CHAPTER 10

Jake POV:

God, I'm pathetic, I thought as I hung up the phone. I can't believe I left that message on Charlie's machine. I had tried and tried to put Bella out of my mind, but the thought that she might be carrying my child was haunting me day and night. I had dreams about her almost every night . . . something was wrong with the baby, and she was crying, but I couldn't understand what she was trying to tell me. It was freaking me out!

I turned away from the phone to see Rachel standing at the edge of the kitchen, arms crossed over her chest, staring at me. "So, it's like that, huh? Still hung up on Charlie's daughter, even though she's a married woman?"

I rolled my eyes and opened the fridge to take out a can of pop. "Leave it alone, Rach," I warned her as I popped the top and took a drink.

"Oh, Jake. You've been following her around like a puppy since we were kids. It's time to stop. She chose someone else."

"I said leave it alone!" I shouted at her as I slammed the can onto the counter and pop shot everywhere. "You have no idea what I'm going through here. None! You left us four years ago and never looked back, so you have no right to waltz back in here now and expect me to believe you really care."

"That's not fair, Jacob. You know I care about you . . . and I can't stand to see you mope around after that snot-nosed girl who always treated you like shit!"

"Just fuck off, Rachel, and leave me the hell alone!" And with that, I slammed out of the house and ran for the woods, feeling like a real prick.

"Whoa, cowboy. Who pissed you off?"

"Not good company right now, Leah."

"No shit, Sherlock. You haven't been for awhile now. Haven't heard if you're going to be a daddy yet, I take it?"

"Shit, Leah. Only you and Embry know that. Way to broadcast on the wolf network."

"You know it's just the three of us out here or I wouldn't have said anything. Embry is just being the smart one and keeping his mouth shut."

"Thanks for noticing, honey. Do I get brownie points for that?" Embry chimed in.

"We'll negotiate later, babe."

"Can you two stop it? That's the last fucking thing I need right now." I was sorry now that I had talked her into giving Embry another chance. They were worse now than before, actually flaunting their relationship in front of everyone. Sam really hated it, of course, which only spurred Leah on more. He actually punched Embry in the face when he first found out before I jumped in and pulled him off, reminding him that his wife was watching. He backed off, but he still had a hard time being around either of them and not letting his anger and pain show.

"So? Is she back yet?"

"I don't know. I left a pathetic message on Charlie's answering machine asking if he's heard from her."

"What are you planning on doing? Stalking her until she tells you? You think she'll even tell you the truth? If she is pregnant, maybe she'll want to raise the little bundle of joy with her bloodsucker husband. You ever think of that?" A growl erupted from deep down inside me and Leah backed off. "Yeah, OK, I get it! I wouldn't want it raised in a coven of leeches either, but she might."

I had thought about that and had already decided that would never happen. If there was a baby, it would be raised as Quileute. It would be the Black heir, and would be raised to know our traditions and legends. It was funny how I had fought so hard against all that, but now that I was thinking about my own child, I felt so strongly about it being raised here. "Yeah, I've thought of that. Not going to happen. Period."

"How are you going to raise a kid at 17? You still have a year of high school left. Are you going to quit and get a job?"

"I don't know, I don't know! We don't even know if there is a baby, OK? Just back the hell off and leave me alone!"

"OK, babe, time to roll and give him some space," Embry interjected.

"Whatever. Just trying to help."

"I know you are. Look, I'm glad you're both in my corner, but I told you I wouldn't be good company."

I decided it might be best to phase out so I could think in peace. I found a secluded spot, high on one of the cliffs and phased to plop down on the ground and pick a blade of grass to run through my fingers. What am I going to do if Bella is pregnant? Should I quit school and get a job? I knew I would want to support the baby. It was my responsibility and I wouldn't take that lightly. But Bella was stubborn, and if she wanted to raise it with him, I knew she would fight me tooth and nail over it.

I laid back and thought hard about this situation, trying to come up with a solution that would please everyone. As hard as I tried, I couldn't find one. The only solution that made sense to me, the only one I really wanted was Bella leaving that asshole and marrying me so we could raise our baby together. I closed my eyes, and as usual, that night with Bella replayed in my head. Holding her and just kissing her lips sent such a thrill through me. But being able to touch her and make her feel things she never felt before, that was fucking awesome.

I knew that Bella was my one and only. I would never love another girl like I loved her. She was it for me. And maybe, if she was pregnant with my child, I could find a way to make her realize that she felt the same about me.

I finally hauled my ass up off the ground and decided I better go home and apologize to my sister. I felt like shit telling her to 'fuck off.' I knew she was just worried about me, but I wasn't quite used to having her here again, worrying over me.

When I was little, after Mom died, Rachel kind of became my substitute for her. She was one I ran to when I fell down and scraped a knee, or later, when I needed someone to talk to. It killed me when she left for college and then just cut us out of her life. I guess I was harboring a lot of resentment toward her that I needed to get rid of.

