Looking at Shannon did she really want to answer that, he didn't even need to think about it, it was one of the only times he felt guilty afterwards knowing Shannon was waiting for him, that when he walked into the apartment, he kissed her and slept with her before she left trying to erase the guilt he felt. Seeing Lawson's silence and his eyes avoiding hers, she didn't need him to answer her voice loud "You don't do that to someone's trust" walking over to her "I know your pissed off at me and I hurt you badly" interrupting him yelling "don't tell me how I feel" feeling defeated the hurt he had caused the woman he was engaged to, the woman he loved, did he still love her, the need to sort it out, he couldn't leave it as it was "Shannon can we just talk about this" shaking her head she didn't want to talk to him anymore, she didn't think she could of hurt him more than he had but each time his answer or silence was getting worse, she trusted him "no we can't" … just get out" seeing him stand there her voice louder yelling "get out get out" looking at Shannon before leaving his voice low "I'm sorry"
Lying on the bed, the tears falling again, how could he have done it, how could either of them done it. The image of them in her head, had they done it whilst she was up in Darwin, when did they, how often had he slept with her, had it been going on the whole time.
Knocking on the door of Shannon's room she could hear the yelling between them both, she felt for her friend, the betrayal of what Lawson did, she hadn't seen anything happen but all making sense now, seeing Shannon look up at her, her eyes red from crying. Walking over to the bed sitting down next to her friend, seeing a faint smile on her face as she looks at her "I thought I was so lucky being engaged to Lawson, I trusted him so much I never worried about the distance even when he didn't call me as much, I thought he was special" then looking at Stella "what hurts the most is he did it with Kerry, his boss, that hurts more than anything, that Kerry actually slept with Lawson, even whilst I was up here" sitting up on the bed bringing her knees up to her body "What sort of person, does that … I just thought Lawson was different to most guys but he's not" then looking at Stella "I don't think I could trust him again being up here" looking at her friend the hurt she is feeling, she had liked Lawson as her boss, she even liked Kerry now "what are you going to do now Shan?" shrugging at her friend "My flight still doesn't leave for another two days. I dunno" not wanting to add, she wanted to see if Lawson wanted her, she wanted him to say he loved her not Kerry and wanted her.
….
Watching Chris leave the same time each night going home, Lawson walks into Kerry's room, seeing the machines beeping and the tubes running off her, pulling a chair over to her stroking her hand, the one thing he realised after this ordeal is Kerry is the one he wants to be with, she has to pull through so he can tell her, despite her wanting it as a casual affair he has fallen for her and deeply, he can't wait to get to know her daughter. Leaning down kissing her on the forehead "wake up Kerry, I love you"
Walking into the room to check on Kerry the nurse smiles to herself, each night around the same time he comes in, sitting next to her stroking her hand talking to her, she can see the love in his eyes for her, the tenderness as he holds her hand, she wasn't going to tell her husband, she didn't like him much he was rude and gruff the difference between the two men.
Looking up at the nurse "any improvement today" smiling at him, the same question asked each day, the hope that the answer would change "her vital signs are stable, which is a good sign, her injuries are severe, she is one very lucky lady what ever you did out there, you saved her life" looking back at Kerry despite what the nurse said he didn't do enough he should of done more, he should of protected her so none of this had happened, he should of stayed at a hotel instead of somewhere where no one would see them talking to himself more than the nurse "she just has to be alright, I don't know what I would do without her"
…..
Walking towards the end of the wharf, Lawson sees Shannon sitting down overlooking the water. Hearing footsteps Shannon looks up, even not speaking to Lawson the past couple of days the hurt still there the betrayal, of him sleeping with his boss, could she take him back after all of this, could she give him a second chance could they work things out, she missed him and loved him. She knew she should go back to Melbourne but part of her wanted Lawson to want her back.
