((The chapter heading comes from Sever by Delain.))


11. Till My Knees Bend

'Focus. What do you sense?'

'Boredom.'

'Thor.' His mother's reprimand was gentle and the reward – Loki's rolled eyes with a hidden smile – was beautiful. Thor grinned, failing to hide his delight that he could bring joy to his brother. 'You will one day be King. You need to protect yourself. There are more ways to hurt someone than with a sword.'

'I can't do it. It's … how do I concentrate on something if I don't know it's there?'

'I'll protect him,' Loki said. 'I'll make sure no-one gets Thor.'

Frigga sighed. 'My boys. Come here.' She extended her arms and put one around each of her sons, crouching to be on their eyelevel. 'Look, Loki, you need to be able to fight someone who rushes you with a blade. And Thor … you need to be able to guard your mind. You cannot always be there to deflect any attack aimed at the other.' Loki looked like he was going to argue, but Frigga shut him up with a minute shake of her head. 'Wouldn't you prefer if he could look out for himself? What if you are travelling and come home to find your brother chained to the mind of a malevolent person?'

'I'd kill them,' Loki said simply.

'That might not help. You know that.'

Loki looked away, then at his brother. 'Come on, Thor, it's not difficult.'

'You do it, then.' A foolish challenge because Loki did it every single time. Once, he had even caught their mother off guard and reflected her gentle attack back at her, almost managing to make her fulfil the mental order she had given him.

Frigga placed a hand on Loki's forehead, and he closed his eyes briefly. He opened them again and shrugged. He hadn't done anything, which meant he had shaken off her command, something simple like pick up an item and carry it elsewhere.

Frigga nodded. 'Good. Now you, Thor.' She placed her hand on his head and he felt the whisper of her mind, but the message was elusive. He stood and walked to a chair, stepped onto it and started dancing. Loki struggled to keep a straight face for about four seconds before he burst into laughter.

Thor faltered and went beet red. Only when the influence was taken away he could realise that he had done something ridiculous. He glared at Loki. 'Shut up,' he said. Loki only howled with more laughter and Thor felt a surge of anger. He ran towards him and would have tackled him if their mother hadn't stopped him just before he could collide with him. At the same time a surge of cold burst from Loki, putting a fine layer of frost on his nose.

'Enough! Both of you.'

'He's going to tell everyone how I'm too stupid to fight off magic!'

'Like you tell everyone I'm too weak to hold a sword!' Loki yelled back.

'Boys!' Frigga hadn't shouted, but they both looked back at her. 'You both have your strengths, and if you taunt each other and reveal your brother's weaknesses, you're not doing anyone a favour. Do you want your friends to beat your brother bloody, Thor?'

Thor's eyes flew wide. 'No. Of course not.'

'Loki, do you want someone with the ability make your brother walk into the cold at night and leave him until we find him frozen half to death?'

'What? No!'

'Then look after each other. I know you two love each other dearly. Why are you both so unwilling to show it?'

Loki's gaze shifted to Thor's. He didn't say a word, but the look on his face was a whole host of apologies. Thor swallowed and refused to look at either of them. 'Can I try again?' he asked.

'I think it's enough for today.'

'No, I want to. Loki, how do you do it?'

Loki shrugged. 'I … I guess it's easier if you don't try so hard. Like … if you want to remember something, it'll come to you if you stop trying.'

'Now there's an interesting approach,' Frigga said with a raised eyebrow. 'Very well. Try, love.' She put her hand on Thor's head again.

He walked to a book shelf and picked up a tome. He froze in mid action and returned it. 'No, I will not start singing the first chapter.' This time, when Loki laughed, he laughed with him. And when Thor ran towards him, their mother didn't stop him from hugging his brother so hard he lifted him off the ground.

Ϡ

Thor blinked away the fog from his mind. He'd always struggled when he'd tried to meditate, had tended to fall asleep. He wasn't sure if this memory had come up as the result of meditating or sleep. He rubbed his forehead, where a headache had formed. His bed was too large for him alone. The entire room was. His head was filled with confusion. Somewhere deep in his soul something was screaming at him to go to his brother and beg him to return with him. But he had tried to kill him, again …

'Have you ever, though?' The emptiness in the room had no answer. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw those images. Loki with blood streaming from his nose. Struggling. His face, right in front of him, full of worry. His lips on Thor's forehead, warm and soft. But he also remembered how he had brought up every single time Thor had hurt him, urging him to take his own life … It made no sense.

'Oh, Mother, I wish I'd been a better student.' It was too late for that, now, of course. But he could try … Once, he had shaken a suggestion with ease. That one time, he had listened to Loki. Brute force had never worked, something that his younger self had failed to understand. But hadn't he become a better man since then?

