Disclaimer: See Chapter 10.
Note: Sorry this is so late guys. After computer troubles and just plain being exhausted, I was scurrying to get it out as quickly as I could. But here it is, I hope you like it. See you Monday. Enjoy! -JJ
Talking To The Moon
Seth sat on the edge of the pier, his bare feet submerged in the cool water. He sighed as he looked up at the darkening sky. He wasn't in any hurry to get home, knowing that his apartment would just be lonely. He didn't want to go back to Dean's either. He needed the space to think.
He still had the idea of him and Dean moving in together rolling around in his head, the words refusing to leave him. He hadn't heard another word from Dean about it, but he knew Dean would easily grow impatient for an answer, a real answer and not the same, 'I'll think about it' answer he'd given. He laid back on the empty pier, his dark eyes searching through the clouds for some kind of answer. He wanted to talk to someone, anyone. The problem being he really didn't have anyone.
He'd talked to Cody the day before about how Roman had showed up and how the entire conversation had gone. He knew Cody was under a lot of stress, his emotions reeking havoc on him as he struggled to tell Roman that he remembered, that he was back.
At the same time he'd wanted to call Roman, ask his opinion but he couldn't. He was still angry with Roman. It wasn't even the Maxine thing that had him so angry anymore. It was just everything. How he'd come back expecting things to be okay, how he'd kept Cody at a distance, kept all of them at a distance just to come back and want things to be how they'd been before he'd left.
He groaned, covering his face with both hands, scrubbing his eyes with the heel of his hands, trying not to think. He was tired of thinking, tired of analyzing, tired of trying to figure out the right choice. He reached into his pocket, looking at the screen. It was a photo of him and Dean, both smiling and happy in each other's arms. He smiled, thinking about just how much he loved Dean. He really just needed a little more time.
He unlocked the screen and scrolled through the numbers, landing on Cody's, wondering if maybe he wanted to go out and get a couple drinks. He knew today had to be rough on him.
Cody sat on the grass, watching the empty tracks below. He'd been sitting there for the better part of an hour, knowing that he was far to early to see the train speed by. Darkness had just fallen, the horizon still tinged with a deep red color after the sun had sunk below. He had come out hoping that being there would give him the space he needed to think, to really look at where he was and figure out what he should do.
It was obvious that him and Roman still needed to talk. He hadn't achieved the one goal he had yet, and that was to tell Roman that he remembered, that he was back to the person he'd been, more or less. He had to at least get that much off of his chest before he could fully embrace the idea of letting Roman go and moving on.
He sighed, as he laid back, looking up into the cloudy sky, his mood a direct reflection of the ominous clouds above him. He closed his eyes, swallowing hard as he thought, the constant reminder of what day it was slamming into him over and over again. It was what would be his and Roman's anniversary.
Exactly a year prior, he had been out with Roman, eating and talking, holding tight to each other in crazy winter they'd had. It was the first kiss they'd shared since the accident. And what kind of kiss it was. Cody could still feel the bolts of attraction just thinking of their tender kiss on the pier. The same kiss he'd tried to play off as nothing back then. The same kiss that had meant more to him that he wanted to admit.
He groaned as his eyes opened back up. He searched the sky for answers, wishing that they would just fall into his lap. He knew life was never that easy, at least not for him. He felt the warm breeze caress his skin, rustling the tree branches. He smiled as he closed his eyes once more, the night so similar to the one four years prior.
Him and Roman were standing there, his own breathing ragged and unsteady. It was right after he'd agreed to going out with Roman, his hands buried deep in the near shoulder length hair. It really was one of his favorite memories, the beginning of it all. Their beginning. He could still feel the pressure of Roman's soft lips on his, taste the sweet tang of alcoholic punch. He could still smell that expensive cologne that Roman used to wear all the time. But most of all, he could still feel how hard his heart beat that night; how his body had trembled in the warm night in Roman's gently embrace.
He let out another sigh, opening his teary blue eyes. That was the past. That was four years ago. Everything was over now. Roman had someone else, someone that made him happy. Cody shook his head as he sat up, thinking that he was only torturing himself by dragging things out like this. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, pausing only when he saw the same background he'd had for ages. Him and Roman smiling, their cheeks pressed together. In that moment he lost all courage and let the phone rest on his thigh, his eyes moving down to the tracks again.
He could always do what he used to do. He could go and stand on the tracks, looking both ways, the track extending for miles in either direction before it turned and was hidden by trees. He could always think about how he's walk down them, leaving anything and everything behind while he carved a new path. He snickered, thinking that he'd thought about running away a lot as a kid, today was no different but now it wasn't just a silly thought. He could follow those tracks and find a new life. It was an exciting and terrifying thought wrapped into one.
