Lili didn't sleep that night. She lay awake, listening to Jennifer's even breathing and the little sounds that a star ship makes.
At 0400 hours, as always, the alarm went off. To her ears, it sounded like a bomb had been detonated. She cried out and very nearly fell out of bed.
Jenny rubbed her eyes. "Hey, Roomie, how are you feeling?"
"Don't, don't ask," Lili got up.
"Here, I'll get up, too, and I'll walk you to the galley," Jenny offered.
"You don't have to."
"I want to. Lili, we're friends, right? So this is what friends do for each other. They are there for each other."
"Thanks." They hugged. Lili remembered something. "Are you dating Aidan now?"
"Yes."
"Didn't he miss you last night?"
"I guess," Jenny shrugged, "but he's okay with it. He agreed it was a lot more important for me to spend time with you."
"You're the best." Lili was overcome, and started to cry again.
=/\=
At the galley, Jenny tried not to hover. "Maybe make something cold," she suggested, "and without anything you have to cut."
"Toast? Hmm, Jenny, there aren't a lotta options."
"I know. I just don't want you to cut or burn yourself accidentally." Or deliberately, Jennifer thought but did not express aloud.
Lili loaded up the huge toaster with several slices of different kinds of bread. She then opened up the refrigeration unit to get the jam jars out. Lifting the blueberry jam, she dropped it, and the glass shattered, strewing fragments everywhere.
She bent down, picking at the pieces with her bare hands until the skin on her fingers was shredded from rubbing against the numerous fragments and there were scrapes on her palms and wrists. Still knelt down, she began to wail uncontrollably.
Jenny quickly came over and noticed Lili's bloodied hands. She flipped open her communicator. "Sick Bay!" she yelled, "We need help!"
Phlox was in Sick Bay, looking in on the two Ikaaran women, who had slept in decon overnight. "What is the trouble?" he inquired.
"Lili is; she's freaking out."
"Bring her here immediately. Phlox out."
"C'mon," Jennifer helped Lili to a standing position, "let's go to Sick Bay. C'mon, Sweetie."
Lili said one thing that was comprehensible. "T-toaster."
Jenny looked at it to see if there was a way to turn off the unit quickly when the doors swished open. It was Craig. "What happened?" he asked; his voice full of alarm as he saw the blood.
"I'm taking her to Sick Bay," Jennifer told him, "She said you need to turn off the toaster. I'm sorry; she won't be able to help you today."
"It's okay," Craig flipped the switch on the unit. "Lili," he came closer, "you leave everything to me, okay? I'll take care of all of it. Don't worry 'bout this. I got this."
Jenny and Lili departed. Craig set about cleaning the blood and the broken glass and blueberry jam off the floor.
=/\=
Once they had gotten to Sick Bay, Jenny flipped open her communicator again. "Commander Tucker, I'm in Sick Bay. Lili isn't doing so good."
"That's okay," Tripp was getting dressed for his shift. "I'll get Kelly or Rostov in. And, uh, lemme know how she is, okay? Tucker out."
Jenny went over to the bed where Lili was sitting. Phlox was nearby and quickly got her hands bandaged. He explained, "Ensign O'Day, I am going to give you an injection of Hypralonine. It is to try to help you to feel better. Do you understand me?"
Lili just sat there and said nothing. She stared into space, eyes unseeing.
Phlox flipped open his communicator. "Andrew, please come down here. I need your assistance."
"Right away," was the response, "Miller out."
"Now, Ensign," Phlox said gently, "I know that this is hard for you. I am bringing Andrew Miller here to keep you company, all right? I need to let the two Ikaaran women out of decon, and then get them something to eat. Have you had breakfast, Ensign?"
Lili said nothing, but a tear rolled down her cheek.
"Ensign Crossman, has she eaten?"
"No," Jennifer shook her head. "Doctor, was she trying to kill herself? Her wrists were scratched with the broken glass."
"I do not believe so," stated the Denobulan. "But this is a very difficult time. She will be staying here in Sick Bay for the next several days." He opened up his communicator again. "Chef Slocum? Yes, it's Doctor Phlox. I have Ensign O'Day here. She will be here for the next several days. Phlox out."
Jenny leaned over, close to Lili and touched her friend's bandaged hand. "I have to go to work now. But I'm going to come and visit you every day, I promise. All right, Roomie? You take care of yourself." She hugged Lili, who was impassive and continued to just stare into space.
Jenny looked over at Phlox. "It's like she's completely shut down."
