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Chapter 11

I just found out that my hearing has been pushed back, because the case I'm currently working on, involving Randy is far from being settled. The Board is afraid that if I am found guilty of misuse of powers then poor Randy would be left all alone…and for the sake of the free world, we can't let him roam the streets alone without guidance.

So, that's great for me. I was actually beginning to think that I wouldn't have enough time before the hearing to tell you everything. But now, if we keep on our present course, we should be ending right around the time for you to testify. Oh, and I've already decided who I would like to speak on my behalf. If you don't get called, don't think it's anything personal…I could always use alternates.

Now, when we last met, I told you all about how Adam first started to step off the edge of reason. He had witnessed John have sex with Christy only minutes after he told him that he wanted be in a relationship. He had also found out that his ex-boyfriend Christian was involved with Rey, who he thought was his friend. And to add insult to injury Adam kissed an already confused Mark in front of everyone.

Ready now? Hold on, because this ride just gets bumpier…

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Adam sat on the floor of his bedroom completely in shock. He couldn't believe that he had kissed Mark and more importantly he couldn't comprehend what Mark had said. I love you Smiles.

He hadn't meant for this to happen. He only needed to feel something…anything; that's why he kissed him. He had hoped that Jay and John saw them, because he wanted them to be jealous. He really hadn't thought about Mark's whole involvement in it at all.

Adam had left the party in a big hurry; he just had to get away. He needed to escape Mark's look, his words…him. It was all part of Randy's plan; they were just supposed to act like they were dating. Adam was just giving them a show. But it was something in that kiss that let him know that Mark wasn't acting; if he was then he deserved a fucking Emmy, an Oscar, a Gold Globe, a People's Choice Award; something.

When he got home, he was intent on throwing Mark out. He was sending him to a hotel or something, all he knew was Mark had to go. He was supposed to understand that he was in love with John. He didn't have time for Mark's shit. But in the midst of packing up Mark's things, he ran across his journal. He didn't mean to snoop, he really didn't, but it was open and he just so happened to see his name on the page that was written.

For over an hour he had been sitting there reading it and he couldn't believe it. All of this time Randy had been right; he had been so wrapped up in his relationship with John, he couldn't see what Mark was going through. Mark was his friend and he completely ignored the signs.

He let his head lean on the dresser and he read the next entry:

Randy asked me if I had a thing for Smiles. I told Randy what I know, I don't; but he makes me happy. It's that damn smile I think. It's like whenever I see it, everything in my day gets better. The really sad thing is I know he'll never feel anything for me, because he's in love with John. John doesn't fucking deserve him; he's a fucking prick, but I guess that's what Smiles sees in him.

He asked me why I call him Smiles. I guess it's because if I ever called him Adam, I'd start blushing. I love the way his name rolls off my lips. I love the way he always calls me by my last name because when he finally called me Mark, I thought I was going to die.

I don't know why, but when I saw him and John kiss, I got jealous. I don't even know what I feel about him…why the hell was I jealous? All I know is I don't want John's lips anywhere near his. But when I kissed him, it just felt right and it scared the shit out of me.

Adam flipped through a few more pages and read started to read more.

I can't believe he would want to be with someone that has no respect for him. I swear if I see Hunter again, I'm going to fucking kill him. Smiles can't help who he is…he can't help that he's gay; Hunter can help that's he's a prick though. And that fucking John just sat by and let Hunter disrespect him like that.

I didn't want to interfere, but I had to. I know that he wants John, but after I kissed him, I can't help but to think that maybe something could work out between us. I don't even know what the hell that would be. I'm straight right? I never thought about a guy this way before, why is Smiles so different?

Every entry in this journal was about him; starting from before Mark was ever released from the WWE. It started out with innocent entries, explaining what they did that day, everything from how he and Adam picked up girls at a club to how many beers they drank later. But then the entries started to change; Mark's perspective started to change. Somewhere along the lines, Mark started to develop feelings for him. Adam let his eyes close before he reopened them to read the final entry.

I'm going to tell him I can't help him anymore. This is too damn hard. He invited me to stay at his house; I'm so fucking uncomfortable. And it's not because he's here, it's because I don't know what I feel.

I don't see him as a guy, I don't see him as a girl…he's just Smiles. He's perfect; everything about him is perfect. I don't think I'm sexually attracted to him; I mean, I don't get a hard-on when I think about him, so that means I'm straight right? But sometimes, I just want to touch him, just feel his skin under my fingers. I want to hold him and smell his hair; I want to feel his breath on my neck.

Is it possibly to be in love with a man and not sexually attracted to him? I think I'm in love with him. Oh my God, I'm fucking in love with him; it's so far past sex, I'm in love with his soul.

That's it. After this party tonight, I'm fucking leaving. Fuck Vince, fuck the WWE, fuck Randy and his plan, fuck John and his paranoia…fuck everything. I'm leaving; I'm leaving because I'm in love with Adam.

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It was at this point that my heart went out to Mark. Adam had used him, he had kissed him and I knew that he had confused poor Mark more than ever before.

