CHAPTER ELEVEN: TAKING STOCK (OF THE SITUATION)
"Hi."
"Hey," Nicole replied, shuffling awkwardly on her feet, as she looked at Shae's stiff, yet nervously tingling smile. "Can I, uh, can I come in?"
Shae stepped aside, allowing Nicole to pass her right into the familiar apartment. Everything looked exactly the same as the last time Nicole had been there, which actually was quite a few months ago (how time had flown by); there was a clutter of books and papers on the common room table where one of Shae's roommates was typing away furiously on his laptop, as well as the usual pile of shoes and jackets by the hallway wall.
"Come on," Shae whispered, waving Nicole with her as she went down the hallway to her room.
Nicole toed off her sneakers and followed her ex-girlfriend down the familiar hallway and into the even more familiar bedroom. They'd spent most of their time together in Nicole's apartment – perks of living alone – but she'd still spent a lot of time at this place and had always been friendly with Shae's three roommates, who were all studying medicine.
Shae took a seat on the only chair in the room and turned around towards Nicole – who'd paused in the doorway, not quite sure what to do with herself – with an expectant look on her face. "Well," she motioned towards the bed, "aren't you going to sit?"
Shuffling across the carpeted floor, Nicole took a seat on the edge of the bed. "So uh," she didn't know what to say. She fidgeted with her hands, nervously wringing them and running them down the front of her jeans. "I replied to your text, I guess."
Not able to hide it, Shae let a tiny grin onto her face. "I guess you did," she chuckled, and her brown eyes shone with fondness and care.
Nicole chuckled as well. "So I got some stuff here?"
"It's that box right there," Shae replied, motioning awkwardly towards a small cardboard box near the opposite wall. "It's some leftover clothes, a few of your police books, and one of your favourite caps, you know, the 'Make America Gay Again' one."
Oh, Nicole had wondered where that one was. It actually was her favourite one. Mostly because of the political statement. Weird that she hadn't thought that it was here. "Thanks," she replied, nodding her head and glancing around the room – anywhere but at Shae. The atmosphere wasn't horrible, not even unfriendly, it was just… awkward. But Nicole supposed that these sort of things always were.
Shae crossed one leg over the other, and Nicole wondered how she could make sweatpants look so glamorous. She placed her hands gingerly in her lap. "How's your… friend?" She asked then. Maybe she was just being friendly, or maybe she really wanted to know. Nicole could never tell with her.
"Wynonna?" Nicole questioned, even though it was obvious that Shae could only be talking about her. "She's uh, she's OK, I guess? I haven't really seen her since I left Friday… but uh, she keeps sending me gross pictures of her stitches, so I guess she's doing alright," she finished, and she couldn't hide the fondness in her chuckle. As crass as Wynonna could be, Nicole really cared about her.
It must have shone right out of her, because Shae continued questioning her. "How do you even know her?" She wanted to know, brushing a piece of her short black hair behind her ear, "I mean, she's not usually the kind of person you hang out with."
That was definitely true, Nicole mused to herself. But that didn't mean Wynonna wasn't awesome. "Dolls," she begun, "you remember my friend Dolls? He uh, he had, uh has, a thing with her, I guess?"
Shae got a weird look in her eyes. "Dolls and Wynonna?" She questioned, raising an eyebrow and stiffening visibly in the chair.
Nicole nodded her head. "Yeah, yeah, uh… They have a – thing."
"Are you sure?" Shae questioned, and Nicole knew that something was going through her head, because she always knew. She knew all of Shae's faces. Perks of dating someone for over two years. She just couldn't for the life of her figure out why something was going through Shae's head at the revelation of Dolls and Wynonna having a thing.
The redhead leaned forward. She was curious to know what it was Shae was thinking though, because the wheels were clearly turning. "What," she whispered, eyebrow raised, "what are you thinking, Shae?"
Shae shrugged, "Oh, nothing."
Nicole scoffed, "Nope," she said, popping the 'p', "there's something. You forget I know your faces, Shae Pressman," she finished, wriggling her eyebrows for good measure.
The other women rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, but it's nothing, OK?" She stared at Nicole then, brown eyes meeting brown eyes, "Forget it. It's none of my business anyway."
It probably wasn't, so Nicole decided to let it slide. She couldn't imagine that Shae had anything insightful to say anyway; she didn't even know Wynonna and she barely knew Dolls. "Sure," she smiled, "but thanks anyway, for, you know… fixing her the other night. It helped a lot."
"No problem," Shae replied, and Nicole could tell that she was itching to say something else.