So, I headed home and walked into the house to find her in the kitchen . . . baking. For a moment, it reminded me of my mom and I felt a pang in my heart that I hadn't felt for a very long time. I cleared my throat and said, "Man, no one has baked anything in this kitchen in a really long time. I wasn't even sure the oven still worked. "

She turned and held out a cookie to me with my mom's smile. "A peace offering?"

I melted right there, took the cookie then pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry, sis. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that."

After a few seconds, she stepped back to say, "I talked to Dad after you left, and he filled me in on what you've been through. I'm sorry, Jake. I didn't know. This isn't just some crush . . . you really love her, don't you?"

I nodded as I took a bite of the cookie. "And the sad part is, she loves me, too. Just not enough."

"You want to talk about it?" she offered, and I could see in her eyes that she genuinely cared.

"Not really," I shrugged. "I'm kind of sick of thinking about it for now."

She smiled and turned to open the oven and check on the cookies as she said, "Well, Sam called a little while ago looking for you, and he invited us to come down to the beach for a bonfire tonight. Wanna go?"

"Yeah, sure," I mumbled. "Nothing better to do."

By the time Rachel, Dad and I got to the bonfire, it was in full swing. The fire was roaring, there was a mile long table filled with food, and everyone was laughing and talking and having a good time. For once, the weather was perfect for a night on the beach . . . the air was warm, and the sun was just going down over the water. I sucked in a deep breath and tried to put on my happy face.

"Hey, Jake! Bout time you got here," Seth said as he trotted over to give me a shove, leaving Brady and Collin behind to throw the football between them.

"Hey, Seth. What's up?" I said as I shoved him back.

"Not much. This summer has been so fucking boring!"

I laughed at that. "Yeah? How come you're not out at the beach everyday chasing down girls in bikinis?"

"Have you seen the girls that hang around First Beach? Pleeeezze," he said with a roll of his eyes.

"You can always come over to the garage and hang out with me. I sold the dirt bike I had, and I'm working on a Harley now."

"Yeah? Cool. Maybe I will," he said, his eyes lighting up at my offer. I was actually hoping he would. Seth was a good kid, so easy-going. I really could use him for company, especially since sex with Leah had lured Embry away. All of a sudden, a football came flying at Seth and bounced off the back of his head.

"Come on, Seth!" Brady called as Seth bent over and picked up the football.

I smiled at him and nodded. "Go on. I'll talk to you later."

He grinned and ran off threatening to kick Brady's ass if he ever hit him in the head again.

I looked around for Embry and saw him sitting in the sand helping Quil build a sandcastle with Claire, Quil's imprint, who was now three and quite a little stinker. She wasn't making it easy for them . . . she knocked it down quicker than they could build it up! I smiled then glanced around wondering where Leah could be if she wasn't with Embry. I found her talking with Jared and Kim, which kind of surprised me. Leah wasn't known to be very social, but being with Embry had brought out a different side of her. It was good to see her getting along with everyone so well.

Then I noticed Sam standing there with his arms crossed over his chest and the ever present scowl on his face as he stared at Leah. I guess he thought she would just pine over him forever. It was really killing him that she had moved on with someone else. I stepped over beside him and said, "Can't have your cake and eat it, too, you know."

"Look who's talking," he huffed. "You of all people should know how hard it is to stop caring about someone."

"Yeah, I do. But you have a wife now, dude. How do you think it makes her feel to see you staring at Leah or glaring at Embry all the time because he's doing your ex-girlfriend?" I saw Emily standing not too far away engrossed in conversation with Sue Clearwater, but I was sure she had already noticed Sam.

Sam dragged his gaze away from Leah to look at me. "I know, Jake, but . . . damnit, I didn't expect it to hurt like this, seeing her with someone else. It pisses me off so much . . . " he spit out between clenched teeth as his hands curled into fists. "I never expected to imprint . . . I didn't want to hurt her, and now . . . "

"And now, after being put through hell, she's finally happy, so let it go."

I heard him let out a deep sigh as he nodded. "I know, I have to. But, Jake, there is a part of me that will always care about her. I can't turn it off no matter how hard I try."

"Yeah, I heard that," I mumbled as I looked over at Leah, laughing at something Kim had just said. I knew how hard it was to turn off feelings for someone. Bella was on her honeymoon with her husband, and I loved her more now than I ever had. "Look, I know it's tough, bro, and I don't have a clue really how to do it, but, I hate seeing Emily hurt. Try harder, Sam."

Again he nodded as he took another look at Leah. "I miss her so much sometimes . . . especially now that's she's not so angry all the time. She's more like the Leah I . . . loved. And I guess that's why it kills me so much to see her." He turned to me to add, "But you're right, and I will try harder. I have to, for Emily."

