Sasuke groaned. Everything hurt. He'd been through rough training before but still...this was new.

"Welcome back, Sunshine." Naruto said.

The blond was staring at the cave entrance.

"Don't call me that. Where's Sakura?" The Uchiha growled.

"Sleeping." The blond answered.

"What happened to me?" Sasuke asked sitting up.

"There's some sort of drug in the water. When you drank it..." The whiskered ninja shrugged.

"Oh. How do you know this?" The onyx eyed boy demanded.

"I tried a bit of the water. My system burned through it quick enough so I wasn't affected. I could still tell though." Naruto explained.

"Huh, how long was I out?" Sasuke asked mollified.

"A couple of hours or so. It's hard to tell time down here without a cat." The blond shrugged again.

Sasuke needed to know what happened. Still, no one wants to hear about how crazy they've been. So it was with some trepidation that he asked.

"What happened?"

"Well, first you started seeing things. Then you said some things about your family. Then you attacked the wall for some reason. I knocked you out to make sure you didn't hurt yourself." Naruto asked.

"Thank you." The Uchiha was glad that he hadn't been a bigger ass than that.

Naruto handed him a ration bar. The two ate in silence until the blond asked.

"Sasuke? What wasn't your fault?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Sasuke said defensively.

"Sasuke, we may not be each other's favourite people, but you have to talk about this. And I'm the only one around." Blue eyes expressed understanding.

"No I don't its personal." The dark haired boy snapped.

"Fine; damn you are as stubborn as I am." Naruto griped.

"I am nothing like you." The Uchiha growled.

"True, I'm not a total asshole." The other boy said.

"Yes you are. Although I doubt you intend to be whenever you talk with someone you don't know...you mock them and make them feel weak." Sasuke said showing rare insight.

"And here I thought you would be busy angsting." The blond quipped.

"You don't deny it?"

"Why would I? I admit I'm not very nice to most people. But I do try to give them a fair chance until they prove they're idiots. It's not my fault they do it right away." Naruto shrugged.

"You've changed a lot since back then." The dark haired boy said.

"Back then?" The whiskered Genin asked.

"You know, before you put Sakura down a peg." The loyal Uchiha answered.

"What can I say?" The blue-eyed boy gave a smirk.

"That you were an idiot?" Sasuke mused.

"Low blow, Sunshine." Naruto said.

"Stop calling me that." The black haired boy snapped.

"I will when you stop pissing me off." The whiskered boy said.

"You know, now that I think about it...I have no idea what I did to piss you off this much. I know you don't like me, but I can't figure out why." Sasuke frowned.

"Might have been your sparkling personality." Naruto answered.

"No, if that was it you would've started treating me like Sakura. Someone to work with even if you didn't trust." The Uchiha shook his head.

"Where's the self absorbed bastard I knew and loved?" The blond fake whined.

"I doubt he exists. And will you stop insulting me?" Sasuke said in irritation.

"Gee, Sunshine, I just don't know." The blond said with sarcasm.

"That's it, I am buying out Ichikaru's and banning you for life." The Onyx eyed boy said.

Naruto actually flinched.

"What...no...y-you can't!" he stammered.

"Sure I can." Sasuke said.

Inwardly he was cackling, finally he had a way to get back at the blond bastard. Sure it was a petty use of clan funds. But really, he wasn't some sort of technological superhero who needed a lot of money.

"I will murder you in your sleep if you go through with that." The blond growled.

The last Uchiha thought about this for a moment. He concluded that it was quite likely Naruto would murder him for taking away ramen. Probably better to not chance it.

"Let's just call a truce." He said.

"Alright." Naruto's hand relaxed from the kunai.

"So, why do you hate me?" Sasuke continued.

"I told you why."

"I don't buy it." The Rookie of the Year said.

"For someone who wants people to leave him alone, you don't pick up on signals well." The blond said sardonically.

"Like you said, I'm stubborn." The Uchiha smirked.

"Seriously, have you ever talked to anyone about your issues?" Naruto asked in annoyance.

"Have you?"

"My senseis."

"That seems like an invitation to mockery." Sasuke noted.

"It is, but it works." The whiskered boy shrugged.

"Well no, but..." The Uchiha began, but Naruto cut him off.