"Try not to take it personally. Grief manifests itself in lots of different ways. Either Andrew or I will be here to make sure everything is all right. Don't worry."
Jenny left as Andrew arrived.
He came over. "What's going on?"
"I need for you to sit with Ensign O'Day while I release our guests from quarantine. The Ensign is in some delayed-reaction shock."
"What should I do?"
"Just be nearby, all right?" Phlox went over to decon and began to disengage the locking mechanism.
"Lili, can you hear me?" Andrew asked, "Can I get you anything? Some water, maybe? Here," he went over to get a glass and filled it at the small sink, "I've gotten you some water. Are you up for a little water?"
She just stared into space. "Listen, I'm no cook, not like you. But will you take the glass and, and pretend it's beer or something? Don't make me look bad, all right? I've never done this before."
She started to cry again, sobs wracking her body. He gave her the glass and she clutched it like a life preserver, and then drank it all down, draining it in an instant. She looked at him and cried one word, "Why?"
=/\=
Once Phlox had let the two Ikaaran women out, they looked at him and began talking at once. Their speech was unfamiliar. He held a Universal Translator, but it was slow getting a lock on their syntax.
They followed him out of decon and peered at Lili. They came close, touching her shoulder, their tongues clicking and popping, trying to make themselves understood. Their eyes were obvious – they were sympathetic. But they could not be understood.
Phlox engaged the wall communicator and called for Hoshi to come down and try to make sense of things. He then called the galley. "Can someone please bring some breakfast for us here in Sick Bay? It will be me, Crewman Miller, Ensign O'Day and our two guests."
"Are they vegan?" asked Brian Delacroix.
"I don't know, and I'm afraid I can't ask yet."
"Okay," he replied, "we'll assume that and go from there. How's Lili doing?"
"I think it would help if she saw you, Crewman."
=/\=
Brian came over as soon as he could, carrying a bag. "I can't stay," he explained, "Chef and Craig need me to help. It's, uh, it's not easy. Lili?" he came close, "I found there were muffins in the freezing unit. I got you a corn muffin, okay? And I got blueberry and bran and cranberry walnut if you don't like that, all right?"
"B-blueberry," she whispered, "Jay likes blueberries."
Brian stopped and looked at her. "Lots of people like blueberries," he said softly. "Would you like that one instead?"
She nodded vigorously and he gave it to her. She sniffed it, inhaling its aroma deeply into her lungs. Weeping, she took a small bite of it.
The Ikaaran women each took a muffin from Brian. They tentatively tasted theirs. He found himself putting a hand on the hand of one of them to keep her from eating the little paper it was wrapped in. He then gave them cups of milk which they drank down greedily and put their cups out for more.
"I believe they have been starving for a while," Phlox opined. He brought the Universal Translator closer again. "I do hope you'll try to talk a bit more."
The two women clicked a bit more as the doors swished open and Hoshi came in. "All right, let's see." She clicked a few times and the Ikaaran women looked at her expectantly. Another few clicks.
One of the women, who had darker hair than the other one, clicked a few times. Finally, the Universal Translator kicked in. "We cannot thank you enough."
"Can you understand us?" Hoshi asked.
"Yes," replied the dark-haired Ikaaran woman. "I am Esilia. Which of you is the captain of this vessel?"
Hoshi smiled. "I'll get him."
The other Ikaaran woman stated, "We have been starving. I am Kerna. My apologies if our manners are a bit rusty. But we have been desperate."
"Are there more of you?" Brian asked.
"Yes," Kerna nodded.
"I'll be back with seconds," Brian looked over at Lili who was still, very carefully, picking off little bits of the blueberry muffin and sadly eating them. He decided not to disturb her. He took the other papers and the used cups and departed.
"Captain," Hoshi reported into the wall communicator, "our guests would like to thank you."
"On my way. Archer out."
"We appreciate this," Esilia told them, "You have been kind beyond anything we could have expected." She approached Lili. "We saw damage and destruction. You have lost someone very dear to you."
Lili just nodded, still obsessed with the muffin as it crumbled in her bandaged hands.
"I am so sorry," Esilia told her, "I vow to you that this loss will not be wasted."
The doors swished open, and the captain entered. "I'm Jonathan Archer," he stated.
Esilia and Kerna introduced themselves. Esilia told him, "I cannot thank you enough and I doubt we can repay you. And to ask a favor, it seems the height of impudence. Yet I must ask."
"Oh?" asked Captain Archer.
"We have comrades. They, too, are starving. We can take you to them, either in our shuttle, or in one of yours if you have another."
