A/N: I would like to take this time to thank a couple of people and summarize where we were before:
To Segolily, (my first beta) because she is still one of the more amazing, strong-willed people left. And she can write her little heart out.
Thank you Booksgalore, my other beta. She keeps me level-headed, even when I don't want to be.
To Camilla, for giving me inside scoops to the inner goings-on during the Italy filming for New Moon. If you see a white-haired lady celebrating St. Marcus Day in the crowd... that's her!
To ThexInvisiblexGirl, who lets me gush over Rob any time I want and doesn't disown me for it.
And last, but not least, blondie AKA Robin, for letting me fawn over her fics (including beta-ing this chapter), and inspiring me to write again last year. She's a brilliant woman, truly!
To everyone at Twilighted and here on FF who has made writing fun and not work.
Summary: Edward has just heard the baby speak from the womb and has noticed, possibly, that he or she may have a gift. He is pondering this and the possibility that there may be something more out there for his child can exist in the world. Jacob and Rosalie are there, catering to Bella. Carlisle snuck into a local hospital and got medical equipment he needed, including morphine. Jasper and Emmett crashed a blood bank for Bella's O-Negative. Esme is making plans for the baby's room now, consulting with Rosalie every few minutes, and Alice is... well, frustrated. She still can't see anything. Still Edward's Perspective and will remain so.
Chapter 9 – The Worst Moment
"Go Jacob. Get away from here."
I had said the words to help him. I heard his thoughts, Traitor and Leech among them, and I knew that he believed I had abandoned the Misery Boat. No longer did I see utter destruction and death, but tinges of hope, the wisp of something bright. He, on the other hand, saw only her demise. Like a man floating in a life raft, seeing only the far edge of a great and terrible waterfall.
And Death and Hell followed after him...
I threw my keys to the Vanquish toward the sound of his canine heart. I suppose he caught them. I didn't know for sure. I hadn't seen, but only heard his footfalls as Jacob raced out of the door and into the garage. The engine turned over and his melancholy thoughts were gone.
It was the first time my wife and I had been truly alone since our honeymoon. Instead of the usual fare of midnight swims and afternoon delights, we had a cool, upholstered couch and several afghans. Not nearly as romantic as I had originally planned. If my plans, originally, had come to fruition, they would be similar to my only dreams: Bella and I attending Dartmouth, her minor in English most likely, and I could take Philosophy this time. Jasper had said he enjoyed studying it in Ithaca... Bella would remain human through her entire college life, then, if she wished, only if she really was ready, I would take her to Denali to change her. Carlisle promised to be on standby...
Ah, but what are plans when the future is based on a thousand different decisions? All which can change instantly? Every action has an equal and opposite reaction...
Even the laws of physics were against us.
I turned to my radiant wife, cradling her arms around her stomach, cradling our baby. She cooed and chattered with Rosalie about the nursery, feeding options, and something else. My ears perked up.
"Well, Bella, since you are a human woman, and, most likely, you'll be a vampire afterward, so I would sense that you otherwise non-existent bust will be more prominent now."
Esme appeared from the kitchen, adding to the conversation.
"You know, Bella, after I was changed, I never lost my roundness either, from giving birth. I lost my little boy only after a few days," she said, that familiar motherly glint in her eyes. The one where she reminisced over her lost motherhood, for the child she had but for only a short time. I saw in her mind, her holding this small frail newborn, still and unmoving. It was the strongest memory she had aside from a dimly-lit nightmare of her former husband. I noticed, as did Rosalie, that when Esme spoke of her lost baby, she hunched in on herself, as if she still felt his loss, now a nearly a century ago.
Just because she called us her children didn't mean four full-grown adults made up for her dead son.
Though, I'm sure, like Esme, she would retain a certain glow, beyond our own skin's luminescence. She would look a little fuller compared to other vampires. The look of a woman who had just given birth. Most certainly the lovely soft-edge my mother had when she was changed. To this day, even, she looks as if she has given birth not but days ago. Her figure not quite slender, but soft.
I shook my head of these thoughts. For once, during this whole nightmare, I was starting to believe that good would come of this.
