"Chapter 11"

When Ellie walked to Alec's hospital room later that evening she knew that Paul would be there, having been told by John that he had gone to inquire the vicar's presence. What she had not expected, however, was the sound of laughter to come drifting down the hallway towards her. She'd half-expected to find the two of them at each other's' throats with all of the unspoken animosity that stood between them, and she'd told John so when he'd left for the church that morning.

She stopped just within sight of the ward that Alec was in and peeked through the doorway.

"- and then he continues," Paul was saying, smiling, "coming up with the most absurd lyrics for these songs to poke fun at these atheist bible camps."

"He sounds inspired," Alec said dryly, but he couldn't help the grin that was on his face.

"He sounds crazy," Paul agreed, nodding. He was holding the book that Alec had been reading and she wondered what story that action told. "And I'm going to bring those books over to you as soon as I've found them all."

"Please," Alec snorted softly. "As if you'll get a 'stick-up-his-arse' retired copper to read children's' stories."

"We're all children of the Lord," Paul said with a straight face, and Ellie's mouth nearly dropped open, wondering if maybe she was dreaming this. Surely Alec Hardy and Paul Coates could not be joking around like old friends. (And especially not about religion.) She backed away from the doorway and allowed her footsteps to echo just a little bit louder than normal before she entered the room and the conversation. Paul was climbing to his feet; the book had found its way to the side table and all traces of humor had disappeared from Alec's expression.

"Well," it's been a stimulating visit," Paul said, nodding at Ellie, "but I have a sermon to write and I'm sure Ellie would like some time with you. I'll talk to you later."

"Not about God, I hope," Alec said, and if Ellie hadn't heard his earlier jokes she would have gone up and smacked him. Instead she said goodbye to Paul as he left and waited until his footsteps had faded before walking up to the side of the bed. Alec watched her silently for a long moment. "Miller. Brought any good news today?"

"How do you feel about getting out of here today?"

He visibly brightened. "Brilliant."

The doctor, as expected, was against Alec's leaving. But although he was undoubtedly used to Alec's brand of stubbornness, Ellie's was a different type altogether and they wore the doctor down in no time. With a sigh the doctor gave Ellie warnings and instructions, and then finally Alec was discharged.

He wasted no time leaving. He was unsteady on his feet, that much Ellie could see clearly, and just a little bit off-balance. Clearly the heart attack done a little more damage this time. But his expression told her not to say a word and so to save his pride she did not. She merely stayed one foot behind him ready to help him if he needed it. He didn't, and he made it to her parked car without incident. He was silent the entire car ride, and Ellie, now that he was out of the hospital, did not quite know what to say. Leaving the hospital this time was not because he was better.

He didn't say a word until they had pulled up along the street of her house, and he straightened, pulling the seatbelt tight as he looking out the windshield. "Why are we here?"

"Did you think I'd take you back to your flat?" Ellie asked, a mite scathingly. She parked the car and undid her buckle, looking over at him. "I talked it over with the doctor, and we agreed you couldn't stay by yourself—"

"I would think that would be for me to decide," Alec interrupted gruffly, aiming a half-hearted glare in her direction.

She didn't rise to the bait, too weary for that. "This isn't something you can do by yourself, Alec," she said quietly, and the silence that came after was crushing. He knew what she was meaning, and he looked away out of the window. "I've discussed it with the boys, and we have it all sorted out."

He conceded defeat, following her without further protest into the house. Tom was seated at his customary spot at the kitchen table finishing homework, keeping half an ear on Fred who was playing in the living room; he looked up when hearing the door open but quickly went back to his papers. He still only knew Alec as the police officer who had all but accused him of murdering Danny despite Ellie's explanations of what Alec had really been doing. Ellie let him be for the moment, concerned only that she let her reluctant guest sit.

"Come on. I'll show you your room."

0000000

Three days passed, agonizingly slow. There seemed to be little change in any circumstance; Alec's condition stayed the same, which she was grateful for. John stopped by every day after breakfast and stayed the majority of the afternoons and evenings. He told both Ellie and Alec that he was currently looking for a job somewhere in the town, to which Alec had demanded why he would want to stay so near the ocean. John had answered swiftly by saying he hadn't seen it all his time is Glasgow and left it at that.

Paul stopped in on the second day, dropping off the books he had been talking with Alec about—The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis. Ellie had never heard of them before but was interested by the cover of the one titled The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe with the faun holding a snow-covered umbrella. Alec, surprisingly, read through three of the seven books in just that one day.

"So these books are Christian?" Ellie asked late that night, reading the back of The Last Battle.

"That's what it says," Alec replied vaguely, halfway through The Horse and His Boy. "Paul was adamant I needed to read them."

"Really." She flipped through the one with the faun on the cover. "Didn't think you'd ever listen to what Paul told you." She came across a drawing depicting a snowy landscape. "Wouldn't the satyr freeze in snow?"

"Faun," he corrected automatically, still entirely engrossed in his current book.

"Sorry?"

"He's a faun. Roman mythology. A satyr is part of Greek mythology."

Ellie stared at him, taken aback. "What's the difference?"