"Why the hell not? I'd be bitching about it all the time."

"It's a private matter."

Didn't he get that some things weren't for outsiders? Sasuke mentally groused.

"Is it now? I'm going to take some guesses about it then." The blond continued.

"What?"

"First guess: You feel that you should have been able to stop your brother from killing your clan. Due to his admittedly fantastic track record, you feel inferior to him. A feeling compounded by the fact that you're the only one he didn't bother killing.

"This combines with a latent sense of superiority courtesy of your clan. This makes you feel like you can never catch up and will never be good enough. Am I right?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke's fists shook with barely suppressed rage. That little guess had been closer to the mark than he liked.

"Shut the hell up." He snarled.

The whiskered boy just took it in stride and handed over a cup of water.

"That went well. Here's some purified water. My clones have found the way out."

"Really?" the Uchiha blinked.

This place was like a maze. It was supposed to take days to get out.

"Well, I may have had some help." The blond admitted.

"Help?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"I found this talking dog..." The other boy shrugged.

"Talking dog?" The Uchiha asked incredulous.

"We have the ability to make the laws of physics our bitch. A talking dog isn't that much of a stretch." Naruto said defensively.

"It might be a Summon." Sasuke conceded.

"Probably, I wish I had gotten a chance to work on mine..." The blond muttered.

"You have a summoning contract?"

Summoning contracts were rather rare, all things considered.

"Yeah...my sensei left it for me after he died." Naruto explained.

"What is it?" the Uchiha was curious.

His own clan had a contract with ravens; Itachi had taken it with him when he left.

"Owls." Naruto answered.

"Owls?" The onyx-eyed boy blinked.

"I'm not one to go for giant attacks, neither was my sensei." The blond answered.

"Still, that's one of the more exotic ones." Sasuke said.

"We can't all have giant frogs." Naruto said.

The two fell into an awkward silence. The blond broke it saying,

"Moving right along, do you just want to wake Sakura and get out of here?"

"How much farther to the exit?" The Uchiha asked.

"If my clones are right, it's about five kilometres out. I'm amazed that we have this large a cave system." Naruto said cocking his head.

"Well Iwa's supposed to have bigger, and more." The avenger shrugged.

"True. Although even money says the next war will be with Kumo." The blond said.

The two began packing up what little there was.

"Why do you think there will be another war?" Sasuke asked curious.

"Same reason we had the last one. People want things. And sometimes they're willing to kill to get it." The whiskered boy answered.

Naruto shook Sakura awake. She sat up and blinked. Then the memory of lying down on the ground screaming came back. She had been useless and weak...again.

"I'm sorry."

"You should be. A ninja can't afford to have a fear like that." Naruto said offering a hand.

"How often does fighting a giant spider come up?" Sakura grumbled pulling herself up.

"How often does genjutsu come up?" The blond retorted.

"What do you know about genjutsu?" She snapped.

"I know a fair bit, even if I can't do it. Knowledge is power, after all." Naruto answered.

"That sounds so cheesy." The bookworm said.

"True." Sasuke threw in his two cents.

"So what do we do now?" The pinkette asked.

"I know where the exit is. Want to get out of here?" The whiskered ninja asked.

"Hell yes!" Sakura said.

Her inner self had become a bit more dominant in the past few months. The trio made their way towards the exit.

"What were you guys talking about?" Sakura asked about half way through the trip.

"Different things and the next war." Naruto answered.

"Next war?" The pinkette asked.

"Yes, Sakura. What, you thought ninjas exist just to play tag?" The blond said tersely.

"Well, no, but a war..."

Konoha's civilian population didn't like to think of war. Sakura's parents were among the small minority that actively did everything they could to avoid it. It had been with much fear and trepidation that they had allowed their daughter to join the academy. But they had been confident she would wash out. She hadn't.

"War is how we justify our existence. No war no need for ninjas. And we cost money. The Daimyo's aren't our friends as it is. We need to have reason to get paid." Naruto said channelling Jin.

"How cynical." The bookworm said.

Sakura was still the most optimistic member of team seven. Even if hanging around Naruto had caused her to develop a dry humour.

"We can't all pretend that ninjas aren't killers."

