July 1993

Steve wasn't sure if being a fast and competent grocery bagger was something to be proud of, but he couldn't help feeling a little smug about it. He really liked running the register at the supermarket, chatting with the people who came through his line, but even more he liked eyeballing a mixed-up pile of groceries and quickly setting it to order in paper bags, like a game of Tetris. It wasn't his life's work, but he figured it was okay to enjoy it at least.

Of course it wasn't all peaches and cream. Sometimes the customers could be crabby or downright rude, or they could be really obnoxious classmates who clearly had nothing better to do over the summer.

"Hey, McCheckout Boy!" Joe and Steph came through Steve's register with several boxes of Rice Crispie cereal, marshmallows, and a bag of chocolate chips.

"You making crispie treats?" Steve asked, running each item over the laser reader. "Cause I like those."

"Everybody likes those," Steph said, flipping idly through the Enquirer. "How's the application coming?"

Steve shrugged. "Okay, I guess. The essay is harder than I thought."

Steph and Danny had been helping him with his Annapolis application, even though Danny hadn't understood the need to do it so early when it wasn't due until January.

"Do you have all your references?" Steph asked, handing over some cash.

"Yeah." In the packet his dad had dropped off during his visit there'd been recommendation letters from both Governor Waihee – John McGarrett was good friends with the deputy governor, Pat Jameson – and also from Admiral Kenney at Pearl-Hickam. All Steve had needed to add to those were character references. In his essay he'd mention how his grandfather had served in WWII aboard the USS Arizona, and his dad in Vietnam; legacies were important.

Steve handed back Steph's change. "Thanks for shopping with Casino. Have a nice day."

"Dude," Joe said, with a shake of his head. Steve shrugged.

"I know it's dorky, but I have to say it."

"Yeah, well, you're totally rockin' the smock." Steph grinned at him and handed the groceries to Joe to carry. "We'll see you later."

"Bring the crispie treats!"

All he got in response was a hand wave. Steve rolled his eyes and turned his focus on the next customer. Just three more hours and then he could go home and hang out with Danny. They were busy planning a trip to New York City, for which Steve had been saving money, and it was fun to see Danny get so excited to show him around.

"Young man, is this on sale?" An elderly woman with enormous glasses shoved a bottle of Mylanta under his nose. "I don't want it if it's not on sale."

Steve plastered on his best the-customer-is-always-right smile and got back to work; there'd be plenty of time later to hammer out trip details.

*o*o*o*

It was an unfortunate coincidence than when Danny took Steve to the city it was during a massive heat wave. The temperatures were in the triple digits during the day and the high eighties at night. It did little to diminish Steve's excitement about the trip. Since coming to New Jersey he hadn't had a chance to do any traveling, not counting the trip to Indiana at Thanksgiving, and New York City was one of those places he'd always wanted to see. Danny visited his Aunt Maggie there every summer and she'd readily agreed that Steve was more than welcome to come as long as he didn't mind sharing the pull-out bed with Danny. He really, really didn't mind.

They took the train to Penn Station, and from there the subway to Aunt Maggie's apartment in the East Village. Steve learned to stay away from empty subway cars because either someone had just died in there or the AC wasn't working. He found the whole process fascinating and a little exciting, even standing down on the platform waiting for the next train where it was so hot and there were so many people crowded in together. Danny stayed close to his side, pointing out everything he needed to be careful of like he was worried Steve might jump in front of a moving train or offer himself up for a mugging or something. It was kind of cute.

Aunt Maggie lived in an old Brownstone, what Danny called a terrace apartment because it had a narrow balcony cluttered with wrought-iron chairs and a tiny table. It was a second floor walk-up, a one-bedroom decorated in warm browns and reds. There was a brick fireplace in the living room and a sectional sofa that opened up into a queen sized bed.

"It's so nice to see you boys!" Aunt Maggie fussed over them, tossing their bags in a corner and enveloping each of them in a hug. Like Danny's mom she was petite and busty, with long blonde hair she wore in two braids. Unlike Danny's mom she wore lots of flowing, diaphanous outfits that somehow seemed perfectly suited to her environment.

"Thanks for letting me come, Ms. Paterno."

"Please. Call me Aunt Maggie."

Danny made a beeline for the compact kitchen. "You got anything to eat? I'm starving."

"I just picked up cold cuts. Pull it all out, would you?"