I did need to discuss the baby's delivery with Bella and Rose, both. With my hearing the child's thoughts now, I could better discern what he or she needed, what would be best for the child. And for both the health of my love and our baby, a quicker delivery would be best. Many human women didn't carry their child to term, and within two weeks of the actual due date is relatively normal. My child wouldn't be born premature. Not that it would have any effect, I thought, but comforting nonetheless.
"Bella, sweetheart," I cooed softly, brushing my lips against her ear. She giggled a little. Rose sighed and offered Bella something more to drink. Taking the request, Rose flitted off to the kitchen for another cup of O-Negative.
You better behave yourself, Edward she called mentally. Just because you can hear him, doesn't mean you get full Daddy rights yet. You're still under probation for the last two weeks.
Smirking, I reached around her stomach to cradle her hand in my, over top of her blossoming stomach. She sighed, her eyes drooping.
"I wanted to talk you about the whole naming of our baby..."
Her eyes opened and turned to me. I didn't quite know how she was responding, so I began cautiously. "I was just curious if you would be open to other names as well?"
Sighing again, she nestled a little closer to me, her heated, very pregnant body filling my left side with warmth unimaginable. "Maybe... if you can agree to a few terms."
My mouth dropped open, but I quickly snapped it shut. Agree to her terms? I thought keeping the baby was all about her terms, anyway?
Through tight lips, I answered my angel. "And what terms would those be, love?"
"Just promise me we will keep Jacob as his middle name. No changing the middle name."
Of course. If God listened to me, I would pray that we had a girl. It would simply not do if we had a boy. With that name. We had spoken briefly over naming our child, apparently, after her two favorite people. I would not, could not, have a son named after myself and.. that mongrel. The phrase If hell froze over came to mind...
"Bella, sweetheart, why do you want to name our child," a lump found its way in my throat, just as if I were human. "Edward Jacob? Really? Granted, I do not mind the namesake, nor, I'm sure would my father. But why the middle name?"
I felt lost. Like this wasn't supposed to happen in a marriage. We were, by theory, equal partners in this relationship, this union. I shared everything I was, I gave everything I am to this woman. My heart, and if it mattered, my soul. She had it all and yet Bella obstinately wanted Jacob to be included in our lives. So why was it so hard to make her see how troubling, how hurtful it was to stick that filthy mutt in our lives? Just because I felt grateful toward him for saving her the months I was gone doesn't mean I want to share her with him.
Though you did ask him to bed her so she could have children. Remember?
Of course I do remember that. I was desperate and anxious. Furious with myself and what I was. That I had caused her pain and, as predictable as Fate was, Bella's death. To have him be able to give her something I could not was beyond anguish. But I would have done anything then. Now, well, I wanted no part of Jacob Black. The baby was real and healthy and a loving, sentient thing. And my wife would be like me. I would not let her slip through my fingers now.
She looked idly at the glimmering wedding band on my hand, stroking it gently with her index finger. When a moment passed, my face darkened, I'm sure, but she held a finger up to me, as if she were pondering what to say next. Editing.
"Because, I think, that you are the most wonderful and beautiful thing that has ever happened to me and because Jacob is my best friend. Or was. You've loved me from the beginning and he became my closest friend while you were.. away.
I want to make sure our child knows such self-sacrificing people helped to bring him into the world."
I wanted to tell her exactly what I thought of the name. And how in the hell was that dog classified as self-sacrificing? He wasn't there when Bella and I made love on Isle Esme. He wasn't there when it was my name that echoed from her lips in passion. He wasn't the one who stood up and said vows in front of friends, family and God of how he would love and cherish her all the days of his life. That was me, dammit. Me! How putrid it was, how it sullied everything we, Bella and I, were about. But I was a better man. Sort of. And I held my tongue.
"I suppose I could understand that. To an extent."
She stroked my hand that laid carefully on her stomach, which in turn, was stroking her softly, too. Rose came back with the cup of O Negative and abruptly left to call Emmett.
I was so aggravated with her. Mad at her, even. I was frustrated with her choices. Why did she always have to make the most abnormal choices about what was best for herself? She never had an ounce of self-preservation in her, nor selfishness. But I, luckily, had enough for the both of us.
But that name! Why on earth would she do this to me? To our baby? Naming him after that damn mutt. The boy that wanted to split my marriage. And still did. Was it pregnancy hormones? I could kid myself that it was, but something niggling in the back of my mind told me that no, no it wasn't.
