CHAPTER 11

I waited, anxiously, unsure of how much time had passed. Two hours? Ten? It felt like an eternity.

I looked at the directions Levi had left every few minutes or so, partially out of boredom, but also because I wanted them ingrained in my mind. I would be leaving alone, and I didn't expect to return, so I would need to leave the written ones here.

Fidgety, jumpy, I took a step towards the exit of the building, but forced myself to keep back. Instead I began to pace, chewing on my lip. Back and forth, wall to wall. Ugh, this was taking forever!

"Hurry up," I muttered to myself, "For crying out loud, Levi, you're slow."

I punched the wall, scraping my knuckles and making them bleed. I heard a gasp, and, looking down, I saw a young child, probably about three years old. She looked at me with wide, blue eyes, and pointed at my hand.

"Ow," she said. I stood there awkwardly, not quite sure what to do. I wasn't good with kids, and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why this one had approached me. Slowly, I bent down so I could be at her level.

"Hey there," I said quietly, holding out my hand, "Um, how are you?"

"Good," the little girl pointed again, "What's that?"

I looked at my hand, mentally going over what the tattoo might have looked like. I traced my finger over the many white scars, criss-crossing over my palm

How did I even get those?

I looked back at the little girl just as her frantic mother pulled her away, scolding her for coming so close to me. For the first time, I felt hurt, and I tried to shove it away as quickly as I could. These people would never trust me-how could they? I was a murderer, someone to be despised. In their eyes, I deserved to die and the fact that I was alive made a lot of people uncomfortable.

I would never be able to redeem myself, but there was one way I could try. Resolved, I clenched my fist and began walking towards the door. Once there, I tacked down Darrin. He was sitting with a group of kids about his same age, all of them wide-eyed and nervous. I cleared my throat, and almost laughed as they all jumped

"Darrin," I said, "I have an important task for you. Can you do it?"

"That depends," he said, rising, "What is it?"

"At the back of the room, written on a yellow-ish piece of paper, are directions Captain Levi left so we would know how to get out of the underground city. In about four hours, if no one has come for you by then, I'll need you to follow them to the letter and lead everyone out of here," I gave him a hard look, "Can you do that?"

"Huh?" Darrin scrunched up his brow, "But, wait, isn't that your job? Where are you going?"

"Change of plans: I need to help up there," I lied, "And I might not make it back. Do you think you can get everyone back to the top, or should I entrust that task to someone else?"

"No, I can do it!" Darrin stood up a little straighter and gave me a backwards salute, "Believe me Axis, you can count on me!"

"I hope so," I muttered as I turned to leave. The mass of snakes was back in my belly, and it took all I had not to just roll up into a ball and wait for them to pass. Instead, I curled my lip and began to run. It was all I could do. At one point, the sensation got so intense that it was almost unbearable, and I screamed as loud as I could in an attempt to make it go away. It didn't.

So I turned it into an energy. Something told me that the feeling would go away if I got out, so I pushed myself as hard as I could, racing faster and faster in attempt to leave as soon as was humanly possible.

It took longer than I would have liked, but I eventually made it to the surface. I blinked in the harsh, piercing sunlight, shielding my eyes. Where was everyone? I had expected to see a battle between two titans, or at least a few members of the Survey Corps, but it was eerily quiet.

What…?

I started to book it through the town, eyes scanning over empty houses. Perhaps they had restrained Annie without an issue? No, then someone would have come back for the citizens, surely. My gut began twisting itself into knots. There was only one other plausible explanation.

As I neared the edge of the area I had been told to clear, I heard the screams of hundreds of terrified people. My blood ran cold.

How? I thought, We planned so well. We were so surethat everyone would be safe, that we could keep everything at least semi under control! She must've been quicker than we realized. I ran harder, I've got to help the civilians!

I turned a corner and skidded to a halt as I saw two fifteen metre titans nose to nose in combat: Eren and Annie. I felt a wave of nausea wash over me as I was reminded of my incredibly unpleasant encounter with the female titan.

I shook my head. Now was not the time. Right now, I needed to get as many people out of here as I could. I raced over to a family huddled by a wall.

"Listen," I demanded, "I'm with the Survey Corps; you can trust me. Get out of here. Go to the next town over-it's completely empty and those titans have already been through there. The likelihood that they'll go back is next to nothing. Please!"

The mother gave me a glare heavy with suspicion, but the father had enough sense to grab her and their daughter and run. I watched them go for a moment, pleased when they began to spread the word about the safer area to other groups of people.

Sighing with relief, I began to run again. As I neared, I could see people with ODM gear soaring through the air around the titans, trying to help anyone they could. This was it.

I glanced around and found a dead soldier, crushed under a large stone. No time to mourn. I grabbed his gear, strapped it on, and shot off, an unknown drive overpowering my fear. I had a strong nagging feeling that I was looking for someone, but I couldn't figure out who or why.

"Fall back!"

I'd know that voice anywhere. The Captain! The wriggly feeling in my stomach returned as I frantically searched for him. From the sound of it he wasn't too far away, so why couldn't I see him? I began chewing my lip again. Where was he?

