Thank you guys for the amazing response on the last chapter! I love every single one of you that takes the time to read and love you even more for reviewing.
Chapter 11
Mend
Hanna pulled up to the house and parked her car. She sat in her car for a while looking up at the house wondering if her mother was at home or at the Radley. She had decided on the drive back she needed to talk to her mother before going home or talk to Emily, who was sure to bombard her with questions the moment she walked into the apartment.
She sighed, grabbed her Hermès bag from the passenger seat and got out of the car. Hanna took another deep breath before finally walking into the house.
"Mom?" Hanna called out, walking straight into the kitchen, knowing if there was any place she could find her mother it would be in the kitchen.
"Hanna?" She heard her mother's voice coming from upstairs, presumably her bedroom and she ran up the stairs. The nerves that had bubbled to the surface when she walked in subsided when she saw her mother smiling broadly at her standing next to her bed, arms open for Hanna, who gladly threw herself into her mother's arms and hugged her tight for a moment.
When they broke apart Ashley was looking at Hanna with raised eyebrows.
"What?" Hanna asked her mom, sitting down in her mother's bed.
Ashley scrutinised her daughter before she spoke. "Do you need to talk about something? Did something happen in New York?" She asked concerned, moving closer to Hanna touching her shoulder kindly and sitting down next to her.
"Is Ted home?" Hanna asked not sure if she wanted to talk about everything with Ted around even though she liked him a lot.
"He's doing some work for the church out of town, why?"
"No reason." Hanna sighed, looking at her hands.
"Is it Jordan?" Ashley asked cautiously, wondering why Hanna was looking so concerned.
"No, it's nothing like that." Hanna laughed nervously. Still averting her mother's eyes.
Her mother stayed silent for a while, waiting to see if Hanna was going to talk. When she was about to coax Hanna to speak up, did she eventually start talking.
"Mom, there's something I need to tell you. Something I should have told you a long time ago." She started in a small voice.
Ashley stirred next to her but stayed silent, the anticipation getting to her as she heard the nervousness in Hanna's voice the moment she started speaking. She glanced sideways at Hanna who finally looked up and stared at her with tear brimmed eyes.
"Mom, she choked letting out a rattled breath before continuing. You've always asked me what happened between me and Caleb, why we broke up." She said, looking into her mother's eyes which were full of concern. Hanna averted her eyes and looked down at her hands.
"We uh... well I got pregnant, it was completely unplanned and for a while I wasn't sure what I wanted, at first I wasn't sure if I even wanted to keep the baby. But Caleb was there and he promised he'd be there for me, for us and we decided to go for it, you know." She rambled, finally looking up at her mother who had an anguished look on her face. Hanna braved to continue what she needed to tell her mother. We were actually planning on surprising you and Claudia with a visit to tell you, but then we…" Hanna's voice broke, tears brimming in her eyes again and she swallowed hard to keep her tears at bay, unable to speak the next words. Words that reminded her of the aching pain in her heart she never thought would ever leave her. Her mother was still looking at her intently, understanding in her eyes, waiting patiently for Hanna to continue.
"But then we lost her." Hanna finally said, her voice breaking. Ashley just about managed to catch the words, confirming what she suspected when Hanna started talking about being pregnant.
"Oh baby, come here." She said, wrapping her arms around her daughter who started sobbing the moment she relaxed into her mother's arms. Ashley pulled her daughter even closer to her, stroking her blonde locks and kissing her hair. "I'm so sorry baby."
Hanna held tight onto her mother like she had done when she was younger. She sobbed like she had never before, letting out all the hurt, sadness and tension from the past 3 years in her mother's save embrace. They sat there for a while, her mother cradling her like she had done when she was a baby and even after her divorce with Tom. After a while Ashley broke the silence. "Why have you never told me? I could have been there for you."
Hanna pulled away from her mother and their eyes found each other, tears running down her mother's face. "Hanna you know you can always come to me about anything, I love you no matter what. There is nothing you could ever do to change that, you know that right?" She said, wiping at her face.
"I know mom and I knew then, but I felt so broken back then. I wasn't myself and I wasn't coping. I retreated into myself and I pushed everyone I ever loved away. I was so self-destructive and I wasn't dealing the way I should have." Hanna admitted with tears still running down her face.
"Meaning Caleb?" Ashley asked tentatively, after all these years things were finally starting to make sense.
