw knuckles- I forgot.
I was wincing in pain when the door was answered by Mr. Harmon
'Tate, how can I help you' He asked, his voice rough. Bullshit, he can't be a strong figure for Violet to look up to, he's been crying. Thats a weakness. I can admit to my weakness, can he?
'Is Violet here' I responded, pain seething through my teeth and body.
took a step back- well fucking done sherlock. He's noticed something was wrong.
'No, She went out with some floppy brown haired kid' He replied softly
'Mason.' I snapped.
'I believe that was his name, yes. Tate you're bleeding' He rushed out
'No shit doc' I scoffed, holding my raw hand in the other. I knew was a psychiatrist, even though Violet didn't tell me. The signs are fucking everywhere.
'Come inside, you need to calm down' offered, his hand making home on my back to push me in the door.
I hesitated but decided to follow him into his study- Its probably better than home.
'Tate, I dont want to call this a session, but tell me whats going on. On the house' announced, watching me take a seat then taking one himself.
'You can't say its not a session then talk about fucking payment privileges.' I scoffed.
'Im sorry Tate, go on.' He muttered apologetically
I exhaled heavily and prepared to tell him exactly what was on my mind. If I scared him? bonus.
'I prepare for the noble war. I'm calm; I know the secret. I know what's coming, and I know no one can stop me, including myself.' I started.
'Do you target people who have been mean to you, or unkind?' He questioned eagerly. Bullseye. I have his utmost attention.
'I kill people I like..' I announced. We were silent for a couple of seconds before I decided to continue. 'Some of them beg for their life. I don't feel sad. I don't feel anything. It's a filthy world we live in... its a filthy goddamn helpless world and honestly, I feel like I am helping to take them away from the shit, and this piss and the vomit that run in the streets. I'm helping to take them somewhere clean and kind.' I stopped for a second to acknowledge his reaction, he was blank.. staring. But at least he was listening, I knew he was. A guy like me, a jock? Nah there can't be anything wrong with me. But now that he knows I'm twisted? I have his attention and I will never lose it.
'There is something about all that blood man; I drown in it.' I started again, my mind flooding with images of Violet and her wrists. I smacked my lips, thinking of helping her.. helping her be clean. No Tate. Stop, carry on. I told myself.
'And the Indians believed that blood holds all the bad spirits, and once a month in ceremonies they would cut themselves to let the spirits go free. Now, there is something smart about that, very smart. I like that. You think I'm crazy?' I asked, eager for his answer.
'No.' He replied back immediately. His answer was shocking. No? After all that, he doesn't think I'm crazy?
But he hadn't finished.
'I think you're creative. I think you have a lot of pain that you're not dealing with.' He announced, sighing as he repositioned himself on his shrink chair.
I scoffed lightly. 'My mothers probably worried about me right?' I asked
'I'm sure she is' He smiled weakly, putting his pen and paper to the side.
'Shes a cockersucker' I announced, laughing slightly. 'I mean literally, a cocksucker. She used to suck the guy off next door all the time. My dad found out and he left.. he left me alone with a cocksucker. Can you imagine? how sick is that?' I blurted out, I could feel my anger resurfacing.
'I've heard a lot worse' He replied slowly, I must have hit a soft spot.
'Cooool' I grinned, leaning forward. 'Can you tell me some? I like stories'
We both looked down the hallway as we heard the door slam. I quickly turned my attention back to . I knew that was Violet and I had to see her. I had to get out of this.
'Forget about it Doc. I'm off, I'll see you later' I smiled, standing up in unison to Mr. Harmon
'Now Tate, I want to see you more often. I know you don't have a shrink, its obvious. Would you be okay with that?' He asked as we walked down the hallway.
I scoffed again. 'I don't have the money doc. And if Constance finds out im crazy, I'm done for.' I announced, turning towards the stairs.
A shocked expression was drawn on his face.
'Tate the door isn't upstairs' He announced
'The door I'm looking for is. Violet's home. I came to see Violet' I replied, continuing to walk up the stairs.
'Tate I don't think..' He shot back, his shocked expression was now worry. Great. This is what I get, for sharing my troubles with the kind doctor, he now frowns upon me seeing his daughter. bullshit. Im not accepting a double edged sword, not now. I need Violet, little does he know that she can stop all the thoughts, all the anger and the hurt.
Mrs. Harmon walked out of the kitchen to see what was going on.
'What's going on?' She asked, rubbing her stomach. Holy shit she's pregnant. Why hadn't Violet told me?
'Tate here, is going upstairs to see Violet' Mr. Harmon replied
'Oh he is?' His wife replied sweetly. 'Do you not remember where to go?' She asked.
'Oh no, I do Mrs. Harmon' I smiled sweetly.
'Then off you chop! No point wasting valuable time on the stairs talking to the older generation' She laughed lightly. I liked Mrs. Harmon. I know she wouldn't be as judgemental as her husband.. funny how things work.
I smiled and jogged up to her room- I could hear laughter. Whats going on?
I opened the door and let myself in, what I saw.. I didn't know how to explain it.
Violet was sat on the bed with a boy about our age- that wasn't Mason.
'Vi.. who the fuck is this?' I snapped, slamming the door behind me.
Violet jumped from her bed and so did the other guy.
'Tate, shit what are you doing here?' She asked quickly
I was about to reply but the asshole guy decided to open his trap.
'Well this seems tense. I'll leave you two be. I'll pop in later tonight okay Vi? Your dad rebooted the internet.. or whatever it is you do to make it work.. So we can watch some movies' He grinned, kissing Violet on the head before completely disappearing infront of my eyes.. what.. the .. fuck.
'Where the fuck.. what the fuck.. are you shitting me? where the fuck did he just go?!' I exclaimed, trying to figure out what just happened.
Violet sighed.. 'That was Evan.. He's a ghost.' She announced.