Seeing Shannon look at him he walks over sitting next to him, silence falling over them for a couple of minutes before both of them speaking at the same time "Shannon" "Lawson" looking at Lawson she wanted to hear what he had to say, wanted an apology out of him for him to say he was sorry he wanted her, letting him speak first "Shannon, I'm sorry" a small smile forming on her face it was a start as he continues "I'm sorry for hurting you …." Taking a deep breath it was hard to continue. Looking at Lawson she didn't need him to finish she was an idiot to believe or hope "Your not sorry it happened are you, the only thing you're sorry about is being caught?" looking down fiddling with his fingers as he hears Shannon's voice "Look at me Lawson" turning to look at Shannon he shakes his head "I think we should break up Shan, this whole situation has made me think, its not going to work out between us".
The anger building up in her voice "it was working fine before you came up here Kerry's your boss Lawson" looking at Shannon is she serious, her point being "I'm your superior Shannon" looking out over the water "that's different Lawson, your not much higher than me now, Kerry is in a higher position of authority, she is in charge of all Tactical response you weren't" then glancing at Lawson briefly "we also had a history" biting his lip he doesn't want this conversation with Shannon "so did Kerry and I" looking at Lawson in disbelief was he serious why didn't he say anything to her "your joking ….. why didn't you tell me" shrugging at Shannon he knew he should of told her when he first saw her but never did "I didn't think it mattered" her voice loud "you didn't think it mattered are you serious Lawson, you and Kerry had a history" looking at Shannon seeing the hurt she is trying to hide "It was a long time ago Shan, I hadn't been in the force for a long time, a couple of years if that, we went out for a while, I hadn't seen or heard from her since we broke up, I didn't even know where she was working now" shaking her head it was just getting worse "you're right Lawson it isn't going to work out between us, not when you lie to me, and keep secrets from me" seeing Lawson reaching out to touch her, she flinches, walking away from him slightly before turning around to face him, her words angry "I trusted you explicably never worrying where your going or where your been, I thought you were better than that and I trusted you, you were special I guess that's what hurt the much not that you'd done it, that's bloody horrible but I thought you were different not like other men." Reaching out to touch Shannon again seeing her blinking back tears, as she flings his arm off her "I can't stop thinking about it, , did you even think about us, whilst you were with Kerry?" Looking at Shannon there wasn't much Lawson could say "I'm sorry Shannon" truth was he didn't think about the consequences all the thought about was Kerry and the affair he was having, that was what it was, not that he ever used that word, now it is out in the open he has realised something looking at Shannon "I'm staying up here Shan for a while, I'm not coming back to Melbourne" turning away from Lawson blinking back the tears that are threatening to spill over "Kerry is married Lawson, you really think she's going to leave her husband for you" not looking at Shannon, did he think or just hope what ever the case, he wanted to spend time with his daughter get to know her "I don't know Shan, but I need to be here for her and … I want to get to know my daughter" looking at Lawson did she hear him right a sob forming in her throat as she gets up off the seat, feeling Lawson reaching out to touch her "don't, don't every try to touch me again" standing up moving his hand away he hated hurting her and the way things worked out "I'm sorry Shannon I really am, I never meant for any of this to happen, I never wanted to hurt you I only found out a few days ago that Sarah was mine" looking at Shannon as he stands he wish he could take away the hurt he caused, he never meant to hurt her seeing her looking up at him controlling the tears from forming "I would never hurt you the way you've hurt me" turning away not even looking at Lawson she had to get out of there all of it too much for her, running down the wharf she walks over to the side throwing up, wiping the tears from her eyes how could Lawson do all of this to her, she thought they had a future together that they would get married how wrong she was, did she ever really know him, the hurt and betrayal so strong made worse that she was his boss and the fact it had been going on for months
…
Hearing the machines beep as Kerry's eyes open, seeing them look around the room where is she, trying to focus her eyes shit what is in her mouth, struggling trying to take it out, she hears voices and people rushing in their voices soft and soothing "don't try to fight it" then hearing another voice, was that Chris "what's happening"