"Yeah… I left him mom, just after it happened he went out when I was asleep. I woke up in a complete panic and thought he had left me. I know now how stupid it was but I was so hurt he wasn't there. I didn't want to feel abandoned like that ever again, so I just packed up my things and left. Turns out he was gone to get me something to make me feel all better." She said absentmindedly fumbling with the necklace Caleb had given her yesterday.
"You said her, you already knew you were having a girl? How far along were you?" Ashley asked curiously, wondering why Hanna would wait at least 20 weeks to tell her that she was pregnant.
"I felt like we were having a girl and just before we went to visit you I found a place that did an early gender prediction test and they said it was clearly a girl. I just needed to know and I wanted to know before we saw you. But I was only 13 weeks along." Hanna added sadly.
"Hanna, I'm so sorry that you had to go through all that by yourself. Please promise me that you will never ever do something like that again, I'm always here for you for the good and the bad if you'd just talk to me."
"That's what Caleb said." Hanna said, a trace of a smile on her face.
"Is that why you were so angry with me for giving Caleb a place to live?" Ashley asked, realisation of the full extent of their break up, hitting her like a ton of bricks. Obviously Hanna and Caleb had never worked things out up until she herself had given neither a choice by sending Caleb to Help Hanna with her move from New York.
Hanna nodded and looked down at her hands, thinking about Caleb and wondering if he had talked to Spencer yet.
"So… Ashley started apprehensively, she didn't want to be premature in her jubilation, but Hanna and Caleb clearly talked and even if she had accepted Jordan as her future son-in-law years ago, she had mourned the loss of the man she had always expected would marry her daughter.
The man who she believed was the only one who should marry her daughter, the only one who could really make her happy.
"So, what is going on between you and Caleb?" She asked with more confidence. Ashley didn't miss the dimples that appeared on her daughter's cheek, a clear sign she was smiling genuinely, even if Hanna tried to hide her smile.
"Are you guys back together? Do I need to create some boundaries in my house again?" She joked and was happy to see Hanna smiling again.
"I don't really know what we are, we haven't really fully discussed it yet. I mean we don't really have a name for it."
"Because you've been too busy with other things?" Ashley joked and Hanna looked at her horrified.
"Mom!" Eww don't say things like that, you are the last person on earth I want to talk to about that."
"Like walking in on you around the house all the time wasn't awkward for me?" She continued to tease, loving to see the smile back on her daughter's face, now mixed with the crimson that creeped onto her face.
"Please stop talking now or we are done talking for like, forever." Hanna said half joking.
"Fine, Ashley gave in, taking off her shoes and moving onto the bed, propping up some pillows for her and Hanna and sat up against them, motioning for Hanna to do the same. She could sense a long mother/daughter talk coming and she was going to take full advantage of their moment. She had missed their moments more than anything and she was going to enjoy every minute of it. Hanna followed her onto the bed and sat down next to her mother against the pillows. Now start talking Hanna."
Hanna told her mother all about her feelings about seeing Caleb again when they were back in Rosewood. The dread and jealousy that filled her when she suspected her best friend and ex-boyfriend were falling for each other, the utter devastation she felt when Spencer had come to her to ask for permission to date Caleb and how she had plastered a fake smile on her face when she told her it was okay. How it caused her to break up with Jordan, knowing she would never love him as much as Caleb. She told her mother how she started drinking jasmine tea the moment she got back from seeing Jordan, as it was the only thing left that could soothe her, the smell and taste taking her back to a place of safety, utter bliss, and Caleb. A place where her cravings were a source of happy anticipation. She proceeded to tell her mother how Caleb had suggested to name their baby Jasmine and when everything had gone to pieces he had planted a Jasmine plant in her memory and how she had never managed to visit it ever again. The necklace he had given her in memory of their baby and how she knew how much she still loved Caleb when she walked into him in her mother's house and how much she had tried to fight it, until Caleb managed to break down her walls and they finally talked, they finally started to mend together over their loss and how they had made small steps towards a future together.
Hanna was very surprised to hear that when she told her mother about Caleb buying a house, her mother wasn't that surprised.
"You knew about the house?" Hanna asked slightly hurt, why would her mother keep something like that from her, although she shouldn't be one to talk.
