Charlie was lying next to Jason in the woods, ensconced in a pile of blankets and atop a makeshift bed made of pine needles with another blanket stretched over it. Their fire had fallen into disuse and lay smoldering nearby. They were in Ohio country, on a mission to shore up arms, vehicles, whatever they could lay hands on to counteract Monroe's advantage - to get close enough to him to kill him. For the past week, they had slowly been casing a militia post that looked promising. Jason insisted that it was madness to think a small team of motley travelers could take down Monroe single-handedly, but something deep in Charlie's gut felt good about this. Maybe she was going to successfully kill Monroe, or maybe she was going to die trying, but either way, she felt a profound sense of fulfillment. Of course, maybe that had something to do with what she and Jason had just done. Not that it had gone particularly well, but Nora had warned her about that. And it didn't seem to matter. She felt like she had been inducted into a new phase of life; she had participated in an ancient ritual. She felt so alive.
Jason appeared to be sleeping, although she was never sure with him. Hear head lay on his chest. She stared at the stars, tracing Orion's belt. Her father had once told her that Orion is visible from every inhabited part of the Earth.
She decided to test her theory about her beau. "Jason, you awake?"
"Mm," he responded. Yep. She wondered if he ever really slept.
Charlie stroked the smooth skin of his chest a bit timidly. This was all so new. "Why are you still here, helping us? I mean, aren't you going to have to make a choice at some point?" she asked Jason.
He sighed, "Charlie, in some ways, I already have…I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore. But I'm sure of you, and that's what keeps me around." Jason knew at this point that he was going to have a hell of a time making a case against desertion. The penalty for convicted desertion? Death by firing squad.
Charlie snuggled under his chin and breathed in his scent: leather and sweat. The scent of pine also intermingled, as it seeped up from below their bodies. This was the most wonderful thing she had ever smelled. Despite the fact that it was winter, she was perfectly warm.
Meanwhile Rachel was sitting in the snow in the woods, alone in the dark, shivering. Melted snow had seeped into her pants, making her wonder if her rear were still attached to her body. She vaguely thought of Charlie off somewhere with Jason. She supposed she could guess what they were up to. It was odd to think that Charlie had grown up that much. Rachel squeezed her eyes shut and thought of Miles.
Suddenly, she was swimming in memory. She had been alone gathering mushrooms in the woods for the family, when Miles, general of the Monroe Militia, had appeared out of nowhere. She hadn't seen him in years. He looked so much older and worn than she remembered, but she supposed she did too. The blackout had muddied all of their souls and canceled their youth. Maybe for Miles most of all. Or maybe he wasn't so different. She knew from experience how one small compromise led to another and another…until the power went out forever.
"Miles…" she said, standing.
"Rachel. I have a message for you from Monroe," was all he offered.
"How…how did you find me?"
Miles just gazed steadily at her and kept speaking, as if ceasing the flow of words might render his voice unusable. "If you don't come with me to headquarters, then Monroe's going to go after the children."
"What?" Rachel's stomach lurched. "What are you talking about?"
"Bass wants the power back on, and he knows that you know something."
"No, he can't get to the children! It's impossible. You wouldn't let him do that, Miles." She challenged him with her eyes. Would you?
"He will, and there's no time. You can say goodbye to your family, and in 3 hours you should report to the large barn two miles northeast of here. I've tried to…I can't stop this. It's beyond my control."
"How can that be? Nothing's beyond your control." Her voice shook with anger.
"Trust me, Rachel. This is."
The truly incomprehensible part in all of this was that when Rachel showed up to the rendezvous point, and she had seen Miles standing with his back turned, pouring over paperwork, she had actually felt…she couldn't say what she had felt. Not glad - she was devastated to leave her children, emptied by the severity of that pain. But it had not been easy surviving the apocalyptic world with Ben. Ben had relied on her for so many tough decisions. She had killed, and she had stolen. She had done it all for the family, while Ben's morality remained intact, unstained. It was like they had made an unspoken agreement in their marriage: I'll be good cop, you be bad. Except she had never agreed to be the bad cop.
Turning herself over to Miles' care was almost a relief, a kind of homecoming and a deserved punishment all at the same time. At the very least, Miles was wracked by self-loathing that mirrored her own. When he turned around to face her, she could see that plainly. She had begged him to promise that she'd see the kids again. She hadn't thought to include Ben in that sentence.
Shaking off that memory, she tried to stand up from the snow, feeling a sickening wave of guilt.
"Rachel! Jesus, it's cold out here. Why don't you come back to the fire." Aaron had appeared in front of her. Aaron, her old friend from the Chicago techie crowd. Before the blackout he had been such a laugh: quick-witted, sarcastic…but very loyal. The blackout had rendered his virtues useless like it had to so many others.
Aaron put out his hands, and Rachel allowed him to pull her out of the snow. They walked arm and arm back toward the fire where Danny awaited.
On the way, Aaron asked, "Rachel?"
"Mm?"
"How come I never met Miles before? I mean, I hung around with you and Ben a lot in Chicago."
Rachel paused and thought of Aaron's pretty wife. She was afraid to ask what had become of her.
"Miles only visited us a couple of times after we met you - when Danny was a baby and again two years before the blackout for the funerals…" she trailed off.
"Funerals?" Aaron asked curiously.
"It's not important," Rachel responded airily.
"Rachel…" Aaron's expression read, What is it with you people and your bottomless pit of secrets?
Perhaps Rachel did owe him explanations. Or perhaps she really owed them to Danny and Charlie.
In any case, she elaborated: "Bass's, um, Monroe's family. They died in a car crash two years before the blackout. All of them - his parents, his sisters."
"Ouch. I guess that kind of tragedy will make a villain out of you."
Rachel squeezed Aaron's arm more tightly to avoid tripping over a log partially obscured by the snow. Tragedy made villains of some and heroes of others…or a little of both, she supposed.
"So even before Miles became commanding general of the militia, you guys weren't close?" Aaron continued.
Rachel stared ponderously at the snow. "Ben and Miles were always a bit estranged from each other. Miles…he made a lot of mistakes. He was a moody teenager, really quiet, kind of a deadbeat, really." Rachel smiled and Aaron laughed, enjoying the image. "But the marine corps definitely changed him. He grew up a lot in his twenties, and then…he just kind of slipped away."
"How do you mean?"
"Oh, the wars, I suppose…I don't know that I understand it completely." But the thing is, after being tortured by Strausser, Rachel suspected that maybe she did understand just a little. "Something died in Miles in Afghanistan. Ben didn't really want him around the kids after that."
"Huh, keeping Miles from the kids did not work out for Ben. Poor guy."
Rachel shrugged. "Ben must have changed his mind to some extent, or he wouldn't have sent Charlie to find Miles."
"Well…who else was there? The way I figure, maybe Ben knew that Charlie could handle it, could change Miles for the better."
Rachel felt an odd pang of sadness. "She does seem to have that power, doesn't she? It's strange. You give birth to someone, a human being who looks just like you, and you expect them to be like you. But Charlie has so far surpassed me…"
Aaron cut off this line of thought, "I've spent a lot of time with Charlie in the past few months, and I can tell you, she is a lot like you. She's also a lot like Ben. And I hate to admit it, but a little like Miles, too."
Rachel couldn't stop smiling all the way back to the fire. Aaron had this incredible ability to take a horrible moment and make it light again. She supposed the blackout hadn't taken away everything.