There!

I pulled my triggers and took off, flying through the air. Levi was standing on the roof of a clock tower, directing soldiers and citizens to safety. Nearby, Eren and Annie were engaged in an all-out brawl. I landed just behind the Captain, feet thumping lightly against the stone. Levi turned around.

"Axis!" he narrowed his eyes, "What are you doing here? You were told to wait! Go back!"
"I couldn't keep track of time very well down there!" I shot back defensively. What was his deal? With all this trouble, I thought he'd be at least a little happy to see me.

"Besides," I continued, hiding my disappointment, "I had this pressing feeling in my gut, telling me to come out here. And aren't you the one who always says that we need to decide for ourselves who to trust and what to do? Well, I trust myself and my instincts. What now?"

Levi was quiet for a moment. I waited with bated breath. He hadn't exactly shown mercy to me the last few times I had spoken out of turn, and the fact that I had disobeyed direct orders again probably wouldn't help my case. What would he do?

Finally, he turned away.

"If that's how you feel, then you'd better stay," he concluded, "I trust you left the responsibility of getting the civilians back safely to someone capable?"

"I certainly hope so," I said, thinking of Darrin's eagerness to lead his town. Levi gave me a funny look, which I chose to ignore. I jumped into a salute.

"Captain!" I shouted, "My, orders, sir?"

"Stay close me," he replied, "You've got sharp eyes and good reflexes; I'll need your help to spot groups of people in danger and direct soldiers to their aid. And don't die."

"Yes, sir!" I felt my face split into a smile, and, horrified, I forced myself to scowl. This was a time of tragedy, not one of merriment! Where had that even come from?

Idiot, I scolded myself, Time with the Survey Corps has turned you soft. Keep alert!

I scanned the area, focused on finding and helping anyone in immediate danger. My eye caught on a lone child, screaming for her mother, tears spilling down her face. I felt my heart wrench, and I began to furiously look for anyone that might be her family. There was a crash and I saw through the dust a huge titan foot land barely a metre away from the toddler. The kid was knocked to the ground by the vibrations, and she cried louder.

I saw a flash of green out of the corner of my eye, and suddenly Levi was dropping down towards the child. The look he had on his face was something I couldn't quite describe-a powerful mixture of fury, determination, and a fierceness so intense, it looked like he could shatter boulders with a glance. I felt a shiver run down my spine, and I realized that, in that moment, I was scared of him.

"Axis!" he called, "On my six!"

I jumped into action, flinching as my stomach tied to escape out of my throat. I kicked away the rubble of buildings smashed by the two titans as it came close. I couldn't let anything touch Levi.

He snagged the child by the shirt as he neared the ground and swooped upward just before he hit it. The poor thing looked even more terrified now, though, to be honest, I doubt she was expecting to be snatched up like a mouse by a hawk out of nowhere. She would probably have issues regarding height for the rest of her life. Briefly, I wondered if something similar had happened to me in order to cause my intense fear of falling.

After we soared back up and touched down on the clock tower again, Levi handed me the child. I took her hesitantly, and she buried her face into my shoulder, her loud screaming having softened into quiet sobs. Awkwardly, I stroked her white-blonde hair, and I felt my heart melt.

Is this what being a mother is like? I asked myself. An emotion I couldn't quite describe welled up in my chest as I held her, warming up my entire body. I flashed a glance at Levi, but he was facing the other direction, once again barking orders to anyone who happened to be free for a moment.

I began to walk around, gently bouncing my torso up and down to sooth the baby. As I neared the edge, I looked down, scouring the ground with my eyes. Where were her parents? I looked hard, trying to determine what they would be doing. If it were me, I would be frantically searching for my child, whether she might be alive or not.

I paused for a moment, thinking. This sensation was very new. I somehow understood that, prior to this, I would've said to simply assume the girl dead and move on to safety. This must be what people called "maternal instinct."

I felt a tap on my shoulder and I whipped around, shielding the child as I kicked the soldier who had surprised me in the ribs. He stumbled back, clutching the spot I had hit. I felt myself shrink back in embarrassment.

"I'm so sorry!" I gasped, shuffling over to him, "I guess old reflexes die hard. I didn't break anything did I?" The man took a deep breath.

"No, just bruised," he wheezed, "I'll give it to you, though, you have what it takes to defend yourself. I'll just need to remember to approach you from the front next time." he worked out a pained smile, and I gave him an apologetic grin.

"Anyway," he said once he caught his breath, "The Captain instructed me to let you know that the child's family has been found, and I am to return her to them. He would've let you do it," he added as I opened my mouth in protest, "But he said that they probably wouldn't react very well to an ill-famed assassin handling their little girl. Sorry." He shrugged and I bowed my head, dejected.

"No, that makes sense," I sighed. The soldier held out his arms, I reluctantly handed him the kid. She had fallen asleep on my shoulder, her little nostrils flaring as she breathed. The soldier took her and I felt a prickle of regret as he zipped away.

"Don't be silly," I told myself, forcing a sneer, "She needs to be with her parents, and I need my mind free to focus on my duties as a member of the Survey Corps."