"He called me back then, telling me about the house, he even sent me photo's because he was convinced that it was the house for you both. Obviously I didn't know you were pregnant back then. It does make more sense to me now why he wanted to buy it so bad, but back then I suspected he wanted to buy it because he was just thinking about the future. He wanted to know if he would buy it as a surprise and fixed it up, if you would cave and love the house and consider moving to Brooklyn.
"He asked you that?" Hanna smiled at Caleb's compassionate nature.
"Of course, you might not know this but we always kept in regular contact when you two were together. I've really missed it in the past few years. You didn't just break up, I felt like a lost him as well, you know he's always been like a son to me. I think that's why I was so eager to offer him a place to stay, I missed him as well and Ted loves having a man in the house." She laughed.
"I've caught them several times on the PlayStation together. But he never told me he actually bought the house and kept it, because you broke up soon after."
"Yeah he still owns it, I've seen it and it looks amazing."
"I'm sure it does. He did that all for you Hanna."
"I know mom."
A silence fell between the two women, a new deeper connection forming between the two as years of unspoken words were finally released.
"So where is Caleb now? Why isn't he here with you?"
Hanna felt herself flush again, she didn't like to think about it but it was something they needed to deal with nonetheless.
"He was still in New York when I left, but he sent me a message that he's talking to Spencer later today." She said simply.
"Oh"
"I feel like he needs to deal with whatever it was between them before I can, you know. Before I feel like we can be together."
"You know they did nothing wrong right?"
Hanna scoffed and unlike usually, she disagreed with her mother.
"Hanna?"
"You can say that mom but it doesn't feel like it, he was and always will be the love of my life. I don't think I could ever do the same to Spencer, you would kill me if I went there."
"I guess that's true, but that is something that you and Caleb need to work out if you want to be together. And if you want to stay friends with Spencer, you need to have an honest conversation with her as well."
"I know mom." Hanna signed, not looking forward to it one bit. Can we just lay here for now?" Hanna asked rolling onto her side and cuddling into her mother's side.
"Of course."
XxxxxxxX
Hanna had spent another two hours with her mom just having some girl time before she managed to peel herself off the bed and off her mother, finally going back to the loft to start unpacking the rest of her stuff she brought with her from New York. She had already unloaded some things at her mother's house she'd only need when and if she got her own place, if she ever managed to decide where that was going to be.
Caleb hadn't made an appearance at the Marin house yet, but he had sent her another message telling her he was meeting up with Spencer that night and he would call her later. Finished off with a few xxx's which made Hanna's stomach burst with butterflies as if she was still in high school.
Hanna got one box out of the car and walked up to the loft, hoping Emily would be home, maybe, just maybe she would be willing to help her unload the last of her things into the loft.
The moment Hanna opened the door, she only had time to see a head of brown hair coming her way before wrapping her in a tight hug. Hanna managed to drop the box carefully onto the floor so she could give Emily a proper hug back.
"I am so glad you are back, it has been so boring without you here!" Emily said into her hair. Emily stepped back and held Hanna at arm's length looking at her with a bright smile.
"You look different. Emily commented, looking Hanna up and down. Happier."
"I'm just glad to be home." Hanna muttered, not sure where to begin to tell Emily everything that had happened in the past few days.
"Can you maybe help me to unload the car? I've got like 3 more boxes in my car."
With the last boxes safely stored in Hanna's bedroom, she threw herself back onto the sofa whilst Emily rummaged into the kitchen.
"Your usual Han?" Emily called over.
"No thank you, I've stopped drinking that. Can I have a coffee instead?"
Mere minutes later Emily walked back to the sofa holding two coffees, with questioning look on her face. "What do you mean you stopped drinking that? Hanna I was going to call herbal-tea anonymous on your ass."
Hanna laughed at Emily's comment and rolled her eyes. "I wasn't that bad."
"Well it was bad enough and you better start telling me how you suddenly went off jasmine tea in a few days' time. Has it got anything to do with your breakup with Jordan or something?"
Hanna leaned back into the couch and sighed, how was she going to tell Emily about her entire weekend. She had for new York when most people were still under the impression that she was still engaged to Jordan and came back being… being something more than friends with Caleb. A smile appeared on her face, making her dimples visible. Hanna tried to hide her smile by drinking her coffee, but Emily noticed it anyway.
"Hanna, you better start talking or I won't tell you who kissed me this weekend."