"Hn." Sasuke grunted.

"Sorry, Sunshine, didn't mean to bother you." The blond said.

"Stop calling me that." Sasuke retorted.

"Whatever you say, Sunshine." The whiskered Genin agreed.

Sakura quickly intervened.

"Before we decide to kill each other...what are we going to do to Kakashi?"

"Well, unfortunately, we can't kill him." Sasuke grudgingly admitted.

"So we have to make him wish he was dead." Sakura continued.

"First, we burn the porn." Naruto said instantly.

"Then what?" Sasuke asked.

"Talk to Kurenai....if I can get her to do that genjutsu on him..." The blond trailed off.

"What?" The pinkette asked.

"Have you ever met a Jonin by the name Maito Gai?" The whiskered boy asked.

"No." The other two answered.

"Count your blessings. Trust me when I say it will do a number on him." Naruto had a feral grin.

"Okay; so we burn the porn, use Naruto's genjutsu and...what else?" The bookworm asked.

"Make it so he can't buy more porn?" The Uchiha mused.

The whole not killing for vengeance was throwing him for a loop. Which is why Sasuke's planning was less than spectacular.

"Nah, too simple; make it so he can only buy yaoi porn." The blonde shook his head.

"Wait, what if instead of just burning his porn we replaced it?" Sakura asked.

"Hmm...yeah, I could probably swing it." The whiskered boy said.

"Alright, but where are we going to get that much yaoi?" The Uchiha asked.

The other two turned to look at him.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

They just kept staring. It slowly dawned on Sasuke why they were looking at him.

"I don't have any yaoi porn damn it!" He growled and stomped ahead.

Naruto and Sakura looked at each other and shrugged.

"I thought for sure he was gay." The blonde said.

"I thought he was bisexual." Sakura admitted.

"I like older women. You know, ones with an actual chest and aren't fan-girls." Sasuke shouted from ahead.

Naruto chuckled.

"You're never going to let him off the hook for this are you?" The bookworm asked.

"Hell no, this is entertainment." The whiskered boy answered.

"Has anyone told you that you're an asshole sometimes?" The pinkette enquired.

"Frequently." Naruto responded.

"You seem far too alright with that." Sakura said after a moment.

"I no longer really care about that sort of thing." The blond shrugged.

"Right."

Sasuke refused to talk to either of them. But soon they were at the exit.

"Alright your here now, let me go!" Pakkun growled.

A clone had the pug held up against the wall with a pair of kunai. One kunai was against the throat and the other elsewhere.

"Okay, Pakkun, but tell Kakashi to watch us himself next time." Naruto said as the clone dispelled.

"Brat." The dog growled and disappeared.

"Okay, so Kakashi isn't expecting us back for at least a few more days. Break and get the materials. We'll meet at Sasuke's place." The blond said.

"Oi why are you in charge Whisker boy?" Sasuke demanded.

"Because I know how to prank someone." Naruto said with a grin.

"Touché." the Uchiha answered.

The three disappeared into the night.

Complex

"So, where do you think the kid is?" Rikimaru asked.

"Dunno. Guess we have to find Kakashi." Jin shrugged.

"Oh joy." The scarred man said.

"Riki, you almost sound like you dislike the guy." The huge man said.

"Bah, he relies too much on that Sharingan of his." Rikimaru groused.

The pair sauntered out of the building.

"Now, now, that's what tools are for." The genjutsu user pointed out.

"To use when you need to. Not to use every time the other guy has the balls to be challenging. A trump card's no good if you use it all the time." The bald man said.

"You have to use the card sometimes." Jin argued back.

"When though?" The scarred man demanded.

"Hmm, that's a valid point. You don't bust it out whenever a pussy B-rank walks in." The bespectacled man nodded.

"They've changed the rating scales since we were young." Rikimaru said.

"Yeah, now anyone who's slaughtered a village gets an A-rank. Used to be you had to slaughter at least two." Jin sighed.

"You're just complaining because no one asked you." The other man chuckled.

The two made their way to the memorial stone. Even in the distance, they could see Kakashi.

"At least he's easy to find." The large man said.

"Pansy." Rikimaru grunted.

"Mental trauma is a funny thing, Riki, you know that." Jin answered.