"I figured you'd be here."
Cody's head whipped around, his eyes widening as they landed on Roman's tall form as he walked closer. "What are you doing out here?" he questioned, grabbing his phone and shoving it into his pocket. He didn't want Roman to see his background.
Cody's blue eyes ran over Roman's freshly shaven cheeks, the extra scruff gone leaving only his mustache and goatee like he'd had before he'd left. His heart felt like a jackhammer in his chest, his eyes wide at just how handsome Roman looked. He turned his head, the heat in his cheeks forcing him to keep his eyes on the tracks.
"No one knew where you were. Michelle called me, saying she couldn't get you on your cell," Roman explained, sitting down next to Cody, his grey eyes flicking down to the tracks. He breathed in the salty air, wishing he could just keep it in his lungs to take back with him to Iowa. He really did miss the air.
Grey eyes looked over to Cody, looking over the loose black t-shirt, the blue jeans slightly oversized for Cody's frame. He still had things he needed to say to Cody, things that he should've said before he'd come home.
Cody didn't meet Roman's eyes, keeping his focus on the tracks below. "I'll call her when I get back. I just wanted some time to myself today," he said, his voice low, rough. He was sure Roman knew what he meant. The entire day had been hell on him emotionally and he justed wanted to be alone without interruption. "You don't have to stay here."
"I know," Roman returned, his own awkwardness laced in. "I want to though. I… um… I still have some things I needed to say." He took a breath, pulling his knees up to rub his palms on. "I'm still sorry about this. I never meant to spring Maxine on you like I did. When we came over to talk to you at the party, it wasn't to rub her in your face. I just…" he stopped, biting his lower lip, chewing the tender flesh as he thought of the right words. "I just wasn't sure if I could talk to you on my own. She knows about you, about us and she wanted the chance to meet you." He paused again, taking a moment to breathe. "I'm sorry for how awkward that was."
Cody looked over, more than a little surprised at Roman's apology. He smiled, looking down at the grass. "It's okay. You don't have to apologize anymore," he answered quietly, wishing that it wasn't so bittersweet for him and Roman to be sitting there. He tried not to remember the last time they were there, how it had been just as tense before they'd fallen silent in each other's arms. His jaw tightened, wishing the memory away.
"No, I need to say all this," Roman went on, turning to face Cody completely. "I spent the last two days thinking about this. I walked out when things with us got hard. I promised you a long time ago that I'd never do that and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have cut you out of my life like I did. I should've kept in contact. There was a lot that we needed to talk about and I just cut off everything. I can't go back and fix that so I'm saying it all now."
Cody was surprised at the words, his heart pounding as he sat there. His eyes were focused right on Roman's pleading ones. He tried not to chew on his lower lip nervously. Once Roman was done he'd have his moment to tell him, to fix things as much as he could between them.
"I loved you with everything I had. I wanted a future with you Cody and if I would've just stayed here and talked to you, maybe I could've still had that," Roman went on, a sad note of finality in his voice. "But I didn't and for that I am beyond sorry. And the other day at your house, that was stupid of me. I shouldn't have done all that. I shouldn't have yelled or any of that."
Cody just listened, unsure if he was awake or dreaming. There was no way that Roman could be telling him all this. He looked down at his hands, the white tan line on his finger almost mocking him. His fingers curled into fists, his ring once again hanging around his neck. He'd taken it off, but he hadn't had the courage to leave it off. "You used to?" he asked gently, looking up into the darkened grey eyes, the darkness falling around them faster, making it difficult to see. "It's stupid. I'm stupid for thinking that you'd come back and we'd be happy like before." He shook his head, moving to stand. He started down the hill, crossing his arms over his chest, the temperature starting to slowly fall.
Roman stood and followed, his jaw tight as him and Cody made it down to the tracks themselves. "Yeah, I mean you're still special to me, but I am with Maxine," he went on, finding that Cody's stance was stiff as he looked down the tracks. "I'm happy with her. She's my future now."
Cody tried not to let those words stab him in the heart. He took a breath, thinking that it was now or never. "Can I ask you a serious question? I want you to be honest with me Ro," he said, turning to face Roman, his blue eyes almost pleading for Roman to answer like he hoped.
Roman nodded, heart pounding as a gust of wind wrapped around them. He swallowed hard, resting his hands on his hips, waiting for Cody. "I owe you that much at least," he murmured, keeping his and Cody's eyes locked.