Still sitting on his bed, Thor closed his eyes again. He listened into himself, examined the conflicting images. That Loki would do something like this seemed incongruous with everything he had done since they had left Asgard. But he had to focus on something else. During that one lesson, he had thought of their embrace just a moment before, and the beauty of the feeling had been enough to show him that the urge to start to sing was foreign. Now, he thought of the night Loki had revealed himself, how he had caught the stopper, how they had held on to each other …

And the fog cleared. He remembered himself mumbling nonsense while Loki, his beloved Loki, had tried to talk him out of it. How Solvi had tried to keep Loki away. How he had watched his heart break when he had sent him to the greenhouse and all but threatened to have him executed. The other memories, the ones of Loki trying to drive him into hurting himself, they remained. But suddenly, it was easy to tell which ones were real.

Thor opened his eyes. Sparks danced at his fingertips in barely controlled anger. He had no idea where this mess in his head had come from, but one thing was certain. It wasn't Loki. He had to go and free his brother and hope he could forgive him.

Ϡ

Loki had returned to his prison immediately and only just in time before Valkyrie came to check if he was there. She sized him up but didn't speak, and Loki refused to acknowledge her at all. It might not be her fault, but still. He wasn't going to face the triumph in her eyes or he might do something rash.

As the hours trickled by, he made his plan. He'd go to the sickbay and to engineering and find out when Heid was home and Gullveig was not. He would kill Heid when her sister wasn't there. The problem was that other than his or Odin's magic, a witch's spell didn't fade after their death. What she had done to Thor, his brother had to overcome on his own. It wasn't an easy feat and Loki had to prepare himself that it wouldn't happen. Thor had never been good at this. The real memory of what had happened would remain firmly locked away in his mind unless he actively started to doubt the possibility of Heid's fake one.

Slowly, the ship turned dark. The greenhouse was a nice place for a prison. Loki wondered if deep down Thor had meant to send him somewhere peaceful, somewhere he could relax his mind despite the horrors.

What little activity there was in the greenhouse died down. Loki didn't barge out immediately. Instead, he inched to the end of the corridor. The moment he glanced around, a blade was pressed against his throat. 'Stay put,' Valkyrie said. 'I'm under orders to kill you if you don't.'

Loki stayed stock-still. 'And I'm sure you hate the very thought, but you are honour bound to obey.' His voice was dripping with venom. He had no time for this.

'Not exactly. But I'm not sure if this is right.' To his surprise, Valkyrie sheathed her knife.

'There's a start. I've got things I need to do. Thor is in grave danger. Come with me, if you must, but let me do this.'

'There won't be a need.' Thor came running towards them and didn't slow when he got close. Loki braced himself for an attack, but instead he was swept into an almost painfully fierce hug. 'I wonder if loving you will ever cease to be difficult.'

Loki patted his back. 'That's all right. You think I tried to murder you. Forgive me if I don't hold still and wait for you to have me killed.'

'No.' Thor took his face into both hands and all Loki could see in his brother's eyes was love and affection. 'I have no idea what is going on, but I have two differing sets of memories of earlier tonight and I don't need a trial to figure out which is wrong.' He pressed his lips to Loki's, and despite himself, his eyes closed and he melted against Thor. For an eternity packed into moments, nothing else mattered. Thor's tongue swept over Loki's lips and he opened himself up. Thor's arms went around him again, holding him firmly, rocking him as if the world had ceased to exist around them. Eventually, with a tangible effort, Thor let go of him, but he kept his forehead pressed against Loki's and their eyes locked. 'Help me, my love. Who did this? What can we do now?'

Loki's lips tingled. 'Heid did it. I need a few things. I need to know when she is in her and her sister's quarters and Gullveig is not. This confrontation is going to be ugly, and I'd rather not bring Gullveig into this.' He frowned. 'She knows, but I understand her urge to protect her sibling.'

'You are certain it's her?'

'Yes. Heimdall is, too.'

Thor's eyes were earnest. 'I believe you. I don't need verification. But then it can't be the same person who murdered people millennia ago.'

'I don't care who it was then. We have to stop the one doing it now.' Loki cupped Thor's cheek. 'Before she gets you.'

'Heid should be sleeping now,' Valkyrie helped out. Loki had almost forgotten she was even there. 'She left the infirmary a while ago. And Gullveig asked me to dispatch one of my guards to engineering to break up a fight. That was less than half an hour ago. She's probably still there.'

'Then let's get Heid,' Thor said. 'We could use your help, too, Valkyrie.'

'Good idea,' Loki said. 'If you are able to defend yourself against a mental attack.'

Valkyrie grinned. 'Bring it on.'