She cheekily grinned. "What?"
"How long have you been dating Waverly?" Shae let slip then. She looked thoroughly surprised that she'd let the words come out of her mouth, but Nicole could also see a sign of relief overtake her shoulders; clearly she'd been wanting to ask that question, just been beating around the bush. Shae straightened her back, anticipating the reply.
Nicole sat up straight, offering Shae a blank look. "We're not dating," she simply said. She wasn't even surprised that Shae had come to that conclusion after spending less than an hour with them Thursday night – it was the conclusion that most people came to after seeing her and Waverly together. Nicole thought that even if it wasn't the truth, it bode well for her stirring feelings that people seemed to assume that. There had to be – something – if so many people assumed, right?
Shae bit her lip. "But you want there to be," she said. It wasn't even a question as much as it was a statement of a fact.
It was annoying how Shae could see straight through her, how she just knew how Nicole was feeling. She hated it – especially now that they weren't together anymore and there was no reason for Shae to know so much about her feelings. Nicole groaned. "Well yeah," she said, offering Shae an insecure smile. It should feel more awkward to talk about… that… with her ex-girlfriend, but it actually really wasn't. But then again, her and Shae had always been able to talk about anything. "Waverly's… Waverly's really amazing," she finished, not quite sure what other words she could use to describe the fierce firecracker of a woman.
Rocking slightly on the chair, Shae offered her an encouraging smile. "Run your relationship by me again?"
Sighing, Nicole decided to just be honest with her. "Well obviously she's Wynonna's sister, but… she's also best friends with Rosita – you remember her?" She questioned, and when Shae appeared to come up blank, she added, "Ginnifer's ex-plaything? The tiny brunette with the big, uhm…" she motioned in front of her chest, hoping Shae would catch on without her having to add to that.
The other woman laughed. "Well, that does seem to be Ginny's type!"
Nicole couldn't bite back her chuckle. "Anyway…" she trailed off, as thoughts of Waverly once more entered her mind, and she couldn't stop herself from smiling. "Waverly is not really interested in anything serious, so even though I really like her… it's not happening."
"Huh," Shae just commented. She looked entirely confused.
Nicole knew that reaction by now as well; it was the reaction people had when they found out that her and Waverly weren't dating. Because apparently that was as confusing as anything. "Yeah, I know," she just replied.
Shae sighed. "Well, maybe she says she doesn't want to date you, Nicky, but I'm telling you…" she paused, brown eyes boring intensely into Nicole's, "From where I was standing last Thursday? She definitely does."
Leaning back on her hands, Nicole offered Shae a shy smile. "You really think so?"
Nodding her head, Shae stood up from the chair again, effectively signalling the end of their conversation. "So anyway, your stuff's there, it should be everything."
Nicole moved over, picking the box up from the floor, testing its weight. Thankfully it wasn't too heavy, because she had to balance it on the back of her bike. She tucked it beneath one arm. "You don't have anything at my place, I think."
"I'm sure I don't," Shae replied, tucking her hands into the deep pockets of her sweatpants. She shot Nicole a sheepish smile. "But if I do, just text me, yeah? I'd really like it if things weren't awkward with us."
As much as Nicole hadn't thought so, she would really like that too. "Yeah, me too actually," she nodded her head, offering Shae a smile as well. "It's nice that things are… friendly," she finished.
Shae stepped closer, offering Nicole an awkward one-armed hug, which the redhead stepped right into. It was brief, quickly over, but it was nice, familiar. It was a goodbye, a much better one than the one they'd shared months ago, which had been sex and a lot of tears before Nicole had slipped out of the bed and biked home at three in the morning. This was better, more permanent. A real goodbye.
"Thanks for everything," Shae murmured into Nicole's neck, her breath ghosting across the sensitive skin there.
Nicole breathed in her scent; the scent that once used to bring her so much joy and comfort, but now felt much more like a memory. "And thank you," she whispered her reply, before she pulled back and withdrew from the other woman, moving into the hallway.
She wasn't sure if they were going to be friends, probably not, but this felt better – at least now she wouldn't have to duck her head whenever she saw the shadow of Shae anywhere on campus. It felt like a grown-up finish to a grown-up relationship, and now, now the question was just whether Nicole could be grown-up about her relationship with Waverly too.
—
She locked her bike outside of Shorty's and stepped through the double-doors into the bar. It was entirely unplanned an unnecessary to stop by, but she couldn't help herself, not after her talk with Shae, and she knew that Waverly and Wynonna would be there, because they were taking stock today, and Nicole kind of wanted to see them (well okay, mostly she wanted to see Waverly, but Wynonna didn't need to know that).
