Rey's hair is a mess and her pulse is still racing... did that just happen?
This is a massive shift in their relationship. Ben has either angrily ignored her or been hostile for nearly a year straight. Did he ever show her a sign of kindness that whole year? She thinks back on Kylo Ren hunting her on Takodana, calling her his guest in his interrogation room-
Does the Resistance have an interrogation room she doesn't know about? An image of her strapped to the cold chair on the Supremacy rushes through her mind. She sees herself helpless before a hostile Poe and Finn. It makes her shudder.
Focus.
Ben is capable of hiding his true feelings, to a point. He was able to kill Snoke by masking his thoughts with layers of intention, striking his true enemy. She thinks of his chaotic emotions whenever they met over the past year, and the flashes he couldn't stop of them fighting together in the throne room before severing their connection.
She knows from Finn and Poe that Kylo Ren ordered the execution of an entire village on Jakku, only hours before Finn deserted the First Order. He tortured Poe for information leading to Luke. He killed Han Solo, his own father. He arched his saber through Finn's back, nearly killing him too. She has no idea what else he's done in years of service to Snoke and the Dark.
Leia mentioned in passing months ago her son would be approaching thirty years old. His age doesn't bother her. She could be approaching thirty too, for all she knows. Age is a vague concept to her; she counted the days she was left on Jakku, but how many days made a year? How did her years compare to his, across the galaxy? She doesn't know how old he was when he burned Luke's Jedi academy, but he would have been at least an early teenager. Almost two decades of killing, torturing, destroying, being alone in fact and not just in feeling, of fighting his pull to the Light.
You're strong in the Force! You need a teacher!
She closes her eyes and remembers his face inches away from hers, their blades crossed on the edge of a cliff. He was covered in sweat, drawing on the swirling Force around them to stay upright. He didn't yet have his scar, the scar she gave him minutes later. Her memory shifts to him teasing her skin, him kissing her so intensely nothing else existed, them pulling each other tightly so no space lasted between them until they gasped for breath together. She's burned into her memory the soft glow in his eyes. He's done horrible things, caused unending pain across the galaxy, but he's also protected her and called something from deep within her she's never felt before.
If you live long enough, you see the same eyes in different people.
Maz's words echo in her mind. She thinks... she thinks she loves Ben, loves Kylo, and she wants to hate herself for it, but she can't.
Ben Solo and Kylo Ren are the same man, and she can't move forward with him, to him, without accepting that. A part of her holds on to the idea that she can save him, destroy Kylo Ren to save Ben Solo. He was manipulated by Snoke for decades, believing he was making the right choice pursuing the dark. But she's sure, deep down, anything he does has to be his choice. He chose to go to Snoke. He chose to kill Han. He chose to kill his master. He chose to spare the Resistance, even as she unintentionally fed him everything he needed to wipe the galaxy clean of their dissenting voices. He makes his own choices. She can choose to accept that, Light or Dark, or they can continue to war with each other. He has to save himself, whatever that may mean for him and the entire galaxy.
If she goes to Kylo, she has to accept he may never fully be Ben.
Can she do that?
Hours later she hears yelling from far away. After a few seconds the source seems to be getting closer.
Something hostile is coming towards her.
She grabs her staff and tenses, ready to protect herself. Ben is immediately aware, ready to attack. The buzzing is subdued but ready to go silence at their connection. He's holding it back, waiting for a signal from her that she needs him.
"Let me in! Unlock that door, now!" she can hear Rose screech. Rey's heart thuds. Oh, Rose.
"Report to your commanding officer now. That's an order, Tico." Poe calls back. He's right outside her quarters, guarding the door Rose demands be unlocked.
"Idreko told me everything! He's an idiot, Poe. You know he's bragging to everyone about catching a high level spy? He could've had that datapad already and didn't want to get caught with it. He probably planted it! We don't know where he came from, who he-"
"Rose, stop talking so loud! We're getting to the bottom of this, I promi-"
"There's been a mistake! She'd never betray us! Let me talk to her!"
He doesn't say anything back. There's a scuffle, something hits the door, then-
"Move, Dameron, or I'll move you!"
"C'mon, Rose. Come with me," Finn tries to say soothingly. "She'll be fine, let Command figure this out…"
"You stop that!"