"Yeah, you do, but for you, too."

Sam nudged me with his elbow and smiled. "Thanks, Jake."

"Sure, sure," I nodded. He left me to walk over to Emily and scoop her up into his arms. God, how I wished I could do that . . . walk over to Bella and haul her next to me . . . put a kiss on her neck and whisper what else I want to do to her . . .

Just then Embry and Quil jogged over, followed by little Claire, to break into my little fantasy with, "Jake! You gotta see this," Embry started.

"Yeah, bro, Paul just imprinted!" Quil added excitedly as he bent down to pick up Claire.

"What? On who?" I quickly ran through my mind who might be here that he hadn't seen before and then it hit me . . . Rachel. "Are you fucking kidding me?" I took off toward where I had left Rachel and there he was, the little prick, standing in front of her with a goofy look on his face, hanging on her every word.

I stepped up and put my arm around Rachel's shoulders. "So, Rach, is this guy bothering you?" I asked, throwing a glare at Paul.

"No, not at all. We just met," she answered with a dazzling smile. Shit. Too late.

"Yeah, well, buzz off, Paul," I said through clenched teeth.

He stepped up to get in my face. "You back off, Jake."

"This is my sister, Paul," I warned him with a shove.

"Hey," Rachel called out as she stepped in between us. "What the hell is this, Jake? I'm just talking to him, OK? Go get something to eat. I'm fine."

Oh, if you only knew, I thought as I took in her angry stare. I backed off with a final look at Paul, trying to let him know if he hurt my sister, I would hunt him down and kill him. He gave me a nod, letting me know that he got it, but he would also kill for her. I shook my head and stomped off toward the food table. My life just kept getting better and better. Paul as a brother-in-law . . . fucking great. I suddenly hated imprinting as much as Leah did.

I filled a plate and plopped down beside Embry, who was sitting with Seth and Leah. "So, you cuddle up to the new brother-in-law?" Leah teased.

"How great is my fucking life?" I whined as I bit into a hot dog.

They all laughed, but I was serious. I didn't think I could take one more thing without cracking like an egg. I just wondered who would clean up the mess.

After I inhaled two plates of food, I decided I needed to get away from all the other people who had great lives and were laughing and having fun, so I took a walk down the beach. I knew it was doing me no good to walk around in a constant funk, but I couldn't help it. No matter how hard I fought it, I just couldn't shake it.

I found my feet instinctively walking toward the old fallen log where Bella and I had shared many talks in the past. I eased myself down as I stared out at the waves rolling in and remembered that day I first told her the story of the cold ones here on this beach. Why couldn't she have been scared away from them instead of being so damn fascinated? I really needed to talk to her now. If I knew for sure that she wasn't pregnant, maybe I could finally let her go. Yeah, right. I'll hold onto her till I go to the grave.

I dropped my head into my hands and gave into my misery. Why not? It was so comfortable to wear around me. I was getting pretty used to it.

"Is this a one-person pity party, or can anyone join?"

I looked up to say to Leah, "Traitor. You used to be the one person I could count on to be miserable with. Now look at you. You're all cuddly with Embry and getting so much sex it makes me sick. I don't think you can be a member of the Poor Pitiful Me Club anymore."

She actually had the nerve to laugh as she sat down beside me. "Oh, come on, Jakey. I can still find my misery when I want to." She slung her arm over my shoulder and added, "Wanna talk or just sit here and feel like shit?"

"Well, I got nothing new to talk about, so . . ."

"OK, feeling like shit, it is." She rested her head against mine and we sat there together, silently gazing out at the water. Leah had turned out to be a better friend than I ever thought. She really did understand how I felt. All those months of having to watch Sam and Emily, then having Sam in her head after she phased . . . she knew misery well.

Finally I sat up and looked over at her. Now she was finally finding some happiness and I was glad, but more than just a little envious. She gave me a small smile and for some reason, I leaned over and kissed her softly on the mouth. I could see the shock in her eyes as I smiled and said, "Thanks, Leah. For being a good friend."

"Um, yeah, sure," she muttered as she slid away from me just a little.

"What? That day in your room you jumped me and slid your tongue down my throat. Now I give you a friendly little kiss and you freak out?"

"That's cause I was trying to prove a point. You were . . . you meant something with that. It was . . . all . . . nice." Then she shuddered and I laughed.

"Yeah, God forbid you have to deal with someone being nice. Ugh, how horrible!"

She glared at me as I laughed at her then she shoved me so hard I fell backward off of the log onto my ass. "Jacob Black, you're such a fucking idiot!" she huffed as she stomped off, leaving me there laying in the sand, laughing my fucking head off.

I noticed her turn back though, and give me a grin before she stalked on down the beach. Yep, that's Leah . . . I would be lost right now without her.