I had to find Mark. I had to make sure he ok. It's very rare that I admit that I was wrong about something, but I was wrong about this. If I had paid more attention, I would have known how he really felt. Kissing Mark was no better for him than what John had been doing to Adam. It wasn't fair and I wasn't going to stand for it.

Before I left, I thought at Adam. I let him know that if Mark were truly his friend he had to talk to him. After I found Mark, I thought at him too. He needed to find Adam and talk to him.

I even checked on Randy, but really, what was the point? He was so busy recounting the kiss between Mark and Adam in Mickey ear with every thrust that I was satisfied to know that he would be no trouble for the night.

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Mark walked into Adam's house slowly. He didn't know what to say. He just told Adam that he was in love with him. How does one play that off, I wonder? As he walked up the stairs he noticed all of the lights were on. He stepped into the guest room and saw his bag packed. Without saying anything, he picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder. As he started to leave the room, he noticed that his journal was not on the night stand where he had left it. Panic suddenly struck him as he looked through the bag for the journal. If he read it…oh God.

He couldn't stop his panicking, but I did try to calm him. I wished nothing more than at moment to be mortal. All I wanted to do was to wrap my arms around him, feel his hard muscles under my chest. Mmm, to smell his cologne up-close, to have those warm brown eyes look to me for answers. Oh, I had answers Mark…I could give you answers all night long. Sorry, I digress…

Mark was drawn out of my gentle whispers, by his journal landing on the bed next to him. He didn't want to turn around but he knew he had to. "Adam…"

Adam put up his hand. "Call me Smiles." He knew this was going to hard and he didn't want to make any harder than it had to be. He noticed the slight stain on Mark's cheeks. He was right, when he said his name, he blushed.

Mark sat down on the bed. "I'm going to get a hotel room." That's about all of the explanation he could come up with. He was sure that after reading his journal, Adam would want nothing else to do with him.

"What happened to us? We use to be boys." Adam sat next to him on the bed. He wasn't going to pry; he had done enough of that already. "When did things get different?"

Mark shrugged. "I don't know." His voice sounded disgusted.

"How long have you had feelings for me?"

Again Mark shrugged.

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Well this wasn't going like I'd hoped. Adam was asking the wrong questions and Mark was clamming up. Come on boys, you can do better.

Sometimes, I have to use drastic measures to make sure things happen. In this case, I had to agree to go on a date with Inhibition to get him to back off. I needed them to talk, and he was fucking that up.

Inhibition is a smug little asshole that I've known my whole life. He's always trying to get me to go out with him, and he was just building up walls, to piss me off. So he got what wanted, one dinner…that's it. And with him out of the way, Mark and Adam could have a real conversation.

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"What do you want Copani?" Adam asked quietly. There was no malice in his voice, there was nothing but concern.

"I want you to make love to me."

Adam stood up. That was not what he was expecting. "Are you sure?" He looked at Mark and crossed his arms.

Mark's eyebrows came together. "I think so." But he wasn't sure, he still had so many unchecked feelings, he honestly didn't know what he wanted. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he thought that if he slept with Adam and enjoyed it, it would finally answer his question. Was he gay?

"No." Adam said walking out of the room.

Mark followed him down the stairs. "No? What do you mean no? I'm practically fucking throwing myself at you and you're turning me down?"

"Mark…" The look on his face, when Adam called him Mark brought a little smile to Adam's face. "Copani, you don't realize what you want me to do, do you? If we slept together, your entire life will change." At first I thought Adam was bragging on himself, but I knew what he meant. "The person you thought you were, the belief and confidence in your sexuality would change. You would start to question everything that made you, you. If you think you're confused now, it would be so much worse if we had sex." Adam had been through this before and he wasn't going to make Mark make the same mistake. "It's a life changing decision; the least you should know is if you really want to do it."

Mark looked down at his friend who had now sat on the couch. He was going to tell Adam everything; even if he didn't understand it, maybe Adam would. "I think I'm gay. I don't know."

"Excuse me?" What does that mean? I think I'm gay. You're either attracted to the same sex or your not.

"Look, I don't know what the fuck is going on either. But all I know is I can't stop fucking thinking about you. I want to be around you all the fucking time. I have to stop myself from touching you." Mark closed his eyes and let out a defeated sigh. "I think I'm in love with you."

Reading it was one thing, hearing it again was something completely different. Adam didn't know what he was feeling.

"Look Smiles, I'm not like John, ok. I'm not ashamed of you or embarrassed about how I feel when I'm around you. But I am confused as hell. I never felt like this about another man before and truthfully, if you were just some other guy, I seriously doubt I would even have these feelings." Mark finally sat next to Adam. "I don't know if I'm gay or if I'm just in love with you."

Adam looked at Mark and shook his head. "When you think about me, what do you think about?"

It was a little embarrassing, but he was gay and he would know if Mark was too. "I think about touching you, or holding you. I think about your smile, the way I feel all warm when you smile at me."

"Do you want to have sex with me?" Adam's questions were serious, but not conceited. He was genuinely trying to help. I was proud of my Adam.

