Still on my roll! :) thanks for reading! Please reviewwwwww ^_^

BL Flamingo


Always

Chapter Eleven: Forgiven

The two coworkers sat in the still silence of the coffee shop for a few minutes. Yuu sipped his lukewarm coffee as his mind swirled in a big circle, processing everything Hisashi had told him thus far.

Having gained back a fraction of his composure, the blonde continued, but he kept his eyes on his drink.

"After I came back from the hospital, Atsushi kept trying to come and see me, but I refused. I still couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that he had confessed his love like that. I was angry and confused and the more I thought about it the more sick I felt. After a couple of days, Atsushi stopped coming. Renaka-san kept coming to see me, but she always had the same look on her face as Atsushi, that she was trying to figure out a problem that had no solution.

"That weekend, I finally had gotten a sort of handle on my feelings, and I decided to call him. But he wasn't home. Renaka-san said he'd gone out driving."

The blonde rested a hand against the side of his face, his worn countenance fluttering down like a dead leaf off a tree.

"I knew what that meant. When Atsushi needed to think he always took his car and drove aimlessly for a couple of hours. It was his way of coping with stress. I started to feel guilty about what I'd said to him, so I went over to his house and waited for him to come back. But a freak storm started coming up and it began to sleet. Renaka kept trying to call him to come home, but her phone signal couldn't get through. We sat on that couch together for hours, and I…I kept praying that he would come back—…but he never did."

Hisashi leaned forward, holding his head between his hands.

"He had been driving in the mountains and when it started to snow the roads became icy. He had hit a patch of black ice and ran into a boulder…the police said he died within a matter of minutes…"

Hisashi's blue eyes filled with agony as he barely choked out those last few words. Yuu placed a hand on the table, offering a solemn nod for the memory of the blonde's late friend.

"I…I don't want to tell you about what kind of state I was in after that night. I was hospitalized again because I couldn't eat and I could barely sit through the funeral without bawling my eyes out. The next month was even worse and my health or emotional state didn't improve at all. I—I finally told Renaka-san that I couldn't stand to be around there anymore because of how empty it was. So she called a friend at Marukawa and got me a job. I moved to Tokyo six months later…"

Hisashi let out a heavy sigh as his story came full circle. He was already way too worn out to cry again, but he took deep breaths over and over, swallowing the last of his coffee like an alcoholic shot.

Yuu sat across from him, knowing there would be no words he could offer that would suffice for the agony Hisashi had gone through. The shy blonde at work had had such a story behind his dull eyes that it was hard to imagine him ever cracking a smile. Garnet eyes drifted down to the table as a heavy weight settled on Yuu's mind. He remembered the day at the office when he had blackmailed Hisashi with Atsushi's rock, and knowing how many cherished people the blonde had lost, he felt terrible.

He thought of Atsushi, and the love the eccentric boy had felt for the blonde sitting across from him, and how that love was never returned.

And…as strange as it was, he thought of Chiaki, and the love he would never receive from the only person he had ever wanted, because someone else had taken that place.

There was no sly or craft in Yuu's mind now, there was only a damp gray wave of loss that engulfed his thoughts and emotions, and the garnet-eyed man found himself with damp eyes. He blinked back the moisture, and rested his elbows on the table, burying his face against his forearms.

"Yanase…" He heard Hisashi murmur after a few minutes. Yuu glanced up, two pairs of weary eyes meeting in complete understanding.

"What…what happened between you and Yoshino?" Hisashi asked in gentle and melancholy curiosity. Knowing the magnitude of what the blonde had shared with him, Yuu began to share his own life story. About meeting Chiaki in middle school, about how they became friends, about Hatori and his feelings for Chiaki, about how Yuu had finally told it straight and how Chiaki had rejected and punched him. The auburn-haired assistant poured everything out to his fellow worker. And while voicing his thoughts and feeling hurt and cut into his insides, it also left him feeling lighter afterward, as if the cuts had released a slew of pressure that had built up around his heart.

Hisashi listened quietly to Yuu's story, and he also felt his heart tugged at by the loss his coworker had suffered from love. He felt guilt, knowing that what Chiaki had done to Yuu, he had done to Atsushi. And he felt the bitter rejection in the man's voice, even though the words were clear.

"Do you still love him?" Hisashi asked after the waitress had refilled their coffee.

A slight smile crept onto Yuu's face.

"Yeah, and I almost hate myself for it. No matter how many times he hurts me, I still can't seem to let him go." Yuu snorted. "I hate his guts though."

Hisashi briefly smiled, breathing in the steaming aroma of his free cup of coffee.

"Yanase…" He murmured.

"Hmm?"

"Even…even if you hate him…can you forgive him for what he did to you?"

Ever reading between the lines, Yuu smiled.

