"Where have you been hiding?"

I wondered if Jayne had anything better to do with his time then hang around and make people uncomfortable. At the moment his muscular frame stood just inside the cargo bay, blocking our way like a large beast. He reminded me of a picture of a Viking I had seen in a history book once.

"We weren't hiding," the Captain replied. I thought there was a bit of defensiveness in his tone but decided it was my imagination.

"There you are Captain," Zoe descended the steps into the cargo bay. "I've been looking for you. Where've you been?"

"We weren't doing anything." This time there was no mistaking his defensiveness.

"Someone has a guilty conscience," Kaylee observed as she entered with Simon.

For a moment I thought the Captain might actually be blushing. I decided to save him from whatever inner humiliation he was putting himself through. "The Captain took me up on top to watch the sunset."

"The sun set almost an hour ago," Simon mentioned.

"I wanted to stay and watch the stars. They're so beautiful."

"You were star gazing Captain?" Kaylee grinned.

Jayne snickered. "I'm sure he was gazin' at somethin'."

I ignored him and headed towards my room, briefly pausing beside the Captain. "Thank you for sharing the view with me." I continued away into the back, into my room. I was only slightly surprised to find River perched on my bed.

"Did you let him have sexual intercourse with you?"

I stopped just inside the doorway. "What?"

She repeated her question with a perfectly calm face.

"I know he wants to have sexual intercourse with you. He thinks of it often when you are in the room."

"River, I rarely doubt you, but right now you don't know what you're saying." I moved to the mirror and wasn't surprised to see my face was flushed. I could see River's reflection in the mirror—she was smiling in that sly, knowing way she so often did. "Stop looking at me like that River. Captain Reynolds has never even considered me that way…"

"Don't you notice how he acts when you're near him? Everything's tense. Everything's hot. All nervous…all flushed…it's the increase in his pheromones that does it."

I blushed again.

"You're all red now. You want to have sexual intercourse with him too."

"I do not! I've never even…I never would…" I shook my head desperately. "I don't want to have sex with anyone."

River grew very silent. I turned away from the mirror and analyzed her changed expression. Her eyes watered, her cheeks were pale, and her lips quivered.

"River?" I moved to her side and reached out to her.

"All gone. All taken. They took it from you. They made you bleed and the stole it…" she covered her mouth with her hands and I noticed her fingers also trembled. "And now you can't have it…"

"What are you talking about?"

"Your petals have been torn off and you are all alone and bleeding…" she started to cry.

"I'm not bleeding sweetheart."

"No more petals…" she clung to me as I stood in front of her, and she sobbed against my stomach.

"I don't know how to help you if I don't know what you're talking about…" I stroked her hair gently and let her cry for almost a full minute.

She stopped suddenly and looked up at me, blinking her round eyes twice. "I'm sorry." She still clung to me.

"For what mei-mei? You didn't do anything wrong!"

"I brought up pain for you."

"No," I shushed her soothingly. "No you didn't."

"Really?" she nuzzled her head against my stomach again. "You still have no blossoms."

"I'm sorry," I sighed. "I still don't know what you mean, but I'm sorry I don't have blossoms."

"It's not your fault. You didn't steal your own blossoms." River held me more tightly. "You'll get them back somehow. I promise."

"Okay," I agreed with her because I thought it was best.

"I promise," she repeated.

I was afraid she was about to start crying again, but at that moment, Simon stepped up to the doorway of my room with a curious and concerned frown. Before he said anything I shook my head and consoled him with a smile.

"Did you need something?" I asked.

He still looked concerned. "I wondered where she had gotten to. I was worried."

"You're always worried," she smiled as she finally lifted her head to look at her brother.

"Are you all right, River?"

I kissed her forehead. "She's fine."

"It's not me you have to worry about." River stood, but clasped my hand tightly and Simon turned his worried gaze to me instead.

"I'm fine," I assured him.

"What's going on here?" The Captain stepped up next to Simon and peered into my room. "Why wouldn't she be fine?"

"No reason whatsoever." I raised my eyebrows defiantly.

"Good," the captain grinned. "I came to see if you were hungry. You've been hiding out so much today, I don't know if you've eaten at all."

I hadn't thought of it until that moment, but he was right. So I nodded and guided River out of my room, pushing past the men in the doorway.

"Doc, take your sis now, I'm going to take Charley up to the kitchen." Mal motioned me forward and I passed River off to Simon.

"I'm sorry you have to wait on me this way. I would help myself, but I'm not sure I would be able. Everything is so foreign."

"It doesn't bother me at all, you know? It's my ship and I should be serving you."

I shrugged. "I suppose, though you could ask someone else to help me. You're the captain—this isn't your job."

"Do you not want me to come with you?"

"What?" I was surprised by his question. "Of course I do. I just don't want to put you out at all…"

"You know, you're a little insecure, aren't you?"

I frowned, not liking his analysis of me. Also I realized he had discovered one of my vices, which I sort of wished he hadn't. We were almost to the top of the stairs leading out of the cargo bay.

"I've upset you, huh?" He sighed. "Sorry. I didn't mean to."

I laughed. "Now who's insecure?"

"Me?" I laughed. "I am not insecure."

At the top of the steps I turned left and he took my arm to stop me. He inclined his head to the right and I realized my misdirection. I let him continue to hold onto my arm until we arrived at the dining area. There he released me and we entered the kitchen together.