"We lost two shuttles," Captain Archer stated, "and four men along with them. Two of them were very important to Ensign O'Day here."
"I see," Kerna looked at Lili.
"Of the other two," Jonathan stated, "one was a pilot. And the other was dear to one of the women who work in Communications."
"This one?" Esilia asked, referring to Hoshi.
"Not me," Hoshi stated, "But you should meet Sandra."
"We cannot pay you, Captain," Esilia explained, "At least not, as we are. I know what our distress call said. It said that we would reward you. It was not an untruth. But perhaps it was a bit of puffery. Can you forgive us for that? We were desperate. And we are desperate yet, for I fear that the ones we left behind are dying."
"Let's not talk about payment," he said, "let's just get your fellow crew members here, all right? You're on an all-female ship, right?"
"All but our captain," Esilia informed him, "Verinold is a bit of a chaperone as well. We are farmers. It is why we were sent out from Ikaaria in the first place."
"Let's get you set up in the Observation Lounge," the captain suggested, "Hoshi, could you bring our guests over there? And let's get the coordinates of where their comrades are, let's get those coordinates to Travis, okay? Right now, I'd like to speak with Ensign O'Day."
"Yes, sir," Hoshi beckoned and Kerna and Esilia followed her.
Once the door had closed, Jonathan turned to Lili. "I'm going to hold a service tomorrow. You can come or not. No one will judge you. But I want you to know that both of them left you everything in their wills. This includes access to their logs, both current and from the, the other version. You don't need to do anything just yet, or ever. I just want you to know." He touched her bandaged hand. "What happened here?"
"There was a broken jar in the galley," reported Phlox. "I will keep her here for a few days. It's probably best if we keep away from jars right now."
"I can take you to the service," Andrew volunteered.
Lili nodded slowly, sadly. "Yes," she finally whispered, "Take me to the service. I will stand and remember them."
=/\=
Travis was called over to visit Kerna and Esilia in the Observation Lounge. Kerna gave him the coordinates for the planet where their shipmates were stranded.
"That's not too far from where we picked you up," he deduced. He then tapped the coordinates into his PADD. "Huh. Stellar Cartography says that's just an anomaly. Are you sure these are right?"
"Positive," Kerna implored, "please, we beg of you, we know that they are in danger of starvation."
"I'll tell the captain."
=/\=
Back on the Bridge, he relieved the new night shift pilot, Colleen Romanov, and then reported his observations. "I don't know what to think," Travis admitted. "I doubt they've got a reason to steer us wrong, but I know that's an anomaly. And, well, it's right near where, you know, where it happened."
"I know," the captain nodded. He looked at Aidan, who looked away. "But I think we need to follow this lead. We'll get close and we'll, we'll send a shuttle. Either you or Colleen will pilot it."
At the sound of the word shuttle, Hoshi felt herself choking up. "It hasn't even been forty-eight hours," she observed sadly.
"Right," agreed the captain, "but we can save lives here. I would, I would like for Harris and Hayes and Haynem and Reed's legacy to be that."
"Sir, can I speak with you for a second?" asked Aidan.
"Sure. T'Pol, you have the Bridge." Jonathan ushered Aidan into the Ready Room. Porthos looked up and then went back to chewing on a rawhide bone.
"Sir, I never wanted to be promoted this way."
"Understood."
"I also, I just, I haven't even asked her yet, but I wanted to get the go-ahead from you first."
"Oh?"
"It's Jennifer Crossman, sir; I want to ask her to be my wife. I hope you'll perform the ceremony."
"MacKenzie," Captain Archer said, "this is very fast. The records from before put the two of you together. And I have no records of a divorce. I can't comment on the union itself, whether it was a happy one or anything like that. But this is early, and we have just suffered a horrible loss. Even in the last iteration, Judy Kelly and Michael Rostov didn't get married until later this month."
"Sir, I know the timing isn't the best," Aidan admitted, "But if there's one thing that this has taught me – and reading my logs, too – what it's all taught me is that, well, that life is short. And you'd better grab all the comfort you can get, while you still can."
=/\=
In Sick Bay, Andy sat on a stool near where Lili sat on a bio bed. "Tell me if you need anything," he said. He turned his PADD on and started to read an anatomy text.
Exhausted, she lay down, facing to the right, the same way she had faced when she and Malcolm had slept in the same bed. "I'm cold," she whispered.
"Oh, hang on." He got up and got her a blanket, and tucked her in.
=/\=
Almost immediately, she was asleep.