Of course that's how the world works. Being on planet Earth for ninety-odd years afforded me perspective. I knew of things that many people would have never heard of and never understand. I had nearly six times as much lifetime as the endearing girl beside me, so I believed I had a better grip on the most trivial, inane, darkest, most hated parts of people. And this included me. I was, after all, nothing but darkness. Light cannot come from darkness...
"Bella," I began gently. "What if we named the child after someone from your family? Did you have an aunt or uncle you favored? Great-grandfather? Grandmother?"
"You know Charlie and Renee were only children. I told you that. And Grandma Marie was the only grandmother I knew."
I nodded. I knew of her family history, but I thought I would try still. "What about naming the child after your grandmother? Surely there is a masculine form of Marie..." Anything to avoid the middle name of Jacob if it was a boy. I could settle for a son named Marion. After all, one of the greatest actors of the 20th Century carried the namesake of Marion and he was thought to be the epitome of the masculinity.
She looked pained. Like I had wounded her in some way. I tried quickly to backtrack, somehow to listen to her, without giving in to the horrendous name she wanted.
"Leah," she breathed softly.
I turned and smelled Leah at the same time. I was surprised I hadn't noticed before. She apparently was angry. I could both see and hear her mental hatred toward me, rolling off of her in waves, toward my family and, Bella, most of all. That definitely would not do.
"Leah, if you've come to start trouble..." I hissed, moving swiftly in front of Bella. Rosalie heard us and was down the stairs in a crouch, teeth bared, in front of the Quileute woman.
"Screw you, leech. I'm here to talk to Bella and Bella only. This isn't your fight."
At that I bristled. She was damn wrong if she thought it wasn't my fight, too. If Bella or my family was involved. It was my fight. Her mental voice screamed obscenities, ones I don't think I had heard of since our family's time near the US Naval Base in Groton, Connecticut.
I hissed in Leah's direction. "If her blood pressure elevates, it could do damage to her already frail body. And I will hunt you down if that happens," I growled in vampire pitch. Rosalie nodded her head, too adding in, "And I'll help him."
Leah growled, but her frame didn't shake. She was still in control, which I had to admit—if only to myself—that took skill. Skill many of the other wolves didn't have under pressure.
Her dark eyes flashed to Bella, huddled on the couch, her head dropped low, looking at Leah from above her round belly.
"Whatever the hell you did to Jacob, you need to apologize. He's been after you for the past year and for you to be all hunky-dory with him, while married to the bloodsucker, carrying his spawn... that's really shitty of you."
"You know I'm right, leech," she growled back, lowly. I hated to admit it, but I did agree with one point in Leah's tirade. And knowing that I agreed and it was hurting Bella made me feel all that much worse. If there was a hole to crawl into, I would want to be in it.
I heard the whimper and knew tears were coming. Bella would cry and, no matter if I agreed with her thoughts, I would have to throw Leah out. I would launch her right over the river, like a football. I could imagine her sailing across, screaming something vulgar, and with me, a look of total satisfaction across my face. She was a woman, yes, and my gentlemanly instincts told me to leave her alone. But if she was going to insult and berate my wife...
Well, to hell with being gentlemanly.
A growl slipped through my teeth, and Rose took a more protective stance in front of Bella. But Leah was nearly done. I picked a few choices phrases from her head. She would be done in probably thirty seconds time.
"So, if you're going to be acting like this all the while you're pregnant, just leave Jacob the hell alone. I'll keep him in the woods, you stay here with the leeches and just be a total, frickin' idiot about everything. Have your damn spawn and leave us the hell alone!"
Leah stormed out, nearly transforming mid-stride as she made a break for the trees.
And I was ready to run after her and throttle her. I would do it, and do it happily. Our treaty be damned.
I started to rise, but Bella caught her hand on my knee. "Don't," she said softly. Her eyes were red and wet. Rosalie patted her hand and smoothed a stray lock of hair from Bella's face.
"Please, for me?"
And when she said please, my resolve melted. No matter what it was, just saying that one little word always made me putty in her hands. No matter how silly, off-the-wall or idiotic it might prove.
Just like when she asked me to please make love with her when she was a human. To please let her keep this baby, even while it was killing her.
Who knew what a dangerous word please was.