They made sandwiches thick with salami, ham and provolone cheese and ate out on the terrace. The heat was suffocating, even in the shade, and Steve had never been happier to see a pitcher of iced tea.

"So what do you boys have planned for the week?"

Danny propped his feet up on the balcony railing and fished an ice cube out of his glass to run along his forehead. "I'm gonna take Steve to all the usual tourist spots. Empire State Building, Statue of Liberty, the museum. We need to broaden his horizons; poor guy's been stuck in Hawaii his whole life."

Steve snorted. "Yeah, poor me. All those white sandy beaches and sunny days. I've really suffered."

"Well, there's no greater city in the world," Aunt Maggie said with a laugh. "Just remember, when you're out there walking around to do it with confidence. Try not to look too much like a tourist. Keep your money in your front pocket, don't make direct eye contact with anyone but Danny, and just try to enjoy yourself."

Steve wasn't sure if he could help from looking like a tourist but he certainly took her advice to heart. He'd heard a lot of things about the city and most of them were bad – muggings, high murder rate, crazy angry people on every street corner, hookers in Times Square. But he trusted Danny to show him the good parts, and just the fact that they'd be on their own together meant more to him than seeing any landmarks.

"Why don't you boys relax, take a walk around the neighborhood if you want. I'm taking you out for dinner tonight, so whatever you do you need to be ready by five. Okay?"

"Sounds good, Aunt Mags. Thanks."

"Alright, boys. I'll be in my office if you need anything."

Aunt Maggie gathered up their plates and slipped back in the terrace doors, humming something.

"Her office?" Steve asked.

"She's working on a novel. Has been for as long as I can remember." Danny closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "You smell that?"

"Uh…exhaust fumes and rotten garbage from the dumpster?"

"Fresh pretzels and hot asphalt. That's how the city smells."

Steve knocked Danny's foot off the rail. "You're deranged."

"No, I'm deep. And discriminating. I've always loved that city smell." Danny hooked his ankle around Steve's. "My second favorite is the old Farmer's Market that we used to go to when I was a kid. It burnt down a couple years ago. As soon as you walked in there you got hit with two smells – bananas and dill pickles."

"Gross."

"No, it was awesome. Trust me, those two smells combined to make one really interesting one. I miss going there."

Steve chuckled. "I had no idea my boyfriend was so bizarre."

The smile slid off Danny's face and he gave Steve an intent look.

"What?"

"You. You never called me that before."

"Bizarre?" Steve asked, though he knew what Danny meant. He'd embarrassed himself again, letting his mouth get away with him.

"Boyfriend, retard."

"Yeah, well. Sorry?" Steve wasn't sure what the protocol was but then Danny reached over and took hold of his hand, tangling their fingers together.

"I like it."

"I like it too," Steve confessed, flushing.

"My boyfriend is a ridiculous goof."

His face was flaming now, but he couldn't help grinning; he was sure he looked like a goof in addition to acting like one. He leaned over and pressed a quick kiss on Danny's mouth.

They ended up spending the rest of the afternoon sitting on the terrace, holding hands and discussing important things like the relative merits of sidewalk food vendors, which flavor of Snapple tea tasted better, and why Beavis and Butt-Head was both incredibly stupid and hilarious at the same time.

*o*o*o*

Saturday dawned ridiculously hot, and Steve lamented the fact that it was too steamy to get a good snuggle in with Danny on the sofa bed; even with the fan on and the terrace door open he'd slept in a puddle of sweat. Aunt Maggie left them bagels for breakfast, leaving early to go to an art exhibit with some of her girlfriends. It was probably silly, but Steve liked the feeling of playing house with Danny. They poured tall glasses of orange juice and ate out on the terrace.

"Stay close," Danny said when they headed for the subway station. They each had a pocketful of tokens, and Steve was getting annoyed that no matter how long he studied the subway map it seemed hopelessly complicated.

"You'll get the hang of it," Danny assured him.

They took a train from the East Village and then had to switch trains to get to the red line, and the Chambers Street stop. During the trip they were entertained by one drunk guy who was singing for money, and a heavy set woman who shouted at everyone that they were going to Hell.

They walked to Battery Park, where the wind blowing off the water offered some respite from the oppressive heat. Danny of course took all the credit for that.

"Excellent planning on my part," he said with a grin. "Free air conditioning."