"I have to warn you…" the captain started searching through the kitchen. "Food's not my talent. I can make something to live on, but it's not going to be very tasty."

"Whatever you make will be fine, I'm sure."

"No really, I'm not being modest. It'll barely be edible. The food's not real good to start with, but Kaylee makes it bearable at least."

"Good evening."

I turned towards the new voice and smiled at the Shepherd.

"It's nice to see you two have found your way back. You've missed dinner."

"We noticed," the captain replied as he continued perusing the kitchen.

"We weren't really gone that long, were we?" I was shocked by how fast the time had gone with the captain. I had no awareness at all of how much time had passed. I noticed how the shepherd's eyes were flicking back and forth between the captain and me and I wondered what he was thinking.

"Bread?" Captain held up a dinner role and I nodded. "We don't have any fixings for it though…"

"It's fine," I assured him and took the bread. It was a little stale, but soft enough to be appetizing. The more I ate, the more I noticed my hunger.

"Have you looked in the box yet, Captain?" Shepherd Book pointed to the wooden box on the counter.

"What's in it?" I asked.

The Captain opened the box and grinned. "You're spoilin' us Shepherd."

"We have many friends here who want to show their kindness to us."

"What is it?" I repeated.

"Apples." The captain pulled one out and tossed it to me.

"I'm getting the feeling that fruit is rare here."

"For us, it mostly is," the captain agreed.

"Captain, might I have a word?"

Mal and I both looked at Shepherd Book curiously, and I noticed the hesitancy in the captain's face. He glanced at me and then back to the Shepherd who waited patiently.

"You too, Doc?"

I turned and realized the doctor had entered the kitchen as well. Simon nodded to the captain, and I knew I was no longer welcome.

"I think I'm going to head to bed now," I excused myself. "Thanks for the food." I smiled to all three and left the kitchen, hoping I could find my way back without problems. Of course I had every intention of returning to my room, but my curiosity had always been too strong for my own good. I tiptoed back to the doorway and stayed pressed against the wall outside the kitchen to listen.

"I know…" the captain was speaking. "I've heard the lecture before. There's a special hell for me…nothing's happening."

There was a deep sigh. "Something you want to say Doc?" The captain grunted.

"I think you know what I want to say," Simon replied.

"Nothing's going to happen." The captain repeated.

"Good." The Shepherd and the Doctor spoke together.

"Is there more you'd like to say?" The captain demanded.

"She's very young," Simon spoke softly. "And very scared."

"I know." The captain responded sharply.

"She has been through so much, and though she is clearly strong, she may be more vulnerable than any of us realize."

"Do you really think I'd ever…"

"I don't know what you may be capable of, Captain. She is very kind and very beautiful, and she is alone here without protection."

"So is Kaylee. Have I ever touched her? Or River for that matter?"

There was a brief silence and then Simon spoke again very softly. "Forgive me. Perhaps I misjudged you."

"Yea, maybe you did."

Another silence.

"It's only, I see how you look at her…" Simon continued.

"Yea? So I look. You said yourself she's beautiful. Looking never hurt nobody."

"Yes, but I also see the way she looks at you."

Outside the door I froze. I hadn't realized that I looked at the Captain in any unusual way. I wondered what Simon had noticed.

"What're you talking about?" The captain asked.

"She trusts you," Simon explained.

"And that's a bad thing?"

"No of course not. She should trust you. I'm afraid for what will happen if the trust becomes something more. She might become too trusting for her own good."

"Too trusting?" The captain grunted. "You mean you think I'll hurt her."

"I think she might become attached to you. And I think you might become attached to her."

The captain laughed, and I couldn't help feeling a little sad.

"It's not going to happen, Doc."

"Perhaps it's easy for you to assert that now, but what if you learned that she perhaps had become too fond of you…"

"Would it be so wrong?" The captain asked. "Why do attachments have to be dangerous?"

"She doesn't belong here."

I cringed at the firmness in Simon's tone. He was right of course. I hadn't forgotten that I didn't belong there; it was impossible to forget that. I just wished there was a way to feel more comfortable there, and I wished they could feel more comfortable having me there. I didn't know how long I would be stuck there, but I didn't want it to be awkward the whole time.

"I know she doesn't belong here." The captain's response was firm—a little sharp even. He was quiet for a moment, and then he sighed and spoke again. "Nothing's going to happen. She's just a kid, okay? I know that. I'm just being nice to her."

"I'm afraid you're being too nice," Simon told him.

"What? Do you want me to be mean to her?"

"No, of course not."

"I think what the Doctor is trying to say, is that we want you to be certain that you are doing everything possible to put her at ease, but beyond that, you should maintain a distance."

"Fine. I will. I mean, I do. I keep a distance."

I thought it was strange how defensive the captain sounded. He had no reason to sound so defensive. I thought the captain had been nothing but polite; he hadn't crossed any boundaries as far as I could tell.

"Look I'm your captain. It's none of your gorram business how I interact with her."

I could hear him moving and figured he was moving in my direction, so I rushed off on tiptoes so as not to make any noise. I made it back to the steps without anyone exiting the kitchen. I didn't pause or look back as I continued rushing down the stairs and towards my room. I half expected River to be there again, but she wasn't, and I was actually a little relieved to be alone again.

I curled up on my bed and shut my eyes. I wasn't tired, but sleep seemed more soothing than staying awake. I was asleep in less than a minute.