The Doctor had stopped by his flat after work and then made the hour trek over to Rose's house, where he now found himself standing outside contemplating knocking. He knew he needed to try and fix things between Rose and Clara, but he was worried about how his ex would respond to him being here. He broke her heart when they broke up and he felt like he was doing it all over again.


Sinatra was blasting from his home office, while he was grading papers. He was listening to it a lot these days, first because it reminded him of a happier time as a child, but then because it reminded him of Clara. Clara, with her big brown eyes that reflected so much emotion. They inflated when she was sad, sparkled when she was happy, and dark when she was angry. Those eyes haunted him every night when he slept. He longed for her, but he had ruined any chance he had of being with her. He was a bloody coward and should have ended it with Rose before things went as far as they did with Clara, but he didn't and now he was paying for his mistakes.

He dropped his pen and took his glasses off, dropping them on top of the papers and pinched the bridge of his nose. Why was he still with Rose? Why hadn't he done what he intended to do after he slept with Clara the last time. Was he really that afraid of being alone?

"Allan? You okay?" Rose asked from the doorway.

He looked up and put his glasses back on. "Aye, just a headache. I didn't hear you come home."

"I just did." She glanced around the room and the Doctor could tell that she was stalling. "I was hoping we could talk."

There it was. The start of a conversation that should have happened a long time ago.

"I think that's a good idea."

Rose stepped inside and sat in a chair in the corner of the room. The Doctor got up to turn the music off and then rolled his chair over to sit near her.

"I'm going to ask you a question that I think I already know the answer to, so I want you to be completely honest with me." She was relatively calm and it almost made him afraid of the oncoming storm. "Are you having an affair?"

He stared at her and saw the sadness in her eyes and he knew the only way to move on, was to be honest. He owed her that much.

"Yes," he answered quietly.

Rose looked vacantly at him. He couldn't tell what was going on through her mind. Why wasn't she screaming at him? He wished she would yell, scream, do something. He deserved that.

"How long?" She finally asked, her tone was terse.

"A couple of months," he answered quietly. "But it's over now."

She closed her eyes and dropped her head into her hands. The room was so quiet, except for the sound of a ticking clock on a far wall.

"I'm so daft," she whispered.

"No," the Doctor asserted. "I'm the daft one. I shouldn't have been such a coward."

She looked up and the Doctor's stomach lurched at the site of her hurt expression. How could he have been so selfish.

"I knew," she stated. "I knew, but instead of confronting you about it, I tried to justify it."

"I'm sorry Rose. I never intended to hurt you," he sighed.

She turned her head, unable to look at him, staring at some spot on the wall perhaps wishing a vortex would open up and transport her some place else. They sat in silence for what felt like an eternity, the Doctor unsure of what to say.

"What happens now?" Rose finally asked.

"I think if we're both completely honest, Rose, this was never going to work. I just should have ended it when I realised it."

"Did you ever really love me?" She asked, her eyes beginning to well.

"I do, just not in the way a husband should love a wife." He reached out to cup her cheek, but she pulled away.

"Don't." Tears now flowing. "Don't you ever touch me again," she spat.

He pulled his hand away, apologising. "I'll move my stuff to the guest room until I can find a new place."

He stood up and walked towards the door.

"Who was she?" Rose asked, the tone in her voice breaking his heart. "Colleague or student?"

He slumped his shoulders, not turning around because he couldn't look at her when he answered. "Student."


They didn't speak much after that day mostly because Rose didn't come home until late or the Doctor would just spend the night at his office. He knew that eventually the day would come when they would have to discuss it again, but had hoped maybe it wouldn't. Rose wasn't angry with him at the time and he knew that anger was going to come today. He needed to be completely honest with her about their relationship and why what happened with Clara, happened. It was the only hope he had of fixing the friendship between the two women, that is if it wasn't already too damaged. He rang the doorbell, deciding it was time to face his issues once and for all.

"What do you want?" Rose asked as she opened the door.

"Can I come in? I really want to talk to you about everything that's happened," the Doctor urged.

"No."

"Please, Rose. I have something I want to show you," he begged.

She eyed him for a moment and then stepped aside, letting him in. The Doctor took the invitation and walked into his former home, following Rose into the living room where they sat on opposite ends of the couch. He wasn't entirely sure how to start, so he handed her a photo that he had in his back pocket.

"What's this?" She asked as she looked at it.

"That's a photo of my brother and I when we were twenty. I know you think that Clara and I are lying about me having a twin, but I'm not. I haven't spoken to him in over thirty-five years and that is one of the last pictures of us together."

Rose just stared at it, obviously trying to process everything. "Why did you never tell me?"

"I've told no one about him. And it would have stayed that way had he not come back and showed up at Clara's office."

"But why?" Rose asked.