"Haught-shit!" Wynonna cheered, the second Nicole came into the bar. She pulled her top down, effectively showing off her bra-covered breasts, but more importantly – the stitches across her upper arm. Nicole had been very tired on Thursday, and she hadn't realised just quite how many stitches Wynonna had actually gotten; the wound appeared to be around four inches. "Look at this, huh?" She continued, wriggling her eyebrow and flexing her muscles, "21 stitches, baby!"
Nicole dropped her box of stuff on the surface of the bar and shot Wynonna a stiff smile. "Wow, so amazing, you must be really proud," she drily said, trying to mask the wave of panic that rushed over her. Wynonna's arm was yellow, green and blue. She wondered whether the rest of her body was as badly covered in injuries.
Wynonna stuck her tongue out at her. "Ah, come on, don't be such a bore, I'm OK, ain't I? Another scar to the collection!" She pulled her top back on and leaned closer to Nicole, bending towards her ear as if to tell her a secret. "I'll have you know, dudes dig scars!"
"Well, so do chicks," Waverly interrupted, appearing out of nowhere with an apron over her dress and her hair falling around her shoulders in messy waves. She looked cute.
Nicole tried to hide her laugh. "I don't think you're supposed to be proud of 21 stitches, Wynonna," she firmly said, even though it was mostly to mess with the oldest Earp at this point. Mostly.
"Hi Nicole!" Waverly cheered, stepping closer to her and wrapping her arms around her; squeezing her tightly in a firm hug. Nicole was pretty sure she heard the smaller girl breathe in her scent. "What you got there?" She continued on, as she stepped back, eyes moving towards the box in front of Nicole, but her hand still lingering on her back, just above the waistband of her jeans.
Flipping the box open, Nicole said, "Ah, just a bunch of stuff from Shae, I just picked it up actually."
She felt Waverly's hand stiffen on her back, but thankfully Wynonna was there to diffuse the tension. The brunette whistled loudly. "The hot lady doctor? Damn, you still had some shit at her place?"
Nicole grinned sheepishly. "Yeah," she replied, digging into the box and reaching for the one thing she had really missed – her cap. She pulled it out and shook it briefly, making sure it still had its shape, before she turned it over and showed the front to the Earps. "My awesome cap!"
"Political statement!" Waverly cheered, and her hand immediately left Nicole's back to examine the cap tactilely, like Waverly always seemed to prefer. She brushed her finger over the stitching on the front, eyes glistening happily. "This is awesome, Nicole," she honestly whispered, voice bubbling over with excitement.
Chuckling, Nicole grabbed the cap from her hands. "Sure is," she replied, and as she turned slightly on the chair, her eyes met Waverly's, and she tucked her closer. With one hand, she brushed a piece of Waverly's hair behind her ear, before she gently placed the cap on her hair, making sure it looked nice.
Waverly was watching her with huge, curious eyes, and she was standing so close to Nicole, that she could feel her breath running over her lips. She breathed out too, tongue peeking out as she concentrated on making it look good, and when she dropped her hands to her lap, her eyes finally met Waverly's. She knew she probably shouldn't read too much into it, but Waverly's breath was quickening.
"There," she finished, shooting the other girl a dimpled smile.
"Thank you," Waverly whispered, absentmindedly reaching a hand up to touch the shade of the cap.
Wynonna groaned loudly from the other side of the bar. "Hel-looooh?" She whined, blue eyes shimmering devilishly as she leaned against the wooden furniture. "Could you stop flirting for a sec, I don't wanna barf everywhere, I just finished cleaning this shit!"
Pulling back, Waverly turned to her sister with a sigh. "You're not done, you need to do the floors," she ordered, crossing her arms in front of her chest and tapping her foot impatiently against the floor.
Wynonna rolled her eyes. "Do I hafta?"
"Yes," Waverly firmly said, arching an eyebrow for good measure. She stepped forward, swatting at Wynonna's hands on the surface of the bar. "And don't touch any of the alcohol!" She warned, and Nicole knew that Wynonna had a tendency to drink whenever, but still she found the warning a little bit odd.
The oldest Earp rolled her eyes at the youngest. "I wasn't gonna," she retorted, pretty much like a five-year-old.
Stepping back, Waverly was eying her cautiously. "Just reminding you," she replied, shrugging her shoulders and backing away towards the stairs in the other end of the room. "Anyway, I'll be in the basement, gotta help Rosita with the stocks," she explained, her eyes moving from Wynonna to land gently on Nicole. The look on her face changed immediately, and a giant grin broke out. "Come downstairs if she bothers you, yeah?"