Hanna coughed loudly and struggled to swallow her coffee, looking at Emily with big surprised eyes.
"I'm sorry Em, you've been serial dating so much lately I seriously don't have a clue who it could be."
"You start talking and I'll tell you."
"Fine, Hanna huffed, but it's going to take me a long time to tell you everything. Do you think we can unpack my boxes whilst I talk?" She tried. There wasn't anything she hated more than moving, packing and unpacking.
"Sure, Emily said. But we'll need wine, not coffee."
Hanna and Emily had started on the first box whilst drinking wine. Emily was placing all of Hanna's clothes on hangers and Hanna was placing them in the closet whilst she explained everything that had happened during the weekend.
Everything from being picked up by Caleb, to the awkwardness between them and her having to walk into a half ransacked apartment and not seeing Jordan. She was contemplating telling Emily about Jasmine, knowing Caleb was okay with her telling her friends when Emily suddenly called out to her.
Emily was hovering above a small box Hanna didn't recognise, yet she recognised the black and white framed photo in Emily's hands, Hanna's heart started racing as she looked at the photo.
"Han, have you seen this? Omg I think Caleb has a child." She said in a whispered tone. Scanning over the framed ultrasound photo in her hand, missing Hanna's shocked face that had gone white as a sheet.
"No he doesn't." Hanna stuttered.
"How are you so sure?" Emily asked still scanning the photo.
"You haven't seen him in ages and…" She suddenly stopped talking the moment she looked at Hanna who had a shocked look on her face and unshed tears in her eyes.
"Hanna? She asked tentatively, walking over to the closet where Hanna was still standing and put a hand on her shoulder scanning her features, worried she had said something she shouldn't have.
Hanna looked at her and sat down on her bed, taking the picture from Emily's hands and looked at it, tracing her finger over the little bean that was their baby. It was the frame Caleb used to have on his nightstand and it was from the first ever scan they had.
"I was planning on telling you, but seeing as you have found this, I'll tell you now. Hanna started in a small voice and proceeded to tell Emily everything that had happened between her and Caleb and everything that happened between her and Caleb in New York. How losing Jasmine had broken them apart years ago, but had gotten them back together last weekend. How he had bought her a house, how they had talked about everything standing between them and how they had agreed to work out their issues before starting something again.
"Wait, so you guys are back together?" Emily asked happily.
Hanna took a moment to reply, her mother had asked her the same thing and even though they had kissed several times, they never established exactly what they were. "We haven't really put a name to it yet." She finally said.
"Did you guys kiss?"
Emily looked at Hanna who nodded slightly. Not being able to hide her huge smile as she remembered their weekend.
"Oh you are sooooo back together." Emily laughed and hugged Hanna.
They broke apart when there was a knock at the door.
Emily looked excitedly at Hanna. "Is that Caleb?"
"Maybe, Hanna said glancing towards the door, maybe he's back from talking to Spencer." She said glancing at her watch. It was already 9pm.
Hanna walked to the door, leaving Emily in her bedroom with all the boxes and opened the door, excitement running through her at the thought of finally seeing Caleb again.
"Hanna...Hey."
"Spencer?!"
Emily had peeked at the door as well, watching as Hanna opened the door for Spencer, the last person who she had imagined to come to their apartment. Emily saw Hanna letting Spencer in and shooting her a helpless look. Emily quickly walked into the livingroom as well, greeting Spencer and walked to grab her coat.
"Hey where are you going?" Hanna asked her desperately, not wanting Emily to leave, it was awkward enough to have Spencer here, clearly she had just talked to Caleb
"I'm late meeting my mom." Emily told her pointedly as soon as Spencer turned away from Emily.
"Fine, see you tonight?" Hanna asked her, silently begging her to come back as soon as possible.
Emily quickly made her way out of the apartment and Spencer looked at where Emily had hurriedly disappeared to.
"Emily has never been good at making up good excuses." She said bluntly.
"Do..do you want anything to drink?" Hanna asked nervously.
"Coffee is always good." Spencer said looking around the apartment and standing in the middle of the room.
Hanna fumbled with the coffee machine as the awkward tension between them grew. Hanna had so much to say to Spencer but she didn't know what Caleb had told her or how they left things. Her phone was still in her bedroom and she didn't want to walk over there to get it to see if Caleb had messaged her.