"Are you asking me if you think Atsushi forgave you?"

Hisashi sighed, closing his eyes for a second.

"Yes… I've wonder about it so many times since I came here."

"I can't speak for Atsushi, Araki-kun. Only he can do that."

Hisashi nodded.

"I know. It's just…"

"What?"

The blonde sighed.

"You've probably noticed this…hell, it's as obvious as day, but the change of environment hasn't helped me at all. To be honest Yanase-kun, I'm falling apart at the seams, and everything I try isn't helping. I just…I don't know what to do anymore."

Yuu nodded in understanding.

"Tell me Araki-kun…why wouldn't you agree to chaperone Rurouri-sensei?"

Hisashi lowered his chin.

"Because I…I feel responsible for Atsushi's death…and I…I just can't face her again. If…maybe if I had talked with Atsushi, then he wouldn't have gone out driving that night…and he'd still be alive. Renaka-san…she's lost her entire family now…and her son is gone because of me. I have no right to be around her."

Yuu nodded, looking back on day Ijuuin had asked, the blonde's actions seemed clear. Even still, Yuu knew that the way the saddened blonde saw things wasn't necessarily how they were.

"Hisashi,"

The blonde looked up in disbelief as Yuu called him by his first name.

"I know that's how you feel, but honestly…I think you're wrong."

Hisashi's thin lips parted in shock.

"From everything you've told me, it's obvious that Rurouri-sensei and Atsushi were as close to you as family. And even when families and friends hurt each other, the ties of love that bind people aren't broken so easily. If anything, those two shared such affection for you that your absence wounds them more than your actions ever could."

"…Yanase…" Hisashi breathed. Yuu gave him a small smile.

"We should probably get going."


The two had stayed at the coffee shop so long that night had fallen like a black-feathered wing on the city, with only streetlights to indicate which way the paths led. Yuu and Hisashi walked silently in the direction of the train station, both of them feeling like they had lost heavy weights off their back. A chilly wind breezed past them, blowing Hisashi's curls into his face. He shivered and snuggled deeper into his large hoodie, shoving his hands into his pockets.

Yuu glanced at him, a bit of a smile clinging to his lips.

"That's Atsushi's too right?"

Hisashi nodded, laughing quietly under his breath.

"This thing is so old. Atsushi wore it constantly and when I got cold I used to steal it from his room. I had it on the night he died, and I've worn it every day since."

Yuu smiled.

"I'd believe that. There's a hole in it."

"Where?"

"Right there, near the bottom." Yuu pointed. Hisashi saw it and sighed.

"Oh shit…" He muttered. Yuu chuckled.

"Time to get a new one."

"No way," Hisashi smiled. "I just want this one." But as soon as he said those words, the blonde's brow creased and he sighed.

"Though, I guess…I guess it is time for me to…let him go."

Hisashi reached into his shirt, pulling out the white stone.

"I guess I've been holding on for far too long…"

"Maybe it's time to start on a new path." Yuu said quietly.

Hisashi sighed again, gazing forlornly at the rock.

"I don't know if I can…I never want to forget Atsushi."

Yuu stopped abruptly and gently took Hisashi's shoulder.

"Araki," He said. "Letting go of a friend doesn't mean to forget them. In fact, that's the worst thing you can do to a friend. Forgive yourself and move on…but never forget."

The garnet-eyed man paused after he spoke those words. He stared in shock for a few seconds as he felt a large weight dislodge from his head and heart.

And he suddenly felt the lightest he had in years.

Hisashi's blue eyes almost pooled again as he smiled gratefully at Yuu.

And the auburn-haired assistant wholeheartedly returned the smile.


The two made it to the station just in time for the very last trains. Hisashi and Yuu stood in the center of the nearly empty station, knowing their separate lines would depart in just a few minutes.

Hisashi glanced sheepishly at his feet, smiling shyly.

"Huh, who knew that a simple dinner would turn out so 'fun.'"

Yuu snorted with a grin.

" 'Fun' isn't the word I'd used. But I know what you mean."

Hisashi looked up, his gray blue eyes tired… but with an unmistakable spark of brightness.

"Yanase… I…I don't know what to say except…thank you. Thank you so much."

Yuu's sharp garnet eyes softened.

"And thank you Araki."

The auburn-haired assistant lifted a hand and offered it to the blonde. Hisashi smiled and took it, smiling slightly when the two sets of fingers weaved perfectly together.

"I should go…" He murmured. Yuu nodded and began to drop his hand.

But before they parted ways, Yuu's warm hand gave one final squeeze.


Sigh. All this emotional crap -.-

I can't wait till I get to write the smutty stuff. But I promise it's a comin'! (or cuming...XD JK LOL)

I'm a bad person... lololololololol!