Cody took a moment to phrase his question. "What would happen if I remembered? Would things change between us?" he asked, his heart pounding. He didn't know why he phrased it like that. He knew he should've just said it out right that he remembered but he couldn't help but ask. He wasn't sure if he just wanted to know if Roman would come back to him or if his fears of being alone would be answered. He held his breath, unable to think as the words floated around them, leaving nothing but the sound or rustling trees around them as the breeze blew.
Roman looked down at the tracks, breaking eye contact. He took a breath, letting it out quickly as he thought. He honestly didn't know. That was an 'if' he'd been living with since the moment Cody found out about who they used to be. "I don't really know," he said softly, looking up. He was conflicted internally, knowing that it would weigh heavily on him. "But it probably wouldn't matter now. I know that's callous to say but I really like Maxine. She does make me happy. After everything we went through, I don't know if I could just go back to how things were before the accident. You really tore me apart."
Cody winced, knowing that it was the truth. He really had messed things up with them. It didn't make the answer hurt any less. Bitterly, he smiled, thinking that it didn't matter anymore if Roman knew. Things wouldn't be any different, why add unnecessary stress to their already awkward situation. He turned away again, closing his eyes to keep the tears at bay. "I see."
"Do you remember anything?" Roman asked almost hopefully. Instantly, he hated just how much he wanted Cody to say yes. He reminded himself that things wouldn't change, that what he'd said had been the truth.
Cody smiled softly, sadly. He stepped up onto the rail and looked down the railway. "Not really," he answered, starting to slowly walk, focusing on his balance just so he didn't say something stupid. "Just a couple things here and there."
Roman felt his heart sink, wondering why he felt so deflated at the answer. He walked with Cody, letting the silence surround them. He wouldn't admit to himself how much that no had affected him. "So, things haven't changed much since I left," he noted softly, shoving his hands in his pockets.
Cody stopped, hopping down from the rail. "Not really. Seth and Dean are still together. Paige and Dean still work together. Her and Seth are actually pretty cool now. I'm still at Dame's bookstore. Ted moved away a couple months ago. Him and his new wife moved out to Orlando to open another firm. Mike and Maryse are traveling in Europe," he explained, finding that it was easier to talk about their friends. He didn't mind the light conversation. As long as he got Roman to himself just a little longer, his last bit of selfishness.
"I see. Jay and Ari are still together. Brad's still single."
"I know," Cody said, turning to Roman. "He was pining after you too." He couldn't help but smile at the wide eyed, nervous look on Roman's face. "I know about what happened. He told me about it before you came home."
"Oh."
Cody couldn't help but chuckle. "It doesn't matter," he said, his voice dropping. "You were technically single. I couldn't get mad, same with Evan. I was stupid for acting like that, so stupid. I had no right to be jealous when I left first." He looked away, making his way back to where he'd been sitting before.
Roman felt uncomfortable, Cody bringing up their past. In a way he was glad, things would be ironed out and he wouldn't have to think about it anymore. "So, what happened with you and Drew?" he asked, sitting down in the grass with Cody after they'd returned to where they'd first sat.
Cody's eyes narrowed. "We just had a falling out. He doesn't want to see me and I don't want to see him. I know it doesn't matter, but when I came home that night, I'd broke it off with him. So when I moved into his place, it wasn't because there was something still going on," he explained, looking over the trees at the billowing smoke as it started in the horizon. "I know it doesn't matter now, but I just wanted you to know that."
Roman nodded, sighing softly. The truth was finally coming out between them and it was bittersweet. "I really did miss you in Iowa," he said, wanting to change the subject somehow. While he didn't mind knowing, he didn't want to think about it. He knew if he dwelled on it more than he already had it wouldn't be good.
"I missed you too. I'm glad you're back and you're happy. I sincerely mean it," Cody returned. He really meant it. While he was still a bit devastated, he was glad to see a smile on Roman's perfect lips. "So you and Maxine, how long have you been together?"
Roman took a moment to think, finding that talking about her with Cody was awkward. "I started seeing her in July. So like five months. My neighbor hooked us up," he explained, thinking that he'd never told Cody a think about his life in Iowa. "You'd like Shea. He's a pretty cool guy."
Cody smiled, nodding. "Sounds like you have a bunch of new friends up there."
Roman nodded. "Yeah. They're pretty cool. Most of them are married or engaged though. Shea's the only bachelor. So we spend a lot of time at each other's apartment," he explained, wondering just what Shea was actually up to. "But what about here? How's things for you?"
Cody shrugged, his eyes returning to the smoke that was slowly coming closer. "Same as before. I spend my days at the bookstore. I watch Jey for Trin and Jon when they have work or need a little time together. He's my little buddy. Seth makes me work out now, said that eating noodles all the time were going to make me fat," he laughed, pulling one knee up to his chest to wrap his arms around it, resting his chin on his knee. "Not much has changed."