Again he answered without so much as looking up from his place in the book. "A satyr is more horse-like in appearance, a faun is more like a goat. Anyway, satyrs were followers of the Greek god Dionysus and fauns belonged to the Roman god Pan."

"Aren't the two gods the same?"

Now he looked at her, but his expression was unimpressed. "Dionysus was the god of wine and fertility. Pan was the god of the wilderness."

"Don't feel bad," John told her from his spot in the living room, sympathetic for her. "He was like this in school."

Ellie turned to look at Alec again. "Just to be frank, I would never have put you down as someone who liked mythology."

"Oh, he loved it," John answered helpfully. "Always reading something or other about it. Greek and Norse. Those were his favorites." He picked up one of the books and looked at it with distaste. "Books. So boring."

"Books are stimulating."

"Yeah, if you have a brain to stimulate."

Alec glanced over at him with a smirk. "You said it, not me."

Mark and Beth stopped over once over the three days but Alec retreated to the room Ellie had given him and did not come out until they had left. Beth asked after him, clearly because she felt she had a duty to but Ellie merely shook her head helplessly. They were at an impasse, but it was clear that he was not going to get better. Every day he walked a little slower, a bit more carefully. Several times she caught a quick glimpse of him rubbing at his chest uncomfortably, moments that made her heart leap into her throat.

And every day, the more someone checked to see if he was alright or if he had to sit for a moment when a wave of dizziness assaulted him, she saw that carefully-constructed mask of calmness crack just a little bit more. Something was going to have to give sometime soon; if not he was going to either drive himself insane or his body would give out from the stress.

The moment finally came on the night of the third day. Restless, Ellie spent several hours tossing and turning in her bed trying to calm her mind enough to drift off but soon found that she wasn't going to be able to. Finally conceding defeat around one in the morning Ellie slid out from beneath the covers and walked down the hall, first peeking into Tom's room, then Fred's, before finally halting in front of the closed door of the guest room. She hesitated—but not for more than a second—then opened it a bit.

Alec was stretched out on the bed, fast asleep, half burrowed into the coverlet. Despite herself, Ellie grinned; in his sleep he had grabbed hold of a pillow and had curled around it, snoring softly.

Without thinking (afraid she would second guess herself) she slid through the door and gently seated herself on the edge of the bed. The movement of the mattress woke him. Starting awake he shifted away from her, blinking the sleep from his eyes.

"Miller—"

"Shh," she whispered, and quietly climbed over him so that she could press herself against his back. The sheets were pleasantly warm with his body heat and she allowed herself a sigh of contentment as she slid in beside him.

He shifted so that he was facing her. In the moonlight his hair looked streaked with silver. "You know you're sleeping with a dead man, right?"

"Better now than later," she replied without bite.

He snorted, yawning. "Wouldn't want to pull a Poe," he muttered sarcastically. He smelled of stress and exhaustion.

"A what?"

"Poe. He was an American poet. Lived in the 1800s. He was famous for sleeping on his wife's grave several times after she died."

She shifted back. "You're taking the mickey."

"I assure you I'm not."

"That's- disturbing."

"Agreed." He yawned again and looked vaguely chagrined when he was done. "Sorry."

"It's fine." She dimly realized that that was one of the first times he had ever apologized to her for anything. She shifted, burrowing herself deeper into the covers. His skin still felt cold, like it could give out heat but couldn't keep it in at all. "Well, then," she said without thinking, "I guess I can promise you that there'll be no sleeping on your grave."

Too late she realized what she had just said and her mouth opened in horror; just as she was about to apologize, however, he grinned. It wasn't a large grin but it was genuine.

"I'd appreciate that." He always had had a rather black sense of humor, she remembered then. Very quickly, however, his grin disappeared into a grimace and he shifted again, one hand reaching up to rub at his chest. Ellie watched him.

"Did it jump?"

He nodded slightly. 'It doesn't stop now." It was the closest he had come to a confession of what he really felt like, and it clearly came at a cost. Something dropped away from his expression and it was him this time who shifted closer to her. Somehow Ellie knew exactly what he wanted and she allowed herself to put away thoughts of Joe and drew him into her arms, very nearly cuddling. For a very long time they simply laid there together listening to their own breathing. He buried his face in the crook of her arm.

"I'm scared, Ellie."

His simple, quiet confession broke her heart and she fought back tears angrily. Now was not the time for her tears. She'd done so much crying after Joe's betrayal and it had always been Alec who was quiet and supportive for her; it was time she returned the favor.

She ran her fingers through his sleep-tousled hair, nodding. "I know." She was able through some miracle to keep her voice even. She hoped she wasn't lying but even imagining herself in his shoes was frightening enough. She wasn't sure how people like Alec didn't go mad being trapped in their own bodies knowing they only had so much time left. She held him closer, breathing deeply. He was trembling. "Let go, Alec," she found herself whispering. "Let it out."

He did. The breakdown she had seen building behind his indifferent mask finally burst its dam; but the more he broke own (her shirt growing steadily damper) the calmer and stronger Ellie felt herself. It was the most surreal feeling in the world but she didn't question it. In the face of his tears she knew she would be his rock.

What she'd felt for Joe had been vastly different, she realized then; but she loved Alec just as dearly.