Steve just rolled his eyes but he was glad to be so close to the water, even if it was just the harbor. They had a really good view of the Statue of Liberty, which filled him with patriotic pride. He honestly couldn't wait to join the Navy and serve his country the way his father and grandfather had before him; not a lot of his friends understood that drive but Danny, who was similarly driven to become a cop, knew how he felt.

They boarded a Circle Line ferry, and the six dollar round trip ticket seemed more than fair to Steve, though Danny grumbled about it like he always did when he had to fork over money for something. It was much nicer out on the water, especially from their seats on the open-air deck.

"How many times have you been out to see the statue?" Steve asked.

Danny shrugged. "Maybe twice?"

"She doesn't seem as big in real life as she does in the movies." In Superman the Statue of Liberty had seemed enormous.

"You can't believe everything you see in movies," Danny said. "Hey, smile."

He produced the little Olympus camera that Aunt Maggie had loaned them for the duration of their visit. Steve pulled a funny face and made the shaka sign with his hand just as Danny clicked the shutter button.

"Oh, that'll be a nice one."

"I know," Steve agreed with a grin. He snatched the camera and took a couple pictures of Danny with the Statue of Liberty in the background, and then tried to take one of the both of them.

"Can't wait to see how that turns out." Danny pocketed the camera. "You keep being goofy and we're gonna need way more film."

Once they arrived at Liberty Island Danny pulled Steve away from the tour group that was forming. "You don't need to listen to that guy. I can tell you everything you want to know."

There was a concrete path that ran around the whole statue, and Danny took them in the opposite direction from the tour group. There were actually several tours going on, and lots of people just milling about. And while the actual statue didn't seem quite so large it was still pretty damn impressive.

"This used to be called Bedloe's Island," Danny said. "They renamed it in the 40s or the 50s or something. And the base, with all the pointy walls? That used to be a fort."

"That's pretty cool. And you can climb all the way up to the top?"

"You can," Danny replied with a grimace. "There's over three hundred steps. The only time I climbed it, it took like half an hour. I'm not doing that again."

"Aw, come on Danno," Steve wheedled. He wanted to see the view from up in the crown.

"Don't whine at me McGarrett. And what's this Danno stuff, anyway?"

"I don't know. It's just a nickname." Steve tried the pouty lip, which he knew for a fact Danny couldn't resist. "I want to go to the top with you. Come on."

Danny rolled his eyes, but Steve knew he'd won. They made the arduous trek up all those stairs, and he realized he hadn't taken into account the crazy heat, or the fact that they were packed in there with a group of other people. By the time they made it to the crown he was sweating and his leg muscles were burning.

"You owe me," Danny muttered, pulling at his tank top. "I'm gonna need a shower."

The view was worth it, though. They could see all of Manhattan from way up there, and Danny pointed out Jersey City in the distance. It was windy, which was refreshing, and Steve really wished he could give Danny a kiss while they were up there; the best they could manage was a bit of clandestine hand holding.

When they finally made their way back down to the main level of the pedestal Danny disappeared into the gift shop while Steve looked around at some of the exhibits in the museum. Portions of the statue had been reproduced, like the feet and the face, to give a better idea of scale. He paused for a long time in front of the plaque that held the infamous "New Colossus" poem.

Give me your tired, your poor/your huddled masses yearning to breathe free/The wretched refuse of your teeming shore/Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me/I lift my lamp beside the golden door.

Those lines made him think of Danny. The whole Williams family, really, not to mention Aunt Leigh and Uncle Tommy. They'd taken him in, given him a home, loved him when he was at his most unlovable. It put a lump in his throat, which only got worse when Danny found him and presented him with a pocket-sized metal version of the Statue.

"Your first New York City souvenir," he said with a grin.

Steve bit his bottom lip as he took it. That was so Danny, always giving and giving even when he didn't get anything in return.

"Hey. Steve. You okay?" Danny looked at him worriedly, and put a hand on his arm.

"This is great. Thanks."

"Well, it was either a little statue or a foam crown; I figured I'd protect your dignity."

"Thanks for that."

"You're welcome." Danny gave his arm a squeeze before letting go. "Come on. Next stop is Ellis Island. My great-grandparents have their name on the wall."

Steve let himself be dragged off, happy to look at anything Danny wanted to show him.