"Rose," he nearly begs.
"No, don't- don't touch me! REY, I'll come back! You hear me? Stop pulling me, stop it! Stop…"
The voices fade away, and she's alone again. She didn't realize she'd been holding her breath, until Ben soothes her across the bond. Her heart sinks for Rose, sweet genuine Rose. But Finn… he didn't sound worried for her. Maybe Poe has told him she's fine, waiting for the bureaucratic process. She hopes she can talk to them before...
Two hours later, she's yet to be visited again. If she were anywhere else, she would have broken out of her prison and been on her way by now. Here, she's buying time to build her plan. Does she go to Ben… Kylo… or not?
She never went back to sleep, too jittery about planning this "escape". Of the twenty-four hours she started with, she only has nineteen left. She's sure it's morning by now. Ben is behind her eyes, somehow able to focus on his surroundings and hers. She's working to keep her earlier ruminations inaccessible to him. They seem to be invisible to him, so far. He didn't sleep either, yet it doesn't appear to be affecting him. He's in meetings of some sort and she's surprised to notice the red-haired man, Hux, in Ben's peripheral. Ben never stops observing, never drops his full alert on her. She can't push herself fully into him, though she's curious to see things through his eyes. Maybe one day. Today, she's too distracted, too emotional. Meditating into the Force provides no comfort either. It makes her aware of the chaos in the halls. The rumors of the Jedi being contained like a prisoner have swirled through the complex, and every life force is dominated by panic.
There's a knock before the door slides open. Poe is standing in her doorway with a plate of food. He's standing awkwardly, waiting. Ben becomes entirely tuned to her, blanketly ignoring his own surroundings.
"You can come in. It's not like I can tell you no."
He looks guilty before sliding the door closed. He shuffles towards her, sets her food down, then leans against the desk. Ben and Rey remember that desk from hours ago, her legs wrapped around his waist, his hand on her lower back, pulling her lips closer-
Focus. I feel Hux looking at you.
His irritation strikes through her before he turns his attention away. Rey feels her cheeks get hot and she hopes Poe doesn't misunderstand the cause. He doesn't appear to notice.
"You okay? Need anything?" Poe asks.
"I heard Rose. Is she okay?"
"She's fine. Finn basically picked her up and carried her outside. Didn't even drop her, which is amazing since she was squirming so much," Poe describes. "She's confused… we all are."
"Can I see her?" Rey asks hopefully, ignoring the question beneath his last statement. She needs to say goodbye to Rose.
"C'mon, you know the answer to that. Leia's orders, no visitation."
They're quiet. Poe remembers the tray and hands it to Rey before moving a chair across from her.
"Thanks," Rey says, her voice subdued.
"Sure," he responds. He watches her pick at the food, and then she starts eating in earnest.
"We must not be starting interrogation, since you're feeding the prisoner," Rey half-jokes. "I thought starvation was the first step."
A pained look crosses Poe's face.
"You have time to talk. It really doesn't have to be like this."
She pauses before taking another bite. She doesn't have time to talk.
"Honestly, if you refuse to tell her what's really going on, I'll help you come up with something else to say."
Rey is shocked but attempts to hide it.
"You'd help me lie to Leia?" she asks slowly.
"Between you and me, I feel like she's wanting to retire soon. She wants me to take the wheel. You can tell me what's going on and I won't make you do anything you're uncomfortable with. I want to make sure you know you're not seen as some weapon. She doesn't have to know right now, but we gotta make all this blow over. Tell everyone it was a mistake."
Something is off. He's being too casual.
"Poe, I can't lie to her," she responds carefully.
"Why not?" he responds quickly.
She realizes his pained look had a reason, but she forces her face to stay blank, and she picks up another bite to avoid responding immediately.
The interrogation has already started.
*
A/N: HEY GUYS!!
Thank you so much for your reviews and for continuing to read my story! The support is very appreciated, and I love reading your comments! Seeing how yall read my work is so motivating, and I love seeing how you interpret everything! Please, keep it coming!
As always, read and review!
I edited this chapter so it may be different than the last time you read it. I've been so excited to publish quickly for you guys that I'll go back and cringe at some badly written spots. All better now! I'm going to focus on publishing final-draft quality work instead of quickly written chapters from now on.*