I waited for three hours and forty-five minutes until Jacob was on the meadow's grounds. I had formed a plan to ask him of the last thing he could give me. I was sure I had fulfilled my quota of "being begged by the leech for favors", but this was my absolute last resort.
And because I was underhanded, vile and not exactly noble, I would make sure he knew that this was my only chance to let him save her one last time. To do something for her I could not. To give me permission to change her, despite the treaty. I didn't want to do it, balking at the very idea, but if I could play that card, to put him in such a position that he couldn't possibly refuse...
It was as nerve-wracking as asking Charlie for his blessing for our marriage.
Her hand in marriage... oh, that was a wonderful set of memories. Full of romantic nights, soft, tender touches and the big surprise of becoming an immortal father. I sincerely doubted anyone other than the biblical Joseph had the problem of an amazing child coming into his and his betrothed's lives. And I was sure that he wasn't afraid of harming or damning her in anyway. Not that I recalled. I hadn't been involved in the extreme particulars of religion since I was turned.
Carlisle saw the researching of other religions as enlightening; to understand other religious affairs and compare them with my own. I have yet to find any Roman Catholic or Protestant vampires who could let me know of any afterlife for our kind. Save my father, who vehemently said there was hope and to "have faith". I had either hope nor faith until I heard my child think.
That was enough for me to realize that God existed, as I had surmised before. Although I was sure he took enjoyment out of my pain. I also believed in angels, too. My wife was one of them. To love cherish and marry a creature like myself... too much for words to convey.
So, in essence, I passed the time with Bella, rolling her wedding band, looped on a chain around her neck, between my fingers. I alternately massaged her swollen feet and made sure she had plenty of fluids and plenty to eat. Both kinds of sustenance, of course. When Rosalie brought out the blood, it did set my throat on fire. It was bags of human blood after all. Each one of us had self-control to a point, with Carlisle's of course, being exceptional. But the smell of it, it was mouthwatering. I could feel the venom pooling in my mouth at the thoughts of the hot, red liquid...
Stop! I heard mentally. I had thought it, but Rosalie, Esme and Alice had thought it, too. All of them went out-of-doors to get away from the smell. None of our self-control was at perfection, but we were strong enough. Most times. Not that I would ever let Jacob known. Idiot. Only he would wonder how we couldn't help ourselves from wrenching the crimson drink from Bella.
I also had the chance to spend some rare, private time with my wife. My brothers were still scouting out blood, and Rosalie had decided to join Alice, Carlisle and Esme on one last hunt before the baby was born an hour ago. Though her features, always soft, had turned more rounded and shapely, she was as beautiful as ever. Glowing even. Her eyes, though rounded in darkening circles from lack of proper sleeping, had a warmth to them I hadn't seen before. As if it was an added warmth that only motherhood could bring...
Needless to say, even in her condition, we spent the better part of the afternoon with her in my lap, my hands pressed over her rounding abdomen, seeing our baby's projections of warmth and color, and placing soft, butterfly kisses along her collarbone. Bella's heart sped and soared, which made me alarmed for her in the condition, so I toned myself down a bit. Just a little.
For a few blissful hours, it was just Bella, our baby and me. No one else, no thoughts other than increasingly vivid colors sent by our son or daughter and the sounds made by Leah and Seth a mile away. It was a short respite from the hellish past two weeks.
It was when I heard the roaring of an engine that I knew the dog was back. And I could ask him for the last thing, the only thing, he could give me.
My wife's life.
-=-=-=-=-
An hour later, it all happened very quickly. Too quickly. Like Fate herself had planned this ugly event since the dawn of time just to spite Bella and me. I, evidently, didn't do her in, as instructed by the hideous harpy, so she sought to intervene herself.
And it all started with a damn cup.
I had just finished speaking to Jacob about my last request, the permission to relinquish the treaty long enough to change Bella should things, or rather when things, went south. That I could have permission to save her life and, in turn, damning her eternally to the life of a dark creature.
Needless to say, the dog wasn't very happy. He was haggard, tired, and looked worse-for-wear. His eyes bore deep circles that testified to the sleep he had not received since coming to our aid over a week ago. He was worried about his pack, he was worried Sam's pack, he was worried about how much Bella would be different...