*o*o*o*

For the next four days Danny gave Steve an exhaustive tour of New York City. They did Times Square and the Empire State Building, Hayden Planetarium – which had a Star Trek exhibit that Danny pretended not to be a big nerd about – and the Museum of Natural History. They explored the East Village, went to Tower Records, had eggrolls in Chinatown and Stromboli in Little Italy, and hit all the tourist spots in Central Park without being mugged. Every night they returned to Aunt Maggie's place exhausted and sweaty, too tired to even stay up for Letterman.

Everything they'd done and seen was really cool, but Steve's favorite was a tour of the Intrepid Sea-Air-Space Museum. The aircraft carrier was interesting in its own right, but was also home to an A-12 Blackbird, a 1936 lightship, and items from the Persian Gulf war, including Patriot missiles.

"I knew you'd like the weaponry," Danny said with a grin. "Was your grandpa on a ship like this?"

He'd been helping Steve with his application, so of course he knew all about Steve's grandfather. The elder Steven McGarrett had been an ensign aboard the USS Arizona during the bombing of Pearl Harbor, his earthly remains a part of the memorial like so many others that died that day.

"No. That was a battleship."

"Oh. Do you think you'll be stationed on one of these things once you graduate the academy?

"Maybe. I might try to get into the SEALS."

Danny just stared at him. They were standing out on deck, at the rail so they could look out at the harbor, and there was breeze enough to push some of the heat out of the air.

"What?" Steve asked irritably. "What's that face for?"

"A SEAL? Do you know how many of them died in that movie?"

"Movie? What movie?"

"The one with Charlie Sheen. The one where they all died."

Steve shook his head. "That was a movie, Danno. You know, make believe?"

Danny just huffed and looked away, and Steve nudged him with his shoulder. It was kind of sweet, and kind of dorky, that Danny was worried about him. Like being a cop was a safer occupation. But he knew, just as well as Danny did, that it didn't matter what you did or didn't do because people died every day. Mothers and brothers and countless others who were going about their very ordinary lives. The least he could do was try to make a difference before his own time was up.

He wasn't sure how to express that to Danny without getting all tongue-tied and sounding like an idiot, though, so he reached out and took hold of his hand, which was on the railing.

Danny looked startled, but pleased, and twined their fingers together. "What if someone sees?"

"So what if they do? I don't know any of these people." He wished he'd thought of it sooner, because Danny beamed at him and pressed a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth.

For the rest of their vacation they indulged in public displays and held hands almost everywhere they went – except the Yankees game, because Danny somehow felt intimidated being surrounded by baseball fans. Steve told him afterwards that maybe the Yankees wouldn't have lost to the Oakland A's if they'd done some necking. Danny just slugged him in the arm and pouted.

On the train back to Trenton, though, Danny fell asleep with his head on Steve's shoulder and their hands clasped tightly together. And Steve couldn't sleep at all.

*o*o*o*

Steve was still riding the high from his trip when the announcement came, via a presidential press conference. Normally the status of gays in the military barely blipped across his radar. Why would he care what happened to them? Only now, he was one of them, and the new Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy felt like it was aimed directly at him.

This time when he went into brooding mode, Danny knew exactly why. They sat together on Danny's bed, the only light coming from some pirate movie playing on the TV.

"It gets easier, you know," Danny said, bumping his ankle against Steve's.

"What does?"

"Pretending.

Steve made a noise of negation. He didn't want to pretend. He didn't want to have to be something he wasn't.

"I know," Danny said. "I know it sucks. But that's just how things are. You think anyone wants to work with a gay cop?"

"Doesn't have anything to do with the job," Steve muttered.

"No shit. It's all perceptions, McGarrett. So we have to suck it up and pretend, so we can still do what we need to do."

Steve slouched down so he could lay his head on Danny's shoulder. It didn't feel right, being singled out just because he'd rather kiss Danny than some girl. He was tired of being different – the one whose mom died, the one from Hawaii that didn't belong in Jersey. But he wasn't about to turn his back on Danny either. Nothing was worth that.

"It's not so bad." Danny rested his head against Steve's. "We're already doing it for school. But, you know. If you decide you don't want –"

Steve cut him off before he could say anything else, using the simplest method: he kissed Danny, hard. "I'll always want, okay? Some stupid rule isn't going to change that."

"Okay," Danny said agreeably.

Steve leaned in for another kiss and let himself sink into it. He was tired of worrying. For now, he just wanted to enjoy being with Danny. The one person who let him be himself. Between them there was no pretending, just feelings that Steve was too afraid to name.


AN: There's only one chapter left to go and I hope to get that out soon. ::crosses fingers::