Before you dive into this chapter, I want you to know how hard it was for me to decide which route to take. In fact, just ask Bm89 and MotherTucker how many times I changed my mind before finally making a decision. That being said, I hope you all will trust me to take this story all of the places it needs to go.
Now grab some Kleenex...take a deep breath...okay ready?
Here we go.
"Come in," Olivia said softly as she heard the tap of the door to Charlie's hospital room. The young woman was finally asleep, having reluctantly relinquished her hold on Lizzie to her father. Now Ed sat in the rocker, just next to the bed, gazing at his granddaughter as his daughter slept fitfully next to him.
"Hi," Tessa said quietly, gazing over at the tiny bundle in Ed's arms and a lone tear fell down her cheek. Olivia's heart cracked at the sight, as Ed stood and walked the baby over to meet her aunt.
"Aunt Tessa, meet Elizabeth Margaret," he said, handing her over and watching the emotion swirl in Tessa's eyes as she hugged the infant close. "Lizzie Tucker…"
"Lizzie…" she cooed watching her yawn a tiny little yawn and move her hands a little bit as they still rested near her head. Tessa rocked her back and forth, still standing, before Olivia noticed her head begin to shake and tears just relentlessly flow down her face. Alarmed, she signaled for Ed to take Lizzie and then ushered the sobbing woman to the couch, perching next to her.
"Tessa, what is it?" she asked, terrified that Trevor had passed away while they watched Charlie sleep.
"He's still alive," she said, wanting to reassure them while pulling herself together, but her shoulders still shaking with the sobs she was stifling. "But the doctor said it won't be much longer…his organs are shutting down…"
Ed felt himself clutch Lizzie closer to his body as he watched Olivia's shoulders slump and her head fall, still managing to put a comforting hand on Tessa's arm. Glancing over to see Charlie beginning to stir, he moved himself so that he and the baby were in her sight, and waited patiently as the other women pulled themselves together in preparation of telling Charlie the news.
"Trevor…" she whimpered out, her eyes fluttering. "Lizzie…"
"Lizzie is right here, sweetheart," Ed whispered, moving himself to perch on her bed and pass over the infant to her mother's waiting arms. He watched as she instantly relaxed as soon as Lizzie was against her chest, and smothered her head with little kisses. Ed continued to just gaze at her until she noticed that Tessa was in the room.
"Tessa," she said softly. "How's Trevor?"
Seeing the woman's reaction to the question, Charlie immediately began to shake her head back and forth while keeping Lizzie against her body as gently and tightly as she could. "No…."
Tessa stood up and walked over to take Charlie's hand, with Olivia right behind her so the new mother was surrounded by love.
"Charlie, the doctor came by just now," Tessa began to softly explain, somehow finding the strength to hold it together. "His organs are beginning to shut down. It won't be much longer…"
"No…." Charlie whispered as tears immediately began to stream down her tired features. "He has to meet Lizzie first. He can't die without meeting his daughter…"
"I know," Tessa explained gently. "Dr. Jansen and Dr. Michaels are both ready to take you down there with her, so you can sit with him for a bit. He may not wake up, but he will know you are there. And he will know you brought Lizzie to see him."
Ed and Olivia held their breath as they watched their daughter come to terms with the fact that her boyfriend was not going to make it. Her eyes were closed, Lizzie was tucked perfectly into her chest, and she was whispering something to herself that they could not decipher. After several minutes, she opened her eyes which had cleared of tears and looked up at each one of them.
"Okay, family," she said with a new found sense of calm and confidence to her. "Lizzie needs to meet her Daddy."
Dr. Michaels wheeled Charlie and Lizzie down to the ICU floor herself, having found a soft spot for the young woman facing a tragic situation. She had informed the nurses that she would take care of this herself and to only page her if there was a true emergency. She was going to see this through. As they neared the automatic doors, she paused for a brief second to check in on her patient.
"You okay?" she asked, kneeling down next to the wheelchair.
"No," Charlie admitted softly. "But I have to be, right?"
"You can do this, Charlie," Dr. Michaels said firmly. "Your parents and Tessa will be right outside, and so will I. No matter what happens, you won't be alone."
"Promise?" Charlie asked meekly before she could stop herself. Her voice almost brought tears to the seasoned doctor's face.
"I promise," she said. "Ready?"
"Yes."
Charlie was still sitting in her wheelchair, leaning over the bed and helping Lizzie snooze comfortably on her Daddy's chest. Trevor seemed to be resting peacefully, though the beeping of the heart monitor was awfully slow. At one point, Charlie thought he might wake up as he stirred briefly when she placed Lizzie onto him. He settled back down, but seemed to have a look of contentment and love on his face as he continued to sleep. Charlie kept one hand on Lizzie and the other stroked Trevor's face as she spoke softly to him.
"This is Lizzie," she said. "The perfect name. It fits her so well, just like you said it would. Her Daddy is always right."
Charlie took a minute to collect her emotions, trying so very hard not to break down in this moment. She needed to be strong for both Trevor and her daughter. But it was killing her on the inside to know that this was likely the one and only time Lizzie would be held by her Daddy.
"She's perfect," Charlie continued to speak to him, making sure he knew every little detail just like he would want. "Labor was hell. I cursed at the doctor. In fact, I think I told her to fuck off a few times. But I mean, really. It hurt like hell, and I may have bruised my dad's hands. Worth it, but definitely don't want to do it again."