"So Caleb came to see me today." Spencer suddenly said and Hanna turned around to look at her. Spencer's expression unreadable.
"I know, Hanna said confidently. He told me he was going to see you today."
"So you guys are together now?" Spencer asked directly, completely throwing Hanna off.
"Y...n… no we are, we are nothing until we have some issues worked out."
"And I am one of those issues? Spencer asked offended and crossed her arms, still looking at Hanna.
"No Spence, you're not an issue, but I don't want to make mistakes other people made in the past."
"Meaning me and Caleb?"
"I guess."
Spencer let out a large breath and rolled her eyes which only angered Hanna.
"Don't even roll your eyes at me Spencer." She said angrily grabbing a cup of coffee for Spencer and slamming it quite hard on the table.
"Look Hanna, You can feel however you want about the whole situation, but I did ask you for permission before I started dating Caleb and you said it was okay. What would you have wanted me to do?!" Spencer said in a loud voice.
"You should have never asked!" Hanna shouted now, anger bubbling inside her that she had tried to contain ever since Spencer asked her for permission.
"You should have never asked me Spencer, what were you thinking dating my ex-boyfriend?!" Hanna yelled. Now, I know you never really cared for other people's relationships, mainly Melissa's. But I never thought you would do such a thing to me!"
"You and Caleb hadn't been together for a very long time Hanna. And you were engaged to Jordan!" She yelled back.
"That doesn't matter Spencer, how would you feel that instead of Yvonne you had to see me or Aria getting engaged to him huh? Have you ever thought about that?"
Spencer's eyes welled up with tears at the thought of Toby and Yvonne, who had recently gotten engaged. It still hurt even though she and Toby hadn't been together for a very long time. She shook her head and looked down, Knowing full well how Hanna had felt every time she had seen her and Caleb together.
"Well luckily for you, you'd never had to see that because Aria and I would never think about going there."
Spencer let out a long breath and sat down on the sofa looking at Hanna.
"Look Hanna, I didn't come here to fight, I really didn't and you have every right to be mad at me. Back then when I was in Europe I was so broken after the breakup with me and Toby and when I walked in to Caleb I think I just wanted to feel something again, like some sort of connection I projected all of that on Caleb."
"Well next time project that stuff onto someone else." Hanna said peevishly, sitting next to Spencer and looking down at her hands.
She could feel Spencer wasn't done talking and she was quite sure what was coming next.
"I know he told you, about Jasmine." Hanna said looking up at Spencer before she could ask.
"Yeah, he did. I am so sorry about that Hanna." Spencer said, her voice soft. If I would have known if you had told me I could have been there for you. If I had known I would have never...you know. I assumed you guys left things on good terms."
"He'd still be off limits Spence." Hanna said stonely and Spencer laughed.
"I know Han."
"So now what?" Hanna laughed nervously.
"Well, I'm still at the barn if you need me, but I think you should really call Caleb, I think he wants to see you."
"Why would you say that?"
"When he was at my place he kept glancing at his phone and whenever he mentioned you his eyes lit up like they used to when you were together." Spencer said smiling a genuine smile at Hanna and laid a gentle hand on her leg.
"Don't you ever question what you two have Hanna. You know what you have between the two of you and if you ask me it's pretty damn special. I know a lot has happened between you guys even though I'm sure he didn't even tell me everything, but the love that you have for each other is special and real. Don't ever underestimate that."
"I seriously think we need some wine to go with that comment." Hanna laughed, and got off the couch to find the wine Emily had used. Just as she was retrieving some glasses from the cupboard was there a knock at the door again.
"Spence, can you open that? It's Emily, I am sure she decided it's safe to come back."
Hanna grabbed another wine glass from the cupboard knowing Emily would love some more wine too. She poured the glasses as she vaguely heard Spencer open the door.
She was about to place the wine back when she heard a voice that was very unlike Emily's.
"Oh hey…. Spencer." The voice said uncertainly.
Still standing in the doorway glancing awkwardly between Hanna and Spencer, his hands in his pockets, was Caleb.
XxxxxxxX
A dear friend of mine asked (begged) me for more Haleb in this chapter and although I really value her opinion, it didn't fit in this chapter, but the next chapter will definitely make up for it, I promise.
Reviews are not showing up properly at the moment, but I still get to see them and I greatly appreciate it if you do.