Watching the nurses hurry in the room as they work before the look at him "its good, she is breathing on her own, she is waking up" feeling the tube move out of her mouth her eyes open more as they land on Chris "what happened?" Relief flooding through him despite everything that had happened the thought of her dying was too much to cope with, he needed answers from her, despite it all he did still love her but the hurt and anger there "you don't remember?" looking at Chris and around she is in hospital how long had she been in there for the last thing she remembers was going away with Lawson shit did Chris know about that. Looking at Kerry lying there with the tubes all over her body "Your weekend away fucking turned wrong to shit, you were attacked" looking up at Chris, seeing anger in his eyes and hurt but she needs to know her voice full of worry "How's Lawson, is he ok?" shaking his head looking down at his wife, moving away from her "Is that all you can say and care about" looking at Chris's body turned away from her, wondering how much he did know "what do you want me to say" turning to face her standing a distance away from her "bloody hell Kerry, I'm your husband, the first thing you want to know about is Lawson ….. how long has it been going on for?" looking up at Chris his face red with anger "what does it matter" moving closer to him his voice louder "it matters alright HOW LONG" biting her lip her tongue moving around her mouth "maybe a month or two" moving closer to her "or 2 don't give me that shit Kerry" looking up at Chris her eyes hardening "don't pretend you actually care" shaking his head at her walking nearer to her "what do you think people will say Kerry when they find out, do you actually care about your career or you were too busy fucking Lawson" looking away from Chris she never thought anyone would find out, it was all a bit of harmless fun "I really couldn't care Chris, this will not affect my career. If you thought more about me and our marriage.?" Interrupting her his voice loud "don't you dare blame this on me Kerry" looking up at him her face expressionless "Nothings ever your fault is it Chris, you never take responsibility for anything or you actions"
Looking up at a nurse walking into the room "what is going on here, you can hear the yelling down the corridor, this is a hospital and Kerry is still only just stable, you can not just come in here upsetting any of the patients"
Looking up at Chris her eyes void of emotion towards him "he was just leaving" looking at Kerry damm her "this isn't finished or over Kerry"
…
Lying in bed, her mind going back to the previous days, she should of known Chris would find out, looking up at the door a small smile forming on her face, watching as Lawson walks into the room, sitting next to her wanting to reach for her hand. "I'm so sorry Kerry" shaking her head "this is not your fault Lawson neither of us expected this" reaching up touching his black eye "Did Chris do that?" nodding "nothing I didn't expect" reaching out for her hand "what now Kerry, are you staying with Chris" shaking her head interrupting him "don't …. I don't know"
Hearing a noise at the door, looking up closing her eyes briefly shaking her head at Lawson
Walking into the room seeing Lawson sitting there, walking over to him "get away from my wife" not moving from the room looking at Kerry before back at Chris "its up to Kerry if she wants me to leave or not, not you Chris" looking at Kerry sitting up on the bed was she serious, after everything "You stop seeing Lawson or our marriage is over Kerry, I don't want him around you or working at Tactical Response" looking at Lawson and back at Chris, the one thing the past few weeks had decided for her was she did love Lawson back, it was more than just sex and more than harmless fun, she was developing feelings for him all over again and she didn't think she could just walk away from him, or she didn't want to looking at Chris's face would he let her "Chris, just piss off, Lawson is not leaving Tactical Response" looking at Kerry in disbelief "this isn't over Kerry we need to sort this out" looking up at him "Chris just leave" standing at the door way "what about Sarah, have you thought how what affect this will have on her" her face void of expression as she looks at her "she's not your daughter" looking Up at Chris, he hated seeing Kerry upset, but he had hope she would leave him now "she's mine" looking at both of them, were they serious, but the look on both of their faces confirmed his fears his voice loud "where you going to tell me" seeing Kerry saying nothing "It was fine when you needed someone to help you with her and it suited you in the past 6 years when the actual father wasn't around because YOU never told him, I have been more to a father to her the past years than anyone Kerry, better father than you have been a mother, what are you going to tell Sarah, have you even thought what affect this will have on your daughter or have you been too busy wanting to play happy families and fucking Lawson". Biting her lips looking at Chris, part of what he said was true not that she would admit it to anyone
