A/N: Rating change folks ;)


Ben Solo was never smooth with the ladies. So when Rey got into his car his heart started beating furiously in his chest and he didn't know what to say. He was snapped out of his thoughts when the radio went off at full volume.

Damn it, he thought, as he moved to turn it off. He didn't want Rey thinking he was a dark, metal-loving asshole. He was, but for some reason he didn't want her to think that.

She seemed tense. He could feel her anxiety, her eagerness to get out of the car. But then as he pulled up in front of their destination, she froze. His heart skipped a beat. Maybe she wanted to talk to him, or maybe even kiss him goodnight…

No, you fucking idiot, she just wants to hide from Poe, he cursed to himself. Why was he the only Solo man whom women were not attracted to?

Almost as if he'd summoned him with his mind, his father knocked on the glass. Jesus fucking Christ.

Maybe he was trying to help him out with Rey. Maybe he was just teasing him, or trying to humiliate him. But both his presence and Poe's looming form by the entrance of the Resistance were more than enough to get him in a foul mood. He snapped at his father without hesitation.

He saw Han drag Poe away from the building. Perhaps he was actually trying to give him a hand. But Rey was out of the car in an instant, rushing towards Coruscant. Ben got out and practically ran after her.

Her words cut through him like ice. He hadn't even thought about his choice of words when dismissing his father, how she could have interpreted them…

We could never be friends…

He just watched as she turned around and went into the building, desperately trying to put as much distance between them as possible. He would never admit anything of the sort out loud, but his heart ached to the point where he needed comfort.

"I fuck everything up," he muttered darkly to himself.

Nobody wants you, boy, an icy voice in the back of his head said, no one will ever love you.

He sat on the ledge, resting his face in his hands, eyes wet. She was making him weak. Distracting him from his studies, from his goals, from what he really wanted in life.

But you'd rather have her, whispered a soft voice in his head.

No, said the first one, he wants power, he wants to succeed and become the great man he's destined to be.


If anyone asked Ben Solo what he did that night, he would unequivocally claim that he spent the whole night in his room, studying.

Because he would never admit what he actually did.

To be fair, Ben didn't really know how he got there, or more importantly, why he wanted to go there. All he knew was that one second his sitting outside the Resistance, and the next he was walking towards Alderaan. To see his mother. What in God's name was he thinking?

"Ben?" Leia asked him confused.

"Hey… umm… I know it's late… I was wondering if I could come in and talk," he said, not meeting his mother's eye.

"Now?" Leia asked, "it's the middle of the night!"

"Sorry, this was stupid, never mind," he said, turning around, ready to walk down the porch.

"Wait!" she yelled, "I'm just a little tired, but of course I want to talk to you."

"I can come back tomorrow," Ben said, staring at his feet. For someone so tall, he felt very small around his mother.

"No," Leia said firmly. "Stay. I'll start prepping the couch for you."

He didn't object, even though in any another circumstance he would have pointed out that his own room was within walking distance and that he would rather sleep in his own bed.

"Here," Leia said, handing him a cup of tea. He took it without saying a word, and Leia just eyed him expectantly. She knew her son well enough to know she would not get anything out of him unless he set his own rhythm. So she just waited.

Ben hesitated for a minute before saying sadly "There's a girl I like. And she hates me."

Leia stared at him, her eyes wide open as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing and hearing. Her son was coming to her for romantic advice. She wanted to yell in triumph. To hug him. To thank him for trusting her with his feelings.

But she didn't do any of those things. She just listened as Ben recounted his first encounter with Rey, and then he told her about his law class, and what he had said.

"So you drove her back here tonight," Leia concluded, "but Poe Dameron was there."

"Dad drove him away, but I… I said something stupid," he said closing his eyes.

"Well, it sounds to me like you've made some very poor decisions around her," she said. Ben glared at her. "But if she was as upset as you said she was tonight… maybe not all hope is lost yet."

"What do you mean?"

"If she didn't care about you at all, your words wouldn't have hurt her"

"But I blew it," Ben added miserably.