In the darkness, she groped along, feeling the borders of a room. She touched flesh and jumped a little. "Ian?"
"Yes," he said, "I've only just gotten here myself."
"How am I gonna go on?"
"People will help you. You have a lot more friends than you realize."
"Where are Malcolm and Jay now?"
"There are limitations on what I can say. But let me assure you, they are working hard. See, Dante was right about a few things. You do need to work off your transgressions. But it's not impossibly heavy boulders being pushed up impossibly steep hillsides."
"No?"
"No. Instead, it's useful, honest labor. You work for everyone you've wronged."
"But those people haven't been born yet."
"It doesn't matter. Your time – and I don't just mean your specific iteration, but all of them – it doesn't sync up with this time because we are truly outside of time."
"Is everyone alive and dead at the same time?"
"Yes, that's right."
"So I'm there, and I'm with them."
"It's true. But you, too, are working. You're not free of sin, you know."
"I know," she mused, "but at least I'm with them. It seems strange to live, and strange to die."
Andrew looked up for a second, hearing her say in her sleep, "It seems strange to live, and strange to die." He shrugged and went back to his reading.
"I suppose. But there are purposes to both."
"Do you have fun, where you are?"
"At times, yes. It's not all work."
"Do you have sex?"
"It wouldn't be heaven without it, eh?" He chuckled.
"Are you smiling? I can't see."
"Here," he took her hand and guided it to his mouth, "can you tell now?"
"Yeah." She moved her hand to try to touch the rest of his face, and he balked. His hand stiffened on hers and he kept her away. "What are you doing?"
"Do not attempt to touch the remainder of my face."
"But why?"
"Just, don't."
"I mean you no harm," Lili told him.
Andrew heard her say, "I mean you no harm," as he clicked to turn a page in the text on his PADD.
"I know," Ian said, "but Dante was a bit misguided about something else."
"Like what?"
"We are not free of punishments. We wear our sins on our faces. You are in pitch black because you don't have a full and proper connection. But I am in utter darkness because I am blinded. And I will remain so until I have atoned."
"Oh, Ian, is it really that bad?"
"It is," he said, "for my past was abominably cruel. I atone through building, as well as I can, and working to learn who I was, and what that was truly about. And here, with you, attempting to explain things and comfort you, and keep you company, that is a part of my atonement as well."
"You're doing a good job with me."
"You're not just saying that?"
"No, I'm not. You're doing fine, Ian."
"Thank you. I, I've never done anything like this before."
"Surely you've talked to people."
"I have," he admitted, "but I have never comforted anyone before, ever."
She groped to find his neck, and put her arms around it. "You're doing well. I wouldn't be able to handle things without you."
A bit nonplussed, he tentatively put a hand on her back and, for the first time in much of any of his existence, both on the current plane and the mirror, living or dead; he embraced her without pushing for sex or taking advantage in any manner.
=/\=
The Enterprise returned to the anomaly field. Colleen Romanov was ready in a shuttle. José Torres was with her. "Okay," she enthused, "let's do this."
Leading the way, they took off and the NX-01 followed them. They disappeared into space – a sure sign of a sphere. But their emergence did not show a completed sphere at all. There was a portion of one. "We've got, I think it's chi band radiation," he reported.
"I bet this sphere's abandoned," Colleen speculated, "Moving in closer."
The shuttle entered into another invisible area. The NX-01 had no choice but to follow it.
"Holy cow," Colleen observed, "Will ya look at that?"
"It's a planet," José hit a few switches. "It's got an atmosphere and heat, just like the Ikaarans said it would."
"Right," Colleen replied, "And there's their wreckage, over there. I'll set down near it."
With the Enterprise in a tight orbit above, the shuttle touched down.
Five Ikaarans came over to them – one was male. He spoke, "Can you understand me?"
"Yes," José held out the Universal Translator. "Your two shipmates are on our ship. We've come to reunite you with them."
"Can we trust them?" asked one of the women.
"Show us evidence that Kerna and Esilia are all right," the Ikaaran man demanded.
Colleen flipped open her communicator. "Romanov here. I'd like to talk to Esilia."
A moment later, and Esilia's voice could be heard through the communicator's small, tinny speaker. "Verinold, we are here."
"Are you all right?"
"They are treating us well."
José realized he should turn off the Universal Translator. He did so, and their speech changed to clicking and popping. After a while, Verinold seemed to be talking to him, so José turned the device back on. "Could you repeat that?" he asked, "I had the translation off so that you could have your privacy."
