"Wait! Josh!" I called out, "Josh, where are you going? What the fuck!"
Unfortunately, Josh drove away without acknowledging me for even a second. I sat down on the curb, trying to process the events of the last half hour. It all happened so quickly. I knew I had to figure out a way to fix this, but it was absolutely impossible for me to think straight.
I decided I'd take a brisk walk to clear my mind. I could call Josh and ask him where he went, but I figured his phone would be off. I could call Mike and ask him to help me out, but Mike was pissing me off more than anything at the moment. I didn't know what to do with my life anymore. Without money, how the hell was I supposed to tour?
The thought of Marianas ending for me jerked my tear ducts. I couldn't remember the last time I'd cried, nor did I really want to. It began to snow as I sat down on a bench at the park I used to come to when I was a kid. I still remember my dad helping me conquer the monkey bars. I missed my dad. I missed being a kid. I missed when everything was simple; when the biggest decision I had to make was what to eat for dinner that day.
The thought of how quickly my life was passing by began to scare me. I couldn't believe I'd gotten myself into this mess. Maybe the world would be a better place without me. Marianas Trench without Ian wouldn't be so bad, would it? Josh can play drums. Fuck, Josh can do anything. As much as that kid pissed me off at times, I seriously wished I were him. For once, I'd love for my life to be as perfect as his: constantly in the spotlight, adored by millions, and never once would I have to worry about being in debt.
"Ian?" I heard a voice call out from behind me.
I turned around suddenly, only to see Lily standing there, tugging on a leash. I looked down to see the most adorable Westie, barking at the oak tree right beside me. I wanted to talk to her now more than ever, only I didn't feel like I was worthy of her time, especially considering the circumstances.
"Hey," I replied with a sad excuse for a smile. I quickly turned away and began fidgeting with my jacket to make it look as though I was busy.
"Shrimpi, come!" she shouted. The puppy almost instantly jumped into her arms. She strolled over to the bench and sat down right beside me.
"You okay?" she asked genuinely.
I turned to look at the dog and smiled. "You named your dog Shrimpi?"
She nodded and laughed.
"Why?" I asked.
"I don't know. I guess because she's tiny, and I fucking love shrimp," she explained. "Is that weird?"
"Not at all!" I exclaimed. "In fact, I had the funniest encounter with shrimp a couple years ago."
"Oh really?" she inquired.
"Yeah, the band and I went to L.A. to record some of our new music—" I began explaining.
"Band?" she interrupted.
"Oh, yeah," I laughed, "I probably should've mentioned that sooner. I'm the drummer for Marianas Trench."
"You're kidding!"
"Not at all," I laughed.
I don't remember how much time we spent talking, but it felt as though time just flew by. I told her about all kinds of crazy experiences I went through with the boys, and she told me most of her life story. I don't think there was a topic we didn't cover. It was incredible how comfortable I felt talking to her. Especially considering the fact that the first time I talked to her, I completely choked up.
"So, are you gonna tell me why you look so sad, or am I gonna have to guess?" she finally asked.
"You really don't wanna hear about it," I sighed.
"Uhhh, yes I really do," she persisted.
I sighed again. "Promise you won't judge me?"
"Dude, you gave me a detailed description about how you ate forty pieces of shrimp, two pieces of cod and an entire pie. You think I'm gonna judge you after that?" she laughed.
"Okay, okay," I began explaining, "I won't go into very much detail, but basically, a few months ago, I was out with some of my guy friends and we began to play poker."
"And you lost a lot of money on your first try, became addicted, and now you're in serious debt?" she finished my sentence with a knowing look on her face.
"Yeah," I replied slowly, confused about how she read my mind like that, "how'd you know?" I asked.
"My brother had a gambling problem a few years ago. He even got himself into trouble with a group of guys. One of them shot him right in the stomach," she explained as tears filled her eyes.
"I'm so sorry, is he okay?" I asked.
"He passed away about an hour after the incident," she looked away.
I sat in silence. I didn't know what to say. I was usually pretty good at comforting people, but I had never been in a situation like this.
"I—I'm so incredibly sorry—" I started.
"Look, I don't wanna see someone else I care about go through the same things my brother did," she said while looking at me straight in the eye. "Has anyone been giving you trouble?"
It took me a while to process my thoughts, "This afternoon—some guys came up to me and—"
"Okay," she interrupted for what felt like the thousandth time, "did you get rid of them for now?"
"Yeah, but I gotta pay them back by the end of the week," I explained.
"Alright, how much do you owe them?" she asked.
"About 15K…" my voice trailed off.
"Holy shit," she exclaimed as her eyes grew wider, "I was gonna offer you some money, but not even I have that much."
"It's alright," I lied.
"No, it's not. Is there anyone else who can lend you money?" she asked.
I knew Mike was extremely good at managing his money and probably had a shit ton saved up. I'm sure if I asked him, Josh and even Matt to pitch in, I could pay Eddie back. But I just didn't have the heart to ask them, especially considering the circumstances.
"Nope," I replied.
"Are you sure?" she asked knowingly.
Without thinking, I dove right into the story about the reasoning behind why I wasn't speaking to Mike.
"I know this will be hard to hear, but you gotta call Mike. I can kinda understand why he wouldn't wanna tell you about his son," she said.
I wanted so badly to argue, but I knew she was right. Besides, I knew it would be best to take someone else's advice, considering I couldn't figure things out on my own.
"Alright, I'll go home and do that right now," I replied.
She smiled while standing up. "Good!"
I stood up awkwardly after her. An excruciatingly long silence drew between the two of us. I stared into her eyes, completely entranced. I wanted to see her again, but wasn't quite sure how to ask.
"Well, I better get going," she said as she began to slowly walk away, "Come on, Shrimpi! Let's go home!" She yanked the leash and waved goodbye.
I waved back and watched her walk across the park. Suddenly, I felt a rush of adrenaline shoot through my body.
"DO YOU WANNA HAVE DINNER SOME TIME?" I yelled across the park. I immediately sank down in my jacket, hoping she didn't hear me.
She turned around and smiled, "Moxie's, tomorrow at 7?"
My heart began beating faster than ever. "It's a date!" I laughed as I waved goodbye.
It was official; Lily was the one and only person who could make me feel better. My life made perfect sense when I was around her. She made me feel like I was worth something. And the fact that I had a date with her tomorrow evening had me both dumbfounded and excited.
The second I got back to my apartment, I picked up my phone.
"Hey Mike, we need to talk."