"Okay," Nicole whispered, a smile overtaking her face. She was pretty sure she could get used to the feeling overtaking the pit of her stomach when she just let things flow on their own account. Waverly made her stomach flip over.
Wynonna hammered her closed fist into the surface of the bar. "Hello, other people in the room here?" She fired at them, blue eyes shooting lightenings. "And I'm sure Haught-pants can manage, baby girl, I'm not a monster."
Rolling her eyes, Waverly turned on her heel and bounced down the stairs. Nicole watched her go, her eyes trained on the empty staircase until the door smacked close behind her. Only then did she turn back around on her barstool, glancing at Wynonna with warm cheeks, pretty sure that a pink blush was evident.
Bending down to a crouch, Wynonna pulled out two glasses and placed them on the newly cleaned bar with a loud bang. She offered Nicole a pointed glare, daring her to say something, before she turned around and grabbed a bottle of beer from the fridge.
Opening her mouth, Nicole said, "I'm not sure Waverly wants you to drink that-"
Wynonna cut her off. "I'm not drinking shit, Red, that's for you," she said, opening the bottle with a flick of her wrist, before she turned around and grabbed a soda from the fridge, too. "I'm having this," she continued, altering her voice, without a doubt mocking Waverly for all she was worth.
Nicole was highly entertained, and she poured her beer into her glass. "Why is she telling you not to drink?"
"Apparently I need to dial it down," the brunette explained, pouring the soda into her own glass, eyes following Nicole's hand as she raised the beer to her lips. "Apparently I can't be trusted with alcohol. Apparently I need to take care of myself," she continued, shaking her head and huffing out air. "Apparently, apparently, apparently."
For some reason, even though Wynonna acted like it was a great bother to her, Nicole got the feeling that she actually didn't mind. She wasn't going to pretend to understand the Earp sisters and their relationship, but she had a feeling that Wynonna hadn't often had people to take care of her, so it was probably hard for her to accept Waverly's care and love.
"So," the brunette said, taking a long gulp of soda and leaning herself casually against the bar. "I think we gotta talk, Haught-shit."
Nicole nursed her drink; her hands cradled the glass and she ignored the stirring feeling of worry in the pit of her stomach. What could Wynonna possibly have to talk to her about? Maybe she wanted to comment on Shae again; after all, she had been greatly interested in commenting on her last Thursday. "Really, Wyn? Talk? Are you going to say 'It's not you, it's me'?"
"You wish you were awesome enough to be broken up with by me," Wynonna commented, clearly not finding Nicole's attempt at a joke amusing. "I'm not the Earp I wanna talk to you about though."
Sighing, Nicole didn't have to say anything to that. Urging her on, she wrapped her lips around the glass and let out a quiet, "Hmm."
"Look Red," Wynonna continued on, and something in the atmosphere was changing, something in her demeanour told Nicole that she shouldn't take the next words out of her mouth lightly. It was about Waverly, and if there was one thing Wynonna cared deeply about, it was Waverly. "I probably shouldn't say anything, you know? Because Waverly's my sister, and you're like… Red. And tall. And you're a narc, but…" Wynonna trailed off, blue eyes running over Nicole's pale face curiously, "Waves cares 'bout you, and I can see that you care 'bout her."
'Surprise, surprise,' Nicole retorted inside her head. It really wasn't that difficult for anyone to see just how much Nicole had come to care about Waverly. As annoying as that was, especially given their current situation and Waverly's unwillingness to start something with her. She offered Wynonna a stiff smile. "Your point?"
The brunette furrowed her brow. "Like OK, like, you stare, OK? Like, a lot," she slipped between her lips, taken aback by Nicole's brazenness, "You stare with giant dimples and heart-eyes, and I just wanted to say that I think Waves is an idiot, OK?"
If Nicole had expected Wynonna to say anything, it definitely wasn't that.
"Because I know she likes you too," she added, and her voice grew softer, more gentle, as her fingers came to rest upon the surface of the bar. "She just doesn't want to let you in, Red. It's not her fault, she just can't, but I-" she stopped herself, breathing out heavily, eyes refusing to meet Nicole's as they sealed themselves upon the lines in the wood; studying them mercilessly, "But I want her to want to let you in, because I can see that you can be trusted with her."