Looking up as the doctor walks in, stopping for the time being 'I've got all your test results back" glaring at Lawson and looking at Kerry "She's ok now". Looking up at the doctor "Tell them I'm fine" nodding at Kerry "Your results have come back clear, but I'm sorry you have lost the baby"
Looking at the doctor confused "What?" seeing him look at her "You were pregnant, about 9 weeks, your injuries were severe and you miscarried". Moving her eyes side to side, not able to look at Chris or Lawson, was the doctor serious looking up at his face yes she knew the baby was Lawson's shit they had been careful every time, closing her eyes briefly, shaking her head slightly, no the first time she had sex with Lawson they didn't it had just happened, looking up as the doctor walks out turning to face Chris and Lawson raising her eyes at them slightly her mouth slightly it isn't long before she hears Chris voice "You've got to be joking" her tongue moving around her lips, she wished it was a joke or the doctor said something when neither of them were around as Chris continues "This is bloody great, how were you going to explain this Kerry" shaking his head at her, he was now beyond mad with his wife, looking up at Chris the anger on his face her eyes moving slightly "I'm sorry Chris" then looking at Lawson giving a slight shrug "I didn't know, I didn't even realise" the relief she felt though was over whelming, she didn't want any more kids especially this way, what type of mother was she if she didn't even realise she was pregnant, that she lost the baby and was relieved, looking at them both she didn't want to fight with Chris anymore, she didn't know what she wanted seeing them glaring at each other before turning back to her "both of you just leave" seeing them standing there raising her voice "Piss of, go" turning away from the door, the tears start to fall, why had everything turned to shit, why if she was relieved she felt like this.
…..
Walking inside the house a week later, she doubted things would be the same, is her marriage over was that a relief or another failure added to her life already she wasn't even sure if she would have a home to come back to, it was their home but the way Chris had been she was unsure. Walking to the bedroom partly glad Sarah was at school she couldn't wait to see her daughter again she had spoken to James on the phone, he had wanted to fly out but she had convinced him she was alright, not wanting to get him caught up in it all or find out what had happened it was bad enough the whole squad knew she had screwed Lawson. Looking up she sees Chris standing at the door looking at her, she had hurt him a lot she had never really stopped to think what would happen if he found out, she thought he wouldn't and she could stop seeing Lawson at any time when she couldn't seeing Chris standing at the door leaning against the door way "You need to choose Kerry your marriage or Lawson" biting her lips not looking up at him at the moment she couldn't choose she had so much to lose hearing footsteps walking closer to her "Not only are you hurting me, what about Sarah Kerry, have you thought what this is doing to her, Lawson might be her biological father but I am the one she knows as her father and you're her mother, what are you going to tell her." Looking up at Chris her tongue moving around her mouth "Sarah is my daughter Chris, she'll get over it parents break up all the time. Lawson needs to get to know his daughter" seeing Chris glaring at her "Lawson, fuck Kerry, is that all you care about, our marriage is over, there is nothing to save, I'm giving you another chance here despite what you did". Looking up at Chris why didn't he understand that Lawson was Sarah's father a fact she had kept hidden the past 10 years but now out. Watching him walk out of the bedroom blinking back tears she was a strong person but the toll of the past 10 days catching up with her, her life turning to shit despite it all she was in love with 2 people, she had fallen for Lawson but she still did love Chris didn't she, didn't she want to leave him now she wasn't so sure, he made it seem so easy to leave him when she doubted he would, did she love Lawson she knew the answer to that, yes she had fallen for him again, she had no idea why, she thought it could be casual but now she doesn't want him out of her life was it the fact that Lawson gave her the attention or the fact she had loved him all those years ago. Looking up at Chris somehow he would give her the choice, she knew if she choose Lawson, shaking her head, she was in love with Lawson and didn't want to let him go.