I offered for him to have anything I could give him in return; his request, of course, was something I could never give him. Not unless she sent me away and had the abortion like I had told her she should have. How little I knew then! How would I know that the same abomination that was nestled inside her was nothing but a beautiful and rare creature? I let out an unnecessary sigh and began my request again, to beseech him one last time.
He said he had to think about it.
Sometime during my speaking with Bella, with Rosalie coddling her, and Jacob sniffling in the corner, left to his own devices, my wife asked for another cup of blood. When she was given one, I mentally heard Jacob's answer: Yes. Just save her.
That was all I needed.
And then, as it always happens, everything when to Hell in a handbasket.
I watched, almost in slow-motion, as Bella dropped the cup of blood on Esme's white carpet, the red liquid splashing over the floor. She gasped and stretched to get up when I heard a most horrific sound, the sound of tissue breaking apart, human tissue, and a loud and blood-curdling scream.
Bella fell to the floor, eyes wide in terror, mouth stretched into a permanent 'O', as blood streamed from her legs and mouth. She was coughing up and discharging blood. Her rich, vibrant blood.
Most of the birth was a blur. I'm positive my mind chose to block out most of this purposely. I remember it the parts that are embedded in my memory, no matter how much I tried to block them. Bella, thrashing and writhing in pain, Rosalie, jumping on my wife only to be taken down by Jacob. Alice calling Carlisle and Esme. My plea to my wife to hold out for morphine, and her immediately denial followed by her gasping cries.
"GET HIM OUT!!!! HE CAN'T BREATHE!!!" she shrieked, clutching her abdomen, the blood vessels in her eyes bursting. I grabbed the venom-filled injection from the side table, determination took over just then. There was no way in hell I would lose my wife. Not now, not ever. Not even for a baby.
"The morphine hasn't even started—" I replied to her. I wouldn't do anything until I could smell the morphine in her veins.
"What are you waiting for?! Get him out!" she cried out, grabbing my shirt in her fist.
She looked at me, her breathing so rapid, her heart practically beating out of her chest. I wondered if I would lose her beforehand. If the baby wasn't delivered, if her heart gave out ––
No, Bella would make it alive. One way or another.
"Please... save our baby, Edward. Promise me you'll save him!"
I looked into her eyes. How could I not promise her this? She loves this baby, and I do, too, but at her expense? With the possibility of losing her? I couldn't do that. But I would not live with myself if the last thing she heard from my lips was a lie...
"Yes, love, I promise to do all I can." She narrowed her eyes a bit, as if not trusting me quite yet to save him, but closed them and leaned back, gripping the sides of the table, gritting her teeth.
The thought of placing my sharp, venom-coated teeth anywhere near Bella's all-too-fragile body was heart-wrenching. But to save the child, I would need to do the unthinkable and remove the baby physically. So I did. Without so much as a thought, I took to her lower abdomen, gently, but firmly performing my first, and most likely last, Cesarean. I admit to blocking out details for my own sanity, but I cannot block out the sight of muscle and tissue that was once soft to my touch only weeks ago was now strong as steel the sound was very similar. Steel grating on steel.
Millions of things went through my mind and none of them were focused on anything but my all-too-important wife and the baby still in her body. I picked up my pace and took one last liberty on her lower half. When the opening was enough, I reached in, clutching a squirming pile of gloppy mess, blood and fluid. I froze, no sound was made. All was silent for nearly ten seconds, Bella still calling haphazardly for me, for Jacob, for the baby...
A soft coo echoed in the pin-drop silence.
Staring into the squirming bundle in my arms, I peered into the most beautiful pair of blue eyes I had ever seen. Tangles of blood and rich auburn hair crowned this creature's head, along with soft pink cheeks and a pale complexion. I took notice of the child closer...
"Renesmee," I gasped. It was a girl. Proof there was a God, after all.
A/N: Okay, so, we have only one chapter left and one outtake. I've had this outtake for a while and wondered if I should post it or not, but I will. Look for it this weekend for sure.
The last chapter is half-done now, and it should wrap things up nicely. Considering how this really isn't the end of the story anyhow, there will be holes open where the future still hasn't happened (aka, the Volturi, Bella romping in the forest with Edward, , etc.) There are dozens of others that write those parts so much better than I do. Reviews are love and make my day. Literally.