The Doctor sighed, not wanting to tell Rose the truth, but he knew he needed to be honest with her if he had any hope of her forgiving Clara.

"He was a bad influence and I did things that I'm not proud of when I was with him."

"Like cheat on girlfriends?" Rose responded icily.

"I'm sorry Rose. I honestly never meant to hurt you." He responded.

"You know, that's not even what hurts. I knew you were sleeping with someone else, and yes, I cared, but I was in complete denial about the whole thing. That's on me. But you were sleeping with one of my best friends!" She yelled.

"I didn't know that Clara was your friend."

"No she was just some pretty brunette that you met one night and fucked. Then, hey look at that she showed up in your class, so let the good times continue!" She answered sarcastically.

"That's not what happened," he answered trying his best to keep his composure.

"So you never fucked her in your office?"

The Doctor looked away, not answering.

"That's what I thought. No wonder you weren't sleeping with me for months."

"You know, don't go acting all innocent in all of this," the Doctor said, getting frustrated. "You pulled away from me too. And I believe it was right around the time that JD walked back into your life."

"Don't you dare blame me for your affair." She yelled.

"I'm not!" He yelled back. "I take full responsibility for everything! All I'm saying is that your situation and mine are not that different. The only difference being that I acted on my feelings and you didn't. You may not have physically cheated on me, Rose, but you sure as hell did emotionally. And that is why we shouldn't have stayed together for as long as we did."

"Your situation is nothing like mine!" She spat. "I loved JD, and thought I was never going to see him again. You had a one-night stand, that showed up in your class!"

The Doctor sighed and knew that he needed to tell her the whole truth, no matter how much it may hurt her, she needed to know.

"My one night with Clara, was more than that," he answered her and saw that she was about to say something. "Please, just listen to me." Rose closed her mouth and let him continue. "You know that I was not one for relationships. I made that clear to you when we started sleeping together and you agreed. When I met Clara, and as difficult as this might be to hear, I felt something for her that night that I had never felt for anyone. I wanted to see her again, but as fate would have it, she left before I even got her name and number. I had no way of finding her. I left the next day to go back to Glasgow and spent the entire train ride thinking about her. How I had finally found someone I wanted more than just to shag. I wasn't able to stop thinking about what a relationship with her might be like, and as the ride went on, I knew that I was only torturing myself thinking about a life that would never be. That's when my thoughts began to shift from her to you, the woman I had been sleeping with for the last year. And I started to wonder if I could have a relationship with you because we had fun, good conversations, and a few things in common. By the time I arrived in Glasgow I had convinced myself that this was what I wanted and went straight to your place when I got home."

"All I was, was a substitute for Clara," she uttered.

"I know it might sound that way, and at first maybe. I'll be honest Rose, had I gotten Clara's information, I would have never come back and asked you to marry me. But when I realised I would never see her again, I was fully committed to you and making our relationship work. You have to admit that until we moved here, things were good."

She looked pensive and then nodded her head in agreement. "It was."

"I should have ended it with you once I saw Clara again, but I honestly thought that I could fight the feelings I had for her. We both did," he gave a long sigh. "It was just the more time I spent with her and got to know her, the more drawn to her I was."

"But why didn't you tell her about me?" She asked, hurt.

"Because if I'm honest with myself, deep down I knew that if I did, I would lose her again and I just couldn't, not again. I thought I could just fight it, fight her. But I was weak, and stupid and I gave in." He turned and looked at her. "Nothing will ever excuse what I did Rose, but none of this was Clara's fault. Be mad at me, but don't be mad at her."

"See here's the thing. I feel like a complete idiot because apparently everyone I know, knew that the two of you had slept together. I'm not mad at Clara because she fucked you. I'm mad because she never told me the truth."

"I should have told you Rose. Please blame me for this, not Clara," he implored.

She glared at him, clearly contemplating what he said. "What happened after she found out the truth?"

"She stopped speaking to me. In fact, she hadn't spoken to me until just a couple of weeks ago when she found out about my brother."

"And why were you coming over to her flat on Sunday?"

"She showed up at my place drunk on Saturday night and I was coming over to check on her."

"So you two are friends now?" She asked still with a tone of disdain.

He wasn't sure how to answer that. He liked to think that they were, but he wasn't sure what Clara would think of their relationship now.

"Maybe. We've just hung out a couple of times."

"She forgives you for what you did?"

"I'm not sure. You'd have to ask her. I'm just happy that she's speaking to me again," he answered truthfully.

Rose looked at him and her expression softened slightly.

"You really like her, don't you?"

"It doesn't matter what I feel. I fucked everything up because I just couldn't be honest with either of you," he answered as he looked down.

"That you did." She replied.

He looked up at her. "Will you please just talk to Clara. I don't want your friendship to be ruined because of my mistakes. Hate me all you want, but don't hate her."

"I'll think about it."

"That's all I ask."