"Still a pansy."

"Cut him some slack."

"Well I did like his old man." The scarred man granted.

The pair walked up to Kakashi at the memorial stone.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" The one-eyed Jonin asked.

"Quick question, where's Naruto?" Jin asked.

"Um, I have team seven undergoing a week long training exercise. One of my Summons is watching them." Kakashi answered.

"Oh good, we thought it might be serious."

Kakashi blinked. The Cave wasn't serious? Then what the hell else was?

"Anything else you guys need?"

"Yeah, let us know next time. We were going to teach him some fun poisons you can make out of things you find in the kitchen." Rikimaru grinned.

"Okay, I'm not sure if I want Naruto to know the joy of poisons yet." The Sharigan user grimaced.

"Heh, got to teach him what we can and quickly." Jin just smiled.

"Why?" The silver haired Jonin asked.

"Can't you feel it, Scarecrow? War is coming." The large man whispered.

"How do you know that?" Kakashi eyes narrowed.

"Just a hunch...my bones have been acting up."

There wasn't anything to say to that so Kakashi decided to ignore it.

"Now if there isn't anything else?"

"And we take no responsibility for whatever Naruto does to you." The scarred man smirked.

"What?" The one-eyed Jonin said confused.

Kakashi's apartment

"Time to set things on fire." Naruto cackled.

They had purchased a large collection of yaoi porn. Well made Sasuke purchase it. They had then switched the covers of the books. Thus the Icha Icha had yaoi covers and vice versa. That left the question of what to do with the Icha-Icha stories.

The answer was, as would be for most males, with makeshift kindling to set it on fire.

"Naruto, you are far too eager for this." Sakura sweat dropped.

Naruto didn't care, already using a pair of matches to set the paper mess on fire in a garbage can.

"Burn, baby, burn that's how daddy likes it."

"We will never mention this to anyone." Sasuke said quickly.

"Good Call." The pinkette shuddered.

Memorial

"You'll understand later." Rikimaru said.

The duo left Kakashi feeling vaguely paranoid.

"That wasn't ominous at all." Jin said.

"Sarcasm Jin? I'm hurt, really." The scarred man said.

"That'd be more believable if you weren't smiling." The huge man retorted.

The pair bickered good-naturedly as they returned home.

Team 8's Training Ground

"So, you want me to put Kakashi in a genjutsu to trap him with Rock Lee and Maito Gai?" Kurenai asked levelly.

"Yep." Naruto answered.

"Why?" The genjutsu mistress asked.

"Because he threw us into a cave." The blond said.

That explained everything didn't it.

"Look, even if I agreed that Kakashi needed to be punished, which I don't; you haven't told me why I should help you." The red-eyed woman said.

"I'll teach Hinata how to take down a Byakugan user." The whiskered boy offered.

"Wait, you know how?" Kurenai blinked.

The clans were always rather paranoid about having their skills countered. The Hyuuga were even more paranoid then the rest. They tended to discourage people with counters.

"Sure. I even have two ways." The blond said happily.

"Tell me." Kurenai said.

"What and leave me hanging?" Naruto answered.

Kurenai growled. The term 'stupid paranoia' echoed in the back of her head.

"Fine, I'll do it. But you have to teach something else to all of them."

"How to make explosive tags?" Naruto said.

"That'll do it. " Kurenai agreed.

Kakashi's Apartment.

"Ahh, that was a good one. Now which shall I read next?" Kakashi said putting his book away.

The silver haired man took a long look at his row of porn. Picking one at random he opened it.

Instead of finding his beloved Icha-Icha, Kakashi found a boys love story. It was explicit. Kakashi flung the book away and shuddered.

Despite what some people thought, he was not gay. He just had intimacy issues damn it!

'Okay let's try that again.' Kakashi told himself. He grabbed another book.

And promptly threw it away after seeing the first paragraph. Kakashi had a horrifying thought...what if it had all been changed. The silver haired man tore through his collection.

Book after book fell into the 'unholy devil porn' pile, as Kakashi called it. When the one-eyed man was done, he looked at the massive pile.

"YOU BASTARDS! YOU DESTROYED IT ALL. DAMN YOU, DAMN YOU I SAY!" Kakashi shouted to the heavens.