She paused, listening to the beeping of the machine slow just a bit more and closed her eyes. You can do this, Charlie. He needs you to be strong. He needs to know you will be okay so he can let go. Don't be selfish.
"Ya know, I thought when she arrived I would be a mess, but it was actually the opposite. I feel so much stronger right now. She depends on me. Our baby girl needs me to be strong, and I will. I promise you, Trevor. I will take care of our baby. She will be just fine. She will be safe. She will be loved. And she will always know how much her Daddy wanted her and loved her."
It was then that Charlie's voice broke just a little bit, and she had to stop and look away while still keeping her hands on her little family. Taking an even deeper breath, she steeled herself and her emotions, stood up from her wheelchair, and moved to lay on the bed. She curled herself into Trevor's side, wrapping one arm around Lizzie and the other she slid just under his head, almost as if to cradle him as well. Once she was still, the tears began to flow from her eyes and she was powerless to stop them. So she just stayed there, holding Trevor and Lizzie to her, and soaked in the fact that they were together one last time. As her tears soaked the pillow case, a soft murmer came from Trevor's mouth. Charlie lifted her head immediately, hoping to see him open his eyes. After a few moments of her encouraging him, she noticed his eyelashes flutter revealing those blue eyes that she fell in love with, and felt so secure in.
"Trevor?" she whispered, trying to stop her tears even though it was fruitless. "Baby? Can you hear me?"
"Ch…lie…" he said, his voice raspy but still there as she clutched his head to her chest and kissed his forehead.
"It's me, baby," she said. "I'm right here. And so is Lizzie."
Trevor's eyes finally found hers and she gave him a soft smile, trying to convey to him that she was okay. That she would be okay, but she couldn't find the words in that moment. He then realized that there was a light weight on his chest, and his eyes moved to the tiny infant, who looked even smaller when laying on her Daddy.
"She's perfect, Trevor," Charlie whispered, taking his hand and helping him stroke at her cheek and arm so he could feel his daughter.
"Li….zzie…." he managed to say, before moving his neck to try and kiss her. Charlie, seeing what he wanted to do, assisted him and moved Lizzie a little closer until his lips touched the baby girl's forehead. "Love…you…."
Charlie let out a soft whimper in that moment, as Trevor looked up at her and tried to calm her with his own eyes.
"S'okay," he said. "Love…you….too…."
Just then, his eyes closed again and Charlie lost her battle with the harsh sobs that were overtaking her being. Dr. Michaels came in and offered to take Lizzie out to Ed and Olivia. Charlie nodded her thanks and watched as the baby left the room, before curling back up next to Trevor and trying to find the strength to let him go. She laid there, sobbing into his neck for the next several minutes before she noticed the heart monitor begin to slow down again, but also signal something else was going on. Charlie lifted her head and looked to the window of his ICU room, searching for Dr. Jansen. But what she saw broke her heart even more than she thought possible. Ed was standing firm, holding Lizzie tightly to him, rocking her gently, while Olivia and Tessa held hands and rested their foreheads on the glass, tears streaming down each of their faces. She gave them a soft smile, before turning to look at the doctor as he rushed into the room and looked at the machine.
"What is it?" She asked, back to clutching at Trevor, terrified that this was it.
"He's fighting, Charlie," the doctor said softly, before taking off his glasses and sitting down next to the bed. "He is trying hard not to let go…"
"But…will he get better?" Charlie asked, wanting to know if there was even the slightest chance that this could turn around. But the doctor shook his head sadly.
"His organs aren't working," he said in an almost whisper. "Even if he fights for a moment, he will not recover, Charlie."
"Okay, then," she said, somehow finding strength that no one knew about. "He needs to know I'll be okay. And once he does, he will relax."
The doctor just nodded and stood up, patting Charlie on the leg and exiting the room. Charlie closed her eyes for a brief moment, allowing herself to soak up laying with Trevor. Remembering how safe he kept her, how much he loved her, and how happy he made her.
"Trevor, I need you to listen to me, okay?" She said, holding him close. "I'm going to be okay. I promise you. Mom and Dad…they will be here with me. And we will all be here for Tessa. And for Lizzie. You…you have done everything you could for us. You saved Kasey. You saved me. Trevor, you saved me. You taught me how to trust again. How to love again. How to let someone take care of me. And you will forever be my hero. And my love. But it's okay. You can let go, Trevor. You fought…so damn hard…for all of us. And it's time that you get to relax. I promise you, with everything in me, that I will be okay. And I will love Lizzie enough for the both of us. And she will never, ever go a day without knowing that her Daddy loved her."
The heart monitor began to slow down at a quicker rate, and Charlie realized that Trevor was actually relaxing into her arms. Despite her unbelievable pain and heartbreak, she continued to hold him gently and speak softly to him so he knew it was okay to let go. Minutes passed by, too quickly for Charlie's liking, and all of a sudden the horrifying beep blared through the room, signaling that Trevor had finally let go.
Outside of the room, Tessa all but collapsed at the sound and Olivia's entire being broke into pieces as she heard the heart wrenching sob come from her daughter, as the realization hit them all that Trevor had died. It was several minutes before Dr. Jansen and Dr. Michaels went back into the room to take care of a few final things. Dr. Michaels went straight to Charlie, and tried to help her sit up, but she wasn't ready to get up.
"No…" she sobbed, her face still buried in Trevor's neck. "Nooooooooooo."
"Come on, Charlie," the doctor said softly. "Your daughter is waiting for you…"
...