"Still eating those god awful noodles?" Roman asked, shaking his head. "I should've known." He was teasing Cody and the bright smile on Cody's lips only seemed to make his heart pound harder in his chest. While things were different, he was glad that him and Cody could still have this kind of light hearted conversation. He was quiet for a moment, letting the comfortable silence take over. "So, this Bo guy. Who is he?"
Cody smiled, laying back on the grass, resting his hands under his head. "Bo's one of the new hires at the shop, that's all," he explained, looking over to where Roman was moving to lay next to him. "He's pretty cool."
"So, he's just a friend?" he asked, forcing himself to keep the jealous tone from escaping his mouth. He was sure that it could still be heard but he wasn't about to admit to it. "Because he seems to really like being around you."
Cody smiled a little wider, looking back up towards the sky. He shrugged, refusing to let Roman know he'd heard the unhappy note in his voice. "Yeah, he's just a friend right now," he started, jerking when he heard Roman suddenly sit up next to him. "He's asked me out a couple times. I'm thinking about taking him up on it and seeing if he wants to go out for lunch tomorrow."
Roman refused to look over at Cody. He refused to admit how badly those words affected him. "I don't like him," he said without thinking, his darkened eyes looking down at Cody. He could see the confusion in those beautiful blue orbs. "He just rubs me the wrong way."
Cody chuckled, wiggling into the grass a little to get comfortable before his eyes rested once again on the slowly emerging stars. "Well, he shouldn't be rubbing you at all. Maxine wouldn't be happy if she knew," he teased, looking over to see that Roman's darkened look hadn't changed. He'd heard the pitiful forced chuckle that sounded more like a grunt, but he refused to believe that maybe Roman was feeling a little jealous. He looked over, Roman's darkened eyes focused on the billowing smoke in the distance. For a moment he regretted not telling him that he remembered, but quickly he pushed that away, knowing that it was better this way. There was no reason to complicate things between them by bringing up his old feelings.
Roman looked over, finding an almost hurt look on Cody's handsome features. It caused his heart to flip in his chest, making him feel like he needed to reach out and just hold Cody to him. He fought hard against it, knowing the outcome wouldn't be good. "You okay?" he asked gently, his hand reaching out to rest on Cody's shoulder.
Lighting shot through Cody, electrifying every nerve inside him. He had to get away from that feeling. "I'm okay, just thinking that I was gonna go home. I've been out here for a while," he said, shrugging Roman's hand off and standing. He looked over the trees below them; jaw tight.
"You're not going to watch the train with me?" Roman asked softly, almost hoping for Cody sit back down and spend a little more time with him. He surprised himself with the words, knowing that he was asking for too much. He was being almost insensitive to Cody's own feelings.
Cody smiled before shaking his head. "Not this time Ro," he said gently, almost helplessly as he turned his attention back to the other man. "It wouldn't be a good idea right now anyway. I'll see you later." With that he started walking back to his car, trying not to feel the gaping hole that was slowly widening in his chest.
"Hey Cody!" Roman called, getting up from his spot. He waited until Cody turned back to him before he forced himself to smile. "Get someone cuter than that Bo kid, okay?" he teased, shoving his hands in his pockets, sighing when he saw Cody smile and heard the same low chuckle he loved so much. He stood there, watching as Cody walked away. He felt his heart ache, his body fighting against him, wanting nothing more than to chase after him. He heard the engine start before the crunching of gravel mixed with the far off train whistle.
Roman knew he was alone after he'd seen Cody's car pull away. He sighed, turning to watch as the smoke came a little closer. There was still a good amount of time before the train would pass at the base of the hill, but Roman knew he wouldn't be watching it. He'd come out there hoping to find Cody for his own reasons more than to tell him to call Michelle.
He'd needed the time to himself as well, knowing all to well what day it was. The fifteenth of December, what would've been his and Cody's 4th year together. He shook his head, the spot overwhelming with memories. He turned, biting his lower lip as he made his way back to his car, the bitter truth of Cody still missing part of his memory slicing at his heart. For a moment he wondered if staying in Iowa would've actually been better than this.
Roman pushed open the door to his hotel room, his head still swimming with thoughts about Cody. He still wasn't happy with how they were. Things had still felt awkward and he wasn't at all comfortable with that Bo guy being around Cody. He refused to admit that he was jealous. He refused to admit that seeing Cody made him want to hold him in his arms, apologize and forget that everything had happened.