He broke out into a sob. It had taken him years to build that collection. And in a single night it was all gone. The silver haired man stumbled into bed.

The next day he found himself itchy...very itchy. In places he couldn't scratch in public. As a trained ninja Kakashi was able to ignore it for a little while. But then it got worse. He had to do paperwork the entire day in the tower. Naruto had put time delayed itching powder unto Kakashi's clothes so that more and more would be active as the day went on.

As he struggled to control his desire to scratch, Kakashi wondered about his team. Pakkun would tell him if anything went wrong. But still, he was curious; how they would do with the giant spiders. It wasn't as if they were hard to kill, just bred fast. Naruto and Sasuke could handle it. None of the training areas were excessively dangerous unless you were an idiot. The damn itching wouldn't go away. Finally Kakashi just decided to go home.

"Hey, Sensei." The blond said happily.

Kakashi blinked...he hadn't noticed any signs of forced entry. On the other hand, Naruto was very good at stealth and infiltration. That still didn't explain how his student had gotten inside.

"Naruto, how did you get in here?" He asked.

"Ninja." The whisker boy said.

That explained everything. Kakashi decided to drop it and invest in some new locks and security seals later.

"Right. So why are you here?"

"Well the first is to tell you that we're all good. We're out of the cave; Pakkun was most helpful." Naruto said.

Note to self: ask Pakkun what Naruto did to make him help. Kakashi mused.

"You're a clone?" He deduced.

Naruto decided to lie.

"That I am. Since I'm feeling generous, I'm going to tell you that all of your clothes have Itching powder."

"That explains so much. But why?" The silver haired man asked.

"Well we were rather pissed at what you did." The blond shrugged.

"I needed to get you to work together on your own without my interference." Kakashi answered.

"No we get that, but tossing us into a cave?" The whiskered Genin asked.

"Alright, that might have been one of my less stellar moments. But would you have gone willingly?" The one-eyed Jonin asked.

"You're the commander, so yes. We would have bitched about it though." Naruto answered.

"Still, it worked." Kakashi said.

"Maybe...one last thing before I disperse." The blond grinned.

"What's that?" A grinning Naruto was rarely a good thing.

"Sunset genjutsu."

With that the genjutsu settled in place. Kakashi Hatake was subjected to the full force of Maito Gai and Lee's....youthfulness.

"Oh dear god!" The man screamed before keeling over.

"That was rather cruel, Naruto." Kurenai stepped out of the shadows.

Frankly, she was amazed that Kakashi hadn't detected her. Still the combination of physical stress, mental stress and talking to Naruto would be enough to distract anyone. Briefly anyway.

"Now we're even." Naruto said.

"If you say so. Now tell me how to take down a Hyuuga." Kurenai said.

"Well, thing is, that they all rely on their eyes so..." The two walked out of the apartment.

3 Hours Later

Kakashi lay on the floor. His team had evidently bonded to torture him. He wasn't quite sure how to feel about that. On the one hand team bonding was always good. On the other being tormented by pranks...wasn't his idea of a good time.

Although if Kakashi was honest; the fact that he wasn't crippled demonstrated that they showed some restraint. But that damn sunset genjutsu had been a bit too much.

"I shall have my revenge my little Genin."

A bird flew in.

"That time already?" He mused.

Kakashi began to plot.

Konohagakure

"Well it's done." Naruto said coming out of the shadows.

"Naruto, you really shouldn't jump out at people like that." Sakura gave a start.

"And you should pay attention to your surroundings." The blond retorted.

"Hn." The other member of team 7 responded.

"You didn't detect him either." The bookworm said.

Sasuke chose not to dignify that with a comment. The trio had agreed to meet here in case they had any more ideas.

"LET ME GO!" They heard a kid shout.

"Do we want to intervene?" Naruto asked.

"Probably should." The pinkette answered.

"Damn you and your sense of duty." The blond good-naturedly grumbled as they made their way toward the noise.

"It's not like you wouldn't do it anyway." Sasuke smirked.

The blond just shook his head. As they came into view, Naruto shouted,

"Oi! Drop the runt!"

"Why should I listen to you whisker boy?" The black clad ninja demanded.