"You'd make a good mother, Axis," a soft voice said. I looked over my shoulder to see sweet little Krista. I relaxed and smiled.

"Nah," I said, "I'm way too jumpy and harsh. Besides, there's no one on earth who'd want to be with me long enough for that to happen!"

"Don't give yourself such little credit!" Krista beamed. Her eyes flicked to a spot over my shoulder, but when I turned to look, there was nothing there.

"Thank, I guess," I scratched my neck, "I love being thoroughly confused."

"We don't have time to stand around and chat," I cringed as Levi smacked me upside the head. He stepped in front of us, "Krista, take Ymir and get that family down there out. There appears to be someone trapped under something. And you," he turned to me, and I folded my arms defiantly, "Unless you want to go flying around and dropping at high speeds, I suggest you do the job I assigned you. Is that clear? This is a battlefield, not a party."

"Yes, sir," I muttered, walking to the other side of the tower, "Battlefield my butt. The only ones fighting are Annie and Eren, and they're fighting each other. And what do the rest of us do? Pick up these ungrateful people and bring them to safe places. And I can't even do that!" I scuffed the ground with my foot, dislodging a few stones and watched them bounce off the edge and tumble through the air. My gut twisted.

"It's so boring up here," I complained. I scanned the area, noticing a couple of kids in the street, and I signaled to a soldier as she passed. She came to a halt at my left.

"Down there," I pointed out, "The boy and the girl with the ginger coloured hair."

"Gotcha," the soldier saluted and was off again. I leaned against a pillar holding the roof over the bell. This had to be the most mundane day of my life. At least when I was an assassin I could sleep on my days off.

I casually glanced over at Levi, and was met with a shock: a huge, jagged piece of wood had been kicked up in the titans' scuffle and was hurtling directly towards the Captain. Adrenaline shot through my veins and the world became more defined than ever as I raced towards him.

"Levi!" I screamed, "Watch out!" I leapt, knocking him aside, gasping as I felt the wood slide right through my abdomen.

And I remembered everything.

The memories came back, as clear as if I'd lived them only yesterday: the Anima that had pulled me from my home, Jellal and the Tower of Heaven, Fairy Tail...and then, another Anima, which had changed halfway and had become the Portal of Truth. My missing rib. Truth had taken it! I remembered Solf Kimblee finding me half dead; I remembered alchemy. And then, I had passed through the Portal again. Somehow, it had brought me here.

And, finally, finally, I remembered my name. Elren Failey.

"Axis!" I was pulled back to the present by Levi's voice. I blinked, shaking my head. I was leaning against one of the columns, the shard of wood pinning me to it. The agony was unbearable. I groaned and coughed, blood spilling from my mouth and splashing to the ground, scarlet flecks spraying across Levi's hand.

"Axis," he repeated, "What happened?"

"I saved your life," I said smugly. I coughed again and smirked, "Do you-do you trust me now?" I drew a shaky breath and my vision wobbled. Levi didn't reply.

"Hey, you," another coughing fit racked my body, jerking it against the wood. I bit my lip, trying not to cry with the pain, and reached toward my neck, "Here."

I removed Gray's necklace and, with great effort, slipped it over Levi's head. He grasped the pendant as it hit his chest, wrapping his fingers around the silver metal. Satisfied, I leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes. My body felt strangely light-weight. It was comfortable.

"Sorry, sir," I heaved, struggling to choke out every word, "It looks like I'm going to have to...disobey again. I apologize for my-hng-insubordination."

"Huh?"

"You told me not to die," I reminded him. My breath was getting more and more shallow, and I was having a harder time seeing, "But it looks like the universe has other plans for me, and I don't think I have any say in it this time. Aaah!"

I cried out, tears streaming down my face and dripping to the ground, mingling with the rapidly growing pool of my own blood. It was so pretty. I had never given it much though before, but the colour was really very striking, especially against the lighter shade of my uniform.

"I'll forgive you this once," Levi said, voice as gruff as ever, "But don't let it happen again." I spat out more blood and managed a grin.

"Right," I puffed, "Of course not. Can't have that, can we? I mean, what kind of reputation would the Survey Corps get if the public found out that their soldiers just did whatever they pleased? That wouldn't get us anywhere, would it? We're already disliked enough. Can you imagine what people would start saying if we just disobeyed orders whenever we felt like it?"

Levi scoffed, interrupting my nonsensical rambling, and I looked up into his eyes. They were a beautiful dark blue colour, something I hadn't really noticed before. I stared, unable to look away. There was something else in them, something I had never thought I'd see. Was that...grief?

You idiot, I thought, sucking in a wavering breath, who gave you the right? I can worry about myself just fine, thanks. I don't need this crap.

I tried to scowl, but it didn't work out so well, and I clenched my teeth against a fresh wave of agony. Gasping, I looked back at Levi and his gaze locked on mine. I felt my heart flutter.

Have I been in love with him this whole time?

I didn't dare look away. I wanted my last sight to be those eyes, even if they were filled with pain. Despite my situation, I managed to give him a cocky half-smile and, exhaling, I let the darkness claim me one final time.