He kicked his shoes off and pulled his shirt off before he sat down on the king sized bed. He could hear the shower going. For a moment he contemplated walking in and joining his girlfriend, maybe it would distract him from his thoughts for a while. He just didn't want to think about Cody, or how he was thinking about asking someone else out. He didn't know if he could handle that while he was there.
He flopped back on the bed, his arms coming up to rest under his head as he closed his eyes. He laid there for a moment, trying to think of things that him and Maxine could do over the rest of the holiday. After a few moments he was dosing, exhausted emotionally.
Roman felt light kissed on his chest, damp hair brushing against his arm, a hot tongue running over his dusky nipple. He bit his lower lip, a groan escaping. Maxine hadn't paid much attention to his chest before and the sudden feeling mixed with being half asleep only made him think of Cody's talented tongue on him again.
"You could've joined me," she whispered, moving back up to press a gentle kiss to Roman's lip, pulling back with a smile. She looked down into the darkened grey eyes, one hand coming up to smooth back a few locks of hair from Roman's face. "Enjoy your drive?"
Roman nodded, feeling a little bad for lying. He'd told her that he was only going to go for a drive to clear his head. Well, it was only half a lie. He'd been driving but after Michelle's phone call he'd just found himself at his and Cody's spot. That's what he'd tried to convince himself anyway. He wasn't already on his way out of town when she'd called; it was all just a coincidence.
"Good," she murmured, resting her head on his chest, smiling at the steady beat of his heart against her ear. "So, I was thinking that we could go to the beach tomorrow. We can get all of your friends together and have a fun day out. Sound like fun?"
Roman nodded again, wrapping his arms around Maxine, pulling her closer to him. He didn't want to think about tomorrow. He didn't really want to think about anything. His heart was still aching in his chest while his head raged war on itself with what he really wanted. He flipped their bodies so he was over her towel covered body, between her long legs. He smirked, looking into her playful eyes.
Maxine groaned when Roman's lips moved down on hers. Her arms wrapping around his neck and tangling his hair while he gently removed her towel. He pressed into her, her shower warmed skin hot against his.
Roman's lips moved down her neck, pulling gasps and moans from her lips as her body arched up into his. He wrapper her legs around his waist as he ground down into her, his erection brushing against her already moist center.
The roughness of Roman's jeans only furthered her heat, her passion. "Roman," she whimpered, his mouth taking in a dark nipple, his other hand gently massaging her breast and teasing her nipple lightly. She was in heaven, his motions softer, gentler than they'd had ever been before.
Roman was gentle with her, refusing to let her get more than a couple inches away from him. He refused to let her body go. He couldn't let her get away at that moment. He needed her heat, her passion. His lips moved without thought, his hands caressing and teasing until he was buried deep inside her wet heat, his arms holding her even closer to him as his face pressed into her neck.
He could smell her citrus shampoo, the light airy scented lotion she used daily. His entire body was numb with pleasure, her body sucking him in deeper and deeper, his mind growing quieter and quieter. She would silence it. Roman could barely hear her gasps of pleasure. He still tasted her sweetness on his tongue as he slowly thrust in and out of her, wanting nothing more than to consume her entire body, get lost in her feel. He was desperate to showhow pull her body into his, melting their skin into one. He wanted to drown in her scent so that he would never stray from her.
Maxine rested on Roman's chest, breathing heavily. He smiled, both of them sweaty and tired of that intense session of love making. She couldn't get over just how needy yet gentle Roman had been. She moved to his side, touching the sticky mess on her belly for him. "You know I'm on birth control. You don't have to pull out every time," she teased, earning a smile from her boyfriend.
"I don't trust those things completely," he admitted, pressing a kiss to her forehead, pulling her body closer to him. His mind had been stilled for that moment, the blissful high of release still floating over him.
Maxine's smile fell as she laid her head on Roman's chest. She knew there was something wrong, that he was thinking about something else. She could see it in how he acted, feel it when he was alone with her. Never had he been so gentle but demanding during sex. "Everything okay?" she finally asked, looking up into a cracked open grey eyes. "Tonight was… just different."
Roman smiled, nodding. "Yeah, everything's fine babe," he answered, his smile falling when she settled on his chest again. It was just a small lie, a little one. The truth was, he wasn't okay. Things weren't okay. His mind was slowly returning to that jumbled mess of questions and confusion and wonder.
(A/N): So, I'm sorry that this is late guys. I've had a rough couple days. Honestly, I started out loving this chapter and right about now I'm just kinda meh about it. So, thoughts are wonderful. What's in store for all our boys? Also, this chapter is probably littered with typos. I tried proof reading and I can't focus. I'll probably go back and try again later. Onwards and upwards. Title is Talking To The Moon by Bruno Mars.