"Yes," Verinold stated, "there are but the five of us. If we could have some food, we would be happy to farm here, and share our harvest with you, and do what we can for you. You have saved our lives. We owe you everything."
"Let's, uh, let's talk about that when we get back to the ship, okay?" Colleen asked. She and José shepherded him and the women into the shuttle and they took off.
=/\=
In his Ready Room, Jonathan Archer sat and thought about things. Porthos by his side, he looked at the dog. "Yanno," he told the dog, "I don't know about lightning."
The dog tilted his head in puzzlement.
"I mean about it striking twice. Can I, can I read to you a log entry from, from before? Because I want someone to understand – I guess I really want to be that someone – I want to understand how things were before. Okay?"
The dog settled in.
Jonathan read. "July first, 2052.
If I could do it all over again, I would have pulled rank and gotten one of the human women, but we were all far too polite and they were all so deferential and, while it's good to be the captain, it's also sometimes maddening.
Back in 2154, we were thrown back in time when a Kovalaan ship's impulse manifold created a particle wake. We hit 2037 before we knew what was happening. Before not only any of us were born, but before our grandparents even were, and long before the Xindi weapon was dreamt up, let alone built.
Our mission changed, and it became not only to stop the Xindi, but also to survive for over seventy-five years. We became a generational ship, and the twenty-two women and fifty-eight men began to circle each other, and everyone wondered who would be the first to blink.
First Kelly and T'Pol, then Crossman and Sato, then Cole and McKenzie, and Haddon, and finally down to Socorro and O'Day, and suddenly, one day, all of the women were taken.
And I was the bachelor captain, Jonathan Archer, the guy with no one, amidst a few dozen other guys with no one, and we bided our time and wondered if there would be anyone, ever. And then we saw her.
Her ship was trapped in an anomaly. She was Ikaaran; her name was Ebrona. She had a kind of a notched bridge to her nose. Initially, I wasn't sure what I felt about that.
I know I must've been overeager. I recited poetry to her, brought her flowers from the Botany Lab and even had Chef make her his closest approximation to Ikaaran cuisine. When we found a yellowish metal on Amity, I got Tucker to fashion it into an engagement ring. It was too big, but that was apparently okay.
She thought I was funny, and charming, and take-charge, and she lamented my smooth nose but I guess that was all right, for she fell in love with me anyway.
But she never told me that Ikaarans only live about forty, forty-five years. She was over thirty when we met. I had no idea that we would only have thirteen years together. Lucky? I suppose so, in some ways.
And so here I am, and this beautiful woman, with eyes like coal and her lips were like a ripe strawberry and her smile could have lit up San Francisco – this beautiful woman is cold and lifeless and in a repurposed torpedo tube, and when I give the order to Aidan, her body will be shot off into space, and will orbit this little planet that we claimed for ourselves and absurdly named Paradise.
And our son, Henry, he and I will go on, as I grow older until, one day, I join her, for there will be no one else. And when I look into his face, I will see eyes like coal."
He looked up. "Can I ever love anyone like that again?"
The dog whined a little but was otherwise silent on the matter.
=/\=
Jonathan Archer's Personal Log, September fourth, 2037
We have brought in the remaining Ikaarans. And the planet where they have been living is interesting. T'Pol had expressed a concern that we wouldn't have a place to hide the ship. Shelby Pike worried that we wouldn't be able to farm anywhere. It looks like both problems are rather neatly solved.
And, we have six new women, although we also have a new man on board. The ratio isn't completely smoothed out, but it's better.
And tomorrow, amidst these bits of good news, we will mourn our friends. And I will try to see if anything can be done for my chef's assistant, who seems to have been broken into a million pieces.
=/\=
Jennifer Crossman's Personal Log, September fourth, 2037
Aidan proposed today. He said he had already gotten permission from the captain for us to live together. I was a little annoyed that I wasn't the first person to know about all of that. And it's so fast!
But I am all right with it. He's right – life is short. But I worry about Lili. She's gotta have a roommate right now, someone to look out for her. Maybe someone would be so kind. Maybe Deb Haddon – I'll talk to her. I hate seeing my friend so hurt.
=/\=
T'Pol's Personal Log, September fourth, 2037
Some issues are apparently in the midst of resolving themselves. The ratio has improved. There is a place to farm and a way to hide the ship, at nearly any time. We will require other supplies but this is an acceptable initial solution.
=/\=
Daniel Chang's Personal Log, September fourth, 2037
They're all acting like they didn't expect it to happen. But nobody was prepared! That's what happens – you get casualties. And now Aidan's my boss. Sheesh.