"I can give you three reasons. One, only a coward would beat up a little kid. Two, there's at least one ANBU around here...along with someone in the tree. Three, if you don't; I beat you with in an inch of your life." Naruto answered.

The blond began to tap his sealed forearm. Sasuke reached into his kunai pouch. Sakura reached for her shuriken.

"Why you!" Kankuro growled.

"Kankuro, stop." Temari put a hand on his shoulder.

"But..." he began.

"If he can find our brother, then he's right about the ANBU. The last thing we need is a diplomatic incident." The fan wielder snapped.

"Fine." Kankuro said petulantly.

In front of them, a red headed boy appeared in a whirl of sand.

"What is your name?" He demanded.

"They say it's polite to introduce yourself first." Naruto answered.

"Gaara of the Sand." Gaara said irritated.

"Temari." The girl said.

"Kankuro."

"My name's Naruto." The whiskered boy said.

He hadn't given his last name. Sasuke wasn't sure why. But figured he had a good reason.

"Sasuke."

"Sak—"

Gaara cut her off.

"I don't care about you. I only care about giving good blood to mother."

"Ease up, psycho." Naruto said in defence of his teammate.

"You will prove my existence." The red head said.

It was a statement of fact. There was no room for compromise. For the first time since returning from Wave, Naruto actually wondered if he could win.

"Gaara, not now, please..." The sand kuinoichi begged.

The sleep deprived boy glared for a few seconds before relenting.

"Fine, but I will see you in the exams."

"Maybe." The whiskered boy allowed.

The trio of Sand Genin left. Team Seven looked at each other. All had felt that something wasn't quite right with this Gaara of the Desert.

"Guys...don't fight him." Naruto said.

"Why?" Sasuke asked.

"That boy, he feels familiar to me. And I've never met him. I think he might have a tailed beast. That's his mother." The blond explained.

"But you don't know." Sakura pointed out.

"No I don't, but it's better for us not to risk it. Only an idiot fights blind." Naruto said.

"It's moot unless we're in these exams." The Uchiha said.

The trio had been talking quietly amongst themselves. Then Konohamaru yelled,

"Hey boss!"

The three blinked. The kid was still here?

"You talking to me?" Naruto asked.

"That was so cool boss how you told him off..." The youngest Sarutobi began.

Sakura and Sasuke took their leave, trapping Naruto into a one sided conversation with the kid. The blond mentally grumbled to himself about traitors.

"Kid, that's nice and all; but I'm not your boss. Go play with some friends." The blond said.

"I demand that you train me!" Konohamaru shouted.

Naruto gave an amused stare.

"You can demand all you like, it won't get you anything."

"I am the Honourable Grandson of the Hokage. You have to do what I say!" The helmeted kid said.

"Do I now? Last I checked, I swore an oath to serve the Hokage and Konoha. Not some arrogant brat without any manners."

The blonde's amusement faded to be replaced by a cold look.

"But I—" Konohamaru sputtered.

No one had really stood up to him except his grandfather. This was a new experience for him.

"You want to be trained? Come back to me when you're serious about being a ninja." Naruto turned to leave.

"I am serious, I have to become Hokage!" The younger boy screamed.

The whiskered boy looked over his shoulder.

"Hokage...is not for someone like you. A Hokage sacrifices all he is, all he ever could be, for the good of the village. He orders people to their deaths, lies, cheats, and steals; all for the Village. It's not a prize for a child with delusions of grandeur."

"Why you!" Konohamaru shouted.

He charged Naruto. Who promptly twisted out of the way and kicked Konohamaru, sending the youngest Sarutobi flying into some bushes.

"Like I said, come back when you're serious." Naruto said and disappeared.

Konohamaru glared...one way or another he would get that guy to train him. It was a matter of pride now.

A/N: Well here you go hope it satisfies any vengeance desires you guys had on Kakashi. I know that some wanted him crippled and for a while I entertained that. But realistically you can't do that to someone like Kakashi and not get investigated. The original plan was to have him receive the Jiraiya treatment but….

Anyways thanks to everyone who's reviewed, favourited and story alerted this fic. I can't begin to say how humbled I am by it.

A huge debt of gratitude goes to my beta DustBunnyQueen. Enjoy the story!