A/N: Bonus chapter! Neither of these guys fit into the actual story but I couldn't resist these babes.
"What is up, my Stars Hizzle brothers?" Jean-Ralphio looked at the table to closest to the door, where two women were having breakfast. "And my Stars Hizzle sisters," he added, tipping an imaginary hat toward them. If he was going to be staying here for a while, he had to get in with the townies.
Pawnee had done him wrong too many times. Or rather, he had done Pawnee wrong too many times, according to the local police department. When rumors started that there was a warrant floating around for his arrest, Jean-Ralphio had packed up his favorite Tumi duffle bag and bounced. He had considered Brazil because the ladies were too beautiful for him and he kind of liked that, but remembered that Tom had just gotten back from a tiny Connecticut town. Figuring nobody would bother to follow him to Connecticut, he hopped on a plane and said peace out, Pawnee.
He had forgotten to tell his sister he was leaving. That had occurred to him in the cab to Stars Hollow. He owed her a considerable amount of money though, so he was hoping she wouldn't notice.
The guy at the counter looked exactly like Jean-Ralphio imagined he would if his ancestors were chiseled Italians instead of boyishly charming Jews. He was reading a book, which was the kind of quaint thing Jean-Ralphio assumed small town people did. He must have been into it, because he practically jumped in the air when Jean-Ralphio slid onto a stool across from him.
"Your hair is rad-i-cal," Jean-Ralphio, emphasizing the last word in the hopes that it would catch on here. He thought it had been hibernating for long enough that he could successfully bring back its popularity. "Is that Bumble and Bumble gel? Because that stuff is bitchin' as hell." He hadn't even meant to say bitchin' but it was just a throwback kind of day.
The guy at the counter did not seem to process Jean-Ralphio's compliment quite like he had thought he would. "It's not," he said, sighing as he slipped a piece of paper in his book. "You want to order anything?"
"A macchiato with an extra shot of espresso. My plane ride in was killer." He had been stuck next to a woman who was a hard nine, but also unfortunately a total killjoy who refused to talk to him.
The guy at the counter opened his book back up. "Nope," he said, not even bothering to look up. "Come back when you can learn to read the menu."
Jean-Ralphio hadn't read a menu in years. If he went somewhere that didn't have exactly what he wanted he got the hell out of there and found a cooler place. Tom had already warned him that Stars Hollow didn't have a Starbucks, though. "A regular coffee then," Jean-Ralphio said, almost choking on the words. He didn't even remember what black coffee tasted like. "So, what's the 411 on the ladies in this town?"
Jess poured the guy a cup of coffee, rolling his eyes while his back was turned. This guy was obviously new to Stars Hollow and in about ten minutes he would realize that he didn't belong there. Since he would inevitably be back on a plane to wherever he came from by the morning, Jess decided to humor him. "They're taken," he said.
Jean-Ralphio frowned. "All of them? That seems impossible."
"Yeah," Jess said vaguely, distracted by his hair. It was pushed back a lot like his, only it was longer and curlier. Jess made a mental note to never let his hair get longer in case he ended up looking like that guy. Despite his over the top appearance, Jess was still mildly interested in the new guy. People just didn't end up in Stars Hollow unless something had happened. Jess knew that better than anybody, after a decade of coming and going from the town. "What'd you do to end up here?" he asked, thinking about all the supposed reasons his mom had sent him there years ago.
He instantly looked suspicious. "What did you hear?" he whispered, looking around the diner. "They followed me here, didn't they? Are they waiting with the cop car outside?" He peered nervously out the window. "If they're out there, you're going to have to let me sit behind the counter until they leave. Because they don't let you have concealer in jail."
Jess had never met a guy who actually admitted to wearing makeup. It was hard to believe this guy was an actual person. "No one's allowed behind the counter," he said, realizing how much like Luke he sounded. "And I don't think Stars Hollow even has cop cars."
Jean-Ralphio didn't seem to hear him. "You run one little insurance scam and they act like it's a crime," he muttered, holding his coffee cup up to his face like he was trying to hide behind it.
It didn't seem worth it to point out that insurance scams were indeed crimes. "If you're trying to hide, you might want to pick a town with more than a hundred people," Jess suggested. According to the town sign the population was like 9,000 or something but Jess was pretty sure he only saw the same dozen people over and over.
"My friend said no one would bother looking here," Jean-Ralphio said. Jess had to agree with him on that one. No one had even heard to Stars Hollow to actually check up on.
Still, this guy was going to draw a lot of attention to himself around here. "Trust me, I wouldn't stay here," Jess said. He looked the guy over, wondering what he could say to convince him that he was right. "We don't even have a mall." His clothes looked expensive, which was hardly the norm in Stars Hollow.
That seemed to do it. The guy actually went pale and drained the rest of his coffee. "I've got to think about some things," he said, slipping off his stool. He headed to the door looking like he was in a daze, mumbling to himself on the way out.
Still not the strangest thing Jess had seen in Stars Hollow.
