A/N: This is a short chapter, but the next one will be much longer.
Chapter 11: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back
Bender pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and removed one of the last sticks. "I think this is a record."
"What is?"
"The amount of cigarettes I've smoked today." Bender offered the pack to Roger, who shook his head. "At this rate, I'll either have to kick the habit or find a real job to pay for them."
"I can't see either one happening."
Bender laughed. "Me neither. You got any more work for me?"
"Not right now. It's been a slow week."
Bender nodded and looked up at the twilight sky, blue and purple and grey, like a bruise. He pulled a matchbook out of his pocket and struck the match along the base of the merry-go-round. "How's work going?"
"Like shit. How's school?"
"I don't know. I make it a point not to go." Bender waved the match in the air and watched the flame go out.
"You should, you know."
"I should what?"
"Go to school more often."
Bender scoffed. "What the fuck for? To get ready for my cushy desk job at the accounting firm? I don't think so."
Roger didn't say anything. Bender glanced over at his friend, who had his head leaned back against the merry-go-round's center pole. They sat in silence for a few minutes until Bender flicked his cigarette into the dirt and pulled the pack out of his shirt for another.
"You're gonna get cancer someday, John."
"Hypocrite."
"Asshole."
"Dickwad." Bender grinned and used the bottom of Roger's shoe to light his match, earning himself a kick in the knee. "Ow!"
"You deserved it."
"I usually do." Bender took a deep drag on the cigarette, filling his lungs with a satisfying rush of nicotine.
"How's Tracy?"
Bender jumped at the name and glanced over at Roger. "What made you think of her?"
"I don't know. How is she?"
Bender shifted nervously. "I don't know. I haven't seen her for a while."
"What about Gloria?"
"Nope."
"Ellen?"
"What is this, twenty questions?"
"I was just wondering."
"Well, don't."
On the other side of the park, a couple of younger boys chased each other around a tree. One of them screamed, then collapsed into a pile of giggles when the other tagged him and pushed him to the ground. The first boy hauled himself to his feet and started chasing his friend, starting the cycle all over again. Bender frowned. "What the hell are they doin' out here so late?"
"You sound like a parent."
"Not mine, I hope." Bender took another drag. "I'm just sayin', it's too dangerous for little kids, you know? Some of the people who hang around this park at night are fuckin' lunatics."
"Like us?"
Bender paused. "Maybe."
A few minutes passed by, with Bender smoking and Roger sitting silently, unreadable as always. Finally, Roger stood up. "I'm gonna get goin'. My sister's gonna be home soon and I don't want her there alone."
Bender nodded. "See you later, man."
Roger nodded and started walking towards the street, then stopped and turned back to his friend. "Hey, John?"
"Yeah?"
"Be careful or you're gonna get hurt."
"What're you talkin' about?"
"I'm talkin' about that thing in your ear." Roger nodded in the direction of the diamond stud, sparkling like a star in the darkness. Bender reached up and rubbed the earring self-consciously.
"I know what I'm doing."
"No, you don't."
"She's different."
Roger looked out across the park and shoved his hands into his pockets. "No one's different, John. We both know that." Without waiting for a response, Roger turned away from the merry-go-round and started walking towards the street. Bender watched him go, always the last to leave. He leaned back onto the bar of the merry-go-round, finished smoking the last of his pack, and watched the boys across the park play tag until it was too dark to see anything except for the glow of his cigarette.
At about 9:00 in the evening, Allison put away her pen and paper and crept downstairs. In the living room, the T.V. droned on, cutting through the silence. Allison went into the kitchen, where she poured herself a bowl of cereal and sat at the table to eat. As she did, her eyes wandered to the walls, where elementary and pre-school versions of herself smiled back. She let her eyes flicker over each one, trying to remember what it was like to be that young again. She had been once; these pictures proved it. But she couldn't remember the last time she played on a jungle gym or ate play-doh or climbed onto her father's back for a piggy back ride.
A burst of laughter erupted from the living room. Allison froze uncertainly before realizing that it was only the television. She took a deep breath and finished her cereal, then rinsed it out in the sink. She was ready to go back upstairs to her room when she looked over at the back door leading out to the garage and the backyard.
A few seconds later, she closed the door behind her and stepped out onto the back porch. She stood still for a moment, arms wrapped around herself for protection from the cold, letting her eyes adjust to the darkness. Then she ventured further, out into the lawn, and looked up her window, where she could see the outline of her bedposts against the glow of her lamp. She walked closer to the house, where hedges lined the outside of the building, and peered into the shadows, hoping for a glimpse of red and gold.
And it was there, apparently right where it had landed the night before, in a bush directly below her window, peeking out from behind a clump of leaves. She reached forward and plucked it from the hedge, then held it up to the night sky, where the moonlight shone down on it like a spotlight. State Champion. She let her fingers brush over the stitching, memorizing every detail.
What if I'm not any good at this? What if I scare him away? She traced the letters with her thumb. S…T… What if he decides I'm not worth it? What if I get my hopes up and it doesn't work out? A…T… E… I just don't want to be alone anymore.
Allison swallowed and pushed the patch into her pocket. She'd keep it, for now anyway. One last glimpse of the night sky and she was back inside, where the television laughed harder than any of the people.