The words hung in the air between them, silently waiting for Nicole to answer to Wynonna's sudden outpour of emotion. Nicole wasn't sure she'd ever heard Wynonna say anything as serious as that right there, and she wondered what had brought it on. She knew Wynonna didn't dash out compliments or praises – not to anyone but Waverly – so for her to say those words to Nicole? That was pretty damn important. And Nicole felt like she had to assure the other woman that she was right about her, that she could be trusted. She opened her mouth, "I, I would never-!"
"I know," Wynonna softly cut her off, her eyes finally lifting from the table to stare at Nicole's face. "And it's weird because even with all the shit we've been through, I always thought that Waverly was OK, you know? I mean, she always appeared okay," Wynonna paused, licking her lips with her tongue. She seemed to ponder for a second, probably not sure what to say or maybe how to say it. "But I'm realising now, she never was, we just deal with shit very differently."
That was definitely true. The two sisters handled their lives very differently, and Nicole didn't blame either of them for the way they made do. But she was curious to hear what Wynonna was thinking, and she was even more curious to figure out why she was involving Nicole in these thoughts right now. What was going through that mind of hers? "True," she softly replied, raising her beer to her lips and taking a long gulp of it. She savoured the taste, enjoying the way it seemed to calm her stirring nerves.
Wynonna motioned towards herself, "I deal with it by being drunk and crass, and Waverly deals with it by protecting her own heart so she doesn't lose anyone else," she revealed. She shook her head, tendrils of brown hair whipping around her as she moved. "But I bet you figured that out pretty quickly, 'cause you know people, Red. You see people, yeah?"
Nicole had sort of thought a lot about Waverly's reasons for cutting her off, for writing off their relationship before it even begun. She'd spent a lot of time musing it over, analysing it. And she hadn't for the life of her been able to figure out what it was that Waverly was trying to stay clear of, because all of the signs were there; her actions, her faces, even the way she touched Nicole, those said so many other things than the words coming out of her mouth.
However, there was one thing that made this situation difficult, because no matter what, Waverly had the right to not want to date her – and Nicole respected that. That's why she didn't make any moves, didn't let Waverly know just how much she wanted to date her. Because Nicole respected Waverly's choice. She bit her lip, "But I can't make Waverly do anything she doesn't want to do, Wynonna," she seriously said, "More importantly – I don't want to make her do anything she doesn't want to do."
There was a shit-eating grin on Wynonna's face when she answered, eyes twinkling, "I know that, Red," she pointedly said, "and that's exactly the point, you see?"
Nicole wasn't sure that she did. "Hmm?"
"I accept your interest in my baby-sister," Wynonna said, as a matter of factly, as if her accept was everything Nicole never knew she needed or more importantly wanted, "No one can make Waverly do anything she doesn't wanna do," she continued, fingers trailing over her glass of soda, "The difference between Waves and I though – it's that I don't wanna do shit, so I don't, but Waves actually wants to do all that shits she does for everybody else…" she trailed off, stared into space in deep thought.
Nicole nodded her head; Waverly was awfully busy doing things for everybody else. She worked so hard for the society, arranging meetings, outings, activism while she worked and co-owned a bar and took more than her full-time of classes. Nicole wondered how she even found time for all of that. "She does have a lot on her plate," she lamely commented, not sure what else to say.
Shrugging, Wynonna's blue eyes found hers again. "Yeah, I guess it's because she got used to it growing up in that shitty town of ours."
"What do you mean?" Nicole curiously prodded at her.
Wynonna's reply was instant, as if she knew exactly how much Waverly had told Nicole of their past. "Well everybody thought the Earps were cursed, and I did a poor job at proving them wrong," she wriggled her eyebrows, poking fun at her own past and of the people from her hometown, "Waverly worked hard to make everybody like her – and she did it, she did it so well," she paused, and Nicole watched her carefully, "but that also meant that she sucked up to practically everybody and eventually she just was the person who is kind to everybody."
Not able to hide her laugh, Nicole broke into a stream of chuckles and finished off her beer. She placed the glass back on the table and pointedly arched an eyebrow at the other woman. "So," she said, "what was the point of you telling me all of this?"
Wynonna leaned forward, her blue eyes following Nicole's movements as the redhead slipped off the chair and closed of the box of her belongings on the bar. "My point is," she replied, eyes shimmering with mischief, "Waverly's just trying to protect her heart, Red, and don't – just don't write her off just yet."
Not entirely sure what else there was to say, Nicole grabbed her box and turned to leave Shorty's for the day. Maybe Wynonna did have a point, maybe patience was the key? Nicole was sure Waverly was going to be worth it. But that didn't mean she was willing to wait forever, at least it shouldn't mean that.
"Bye Wynonna," she called, letting the door close behind her with a smack.