"Then try not to from now on," his mother said winking at him. "Let's go to sleep now, I need to be up early and you have a class at 8 if I'm not mistaken."

Leia got up from the couch and kiss her son's forehead tenderly, bidding him goodnight.

"Hey, mom?" Ben called after her.

"Mmm?"

"Thanks."


Ben thought the law class went fine. Nothing exceptional, he avoided making eye contact with Rey. He didn't want her to know he was hurt, that he had crawled back to his mother's house in the middle of the night in search of comfort.

He dashed out of the room as soon as the class was over, and decided to skip his media lecture so he could do some LSAT prep instead.

Halfway through one of the reading comprehension sections, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket.

I want you. You've been neglecting me this semester.

Phasma. Of course, he should've known.

She was his… well, Ben wasn't entirely sure what they were. They were not dating, that's for sure. He wouldn't even describe it as a friend with benefits type of arrangement since neither party would probably describe the other as a friend.

Ben had met Phasma at one his advisor's parties during his first year. Snoke had introduced them and implied that they could mutually benefit from each other's company.

"You must not be distracted from your ultimate goals, my young apprentices," Snoke had said, a cruel smile grazing his lips, "sometimes it is best to forgo attachments in favor of a more productive and satisfying arrangement."

Ben hadn't fully comprehended what Snoke had meant that night until he found himself being dragged back into his room by a mildly intoxicated Phasma.

"He wants us to be fuck buddies, you idiot," she'd said while taking off her top and unhooking her bra.

"What?" Ben exclaimed, confused beyond measure, both at the prospect of his advisor setting him up with another student and at the fact that there was a very eager and naked woman in his bedroom.

"Please tell me I'm not your first," Phasma had said, palming his hard erection through his jeans. Ben moaned lightly and trembled involuntarily.

"I see," she had said, kneeling in front of him, both of her hands working on liberating him of his belt and pants. "I'll suck you off first so you last a bit longer than 30 seconds during round two."

Before Ben could so much as grunt in agreement, her hands were firmly grasping his length and her tongue was playfully licking the head of his cock. Ben, whose eyes had closed the second her hands had made contact with his skin, looked down at her as she quickened the pace and started sucking on his dick harder.

He lasted, well, about 30 seconds. He didn't even have time to warn her before his cum shot into her mouth, moaning loudly and uncontrollably as she licked him clean.

"Good," Phasma said, wiping the remnants of his cum from her mouth on one of the bedsheets. "Let's try it again, but this time I get to go first," she added, guiding a still shocked Ben Solo to his bed and lying next to him.

His cock twitched at the memory, so he quickly sent her a response.

Meet me at Mustafar at 6. I'll give you what you need.

Ben put his phone away, without waiting for her answer, he already knew what it would be.

Good, he thought, this will help me distract myself from Rey.

Rey. If her schedule was regular, she would be working the stacks later tonight. He pictured her sitting on her desk naked, her legs wide open for him.

He took his phone out again and texted Phasma.

Lower levels. By the special collections. I want to take you on one of the desks.

Yes, that would do. Phasma would probably not care if he thought about Rey so long as she got her own release. And he always delivered.


He did not anticipate Rey already being there. Ben Solo wanted to be swallowed whole by the Earth when he saw her come out from behind the stacks, looking pissed. He heard Phasma flirting with her, asking her if she wanted to join them, and half his brain started imagining both women kissing him, while the other half wanted to run away from the scene before things got worse.

Once Phasma was out of sight, Ben felt free to apologize. He had never apologized to any other person as many times in such a short period of time as he had with Rey. And unlike other times, he actually felt guilty about his actions. She had so much power over him already if only she knew how far gone he was for her.

When Rey looked up at him and asked him about their research paper he let out a sigh of relief. The fact that she was still willing to work with him after what had just transpired eased his worry about never having an excuse to be around her again.

No, he would see her, as much as possible, and as often as he could.

Because you want to get an A on the paper, not because of the girl, said the icy voice in his head again.

Yeah, well, what if I want both? Ben thought defiantly.