Mark brought his brows together. "It never gets that far…but I suppose it's the natural progression of things. I don't think about you that way; but I can tell you that my heart flutters every time you walk in the room, I get nervous and my palm start sweating whenever you touch me." He looked over at Adam; even if it never went further than this, Adam was still his friend. "Am I gay?"

Adam sat back and raised his hand to his forehead. "What did you feel when I kissed you?"

"That I never wanted it to stop." Mark's admission was quiet and for some reason he felt like crying.

"I don't know if you're gay, only you can know that. But know this; I'm not going to be you're little experiment in sexuality. I've been that before, and I need more." Adam could hardly get the words out. His thick whisper sent chills up Mark's spine.

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Ok, I'll admit it! At this point I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to see some skin. I wanted Adam to say the hell with all and take Mark or if Mark took Adam I would have been good with that too.

But instead, I had to settle for another kiss; or rather, a series of kisses…where in the hell was Wisdom? You'd think with all the power I posses; I'd get laid more often…

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"I'm in love with John." Adam whispered before he finally fell asleep.

Mark laid beside Adam in his bed, letting his fingers touch Adam's face as he slept. Although they hadn't done anything more than kiss, Mark had made up his mind. Adam loved John and could never love him. Hell he didn't even know if he was gay or not; and although knew it would hurt like hell he just wanted his Smiles to be happy.

"I know Smiles..." Mark whispered back before placing a soft kiss on his forehead, "but I still love you." He finished before drifting off himself.

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A steady loud banging woke Adam up from one of the best sleeps he ever had. He was a little shocked to see Mark in his bed with him, but was relieved to see that they were both fully clothed and sleeping on top of the covers. Slowly,cursing every step, he opened his front door to be greeted by a smiling Randy.

"It's a beautiful morning, isn't it?" Randy said walking in with breakfast. "Where's Copani?"

"What's up?" Mark said walking down the stairs.

Randy looked at them both; their clothes were wrinkled and both looked like they had an interesting night. He dismissed the thought and sat at the table. "So why didn't you guys tell me the plan was still on?"

Mark looked at Adam and then quickly looked away. "What?"

"The plan…to make John jealous. You know, kissing. You made that shit look so real." Randy nodded his head. "You took my advice huh? You practiced." Randy's smile was huge and he was so proud of himself.

"Look, Orton, about the plan…" Mark said sitting down. He had almost reconsidered helping, but seeing the defeated look on Adam's face made him change his mind.

Randy interrupted him. "You guys were fucking great. John's been blowing up my cell phone all fucking morning. This shit is working."

Adam felt sat back and waited for Mark to say he wasn't going to continue.

"…what's next?" Mark finished looking at Adam.

Adam regarded Mark and mouthed 'thank you' without Randy seeing him. Mark nodded and looked back at Randy.

"I don't know. I'm meeting John at the gym later. I'll talk to him and see what's up. Oh and I've decided, I want to be gay, too."

Adam spit his coffee out across the room. "What!"

"Chicks fucking love that shit! Mickey fucked my brains out and do you know why?" He sat there and waited for either of them to respond. Neither did, so he continued without their answer. "Because you two turned her on. So if you teach me to be gay, I can score at least three times as much as I do now."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Adam asked.

Randy shook his head. "And I'm supposed to be the dumb one. Look, I'm good at two things; wrestling and sex. And right now, I'm on top of my wrestling game. I found a way to get more ass than I already get. I need to learn how to be gay to get more women. Don't you see? It's fucking brilliant." And, in Randy's small mind it was in fact the best plan ever. Sometimes I just wish he would just shut up and be sexy.

"Randy…I can't teach you how to be gay. You either are, or your not." Adam said, looking at Mark.

"Well, I want to know about that prostitute thing."

Mark looked confused. "What prostitute thing?"

"Copeland said there's a prostitute in your cock or something that supposed to make your orgasm better."

Mark and Adam both laughed. Randy was a fucking idiot. "That the prostate, you nimrod." Adam corrected.

"Whatever, I just need to know where it is, and how to use it." Randy bit into his breakfast sandwich. "Well if you don't want to teach me, do you think I could bring Mickey over here tonight?"

Adam shook his head. He was asking for trouble. "What for?"

"So we can watch you make out." Randy said as if they should have known. "I swear after seeing you last night, that chick was all over me."

Mark got up and smiled at Adam. "He's your boy."

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Although neither of them had talked about what happened last night, both Adam and Mark knew that their friendship had taken on a new level and where it was headed was still up in the air. The only thing they did know was that Adam still loved John and Mark was in love with Adam.

I had a decision to make…Mark or John. I had to be the cheerleader for one of them, but only I didn't know who. This was going to take some serious debating.

Common Sense where the fuck are you?

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Author's note: Before I begin, I'd like to thank you guys for encouraging my creative license and telling me to write what I want. It's interesting to see who likes John and who likes Mark; but right now, I like the angst in all the characters. So when I find out who ends up together, so will you.

Thanks for the confidence and I'm glad you are enjoying it as much as I am writing it.

Shannon

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